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It’s my life

September 8, 2014 by Jana 24 Comments

(If you sing the title like the Bon Jovi song, it's way better)

I've told you guys before that I am not above ~~stealing~~ borrowing a good idea. And after I saw these types of posts from Kenzie and Liz, I figured, hey? Why not do one of these for myself? Admittedly, I am not as interesting as those ladies, and pretty much every day looks the same for me (weekends, too, which is why I never do weekend recaps. I could write one and then just recycle it every Monday. Easy writing for me. Boring reading for you) but I thought it might be fun to answer the question “what exactly it is you do here?”

It's pretty simple.

First, my alarm goes off at 6:15. I check the phone repeatedly to make sure it's not a mistake and then lay in bed while my husband storms the bathroom first. I figure since he leaves the house to go to work, I can graciously give him a 5 minute head start on the day. He finishes whatever it is he does in there, I move a dog out of the way, and get up.

Then I get dressed, hopefully remember to put on deodorant, walk down to the living room and do this:

I want to hate Shawn T. Yet, I don't. So starting my day with him isn't so bad and I know my workout is done for the day and that's nice. Then, while still dripping with sweat, I go to my kitchen, grab a quick breakfast and pack my child's lunch. Then, I brave her room, stepping over mountains of whatever she had been playing with the night before because cleaning up requests are laughed at and ignored, and wake her up. She usually looks pretty comfortable but I don't want to go to jail for not sending her to school so I rouse her anyway.

I then spend the next hour fighting with my child, trying to make her understand that school does not, in fact, start when she wants it to but has an actual predetermined start time and we have to be there for it. I sometimes think a cattle prod would help but then think, better not. So I settle for ~~yelling~~ encouraging her loudly and emphatically.

We make it to school, I drop her off, run any errands I might have, then come home to my bunker. That's what I call my office. I spend the next 5-6 hours ~~reading the internet~~ working and alternately thinking what I do is amazing and worth the effort or hating myself for even trying and questioning every decision I make.

It's where the magic happens. And by magic, I mean self doubt.

I eat sometime during those hours, let the dogs out in the backyard so I can get my required yard time, and think about doing laundry or cleaning my house. Those last two almost never happen.

Around 3:00, I do a quick clean up of my kitchen, put the dogs on their leashes for a short walk, and we all pile into the car to get my daughter from school.

We get to the school and, depending on the day, can wait anywhere from 10-20 minutes (30 on a really bad day) to retrieve my daughter. The parent pickup line is a special kind of hell and I do it because it is actually easier than fighting with her to get on the bus, which she hates and is terrified of. And, since I know you're wondering, this is the view from the line. I think I was particularly close up that day.

We get home, she has a snack and watches some TV, I somehow manage to get things done but I can't tell you what because the hour between when we get home and I start making dinner is a time warp and the hour disappears. Since this is the third time I've mentioned eating, here's my kitchen. The amount of time I spend in here really is ridiculous.

We don't really have a set time for dinner because 3 nights a week (and one weekend morning/afternoon), we go here for cheer practice. The gym is up a very long, poorly paved driveway and through a gravelly, dusty parking lot. But isn't the entrance pretty?

After cheer, I wage another battle to get her in bed by a reasonable bedtime since waking her in the morning takes more patience than I have, especially if she's tired, but she takes 87 minute showers. It's a fine line between wanting her to enjoy showering and telling her to hurry the fuck up. After she's sufficiently clean and her bathroom is sufficiently flooded, we have storytime and finally, she's in bed.

Once she's asleep, I get to enjoy adult TV time. That is either exceptionally pleasant or exceptionally unpleasant, depending on the day of the week as my husband and I don't always agree on what constitutes good TV. We do agree occasionally and that's nice. Depending on the day, we shut the TV off at either 10 or 11, walk the dogs a final time, and go to bed. I typically read for about 20 minutes before I can fall asleep (sometimes longer if it's a good book). When I'm done reading, I shuffle the dogs around so I can get comfortable enough to sleep. Then I do.

Quick note: in my house, it's a race to fall asleep first because my husband snores and if I have to listen to it while I am trying to sleep, I get ragey and want to smother him. Smothering is illegal so I settle for a subtle jab in the arm and an angry “stop snoring!” It usually works and we all sleep well after that.

And that, my friends, is my exciting life. I suppose it could be worse.

