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4 reasons it’s okay to let your kid cheer

November 10, 2014 by Jana 33 Comments

This entry is part 1 of 3 in the series Cheer Mom

I’ve been wanting to do a new series on here for awhile and I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about but then a friend asked about a cheer mom series and I thought sure, why not? I am a cheer mom. I can talk about it. And being behind the scenes, I can probably shed some light on a few parts of cheer most people are skeptical about, or might not know about (or even care to know about). But if you have a daughter, she might want to cheer some day. And before you say no, please read through this series. It might change your mind.

cheer mom button

If you asked me, when I was pregnant, what kind of “sport mom” I’d be, I’d say something like soccer mom or softball mom or dance mom. But cheer mom? No way in hell. It’s not something I ever imagined. I was never a cheerleader myself. I never had any desire to be one.  I never talked to my daughter about it. So when we had the “what activity would you like to do” discussion, and she said cheerleading, we were floored. STUNNED. The questions (“really? Are you sure?” and privately to each other “Why us?”) started. But she was adamant so we signed her up.

Two years later, she’s still going at it. With no signs of stopping.

Despite our initial trepidation, we’re glad she cheers (even with the early Sunday mornings for competitions) and here’s why I think you need to consider letting your kid cheer (even if your initial reaction is similar to ours):

This ecard makes me rage.
  • It’s not about you. It’s about your kid. Not allowing your kid to cheer because you hate cheerleading or you buy into all the stereotypes about it is, to me, ridiculous. And this is coming from someone who repeatedly said to her daughter “are you sure cheer is what you want” before I registered her and paid for it. As parents, we have a responsibility to our kids to let them make their own choices. If we prevent them from making some choices that are essentially harmless, like joining a cheer squad, we take some of that autonomy away from them (we’ll discuss options for cheer and affording it in another post). Sometimes we have to let them choose what they want and let them figure out if it’s the right choice for them.
  • They learn skills that transcend the mat. Belonging to a cheer squad, like any team, teaches kids skills like responsibility, teamwork, problem solving, time management, and self-confidence. These skills help them in school, in social situations, and even at home. Take my daughter, for example. Before she started cheering, she was painfully shy. She wouldn’t talk to anyone she didn’t know; she wouldn’t even order for herself in restaurants. When we moved between her kindergarten and first grade years, we were scared–TERRIFIED–that she wouldn’t make new friends. But, thanks to joining her squad, she did. Not only that, new people don’t consistently freak her out. She’s more outgoing, and the self-confidence she’s gained from performing has made her more comfortable in new situations. And she’s learning to balance the responsibilities of practice and school.

cheer quote

  • It’s great exercise. Make no mistake about it. Cheerleading, especially competitive cheerleading, is physically challenging. These girls work hard. They sweat. They run. They condition. They lift and throw other children in the air. And they catch them! They put their bodies through workouts that most adults don’t do (and as the girls get older, it gets physically more demanding. Much more demanding). When so many kids don’t get enough exercise, it’s hard not to support a choice that would add anywhere between 4-10 hours per week of activity (my daughter is in the 6 hour range).

cheerleader

  • Your sport does not dictate your personality. It does not dictate how you treat people, how you behave in public, how you perform in school, or anything else. Your kid can be just as much of troublemaker or poor student being on the yearbook staff as they can on the cheer squad. Are some of the stereotypes true? Yep. Do you have the ability to teach your child how not to be the stereotype? Yep. And here’s the kicker in all of this–every group has a stereotype. Every. Single. One. And cheerleaders don’t exactly have a great reputation. But if you’re raising your kid to be respectful, to work hard, and to be kind, then that’s how she’ll be remembered. The cheerleader label will simply be another adjective.

Speaking as a very reluctant cheer mom, and one who still doesn’t always buy into the glitter, bling, and pep, I maintain that your kid wanting to cheer isn’t the worst thing in the world. There’s a lot they stand to gain by joining a squad, and you’ll get a heck of an education.

Trust me on that last one.

