Jana Says

Grandpa’s life lessons

January 7, 2013 by Jana 19 Comments

My grandpa, 6/24/15-12/31/12, on Thanksgiving at my aunt's house. — My grandpa, 6/24/15-12/31/12, on Thanksgiving at my aunt’s house.

On December 31, 2012–New Year’s Eve–my grandfather passed away. Although he was 97, his death came as quite a surprise. After all, he didn’t look 97. He didn’t act 97. And he sure as hell didn’t think like you would expect a 97 year old to think. My grandfather was a sharp as a person gets, even from his hospital bed, hooked up to machines helping him breathe and keep his kidneys functioning. He was a fascinating man, always sharing stories about growing up in Montreal or his early years in business or his thoughts on politics, economics, sports–everything. We all joked at having to suffer through his lectures but really, they were a way of him getting to know us and us getting to know him.

Looking back, those lectures really were special (even if they were a little tedious at times).

While I learned a lot, intellectually, from my grandfather, what I’ll always keep with me are not the facts and figures he taught me (including the rules of hockey. Those left my brain the minute they went in) but the life lessons that he never intended to share but did anyway. Although he told a cardiologist that his key to longevity was dark chocolate (amen!), there really were other elements that helped:

Exercise. As a kid, I remember Nanny and Grandpa putting on their sneakers and going for their daily walks. Mostly to the post office, but anywhere would do. This was a practice that he maintained until just a few months ago. Yes, his walks were shorter in distance but he still took the time to do something for his body. This is a habit I’ve recently incorporated and I’ve never felt better. No wonder he made it to 97!

Keep a sense of humor. Not only did he have one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen, but my grandfather enjoyed laughing. He wasn’t a big fan of “low-brow” humor (he did not pass this on to me. I still think farts are funny) but he loved his puns and he was quick to come up with them, too. And I recently found out, Grandpa was also kind of a wise-ass. At least now I know the start of that genetic trait.

Find a community. After my Nanny died (and to say that my grandfather loved her would be an understatement), Grandpa found solace in his friends at the Suffolk County Y-JCC. He went there often, to talk with friends, listen to lectures, give talks and forge relationships. He continued to engage himself and find a place where he belonged. That engagement, that activity, that something to look forward to–I believe this is what helped keep him going for so long.

Never stop learning. If you asked my grandfather for his most sage piece of advice, he’d probably tell you to always learn. He was always encouraging all of us to further our formal education, to read, to research, to expand our minds. He practiced what he preached, too. Grandpa read voraciously. He was inquisitive. He loved learning new information and then passing that information along.

Love your family. Nothing—and I mean nothing—meant more to my grandfather than his family. He adored his wife, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. His brothers were his best friends. He attended bar mitzvahs and weddings of children of distant relatives just to be able to spend time with them. And the way he cared about every member of the family was genuine, not “hey, we’re hanging out because we’re related and we have to”. I wish I could be that nice.

Live financially modestly. My grandfather did well, financially, but he never felt the need to show it off. He lived in a modest apartment in Queens for most of his time in the United States and then spent the last part of his life (after my Nanny passed away in 1997) living with my aunt and uncle. He didn’t have flashy clothes, cars, or take expensive vacations. He was generous, sure, but he never felt that he had to flaunt his money. I think we can all learn from that.

Have a passion. Grandpa liked a lot of things. But one of the things he loved most was words. And he was so good with them. And he appreciated others who were good with them. Up until a week before his death, he was still writing poems and doing the NYT crossword puzzle. He wrote acrostics and a column for the Y-JCC’s newsletter and thinking pieces. He even composed a song that was recorded. Writing might not have been his career but he always had a love for it. His life was brighter because of this passion. All of our lives should be enriched by something we love that much.

Be eclectic. My grandfather’s interests ran the gamut. He loved books, sports, politics, economics, philosophy, Jewish culture (I’m Jewish, for those who don’t know), movies, music (especially opera)—you name it, Grandpa probably knew something about it. And would take the time to talk to you, too. It’s what made him so likeable and interesting to talk to. Plus, being eclectic is fun. Who wants to just like one thing?

Find words that inspire you. At his bedside in the hospital, one of my cousins, one of my sisters, my father and I read to my grandfather his favorite poem, Invictus, by William Ernest Henley. I’ve never been one for poems but Grandpa loved them, and when we were done reading, he, through very labored breaths, explained why the poem was so meaningful to him. It was a powerful moment for a number of reasons but these words will inspire me the rest of my life:

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Those words capture the essence of my grandfather. I hope that I, too, can live that way and honor his memory.

