Confession: Sometimes I feel like the world’s biggest hypocrite.
I’m doing my best to raise a happy, healthy (physically, emotionally, mentally) child and I think, for the most part, I’m succeeding. She’s a pretty amazing, confident kid and I know that much of that has to do with me (and the husband. Need to give him credit, too). I like to think I give her good advice and support and encouragement and do what I can to instill healthy habits and from what I can tell, she’s learning them.
The problem is that I don’t follow my own advice. Let’s explore:
What I tell the child: You need to go to bed now. You need a good night’s sleep so you won’t be tired for school/cheer tomorrow.
What I do: Stay up until 2AM reading or plotting how to get my husband to stop snoring without resorting to violence and then get up, exhausted, at 7AM, unable to function at any decent capacity the next day.
What I tell the child: If you have a junky snack now, you need to have a healthy snack later.
What I do: Eat ridiculous amounts of non-healthy snacks throughout the day, sometimes forgetting to eat fruit.
What I tell the child: Clean your room. Make your bed. Pick up after yourself.
What I do: Leave my house a disaster. Forget to dust/vacuum. We won’t discuss the laundry situation.
What I tell the child: If you are having trouble, ask for help.
What I do: Continue to get frustrated and struggle because asking for help is not in my nature. See also: me not wanting to burden anyone with my problems.
What I tell the child: Work hard and practice and you’ll achieve your goals. Don’t set a time limit on achieving something you truly want.
What I do: Set unrealistic time frames and then quit when I realize I’ll never achieve my goals by the arbitrary date I’ve picked.
What I tell the child: Be proud of your accomplishments.
What I do: Never tell anyone anything because I’m 100% confident no one gives a shit.
It goes on like that.
The thing is, I want to follow my own advice because let’s face it, it’s solidĀ advice. The problem is that I cannot get out of my own way to do it. I’d be so much more productive and better at adulting if I could pull my shit together and do what I say. But I’m stuck in old habits and ways of thinking and, despite the fact that I want to completely transform many of these behaviors, I struggle. A lot.
So, I’m asking you guys, what is your best advice for getting out of your own way and changing old, bad habits and behaviors? Because this hypocrite thing? It’s not working for me anymore.
The thing that has changed my life completely for the best is to be positive and grateful. I am not kidding. Affirmations, too.
The past 7 years or so, I have incorporated this thinking.
“Every day in every way, my life and my loved ones lives are more and more wonder-full!” That is my main mantra. I have others, too.
It’s what works for me!
Goddess speed always!
Love, Steph’s Momma
this could totally be me–the you part that is. i never ask for help or tell ppl my problems bc i think they don’t care or don’t want to bother them.
ellesees.net recently posted…Winging It
It sounds stupid but mantras in the form of quotes help me. When I find something I identify with that points at what I want to be or a change I want to make, I will repeat it over and over like Ray in Rain Man.
SMD @ Life According to Steph recently posted…Thursday Thoughts
oh man Jana this is tough. I think there are always baby steps involved in this kind of thing, and by the way, I don’t think anyone is perfect when it comes to not ever beating themselves up or doing what is “best” for them. But here are two tiny things I think that could perhaps start a shift. The first is to stop verbally abusing yourself out loud. I’ve heard you do this as you know. š If you do it, try and catch yourself and recognize and have awareness that you did it. Eventually the goal is to get to a point where you never do it. BTW, this is totally different than having a conversation in your head. That takes MUCH more work. The second things is, and I don’t know if you do this or not, but when someone compliments you on anything, just say “thank you.” Just a simple thank you. Too many people, especially women, try to downplay the complimentā¦”You look awesome in that dress!!” “Oh no, I don’t. I’m look frumpy and feel ugly andā¦.” BTW, this also makes the person giving you the compliment VERY uncomfortable. Hope that helps a little…
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I had to laugh at your comment giving credit to your husband too. I may not be a parent yet, but I’m a role model for my cousins and the older I’ve gotten the more my mom’s do what I say not what I do becomes apparent. It all makes sense now. I want them to have good habits but I cannot seem to break mine! The one I’m notorious about is getting a good night’s sleep – especially when I spend all day tired but seem to continuously stay up too late each night.
Kati Rose recently posted…Made in the A.M. Album Review
I do this too, last night I told K no more candy then went and raided the Halloween candy myself. She called me on it, ugh.
I also have the messiest house but I’m constantly making her pick up her toys in her room.
Kelli recently posted…Coversations with Myself – NaNoWriMo Edition
I can definitely relate to this. Not the kid aspect, but, in general. I feel like a lot of people do this though. You are not alone! I have yet to figure out the best way to beat it.
I’m definitely a hypocrite when it comes to advice for my children! Like limiting sweets, getting physical activity and away from a screen. But hey, it isn’t easy being a kid but we all have to do it :). I used to let the fear of not being perfect stand in my way. Mostly because my dad was a perfectionist and nothing I did ever satisfied him. So, I questioned everything I did and didn’t do things because I was afraid to fail. Dating and marrying Alan helped me a lot in this area because he showed me that there’s no wrong answer. If I don’t get something “right”, it’s not the end of the world. And it’s the thought that counts. I started with small things like making breakfast for us even if I thought he might not like it. Then, I moved on to bigger things like speaking up for myself at work and going for projects/positions I might have shied away from if I were 10 years younger and still stuck in my head. I know you can do it, Jana. You’ve done so much already like writing a book, getting that dream job, and more!