Alright. So now that I’ve convinced you that being a cheerleader is not that worst thing that can happen to your daughter (or you), let’s take a peek at what else we’ll be covering in this series:

Week 2: What to expect as a cheer mom

Week 3: Cheer expenses

Week 4: Things people will say to you (and how to handle them)

Week 5: Competition Day: How to survive it

Week 6: Topic TBD

 

 

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Filed Under: Family Tagged With: cheer, parenting

Redefining Mother of the Year

October 20, 2014 by Jana 13 Comments

I’ve said this before but it bears repeating: I’m 98% confident I’ll never win mother of the year.

I’ve covered a bunch of those reasons why in other posts (you can read those here and here and here), and if I had to add anything to those, it’d be that I’m too lazy and possibly unmotivated to work on the ridiculously high expectations that are put on mothers and because of that, I’ll never work my way onto the nominations list unless I get a whole lot of write in votes or maybe they change the nomination process to allow for mediocrity in which case, I’m all for that and it’s probably my only hope.

But the chance of that happening is pretty unlikely. Which is fine because if I were to win, it definitely would lower the bar for future winners and maybe ruin the award but then maybe even more people would have an opportunity so maybe it’s a good thing.

So let’s start a campaign. Jana for Mother of the Year. I’m filling campaign manager positions if you’re looking for something to do. The pay is low and I can’t provide benefits but I have a whole package of Mr. Sketch scented markers for you to use for my campaign posters and that’s way better than money.

Kidding aside, the thing that gets to me about this whole mother of the year mindset is that I don’t really know who qualifies.

I mean, sure, there are candidates. The moms who seem to have it all together, if their Facebook pages and blogs are truly indicative of their lives. Or celebrities who…well, let’s not get into that right now because it’s a soapbox issue for me. But if I’m being honest, when I see those impossibly perfect women, celebrity or not, with their enviable lives, I can’t help but wondering what they’re hiding. Seriously. There has to be something.

That kind of perfection has to be stressful. How do they cope? Because if I held myself to those ridiculously high standards, I’d develop a dangerously bad habit like a drug addiction or something else equally self-destructive that would put me front and center of an episode of Intervention.

But when I see those women, I do find myself wondering how they do manage to do everything and do it perfectly and look good while they do it, too. If I had half that drive and dedication to…well, anything, I’d be unstoppable. But I get distracted by Netflix or a good book or napping so I’ve got a long way to go.

However.

I’ve learned, from my interactions with many different kinds of mothers, that, like so many other things, it’s all about perspective. To some women, the fact that I bake my daughter’s birthday cake or cupcakes every year, the fact that we plan family activities, the fact that I volunteer every so often with her class or cheer squad, the fact that I have hobbies, the fact that I cook most nights, and the fact that I sometimes eek out a creative craft or two means that I am one of those overachieving moms. The mom who would win mother of the year.

Which I find hilarious because if you know me, you know to never put “Jana” and “overachiever” in the same sentence. You’d be more likely to to put “barely has her shit together” and “what the hell is she doing” in the same sentence.

But it leads to me to this.

perfect mother

Our measuring stick for what qualifies as a good parent or Mother Of The Year or whatever you want to call it needs to change. Because good parenting lives in the mundane. It lives in the small moments that we don’t share on Facebook or Instagram.

It lives when a mother gets up early on a Saturday to take her child to see a sunrise simply because the child wants to.

It lives when a mother does everything she can to make sure her kids know every day how much she loves them, even when she fights her own demons just to get out of bed.

It lives when a mother walks out of work every day, forgets about work, and focuses on herself and her family.

It lives when a mother attends recitals, games, and concerts because she knows that just showing up means everything to her kids.

It lives when a mother learns from her mistakes and works her ass off to do better the next time.

Being a good parent has absolutely nothing to do with how clean your house is, how delicious your chocolate chip cookies are, how many Pinterest worthy crafts you complete, or how many coordinated outfits you can plan for your family portraits. It has everything to do with how you treat your children, what you teach your children, the memories you create for your children, and how you make them feel. 

To paraphrase a great friend, it’s in the legacy we leave.

So, remember, no matter how bad of a parent you think you are because you’re not measuring up to ridiculous, arbitrary standards, you’re not.

You are a good parent.

We’re all parents of the year.

Because we’re doing the best we can.