And Grandpa, if you’re reading this, I hope Nanny enjoyed the jelly beans.

Family activities for winter break

December 21, 2012 by Jana 16 Comments

School vacation is right around the corner (or, if your schools are like ours, it’s already here). It’s a time for kids to relax, give their brains a rest, spend time with their family and friends…it’s a lot of fun. Yet for most parents, it’s a time of extreme anxiety trying to a) keep sane and b) figure out how to keep the kids busy without going broke.

It’s a hard balance at times but not entirely impossible. After all, there are new Christmas or Hanukkah presents to play with, the opportunity to send them to visit relatives or friends (overnight!), and chances for quality, inexpensive family time. But how to find something that the whole family can enjoy?

Also, not impossible. There are dozens of options for family entertainment that can be accomplished for just a few dollars. Here are few:

Family movie night. Family movie nights are pretty common, especially in my house. They’re easy and, thanks to Netflix and Redbox, really, really cheap. But in this instance, spice it up. Do it differently. How? Have a theme. Let’s say, for example, pirates. Depending on the age of your kids, you can rent one of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, make pirate food to snack on, and have everyone dress up in a pirate costume. Be as creative as you can. Just make sure that you decide on the theme together. You don’t want someone being completely miserable.

Dinner contest. Again, this will depend on the age of your kids and the size of your family but here’s the gist: divide the family up into teams (boys against girls, older kids versus younger kids, etc) and have each of them cook dinner one night (supervised by mom or dad, obviously). The adults in the house “judge” the meal and, when the contest is over, they announce the winner. For extra incentive, make the prize a night off from chores or an extra dollar in their allowance. Doing this teaches your kids how to cook and gives you a night or two off.

Family slumber party. Your teenagers might not like this idea, but the younger ones will. For one night, and one night only, allow all of them (or however many you have) to sleep in your room. Let them pile the floor with pillows and sleeping bags. Play a game like Truth or Dare (just make sure to make it kid friendly). Eat junk food. Stay up late. Do everything that you’d typically do at a sleepover (well, almost everything. This is family friendly entertainment we’re talking about here). Although exhausting, it will create fun memories for everyone involved.

Family Olympics. Remember the episode of The Office where Jim created “Office Olympics?” Why not do that at home? Find some fun, weird games to play. Create an obstacle course out of toys. See who can run up and down the stairs the most times before they get tired. Before you start, host an opening ceremony and, after each event, have a medal ceremony with each participant’s theme song playing (oh, did I mention that each participant needs a theme song and a flag?). It’s not only a good way to be creative but a good way to get some exercise when it’s too cold to go outside.

The other activity I advocate? Nap time. Or, at the very least, quiet reading time. When you’re spending all day, every day with your kids, everyone needs a break before someone goes insane (and by someone, I mean the parents). This also prevents tantrums, fights, and general unpleasantness. So everyone wins.

Winter break is fun time to spend with your kids. But without some careful planning and some activities in your back pocket, it can quickly go from fun to nightmare.

Readers, what are some family activities that you engage in to keep your sanity and protect your budget during winter break?

4 inexpensive ways to enjoy the arts

December 19, 2012 by Jana 8 Comments

My daughter’s school recently took the kindergarteners to see a play. I was thrilled with the fact that the school takes advantage not only of local arts but sees the arts as an important part of their curriculum. My daughter was thrilled with the fact that she got to ride the bus and see Junie B. Jones live (are you aware of the horror that is Junie B. Jones? If not, consider yourself lucky). But it got me thinking that it’s not just the school’s job to expose her to those types of things. It’s also my responsibility as a parent.

So what are some ways that I can do that without travelling too far or spending too much money? Here’s what I came up with:

Enjoy local theater. There is just something about attending a play. The live production elements make it so much more real and relatable than going to a movie or watching TV. But, unfortunately, many stage plays are cost prohibitive. However, experiencing the fun of a stage play doesn’t have to happen on Broadway. It can happen at your local theater company, high school, community college, or church. It’s inexpensive and your kids get to see everything that happens to create that form of entertainment. Afterwards, you can talk to your kids about the different jobs that happen in the theater from the actors to the costume designers to the musicians, and all the other jobs. It exposes your kids to different career options and may foster a love of something they might not have otherwise known they love.

Attend a concert. Music. I love music (a lot. In fact, when I’m alone, I’m almost always listening to something). There’s been a ton of research conducted by people smarter than me that highlights just how important music is in brain development, helping kids achieve academically, and honestly, listening to music is really relaxing. I believe every kid should experience a live concert to get the feel of live music. Like theater, it doesn’t have to happen at a major arena. There are free concerts in the park during the summers, high schools and middle schools have concerts throughout the year, and so do bookstores, libraries, and sometimes, coffee shops. Not only is it great family time, but attending these is a great way to support your local economy.

