Confession: About a year ago, I submitted a few posts to a very large, popular website, at their request, after I had contacted them about being a regular contributor. I sent my stuff and then never heard from them again.
Guys. I got ghosted.
I never thought I’d say that but there it is.
My confidence took a huge shot in the ass but looking at it objectively now, it really was for the best. I am decidedly not a good fit over there. However, I don’t want the posts hibernating in perpetuity so I’m sharing it today. Side note: part of this is a companion/precursor to this post.
Hope you like it more than the website did.
Can you identify the moment or experience that made you feel like a real, actual adult?
I can’t.
Because in my 38 years, there wasn’t one specific, exact moment that did it. For me, it was an accumulation of events over about dozen years. Things like:
- The first summer I had a job in an office, not at a camp.
- The first fall I didn’t have to buy school supplies or stress about my class schedule.
- Picking a health insurance plan.
- Setting up a retirement account.
- Eating a bowl of Raisin Bran. And enjoying it.
- Learning to pay attention to my money–including what things cost–and making decisions based on that.
- Realizing I need a will. And a burial plot.
- Telling my dad not to touch the thermostat in my house.
- Bringing my daughter home from the hospital.
- Clipping coupons and remembering to bring them along on a shopping trip.
- Getting overly excited at having received a Dyson for Christmas. See also: new stove
- Making doctor appointments for health problems that definitely weren’t there when I was a kid.
- Dealing with a hangover for 3 days instead of 3 hours.
- Being able to do the things I want and not have to do the things I don’t.
- Purposefully and intentionally paying attention to current events.
- Actually using the phrase “kids today”. And referring to 20 year olds.
- Asking my daughter to turn down her music.
- Debating the merits of a 4 door car versus a 2 door.
Admittedly, some of those just make me seem old and not necessarily an adult but for all intents and purposes, let’s just say they go hand in hand. 
Looking at the list, it’s obvious that my progression to adulthood included becoming more responsible, self-sufficient, and making better, more practical choices. You know, the stuff you watched your parents do. It still amazes me that I do all those things. Not necessarily every day, but most days. And while the items on the list definitely contributed to progression into adulthood, it wouldn’t have been complete without a shift in mindset.
My mindset shift happened in two phases over the same dozen years. The first was realizing that I actually AM an adult. It was something I kept denying but one day, like Michael Scott declaring bankruptcy, I just said screw it, accepted my fate, and declared I was an adult. That declaration forced me to own the fact that on paper, by age, and according to laws, I was, in fact, a real live grown up.
That’s some scary shit.
But I had to accept it. It wasn’t going away.
Adulthood was permanent.
Once I accepted my adulthood, that’s when the second mindset shift happened. That one involved me saying something along the lines of “holy crap! I’m an adult! I can do whatever I want! I get to make my own rules!”
Because for me, the best part of my progression into adulthood, was not a specific benchmark or event, but the moment I took ownership of my life and my decisions and realized I can create my life to be anything I want it to be.
I get to pick where I live.
I can do whatever I want for a living.
I define my style.
I can say no to plans and obligations and invitations.
I can eat only bacon for breakfast. Or Fritos. Or cake. Or all 3.
Of course, all the regular adult responsibilities go along with the luxury of creating the life I want. But I still get to do it.
You can’t beat that.
I realize my progression towards adulthood isn’t reflective or representative of everyone else’s. Some naturally grow into it sooner, some are thrown into it by circumstance, some wait way longer, and for others, the defining characteristics look completely different.
But that’s the shining beacon of adulthood.
It’s your life and you can define it however you choose.
Yay, first commenter 🙂 Anywho, you’re list would be like mine. I definitely felt more “adult” when I got my first checking account after I got my first job (waitressing) and when I saved my money to pay for my wedding, I felt pretty “adult” then too. I’m still not 100% adult because I don’t have a will. I HAVE to get on that.
lisacng @ expandng.com recently posted…Why I like my Kindle AND actual books
The time I felt I have reached an adulthood (and not a “young” adult that I fancy) is when I got married – I suddenly realized that I have a new responsibility to my wife and have to make more moola quickly, I cannot do reckless financial stuff anymore.
Kit recently posted…Father’s Day Gift Ideas That Do Not Cost a Cent
Ha ha I totally call 20-year-old (and at this point anyone in their 20s) “kids.”
Tonya@Budget and the Beach recently posted…Succumbing to Lifestyle Inflation
Goddess speed to all of us. We are all on our own life journies. Where we have been made us who we are now. I could eat healthier, exercise, etc. but I am kind of content. It’s a nice feeling.
Everyone in PA get out and vote. It’s a privilege.
Love. Steph’s. Momma.
I still am amazed sometimes I make the adult decisions in my life.
The first time I realized I was an adult when I went to the doctor on my own. I always had my mom go with me – even up to when I was 18. My mom had a crush on my doctor 🙂 haha
Rebecca Jo recently posted…16 weeks comes down to this….running unapologetically
“Dealing with a hangover for 3 days instead of 3 hours”. Yup! Ha, ha, ha 🙂 #truth I too, refer to people in their 20’s as kids.
Mackenzie recently posted…Every Great Dream
It is so trippy for me to think of myself as an adult. Weird term, but that’s exactly how it feels. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing adult things secretly, like I’m not supposed to be making these decisions or something. It’s very bizarre.