And that’s the best thing we can give to our kids.

P.S. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a better parent. But don’t stress yourself out if you don’t live up to all of those “10 habits of perfectly happy moms” and “120 ways to be a more a patient mother” posts. Take away from them what you need to and move on. No one will ever be all of those. It’s impossible. And if someone tells you she is, she’s a fucking liar.

 

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Filed Under: Family Tagged With: opinions, parenting

A note home to parents

September 19, 2014 by Jana 18 Comments

This is a guest post from my college friend Steph. She’s guest posted here before and I am stoked to have her back because she’s always terrific. This post of hers is especially fantastic and I hope you enjoy it! And even though I am a parent, I agree with every single sentiment she shares. 

Hello Jana Says readers! I’m Steph and you can normally find me over at Life According to Steph blogging about cooking, books, my three pugs, things that annoy me, hausfrauing, my card of a husband, and life in general live from Philadelphia. Jana and I go way back to freshman year of college at the University of Delaware (for those counting, that’s 19 years ago this month) and reconnected on the facebook. We were delighted to find out we had a common interest in blogging as adults, and I’m thankful for Jana sharing her space while she’s in New Orleans.

Jana has recently killed it with some parenting posts that I’ve really appreciated even as someone without children, specifically Promises to my Friends Without Kids. I shared it and it resonated with a lot of people, both those with kids and without. Even though I’m not a fan of open ended letters, I thought a note to those that are parents from someone who is not would be a good companion to that post.

1. It’s okay to talk to me about your kids. More than okay. Assuming they’re not assholes (and I really hope they’re not), I probably enjoy them and want to hear about what’s going on with them both to be up to speed with them and with you.

2. That being said, I don’t want to only talk about your kids, and you shouldn’t either. Your kids are their own people. You are your own person. You’re connected like nothing else, but also still an individual. Don’t project yourself onto them. Your role of mom or dad is not the only thing you are – you are also a daughter/son, sibling, friend, maybe an employee…an individual. It’s important to show your kids that you take care of yourself and that you matter – your time, hobbies, work, thoughts, and feelings outside of them matter. It teaches your kids not to shove themselves aside for the good of others all the time. It teaches them that you can have children, a marriage, any relationship with others and still retain a sense of self. That will serve them well in life, and you too.

3. Don’t worry about your kids when they come to my house. I know they’re kids, and I have dogs. They’ve crapped the place up enough, I’m used to it. However if they make a crazy mess, I’d love it if you helped me clean it up.

4. For the love, please do not let your kids run around restaurants. It makes me die inside.

5. If you have a party for your kid at your house, I’d love to come. Please don’t be offended when I do not attend a party at The Rat House. Chuck E. Cheese is not my scene.

6. Don’t be a competitive asshole with other parents or compare your kids to other kids. First of all, whatever your kid achieves, it is their achievement. Not yours. I hope you’re proud of them for what they do but recognize that it’s their doing. Secondly, all kids are different and that’s okay. That’s great actually. We all do things in our own time. We’re not all good at the same things. Encourage your kid to find something they love and let the rest happen.

7. Even if you don’t like to read, try to encourage it in your kids. Reading opens minds and works imagination like nothing else in life. If you don’t want to read with your kids, Aunt Steph would love to!reading quote

8. Don’t assume everyone wants to or is able to have kids. Kids are a huge life decision, having children isn’t a given and it’s not something you should do because you feel like it’s what society expects. If someone doesn’t have kids, don’t ask them about it. If they want to bring it up, they will. You shouldn’t be asking about other people’s reproductive plans anyway. It’s rude.

9. While I haven’t raised a child, I might have a perspective that could be valuable to you. And I definitely have opinions on parenting that will come out in conversation. I’m allowed to have those even though I haven’t done it. I have an opinion on being the President too and I’ve never done that either. Don’t treat me like less or judge me because I don’t have a kid and you do. I don’t like you less or judge you because you have a kid and I don’t.

10. We shouldn’t let the fact that one of us is a parent and one isn’t color our relationship. All kids grow up and we’ll still be here staring at each other with our teeth in our mouths, so we should appreciate what we have in each other, embrace our similarities and respect our differences.