Visit an art museum. I am not a huge fan of visual art like paintings, sculptures, etc. I do like photography though. I think it’s pretty and beautiful to look at, and I can appreciate the talent it takes to make it, but when I look at that stuff, it doesn’t evoke any emotion in me the way music does (except for photography). I mean, it’s pretty but I don’t get it. That said, I still think it’s important for kids to see different forms of art. You can do that by looking for free nights at art museums, going to an exhibit at an art school if you have one nearby, or even taking your kids to a free or inexpensive art class at the library, craft store or community center.

Create your own curriculum. Dorothy was right. There’s no place like home. If you have limited access to a library or park or school or any other venue that provides cultural events, why not do it at home? Write a play with your kid and then perform it for friends and family (or just family), complete with costumes and sets built from what you have around the house. Draw or paint your own pictures and then hang them up around your house. Get dressed up, make some hors d’oeuvres, and pretend you are at a gallery opening. Go to YouTube and search for a live concert in any type of music. Watch it together. There are a number of ways to expose your kids to the arts without having to spend any money or even leave your house!

If you’re unsure how to find these events, Google is your best friend. Just search for “free plays” or “free concerts”. Look at your school district’s event calendar. Use your city or town’s event calendar. I subscribe to a website that sends me emails twice a month with events in and around my state; look to see if you have one in your area. There are a number of ways to find this information should you want it.

I don’t want you to think that I’m pushing you to expose your kids to the arts. If that’s not your thing, that’s okay. But I don’t want you to not to do it simply because it’s too expensive. And with so many schools cutting arts programs, it’s more important than ever that we, as parents, step up and fill that gap. If we can find ways to do it without emptying our wallets, that’s even better.

Readers, what are some inexpensive ways you engage in the arts?

Sandy Hook: What I wanted to say

December 17, 2012 by Jana 10 Comments

This post is not about personal finance. I understand if you’d like to skip it. Normal personal finance talk will resume on Wednesday.

As the parent of a 6 year old, friend of teachers, and general human being, I spent (like almost everyone else) this past weekend sorting through a jumbled mess of emotions in the wake of the Sandy Hook school shooting. I waffled back and forth about telling my daughter what happened (I haven’t, for reasons including not wanting her to be terrified of going to school). I found myself on the brink of tears reading about the heroics of the school staff and the heartache of the parents who have spoken to the media. I wished that I could reach out to every parent of every victim and give them a hug or just hold their hands while they cry. I read the words of much more eloquent people than me and thought, “now that’s a great expression of emotion. That says exactly what I’m thinking”.

But still, I felt I needed to say something. I had a lot of thoughts but I didn’t know how to say them properly so I mainly kept them to myself. I thought maybe I’d tell you some of what I thought about saying and maybe you can tell me how you feel. So I’ll go first:

I wanted to say that my heart is broken for the parents and siblings and other family members of the victims. I can’t begin to imagine what they’re going through. No parent should have to bury a child and certainly not from something this horrific.

I wanted to say that public schools, especially elementary schools, still are safe. Most schools take as many precautions as they possibly can to protect the kids and staff, and that one nightmare incident, one incident that took place despite the efforts of the school, is not at all reflective of the security measures at schools. But still, I can’t help but be a little extra nervous knowing that I have to bring my daughter to school.

I wanted to say that the teachers, the survivors and the deceased, are heroes. Several of them gave their lives to protect those kids and the ones that were able to keep their classes safe deserve recognition beyond words. I am blessed that my daughter has a teacher who would do that and hope many other parents feel the same.

I wanted to say that all the first responders to the scene have my utmost respect. The carnage, the bodies of children, that they witnesses must be incomprehensible and the fact that they were able to conduct their jobs efficiently and professionally is just incredible.

I wanted to say that I am outraged with the traditional media. Many of these networks and reporters have no interest in anything beyond getting the first scoop and making their story as sensationalist as possible. Swarming to interview the kids–even with their parents’ permission–is deplorable and I hope that it prompts the networks to think about how they conduct themselves. Some things are more important that being first in the ratings. And as for treating the shooter like he’s some sort of enigmatic celebrity? Shame on you.

I wanted to say that I am also outraged with the so-called “friends” of the shooter who are using this incident as a way to get their 15 minutes of fame. If you haven’t talked to him in years or were his elementary school bus driver (or whatever it was), you provide absolutely no insight into him as a person and I can only assume you are a fame whore. That is disgusting and you should be ashamed for exploiting the deaths of children for your own personal gain.

