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Random thoughts from a new(ish) cheer mom

November 24, 2014 by Jana 19 Comments

This entry is part 3 of 3 in the series Cheer Mom

As a second year cheer mom, I consider myself a veteran. Well, not so much a veteran as not a rookie because I still have a lot to learn but now that I have some experience under my belt, I feel totally qualified to share with you the the thoughts that went through my mind during my daughter’s first year (and, if I’m being totally honest, I still think some of these and from talking to some experienced cheer moms, some of these thoughts never actually go away; they just become more bearable).

So, just like I provided you with a special glimpse into what I think in the school pick-up line, here’s a whole bunch of thoughts from me, the relatively new cheer mom (you can also read more thoughts on cheerleading in the post that started this whole series):

Everything but the competitions

Three practices a week? Competitions on Sundays? Football on Saturdays? Wow, this is time consuming. I did not expect that.

Well, there goes my life. Good thing I really didn’t have one to being with.

Holy shit, cheerleading is expensive. Well, there goes my money. We didn’t need to eat anyway.

What do you mean, I have to pay more money? I’m going to have to sell my blood or an internal organ to keep affording this. Which ones can I go without?

Seriously, you want more money? I literally have nothing left.

On the bright side, I’m going to get so much done during her practices! I’ll be so productive.

I don’t know why I thought I’d be productive. I might as well just stay because by the time I get home I’ll have to come back and of course the internet connection here is the worst.

Guess I’ll just talk to the other moms. It’s a shame I’m so awkward. I can’t imagine this going well.

I should just stay in a corner or my car and read a book.

Did my child just lift another child into the air?

I hope she doesn’t drop that girl because that would make things really uncomfortable between our family and hers. Even more uncomfortable than me trying to make conversation.

How much cushion is in those mats?

Oh, my. This is a mess.

I think I need a cheerleader to Jana dictionary because I have no clue what anyone is saying.

Am I the only one who’s confused? I can’t possibly be the only one who doesn’t understand a word of what that coach is saying. But I look like I’m the only one who’s confused.

I’m going to be spending my fair share time Googling these words.

Is there a subtle way to Google while the coach is speaking?

I need to go home before I embarrass my child. I’m WAY out of my comfort zone.

At competitions

Holy fuck, Bring It On is not fiction!!! I will never mock the accuracy of that movie ever again.

It is way too early in the day for this. People should only get up this early if they’re leaving for vacation.

If Katy Perry (or Taylor Swift) is in one more team’s music, I’m going to lose my mind.

Cheer music is terrible. But not as bad as the DJ. OMG, he seriously needs to shut up.

I’d look ridiculous in a cheer mom shirt. I should get one anyway. I mean, that dad is totally rocking his cheer dad shirt. #noshame at these things.

These vendors must make a killing at these competitions. I should figure out how to make this stuff and sell it at a competition. Then I’d be able to pay for cheerleading and keep all my organs and blood!

These older girls are spectacular. Human beings should not be able to do that. Bending and jumping that way isn’t natural.

There are an awful lot of girls here wearing knee and wrist braces. I think I’m concerned.

I have to pee. I’ve put it off long enough.

I just found a cheerleader free bathroom! This is basically the best thing that’s happened to me all day.

Seriously, we have to wait how long before they hand out awards? Haven’t we been here long enough?

NO!!! Don’t play “The Wobble” again!!!

The DJ is now my sworn enemy.

My daughter’s squad really was better than all the others. That’s fact.

Holy shit, they won!!! Mat magic is a real thing!!!

Oh, thank god this is over. I can’t wait to get home and take a nap.

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Thursday things and stuff

November 20, 2014 by Jana 18 Comments

Hey, Thursday! How you doin’?

Thursday has long been my favorite day of the week. I think this started in college thanks to Mug Night at The Stone Balloon (RIP) and I know I’ve mentioned that before but I’m old and I tend to repeat myself.