What does your average day look like? Would you like to join me in a share your space linkup where we take pictures of our desks and talk about what's on it and why?

Don’t judge unless you know

August 26, 2014 by Jana 25 Comments

Alrighty.

It’s rant time.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a friend and, through that conversation, I realized that it gets on my nerves, even more than I thought, when someone condemns a situation or circumstances without knowing all the facts.

Here’s an example. A woman finds out her friend’s husband has been cheating on her. Rather than get divorced, the friend decides to go to therapy and work through the issues so that she and her husband remain married. Divorce is not a word they believe in unless it’s absolutely necessary and maybe this one cheating incident isn’t worth a divorce. The woman gets all up on her high horse, proclaiming that she would never, EVER stay with a man who cheats on her. Once a cheater, always a cheater and he’s just not worth my time and I can do better and all that jazz. It causes fights between her and her friend, to the point that they can no longer continue their friendship.

Here’s a second example. A couple in their late 20s, dating for 9 months, decide to get engaged. A friend who’s been through a broken engagement decides that it’s too fast and starts pontificating that people shouldn’t rush into marriage and gives 4782 reasons why not. The friend makes valid points but the couple just isn’t listening. They don’t want negative opinions. They don’t care about negative opinions. They know what’s best for them, even if it might not look like it to outsiders (note: there are exceptions to this. We can talk about that another day if you’d like).

In both of these scenarios, there are dozens of detractors saying what they’re doing is wrong. They cite their own personal “experience” as the guiding force in their opinions. They don’t have all the facts. And not only that, your situation might not match the one you’re criticizing. You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, you don’t know the conversations that have been had, and you don’t have all the information. You have speculation along with snippets.

It’s difficult to make a fully formed opinion with minimal detail.

And even if you have personal experience with a situation, you cannot, with any certainty, say what you will or won’t do when faced with it again. Because things change and you can’t possibly predict what other mitigating factors might impact your decision. Married to a cheater? Maybe you have kids now and it’s not so easy to kick their dad out of their lives. Moving in with someone you’ve been dating for 5 months? Maybe there are financial reasons behind it. Have your kids at a grocery store in their pajamas at 9:00 at night? Maybe the babysitter bailed or the milk ran out unexpectedly or a kid is sick and you can’t leave them at home while you get medication.

While it’s easy to say, with certainty, what you’d do in those hypothetical situations, especially if it’s contrary to what you’re witnessing, what you’d actually do is probably very different. Nothing is ever as clear cut as we think it is. You’re not psychic, and you certainly cannot predict your emotions. And, whether you like it or not, emotions, even more than money, guide most of our decisions. Trying to decide if you’re going to stay in a marriage (or even get married) is nothing like buying a couch. Sure, you can vet the prospects, list pros and cons, and you know what’s rational and what’s not, but when it comes down to it, you’re most likely going to let your emotions make the decision. Not a list on a piece of paper or statistics or research or an ill-conceived blog post.

If you can be stoic and rational about every emotionally charged decision, then good for you. I have mad respect for that because, honestly, I can’t. My heart is sometimes more powerful than my head.

So, unless you know all the factors behind why something looks the way it does, keep your mouth shut. I can’t keep you from thinking and judging (not going to lie, I do it, too, and it’s completely wrong most of the time), but if you have the balls to comment, you best be prepared for pushback and disagreement. Your opinion doesn’t always matter, it isn’t always necessary, and sometimes, even if you disagree, the best thing to do is just support your friend’s decisions.

(Note: this in no way applies to any sort of domestic violence/bullying/serious mental health situation. It is that severe, you best step in and do whatever you can to protect your friend)

P.S. One more thing. We’re so quick to praise those who do what we think they should do; think about how we praise women who walk away from cheaters without a second look. But it is harder, WAY harder, to stay and work through an issue than it is to leave. We should be giving those women their due praise instead of criticizing them so openly.

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Memories of a GenX childhood

August 11, 2014 by Jana 14 Comments

I grew up in the 80s. And I maintain that my childhood produced the greatest things ever. The proof is that most companies are rebooting pretty much everything that started when I was a kid. And even the reboots are crap compared to what we had. I wish that was just the old lady in me talking but really, it’s just true.

Because, let’s face it, it’s hard to get better than any of these:

The Oregon Trail. The best way to get out of class and score computer time on my school’s one computer. Also practice my buffalo killing skills ’cause you never know.

