Now that holiday season is in full swing, there’s no shortage of people asking for money. I’ve already discussed how I manage the holiday creep. But this story is a little different. This is a story about how I, along with 3 friends, changed Christmas for one family. We didn’t do it because we wanted anything in return. We didn’t do it because we felt overwhelmed with the holiday spirit. We didn’t do it because we needed a year-end tax break. No, we did it because this was a hardworking, kind family with 2 parents doing all they could to provide for their kids and Christmas wasn’t in the budget. There was no way we were going to allow this family to forgo Christmas. So we changed it.
First, a little background about the family. At this time, they were a married couple with 4 children (they’ve since added one more). For years, she was a stay at home mom and he worked in a hospital as an X-ray tech I believe. They owned a modest house in rural Indiana and were doing fine. Then he lost his job. The family had to obtain food stamps and Medicaid (if I remember correctly). They worked themselves into debt trying to pay bills on his new salary as a fast food worker. She gave up being a SAHM and went to work in a school cafeteria. The money was enough to keep them afloat but it didn’t leave a lot of room for extras.
She took to a money forum to learn how to control her spending, pay down debt and manage their finances. Watching her progress in her thought process and money management skills was incredible. She came so far in such a short time that it broke my heart reading the desperation in her words when she would talk about Christmas. She wanted to so much to provide for her kids but in her heart of hearts, she knew she couldn’t. Enter me.
Having been in a situation where I didn’t know how I was going to provide Christmas and/or Hanukkah gifts for my child, I couldn’t bear the thought of someone else being in that position. So I got the idea that I would adopt her family. Except I couldn’t do it myself. I enlisted 3 other women from our forum and together, the 4 of us adopted this family. Since there were 4 kids, we each became Santa’s little helper for 1 of them. And because the parents worked so damn hard, we gifted the couple with something. I also snuck a little gift for the mom into my package.
At first it seemed like it would be a daunting task. I wasn’t sure that the other women would agree to do it but sure enough, they did. Once I had the crew assembled, I contacted the mom to let her know what was going on. I didn’t want to insult her and I was so worried that I might. To my sheer delight, she was not only not insulted, she tried to convince me that they didn’t deserve it (guess who won that debate?). From there, we were able to collect a list of the children’s likes and interests and clothing sizes. We each used our own judgment and budget guidelines when selecting the gifts, and we tried to stagger the arrival of the packages so nothing seemed conspicuous to the kids (2 of them were roughly preteen age at the time).
To make sure that the parents didn’t feel totally left out, we made sure to leave all the gifts unwrapped. By letting them wrap the gifts, it gave them that sense that they could still do something for the kids (also, it let them preview the gifts so that they were not totally surprised and they could screen for anything they might not approve of). When she sent me the email that all of the packages had arrived, I breathed a sigh of relief that everything had gone smoothly and as planned.
The words of gratitude that I received after Christmas reinforced to me that not only had we done a good thing, but that we had picked a very deserving family. Working in the field that I work in, it’s easy to see families fail to appreciate what it done for them. They feel almost entitled to it. But not this family. To this day, she still feels that they weren’t deserving of what we did. Let me put that to rest. They were. They absolutely were. And she still tells me what a difference we made to their family that year and how that gesture continued to give them hope and reassurance that things were bound to get better.
I know what we did was not a grand gesture or elaborate or even that expensive. But knowing it made a difference to that family, even for just one year, was absolutely worth it. And, if given the chance, I’d do it all over again.
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Good work. My in-laws side of the family used to do something like this and we contributed to it, though we never actually went to the dropping off of the presents. With the economy, a couple of people could no longer afford to give so it didn’t happen. We still give in ways that benefit needy people around the holidays, but this type of personal approach is awesome.
Money Beagle recently posted…The Wild-Card Risk Of Buying A Condo
I think the personal approach is what made it special. It’s easy to give anonymously or pick something off the shelves for Toys for Tots but when you do it with a purpose and with a specific child in mind, it makes it that much more memorable.
See the joy of giving. Its unparalleled. You took my heart with your decision to not to wrap the gifts before sending. you inspired me
SB @ One Cent At A Time recently posted…How to Decorate Your Home with Used Furniture
Thanks, SB! I’m glad that my story has inspired someone else to do good this holiday season!