You know what else is fun about being old? Having no train of thought and saying what’s on my mind in no particular order and the fact that nothing relates to the thought before it. Like this stuff:

One of my daughter’s favorite shows is this new Nickelodeon one, Nicky, Ricky, Dicky, and Dawn. It’s about quadruplets. Ordinarily, Nickelodeon shows make me cringe (save for iCarly) but this one is freaking hilarious. Did you guys watch That 70s Show? Do you remember Fez’s crazy girlfriend Caroline? She’s the mom. Also, they had a whole episode about poop that had me hysterically laughing the whole time. #noshame
Speaking of #noshame, you know who needs to be really ashamed? Dogfish Head beer. Because they’re making a scrapple infused beer. This is essentially the worst idea in history and if you don’t believe me, here’s the definition for scrapple and after you read it, you’ll understand why it doesn’t belong in beer or anything ever (including your fridge or your mouth).
For the longest time, I prided myself on the fact that, after having my iPhone for more than 3 years, I hadn’t cracked the screen. Bragged in my head. Felt superior. Didn’t care that I still had an old model because it was in tact, dammit, despite my chronic dropping of the phone. Then, on Saturday, my ego got body slammed when I not only dropped my phone but the screen shattered. A lot. Then my cheap, overconfident ass needed to buy a new phone. As I write this, I am anxiously awaiting the delivery of my iPhone6.
You know what else I’m waiting to be delivered? An American Girl doll. My daughter wanted that, and only that, for her birthday next month so we, along with our parents, pooled our money to buy her a $115 doll. Yep. You read that right. $115. For a fucking doll. INSANITY. But I did find a $10 off coupon and, instead of buying the clothes from the AG store, the doll will be getting Target clothes. Hey, if Target clothes are good enough for me, they’re good enough for a doll.
For $115, I’m surprised she doesn’t come with a pimp.
I’ve worked my way through all the Serial episodes. I’m going to listen to them again because there’s just so much information to retain. As a former criminal justice person, my investigator senses are tingling all over this and I’m not 100% convinced the kid who’s in prison is guilty (he’s definitely not not guilty but I don’t think he’s a murderer). Anyone else listen? What do you guys think?
I’m trying hard not to complain about the cold weather because it’s not like if I complain, it’ll do any good and the weather will magically change back to something more manageable and appropriate for November. But seriously–what the hell is going on? Why does it feel like the middle of January? I’m genuinely terrified of what’s going to happen this winter if this is what it’s like now. But it does justify my blanket hoarding so there’s that.
While we’re on the subject of hoarding, if you remember, one of my organizing goals for the month addressed my Pinterest boards. I’m trying to thin the herd over there and, in doing so, I realized I had a whole bunch of home decorating and home idea pins I’d completely forgotten about! Thanks to Amazon, Etsy, craft stores, the dollar store, and a little bit of Pinterest, my home will look more inviting and less plain over the next few months. I’m quite excited about this.
Reader poll. As we approach the end of the year, I’m thinking about my goals and the direction for the blog. I’d love to hear from you what topics you’d like me to write about. So if you could take a minute or two to fill out this little poll, I’d appreciate it. I’ll let you guys know the results in two weeks (next Thursday is Thanksgiving and I have one of those “things I’m grateful for” posts planned). You can select up to 3 topics and I’ll chose from the top 5 as to what I’ll be mainly writing about next year.

Coming up tomorrow: Friday Favorites. See you then!

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Random Thursday: Podcasts, candles, and questions

November 13, 2014 by Jana 18 Comments

This has turned into quite a strange week. My husband took 2 vacation days and my daughter was off from school for two days and then she was sick yesterday so I kept her home because I refuse to be the mom who sends her sneezy, hacking child to school to spread her vile child germs to other kids and now how the hell is it Thursday? I’m pretty sure I blinked and the week disappeared.

I don’t like when that happens. If I’m going to blackout and lose time, I’d rather there be wine involved.

There was no wine this week.

And now for more random thoughts (brought to you this week by the letter D as in Dimetap, our medication of choice for a sick child):

- My little sister’s birthday is on Monday. She’s going to be 27. I remember being 27 even though it was 10 years ago. She’s not allowed to be 27 because that means I’m old.
- Deciding to do NaNo this year was a big mistake. Huge. I’m so far behind and have to write a ridiculous amount of words to catch up. I’ve basically accepted the fact that I’m not winning this year. On the plus side, at least I have a terrible first draft of a book.

I finally downloaded that podcast, Serial, and I haven’t been able to listen to it yet. It’s making me crazy! It’s such a unique and creative idea and the thought of listening to something like that makes me feel like I’m in the 1930s waiting for my weekly radio program. And that’s so freaking cool.
Do you italicize or put quotation marks around podcast titles?
Speaking of podcasts, I have Big News!!! I’m co-hosting a podcast! We’re aiming to launch it in January. I’m so excited even if I have a terrible shrill voice that someone once to me reminds him of Wendy the Snapple Lady and will probably make some people hate me instantly but I don’t care because hosting a podcast is super fun!
Have you guys been watching Red Band Society or Gracepoint? Please tell me if you are. If not, you need to get on them immediately because wow, are they fantastic shows.