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I think it’s hard. I see my daughter as someone who I want to learn from my mistakes and be a better person. I don’t think that I am a total schlub it’s just that she has her whole future ahead of her. I guess that’s how I rationalize the hypocrisy in my head. Sometimes I have to force myself to do things and not sink deeper into a rut. Exercise helps because it feels like something I’m doing for myself. Sometimes I’ll write down things that I’m grateful for that happened that day. I used to drive myself crazy that I wasn’t doing enough but I had to let that go. I wish I had better advice but I definitely struggle with this too.
Karen recently posted…Blog Book Tour // The Miracle Entrepreneur
You just want your daughter to be better than you were/are. I think that’s admirable, not hypocritical. It’s all good advice, but hard to follow without someone else telling you to do it! Maybe she needs to be telling you the same things š
Stephanie recently posted…Three on Thursday
Hahahaha my mom and dad always used to say to me, “Do as I say not as I do.” If I had a dollar for every time they told me that when I was growing up, it could have paid for my college!
Nadine recently posted…Wrinkles Suck
Yup, this is me too. Especially with the eating right thing. I’m trying to be better.
Amber recently posted…Things That Annoy Me Thursday: When My ID Card Goes Flying Out Of My Hand
I think that you are a lot more awesome than you give yourself credit for Jana! I understand about not wanting to tout your accomplishments but Jana, you should be shouting yours from the rooftops! You are a great wife, mom, blogger, and friend. We all will have instances where we may fall off the horse so to speak, in the follow-through, but that’s okay. Tomorrow is another day. And you are NOT a hypocrite. Life isn’t supposed to be perfect remember, and I think you are doing just fine. XO
Mackenzie recently posted…Last Yearās Baggage
Let’s not use the word “hypocrisy”. That sounds quite strong and heavy. You just travel a different path. Your path has taught you to shape, build, encourage, and support your beautiful human. You are a beautiful human too.
In the past week, I found myself talking with two different girlfriends that are traveling through some tough patches. I was listening, sharing my thoughts, giving advice. One said “how did you get so wise?” I practically spit out my water that I was drinking because it is unfathomable (sp?) to me that someone would call me wise. Because, like you, I definitely don’t practice that advice that I give.
Erin of TexErin-in-SydneyLand recently posted…Ten Things That Made Me Happy This Week
I’m not going to talk you down from calling it hypocrisy because I don’t know you well enough to assume that you’re putting yourself down, I’m going to instead assume that you’re calling it as you see it because you want to change.
That said, a few things: I know that my actions will always carry as much weight, if not more, than my words will once the kiddo is old enough to observe more than ze is listening. So I think about the impact of demonstrating that I say one thing but do another, and consider whether that matters. If it does, I work on it.
Sometimes it’s just easier to tell someone how to do better because you have an outside perspective, or because it simply takes zero willpower to boss or guide someone. It takes a fair amount of willpower to get through our days, doing the things we need to do, NOT doing the things we need to not do, and all of that. It’s just the truth that you’re going to run out of willpower! So I harness that truth and borrow a friend. This is where that “asking for help” thing comes into play. I hate doing that but when I know that help is freely given and offered, and that it’s fairly reciprocated, I don’t feel the same way about it. So I let a friend or two know when I need help being bossed around. What friend doesn’t like permission to kick your ass a little bit? Particularly for your own good?
And sometimes I make it about someone else because if I’m good at anything, it’s doing shit for other people. So maybe I don’t have the energy to clear the table if it’s just me. But if I know PiC will appreciate it, I’ll ride the anticipated goodwill to get it done.
Revanche recently posted…Just a little (link) love: post-Halloween edition
I can totally relate. I am so bad at asking for help, I tend to internalize everything when I am struggling and forget to reach out. I think just setting some goals and tracking each week can help.
Kerry recently posted…Things Iād Rather Be Doingā¦
i am not a parent, but i think the whole easier said than done thing applies to other adults as well.. i can give advice till the cows come home but i’m not very good at taking that advice.
as for getting out of your own way, breaking bad habits and such.. i am certainly not perfect but i wish sometimes people could see inside my head and compare current me to previous me – a year ago, 5 years ago… the difference is mind boggling. i started really trying to make an effort, and to be perfectly honest, blogging has helped a lot. but really, i focused on thinking of myself like a friend.. i would NEVER treat a friend the way i treated myself. i stopped voicing all of those thoughts and stuff, but i was still thinking them, so then i focused on telling myself to shut up when i looked in the mirror and thought i was fat or ugly. it took a long time for that to work, and then i started working on being nicer, like actually saying positive, nice things. still working on that.
our ‘issues’ might be different, but i have tried to apply them in other areas as well. basically, i try and be positive first and foremost, and nice to myself and others, if i wouldn’t treat a friend that way, i don’t treat myself that way. i can be pretty negative sometimes and i have found saying i ‘do’ something rather than i ‘want’ to has helped a lot. like ‘i am a runner, i do go to the gym in the morning, i am happy and nice’ rather than ‘i want to run, i want to go to the gym, i wish i were nicer’ etc etc.
anyway it’s quite possible i just rambled on and on and sound like an idiot š but you are so smart and awesome and you’re raising a great kid, so i am sure you can and will get wherever you want to go!
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Really I’m just as bad. I have no advice to give. So if you find anyone else’s helpful please let me know!!!
Hi Jana!,
Just found your blog through Kristen’s at SeeYouInaPorridge. This post is dead on and so funny! I need to follow my own advice, more, too. We’re all hypocrites at one time or another (all the time). Can’t wait to follow along!
Staci
http://www.missbloodymary.com