SMD @ Life According to Steph recently posted…What’s in Jill’s Makeup Bag?
It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who calls 20 year olds kids. These two kids were buying Captain Morgan at the grocery store, and I thought there was no way they were 21 years old. And they were and I felt really, really old! I first started feeling like an adult when I “officially” moved out of my parents home. My parents helped me move and my Mom arranged my kitchen. And after they left, I rearranged it. My kitchen; my way. The flip side is there are still days at almost 41 years of age that I still feel like a kid who has so much to learn.
Tanya @ A Mindful Migration recently posted…A Few Random Questions to Ponder
I own a house and a car and have a full time job that I report to every day and pay my bills with that money and grocery shop and clean and buy light bulbs. Seriously why are light bulbs so expensive. But most days I still don’t “feel” like an adult. It’s so weird!!! And I totally refer to 20 year olds as kids.
Nadine recently posted…Weekend Shenanigans
110% my experience this far as well. Adulthood. Love it or hate it. It happens.
The first time I felt like an adult was when I left work when it was raining, and I actually had an umbrella so I didn’t get wet. For some reason that felt like the epitome of being prepared.
I still say that they need a class in school called Adulting 101 where they teach you all the stuff you actually need to know, like how to set up a 401K and how to pick a health plan. I’m with you and felt like it was more gradual of a process to becoming an adult, and now I look back and it shocks me that I’m an actual adult!
Ashley @ The Wandering Weekenders recently posted…A Weekend of Catch Up
Yes yes yes!! I’ve said this a million times. I work in the financial industry and the lack of understanding of just simple personal finance is sometimes frightening.
I felt like an adult one someone decided I could raise a real live kid. Hahaha
Also my adult benefit is using all the bad words, yayyy for adulthood.
Kelli recently posted…Sea La Vie – 4/22
I got to put off being an adult by going to law school, which is really much more similar to high school than college. Anyway, I have experienced the same slow realization that I’m an adult the last 5 years, particularly the 3 day hangover. I love the post that’s been going around that says “The Best Cure for a Hangover is being under the age of 25.” SO TRUE.
Heather @ I do what I want. recently posted…Honeymoon Part 5: Paris, France
I love that in a post about becoming an adult you are still giving “rules” a big middle finger. For instance, a Jew who wants to eat only bacon for breakfast. I love it! Thank you for reminding me the positive points about adulting.
Also, I think I’ve been ghosted by a lousy local newspaper “letter to the editor” section.
Erin recently posted…Aussie Author Challenge: Book Seven
my dad briefly lived with me and I bought a lock for my thermostat, like office buildings have. He just would not leave it alone.
i felt hella adult when i got out of school and realized i had student loans that i had to pay off by getting a full time job. if that’s not am adult smack in the face, i dont know what it. there’s nothing more sobering than a huge debt looming over your head.
kathy @ more coffee, less talky recently posted…humpday confessions [4-27]
I’ve felt old for years but only recently started feeling like an adult 🙂 And the feeling comes and goes. Once in a while I look at our kid and realize OH SH!T we have a kid. Help.
Revanche recently posted…Are you ready to win a million dollars?: Our weekend fun
oh my gosh, i would LOVE a dyson for christmas hahaha. i remember my friend got mad when her husband got her a vacuum cleaner as a present and i remember being like omg i’m jealous! and then she got mad at me. but seriously. i don’t feel like an adult most of the time, but when i really look at myself and what i like/get excited about or whatever, i realise i am (duh). i still don’t have a will or anything, don’t want to think about that.
so, um.. what does ghosted mean? did they take your stuff?
kristen recently posted…Checking in with my eating
You need to create a Fritos bacon cake recipe to sell for 99 cents. You’ll be a millionaire within 3 months!
I guess I feel like an adult in that I know I’m closing in on “old.” But I always thought I’d eventually feel like I had it together. Or at least less like I was making it up as I went along.
Abigail @ipickuppennies recently posted…The book is out!
I’m 48 freaking years old and it’s just been in the last 6 years that being an adult hit me in the face, first when my husband was in a bad bicycle accident. The next year my dad died. And then my mom died and THAT’S when I realized that no grown up was going to take care of anything. I was it. I try as hard as I can to not be an adult as often as I can!
Gwen recently posted…Weekend of the arts
I really love this post! (It sucks that it didn’t work out with the website, though.) As I was reading, I was trying to decide if there was a definitive moment (or moments) that made me realize that I’m actually an adult. My conclusion? I still don’t think of myself as an adult most of the time.
I know that’s kind of ridiculous. I’ll be 32 in August, I’m married, I have a career, I make my own choices about what I do with my life (and money), etc. I’m obviously an adult. But most of the time I still feel like a kid. (Well, a college aged kid anyway … Which is still technically an adult, but because I’m getting older I realize that you’re still basically a kid between the ages of 18-21.)
Anyway, it’s always interesting for me to read these types of posts. It’s nice to know that doing adult things can be weird for other people as well.
Also … Eric and I were in line at 5:00 a.m. (or maybe earlier, I can’t remember now) on Black Friday the year we got married in order to use some gift cards we got as wedding gifts to get a Dyson. They were marked down quite a bit, but there were only a very limited number selling at that price. We ended up getting one completely free (thanks to the sale and gift cards), and we were ridiculously excited about that.
Kristen recently posted…Tasty Tuesday: Roasted Chickpea Tacos