The other night, I lit a candle in my living room and I think neither my husband nor I remembered to blow it out before we went to bed because I know I didn’t and he said he didn’t but the candle was out in the morning. This confuses and frightens me on so many levels.
I need a new fall/winter nail polish color, preferably on the pink spectrum. Any suggestions?
Remember all those goals I outlined for the November Choose Your Own Adventure challenge? I have completed approximately zero of them. I’m starting to get nervous that I won’t do anything and have a failure month again. I did make an effort last weekend but the dollar store did not have the supplies I needed and I didn’t have the time to go anywhere else. I’m annoyed because organizing the homework station is as close to a Pinterest worthy DIY project I will ever get.
I’ve had Rage Against the Machine’s “Killing in the Name Of” stuck in my head for weeks but I know a lot of you guys read this at work and it’s maybe not the most appropriate song for a professional environment so instead, I leave you with this picture:

See you tomorrow for Friday Favorites!

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School pick-up line musings

November 12, 2014 by Jana 33 Comments

Full credit for this post idea goes to the post I read yesterday on Scary Mommy. You can read the original here (it’s pretty funny).

My child is scared of the school bus.

Not in any rational way but in a full blown “I will not take it and I will throw a fit if you even bring it up” way. I sort of blame myself because for kindergarten, due to taking advantage of school choice, I had to drive her. Then we moved and she was too nervous to take the bus without knowing anyone and we live literally 6 minutes from the school and what else do have to do with my day so I drove her for first grade.

She got spoiled.

I can work with spoiled.

And then there were all the bus accidents and the full blown fear was born.

I can’t work with fear.

And now, unless it’s for a field trip which allows for no other means of transportation , the child will not ride the bus (although we are currently in negotiations for her riding the bus one way. Next year. For third grade).

Which means I am relegated to another 7 or so months of school pickup line hell.

And in case you’re wondering, and I know you are, here’s a smattering of what goes through my head each and every day as I sit in that long, slow moving line (twice a day, every day):

In the morning:

Good Lord, this is a long line. How many people missed this bus this morning?

Why is that kid getting out of the car into oncoming traffic?

Why is that car parked in the middle of the line?

Hey, I remember that teacher from last year! I should wave. Better not. He doesn’t look like a morning person.

I should go get tea from Starbucks. Oh, wait. I left my wallet at home. Now I have to drink my crappy homemade tea again.

Where are all the other kids? Are we that late? We can’t be. There are approximately 880707 cars behind me.

What time does school start? I should really write that down.

Next year, this child is definitely taking the bus. This is a pain in the ass. Who am I kidding? She’ll probably wind up missing it and I’ll have to drive her anyway.

In the afternoon

I’m here 10 minutes early. How are there that many cars in front of me? How early do they get here?

Well, at least I’ll get in some reading.

(Two pages later) Reading isn’t working. I’m too distracted.

I should respond to blog comments. I’m terrible at that. I’ll be so productive and take charge of my time! This is something I should do every day while I’m waiting.

Damn it, there’s no reception here. I hate living in the sticks.

It makes no sense that Spotify works and my WordPress app doesn’t. I should try it again. (tries 16 times) Sonofabitch! Why is it still not working?!

Sonofabitch! She never says that! What About Bob? is a great movie. I need to watch it again soon.

Oh, hey look! Other people bring their dogs with them!

I bet their dogs are well behaved and they don’t have one who compulsively licks the car door.

Are there doggie psychologists? Dobie needs one. I should look into that.

Holy crap, Barkley has bad breath!

Wow, I look terrible without makeup. And really tired. I need to take more naps.

Hey, that’s a funny car sticker! How can I subtly take a picture of it and post it to Instagram?

An awful lot of cars around here have stick figure families. I don’t know how I feel about that.

I think I’d like to make (fill in the blank) for dinner tonight.

Crap. I don’t have one of the main ingredients. I guess I’ll run to the supermarket to pick it up.

Oh, wait. I left my wallet at home. My family won’t notice if I leave it out.

Why is that parent out of the car? Is there something I should be concerned about?

Nope. She’s just going to talk with her friend.

I don’t know either of them. That’s odd.

No. It’s not. I barely leave my house. This is my outing for the day.

I need to get out more.