I wanted to say (and this was one thing that I actually did say) a big fuck you to the Westboro Baptist Church. They are vile, horrendous, immoral people who are not only proof that just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should but they are also proof that that level of fanaticism needs to be contained. The funerals of murdered children is not the place to spread their agenda of hate.

I wanted to say that I am saddened for the shooter’s family. They have to live with the stigma of what he did for the rest of their lives. And his brother? Has now lost a mother. That’s not fair either.

I wanted to say that to ask “why” or seek a good, legitimate explanation is useless. Not because it’s unimportant but because no answer will ever be satisfactory. There will never be a good enough reason why a 20 year old man chose to kill his mother, 27 strangers, and himself. We can explain his behavior and his choices but his motive? For me, no words will ever be good enough to explain that.

I wanted to say that we do need to have open discussions about gun control and mental health care in this county. But we need to do it civilly, without resorting to name calling, threats, or any other ridiculous, shameful behavior. Because to conduct ourselves in that way is a dishonor to all of those who have lost their lives as the result of a mass shooting. This includes the victims of Columbine, Aurora, Virginia Tech, Sandy Hook, and all of the other incidents in the last 15 years.

So that’s what I wanted to say. And now that I’m done, I’m going to go hug my child and thank G-d for every day that I get to spend with her. And I’m going to pray that we, as a country, can heal from this. And I’m going to hope that we can fix what’s broken so no one–no parent, teacher, sister, brother, grandparent, friend, neighbor 17 blocks away–ever has to go through anything like this ever again.

3 ways to repurpose an egg carton

December 14, 2012 by Jana 5 Comments

I am not a crafty person. I cannot sew, draw, crochet, knit, paint, or even take good pictures. Art is not my friend. But you know what is my friend? Finding creative ways to use stuff around my house. For instance…

My family eats a fair amount eggs, at least a dozen per week (for a family of 3, I guess that’s a lot). While we’re really good about recycling the cardboard egg cartons (Styrofoam is not recyclable where we live and also, the brands that come in Styrofoam are pretty expensive given the organic label and some other factors. If I had endless money, I’d probably purchase these regularly. But I digress…), there are times I look at our egg cartons and wonder if there’s any other use for them.

After all, paper towel rolls can be turned into telescopes or weird looking dolls. Baby food jars can be turned into storage containers for screws, buttons, and even craft beads. When cassette tapes were popular (please tell me I’m not the only one old enough to remember those), I had friends that used baby wipes boxes to store them in their cars. And my favorite, saving shoe boxes for all kinds of loose ends and school projects (like dioramas. Those were fun. I kind of want to make one now). But the lowly egg carton always gets recycled or thrown in the garbage, never to be repurposed.

So let’s change that.

Here are 3 ways to use an egg carton that doesn’t involve throwing it into the recycling bin:

Flower bouquet. I received these flowers as a Mother’s Day present from my daughter a few years ago. To create them, cut out the little individual pockets that each egg is stored in. Poke a hole in the bottom and thread a pipe cleaner through the hole; the carton becomes the “flower” and the pipe cleaner the stem. Then paint, color or decorate the “flower”, glue or tape tissue paper to the stem, stick in a vase with some marbles (purchased at the dollar store or craft store) and viola! A beautiful bouquet that never needs water.
Portable ice cream toppings bar. Want to be a hit at every potluck ever? Then do this. When you’re asked to sign up, offer a dessert. Bring a carton or two of ice cream and some toppings (marshmallows, sprinkles, chocolate chips, crumbled cookies…any dry topping will do. Even cut up fruit!). Fill the egg cartons with the toppings and put them on the buffet table with little serving spoons, one for each topping. If you want to be extra nice, you can make individual toppings bars for each guest (if there aren’t too many). This is great for kids’ birthday parties, too. No fighting!
Paint palettes. This works great for kids’ crafts. You know how, when your kid wants to paint, especially with a friend or as a party craft, you kind of cringe because you know how messy it can get with the kids sharing paint across the table (plus the arguments of “she’s using too much red” or “he won’t share”)? To cut down on the mess (and the fighting), repurpose egg cartons into mini paint palettes. Fill each mini palette with the same colors and distribute one to each kid. It’s kind of like the cupcake effect—by giving each kid just one, with all of them identical, there’s no fighting over who has more. And less paint drips and splatters all over your floor.

It makes me feel good that I can bring new life to the egg carton. And it can feel as important as it’s repurposed friends.

Readers, do you have any other uses for an egg carton? Please share in the comments!