The Muppets. I go to no effort to hide my love of all things Muppet and it all stems from watching The Muppet Show on Monday nights with my dad when I was a kid. Fun fact: I got a Scooter doll when I was finally potty trained. You’re welcome for that information.

Fraggle Rock. I still can’t look at a radish without making a Fraggle comment and I can name all the main Fraggles faster than I can name state capitals. #noshame

Mike and Ike. My mom was in a bowling league and I had to go to the little daycare thing they had. I hated it and my mom bribed me with these. I might still get them today and they still remind me of bowling.

Saturday morning cartoons. The Smurfs, Gummi Bears, the Snorks, Shirt Tails, and so many others. Cartoons in my day trump all the shit they have now.

You Can’t Do That on Television. The originator of green slime and the beginning of Alanis Morisette’s career. You’re welcome, kids today.

Charm necklaces. How I loved, and rocked the shit, out of charm necklaces. I had so many charms and the ones with the bells were my favorite! They complimented my pastel colored Swatch watch spectacularly. Why haven’t these come back?

Friendship pins. Were your Keds decorated with safety pins lined with beads so small you could barely pick them up sometimes? Mine were. And it was beautiful.

Sweet Pickles books. My favorite books as a kid, and my parents bought me the whole set two years ago for Hanukkah and I read them with my daughter who now reads them to her dolls. And the cycle continues. Which is fine because they who’ve really good lessons and are fun to read. This one was and is my favorite.

The Hamburgler, Grimace, the Fry Guys. Say what you want about the food, but McDonald’s knew what the hell they were doing with those characters. I think we need a campaign to bring them back. Who’s with me?

The greatest TV theme songs ever. My favorites? The Dukes of Hazzar d and Greatest American Hero. And that’s just the beginning. I could do a whole post on 80s theme songs.

Also included but not pictured: The Great Space Coaster, The Magic Garden, Lite Brite, Popples, bubble tape, Dolly Pops, Cabbage Patch Kids, Garbage Pail Kids, banana clips (that I could never wear because of my ridiculously thick hair), and jelly shoes.

What do you guys think? What are some things from the 80s that trump all the crap they have now?

A (long) note to my teenage self

July 28, 2014 by Jana 18 Comments

Welcome to the Notes to My Teenage Self linkup. After you’re done reading my letter, feel free to add yours or check out some of the other ones.

Dear teenage Jana,

I know. It’s pretty strange that you’re receiving this now, given the fact that I’m all old and you’re hanging out in 1994 at the ripe old age of 17. But I figure you’re getting ready to start your senior year of high school and it might be a good time to impart some wisdom on you to help get you through your final year in what is pretty much a flannel filled hell. I know you can’t wait to get out of those walls and start your new life but for a moment, I want you to sit back and appreciate what you currently have.

For starters, you live rent and expense free. You pay for nothing except CDs, concert tickets, books, and nail polish (incidentally, your spending habits don’t change much in your 20s. Or 30s). Enjoy the lack of financial responsibility and stress but, while you’re at it, learn how to manage money. It’s a lot easier to learn when your feet aren’t to the fire and also, it’ll prevent you from getting into debt as an adult. Trust when I say that getting into debt is fun but getting out is worse than first period math.

Second, spend time with your sisters. Especially the little one. Sure, you guys are making some memories but you’ll be moving out soon and she’s only 7. You’ll miss more than you’ll want to admit and you’re going to want more than Friday nights watching Boy Meets World and driving her to piano lessons to cling to (oh, and convincing her a monster lives in the hole you kicked in the wall and making her scared to go up the stairs? It’s funny but don’t do that. It’s kind of mean).

Third, all the stuff you’re worried about? Like finding friends you can trust or having a boyfriend or not fitting in or thinking you’re fat and ugly or feeling like the rest of your life will be exactly like it is now? I get that you’re concerned but believe me, you’re worrying for nothing. Let it go. In just a few short months, you’ll find some of the most amazing friends ever (and you’ll still be friends with some of them, all these years later) and you’ll realize that they like and appreciate you for YOU, not someone you think you need to pretend to be. Boyfriends? Don’t worry about that shit. That’ll happen (including, in 2 short years, meeting the person you’ll marry), too.

