Jon Acuff talks about something he calls “critics math”. What he means by that is you could have 100 reviews of something–a book, a picture, your blog, whatever–with 99 positive and 1 negative and you will only focus on the 1 negative.
I definitely know that’s true for me.
Which is why, lately, I’ve been obsessing over how much everything I do totally and completely sucks.
Because two weeks ago, I had a conversation with someone who told me that “your blog sucks, your Twitter following isn’t any good, and your mentoring program will never make any money”. Those where her exact words, and I’ve whittled down the negative feedback for the sake of brevity.
I can’t even begin to tell you guys how much this hurt me. I work hard at having a nice looking blog that has consistently good content, I’m constantly thinking of ways to improve my mentoring program, and my social media followers, while important, are not something I use to measure my popularity or quality. So to be told everything I do sucks and all my effort is essentially for nothing has taken a huge toll on my self-confidence, my desire to even continue to try, and makes me rethink every decision I’ve made regarding writing and blogging thus far. This woman made me believe I’m wasting my time and I should pack it in.
And I almost did.
But you know what?
Fuck her.
Because I am a good writer. My blog doesn’t suck. And my mentoring program absolutely has potential. And there is absolutely no reason for me to quit, despite her horribly negative assessment of me, my abilities, my blog, and my short and long term plans.
And while I’ve definitely been dwelling in a place of “I suck and will never be successful as a writer, business woman or anything else”, there are a few takeaways from my conversation with that woman:
- Look for the immediately actionable. While they may be buried underneath harsh statements, there’s probably one or two doable tasks or ideas you can implement quickly. Those little tweaks can breathe new life into a project or blog, and it might not have been ideas you had thought of before.
- Look for the long term planning. Again, these may be buried underneath cruelly worded sentences, but those critiques will force you to take a hard look at what your long term plans are. You might find it necessary to go in a different direction than you had previously thought but it might be an even better direction.
- Reevaluate your elevator pitch. I’m a big believer in personal responsibility so maybe the reason the person is so negative and harsh has to do with the way you’re presenting what you do. Maybe you’re not positive or enthusiastic or descriptive enough about it. Maybe you don’t present your message clearly. Take your critic’s response as an opportunity to reevaluate how you talk about your project.
- Assess the true value of their opinion. Is this someone who has a vested interest in you? Or is it a casual acquaintance or someone you’ve just met at a party? While you can look for the value in those conversations (see 1 & 2), if it isn’t someone who knows you, isn’t familiar with anything you’ve done beyond a cursory glance, or doesn’t give a shit if you succeed or not, don’t internalize their words too much.
- Keep going, regardless. It’s important to accept the fact that not everyone will like you. I’m sure not even Beyonce has universal appeal. She doesn’t stop. She keeps doing what she needs to do, both for herself and for her fans (I’m assuming. Bey and I have never really sat down and talked about this). And so should you.
It never feels good to hear you suck. Especially at something that’s been your lifelong dream. And it’s easy to let those voices sing a loud chorus, especially if you already have low self-esteem or are unnecessarily hard on yourself. Those critics validate all the things you already tell yourself, which only gives you more self-doubt. Trust when I say I understand. More than I can tell you.
But the best thing you can do to silence them, and prove them wrong, is to not quit. There’s a reason there are so many choices and there is room for all different voices. Everyone likes something different and simply because one person isn’t a fan doesn’t mean 99 other people aren’t as well. Don’t let one detractor keep you from pursuing your dream.