Excellent story. I’m sure they’ll always remember this. I just spent a week in rural southern Indiana, and I was surprised by some of the difficult living conditions. Makes me even more grateful for what we have.
Hunter – Financially Consumed recently posted…Focused Investing In Coca Cola
I’ve never been to where she lives, Hunter, but from what she’s described it makes me believe that she’s actually one of the luckier ones–she and her husband both have jobs and a house that they’ve managed to hang on to. It makes me realize that those stories on 60 Minutes and such are not just created for TV; they’re real.
That’s a neat story.
Thanks, Jason!
I can tell you from experience you made a difference of a lifetime. We (all five of us kids) were left with seriously only the clothes on our back in September on my dads door step when I was seven. (My mom left us at our grandmas and never returned for days and my grandma took us to my dads who raised us as a single father from that day on). Anyway, he was already spread thin just buying us basic needs. A group of people from my dads work got together and bought us five kids a plethora of toys, board games, stuffed animals, etc. I am 35 and am still overwhelmed with the generosity of strangers. It still makes me cry every time I tell this story. Every year no matter how meager our budget is we pick a name off of a tree the same age and gender as our children and we have them personally shop for that gift and place it in the donation bin. On years we have a little more we adopt an entire family. I would much rather bless another family in true need along side with my children than to purchase our kids a want they are only allowed to play on the weekends 🙂
Love your story and your generosity! Amazing how by blessing others, we are blessed!
anotherhousewife recently posted…Enough IS Enough
I can’t say it enough. You are amazing. And thank you not only for sharing that story but pointing out the lasting impact kindness can have.
That’s beautiful, especially the part about the family thinking they didn’t deserve it. You made such a difference for them that year and in the years to come.
Christa recently posted…Investing in Family: Celebrating the Small Things
that is such a nice story. this is why I enjoy the holidays.
Jeff @ Sustainable life blog recently posted…No Spend November Results
Thanks, Jeff! This is why I enjoy the holidays, too.
I remember when I was young hearing all of those “it’s better to give than to receive” messages. I never believed them, and I still don’t. Because when you give, you also receive, on an exponential level,and what you receive is so much better than anything else in the world.
I don’t buy much into cliches, either. I just think it’s different to give than receive. The emotions and thoughts behind each one are so different and make a lasting impact in such different ways, I find it hard to compare the two. I am so grateful that I was able to do this for Jill and I’ll never forget the feeling of knowing that I was finally in a position to help.
This is such a great, inspiring story, Jana. You made such a difference for them, they will remember it for sure. And an even better thing is when they are in a better position, they might even pay it forward knowing first hand how good it was to receive a random act of kindness!
Suba recently posted…Do a financial self appraisal
I hope that they do pay it forward. I know what a kind woman the mom in the story is so I feel confident that she will when their financial position is more secure.
Jana, you are such an amazing person. Your willingness to help others, and generosity truly makes you a role model for how we should treat each other and help each other as people! Everybody needs a little help every now and then, and I’m sure that you and the people you enlisted to help made that Christmas one they will never forget.
Travis @DebtChronicles recently posted…Blog Reboot
Thanks for the kind words, Travis. I never thought of myself as a role model. I just thought I was someone who does the right thing. And in this situation, what I did was the right thing to do. If even one person takes something away from that, then I’ve made an impact.
Great reminder to all of us. Super story!
Dr Dean recently posted…9 Money Saving Reasons To Garden!
Thanks!
That is an amazing story! Do you keep up with them at all? Is she still on the forum? What are they all doing now?
Evan recently posted…The Value of Earning a Side Income
I still talk to her on Facebook. Since we did that for her, she’s had another baby, her husband got a job as an on-the-road trucker and they are able to get off of food stamps. She’s currently on medical leave for her job due to kidney stones and while she’d like to stay home, I believe she’s going back to work until they know exactly how their finances will work out with her husband’s new job.
Now that is an inspiring story (although maybe they shouldn’t have had another kid if they were in a monetary predicament…)
Evan recently posted…The Value of Earning a Side Income