Why is it taking so long for the teacher to come around with the signout clipboard?

Why am I the only parent who signs her whole name? I need to practice writing my initials so they look cool. I need cool initial signatures for when I’m famous.

I think I’d like to be John Green famous. Not famous-famous.

Where is my child? Oh, there she is! Why is she wearing less clothes than I sent her to school with? Where did they go?

Who is she talking to? I don’t know that kid. I should ask my daughter but she probably doesn’t know either. She’ll talk to anyone. She’s like her father. I’m 96% certain this worries me.

Why is this line moving so slowly? I’d really like to get my daughter and go home.

Oh, thank G-d she sees me and is making her way over here.

I hope she doesn’t fall while she’s running. I don’t have any more band aids.

I should get a first aid kit for the car. That’d be a smart, proactive choice.

I really need to get Barkley a breath mint.

Hallelujah, she’s here, she’s buckled, and there are no cars in my way.

FREEDOM!!!!

This child is totally taking the bus next year.

Except who am I kidding. No she’s not.

Linking up with Liz

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Thursday randomness: Jamberry, Meghan Trainor, and more

November 6, 2014 by Jana 28 Comments

I wanted to have a well thought out, useful post for you guys today. That dream died when I realized just how many pictures I needed for the post that of course I didn’t have since it involves food and I’m the worst at taking pictures of my food because I’m too focused on wanting to eat than remembering to take pictures. So maybe we’ll table that for next week.

Instead, you get another round of random Thursday brain dump.

You’re welcome.

I have a cold. Again. Second one in a month. I’m pretty sure this isn’t fair and I’m really tired of sneezing and blowing my nose.
I have more blog post ideas than I can keep track of but I’m hesitant to share some of them because sharing my weight loss stuff and book writing process makes me nervous because that’s just so personal. (You’re probably thinking that this sounds insane since I share all about my depression but for some reason, that’s not as sensitive of a topic).
To know me is to know that pop music makes me queasy. But damn you, Taylor Swift and Meghan Trainor for making me not only enjoy but like some of it. And then Meghan went and sang with Jimmy Fallon and she’s just too adorable for words.

- I need to ramp up my work on the blog’s Facebook page (have you liked it yet? Go ahead. I’ll wait) but I keep not doing it. I don’t know why. Am I lazy? Am I forgetful? Do I not care enough? Probably a little bit of everything.
- Sons of Anarchy is killing me. It’s a hell of a final season. And this past week’s episode? STUNNED. I’m not giving any spoilers but if you’re watching it, please let me know so we can discuss.
- Working through NaNoWriMo this month is making me realize two things: I’m not nearly as disciplined as I need to be and I really need people to read my book when I’m done so I can get feedback for editing. But I’m too afraid to ask people to read it because I fear their comments. #ihaveproblems
- Jamberry, yes or no? I haven’t bought any, ever, and I feel like everyone’s all
- I have approximately zero Christmas and Hanukkah shopping done. My daughter’s birthday is in December and I always wind up focusing on that instead and the holidays always fall by the wayside which leaves me scrambling. It’s starting to stress me out.
- On voting: First, it bothers me that I don’t get a sticker when I vote. I mean, I’d do it anyway, and on Tuesday I drove 30 minutes to vote because I still haven’t changed my address on my license and couldn’t vote in my area, but damn it, I want a sticker like everyone else gets. Get your shit together, Delaware. Second, I find it a bit annoying when people don’t vote because a) it’s not that hard; b) it’s not that time consuming if you don’t have to drive out of your way; and c) for so long, so many people couldn’t vote. Why wouldn’t you exercise your right now that you can? Voting and jury duty are a few of the primary ways normal citizens, non-politicians and lawyers, can participate in our democratic process. I get that they’re an inconvenience but seriously, don’t complain about our government and our justice system if you do nothing to try to make them better. /rant
- There are so many pretty things I want from Etsy. People are so creative and I love the idea of supporting small businesses than buying more crap from big box stores.
- “What am I, your fucking sandwich welfare? I think you should establish a good line of credit”. This is probably my favorite scene from Good Will Hunting (which is back on Netflix, by the way. Hooray!)

Thanks for sticking around! See you tomorrow for Friday Favorites!

Linking up for Stuff and Things

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Random thoughts from a new(ish) cheer mom

Thursday things and stuff

Random Thursday: Podcasts, candles, and questions

School pick-up line musings

Thursday randomness: Jamberry, Meghan Trainor, and more

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