And as far as your appearance, learn to enjoy exercising and eating healthy now, make it part of your routine, and you’ll feel so much better. Because feeling good and attractive really starts with liking who you are in the mirror and no one but you is in control of that. And by taking charge of it now, it’ll make it much easier on the old lady version of you. So if you could do that, I’d appreciate it.

Now, let’s move on to the life advice.

You are talented and creative. Use that to your advantage and when you get to college, pick a major that will make you happy. Keep some practicality and ability to get a job in mind but if you choose to pursue something you love, you will be successful.
Believe in yourself. You are smart and you truly can do anything. Never let anyone, family, friends, or other, make you doubt that. If they’re making you feel bad, they’re not worth your time. Don’t let their negativity sink in. Deflect that shit like you’re wearing Teflon.
You know how you try hard to be nice to everyone? Keep doing that. Even if it backfires and you still wind up at home alone on a Friday or Saturday night, just keep being nice. You’ll love yourself for it and learning to love yourself, and having to live with yourself, is more important than any date or party. And for the record, assholes are everywhere, in every phase of life. It sucks but you’ll eventually learn how to sniff them out and avoid them.
Do your homework. Read. Learn. Work hard. Go to class (except gym. Go ahead and feel free to skip that, which I know contradicts my earlier advice about being healthy but gym is pretty much the worst). Never be ashamed or embarrassed about being smart. Smart girls are awesome and although the names Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Mindy Kaling mean nothing to you right now, you’ll understand when you’re me (and this piece of advice will make total sense).

I apologize that instead of a few short notes, you’re getting a fairly long letter. But you’ll come to realize that you are a verbose gal and once you get started, it’s hard to stop (also, you use words like “gal”). It’s one of your charming quirks.

My point is this–who you are is just fine. There is nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, wrong with you. I know it doesn’t feel like it now because high school is one long fucking nightmare filled with people who seem to have it all together. But believe me, they don’t. They are just as confused and awkward and full of self-doubt as you are. They’re just better at hiding it.

So love yourself, be confident in who you are, and remember that it’s almost over. Enjoy the good moments (and there will be more than you think) and don’t let the bad ones define you.

See you in 20 years.

Go Blue Hens!

Fondly,

37 year old Jana

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Jana don’t give a sh!t

July 16, 2014 by Jana 33 Comments

Remember that viral video from a few years ago, Honey Badger Don’t Give a Shit? Today’s confessions is a complete ripoff of that and that’s why it’s title Jana Don’t Give a Shit. Because sometimes maybe I steal borrow great ideas. And I don’t give a shit.

Other things I don’t give a shit about:

Dancing with the Stars, The Bachelor/The Bachelorette, any Real Housewives, or any of the litany of reality TV shows. Except Teen Mom. Bring that train wreck on!
How much square footage your house is. Unless you’re living in one of those tiny houses or a mansion bigger than Delaware, it doesn’t matter to me.
What the rain near your house sounds like. Seriously. It’s rain. We all know what sound it makes when it hits a building or house or the ground. You don’t need to share videos of it.
Your cryptic Facebook status. Instead, post a sign that says “Pay attention to me!!!” At least I can appreciate your honesty while I’m not caring about you.
What any celebrities wear, ever.
Which celebrities are dating, which ones are procreating, and which ones are getting divorced.

How much you paid for things. Unless you’re getting a great deal and you can share said deal. Or it’s some amazing, creative money saving tip. Then I care. Lots.
Science fiction anything. Books, movies, Comic Con…all of it. And comic books are the worst because, let’s face it, they’re not really books. I don’t like lying. And calling something that’s not a book a book is straight up lying.
People breastfeeding in public. It’s just boobs and the kid needs to eat. Deal with it (and I was a formula mom so there’s no underlying agenda here).
What anyone thinks of my taste in books, clothes, music, home decor, TV shows, or movies. They’re not intended to make anyone else happy. They’re for me.
How tired you are. We’re all tired. Same goes for busy. Quit bitching.

Football. There is truly no way I could care less about it. Unless it’s hockey or basketball. Then I care less.

That’s pretty much the tip of the iceberg. Maybe it’s the first few layers. But I fear that if I keep going about shit I don’t care about then you’ll stop caring about this post and that would make me sad. So, let’s hear from you guys. What don’t you give a shit about?

Linking up with Kathy, as always.

It’s my life

Don’t judge unless you know

Memories of a GenX childhood

A (long) note to my teenage self

Jana don’t give a sh!t

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