Any thoughts to add?

 

 

 

SMD
Life According to Steph / Facebook / Twitter / Instagram

 

Filed Under: Family, Life Tagged With: Bloggers, parenting

Before and after babies: A future’s parent’s perspective

September 17, 2014 by Jana 22 Comments

This is a guest post from my friend Kristen who is hilarious and smart and she’s originally from Australia and her posts about living there are some of my favorite to read. They make me feel cultured and in the know, which will come in handy when I visit there one day. Also, her use of gifs is truly an art form, which you’ll see in just a bit.
 
Hi everyone! First I want to thank the lovely, gorgeous and fabulous
Jana for having me at her place today, I’m Kristen and I blog about a whole lot
of nothing over at See You In A Porridge. I love reading Jana’s blog because she writes so well, she’s honest and hilarious. Also because she comes across as exactly the way that I want to be as a parent – one day.
 
Since I am not there yet, I thought I would share some things I like about my life before vs after babies. 
 
Before babies:
 
Me time. Everyone needs some time to chillax, be by themselves and do
their own thing. I love that time.
 
 
Travel. Because travelling with kids blows, right? I can do all sorts of
crazy and adventurous things without kids.
 
 
 
Naps. Need I say more?
 
 
 
Eat out whenever I want. Cause I got money to burn, yo. And I don’t have
to worry about what I’m putting into my body because no-one else is getting
nutrients from it.
 
 
 
Have a spotless house. Because I have all the time in the world.
 
 
 
Continue being my impatient, selfish self. I don’t have to
take care of anyone! I don’t need anyone to take care of me!
 
 
 
Love my cats more than most humans. What can I say, they are really
adorable and amazing kitties.
 
 
Be totally awesome.
 
 
 
After babies:
 
Me time. Babies start taking care of themselves after a few months, right?
 
 
 
 
Travel. Ah, who I am I kidding, I’m not crazy and adventurous, though I do love
to travel. And I will continue to do so, just pop the baby in the suitcase, no
dramas.
 
 
 
Naps. Babies take naps, right? Easy peasy.
 
 
 
Eat out whenever I want. Because it always tastes better when someone
else cooks it. And why not waste money, right?
 
 
Have a spotless house. Again with the time, what else do I have to do?
 
 
 
Continue being my impatient, selfish self. If I can take care
of myself, I can totally take care of a kid.
 
 
Love my cats more than most humans. Um, calm down I didn’t say more than my baby. But seriously, my cats
take up a lot of my heart and time, and they are more fun than real people.
 
 
 
Be totally awesome. Like supermom.
 
 
 
Ok, so most of this was a little tongue in cheek and I’m not trying to
imply that my life won’t change, or that I know I will be ‘so different’ and I
know what kind of parent I’ll be, because you really what do  know, anyway. I can only hope I’ll be as awesome as Jana! (Jana’s note: she will be! I don’t set that high of a standard). 
 
Linking up with Liz and Kathy:
 
 
Vodka and Soda
The Hump Day Blog Hop

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: Bloggers, parenting

Confession: I’m not supermom

August 27, 2014 by Jana 28 Comments

This post was supposed to go live on Monday but life got in the way. Better late than never, I suppose.

The last few weeks I’ve done some parenting confessions and this week is no exception. I didn’t think I had so much to confess as a parent but clearly I do so we’ll keep this train rolling until it falls off the tracks.

This week, I confess that I stopped trying to be supermom. As in, I don’t even try anymore. I turned in my cape and shield. And I’ve never been happier.

supermom

When my daughter was born, I had this notion in my head that I’d be the mom I’d been brainwashed to believe that I should be. I’d lose all the baby weight really quickly (ha! That’s a cruel ass joke. We’ll be diving into my weight issues in the next few weeks), I’d always look put together, my house would look Pinterest worthy (or whatever it was called in 2007, right after my daughter was born), I’d cook healthy meals, I’d be the classroom volunteer, and I’d be able to balance everything. My kid would always look supercute, I’d be organized, and I’d do all these fun crafts and projects and I’d look like the type of mom you read about on all those “I’m a perfect mom and you wish you were like me” blogs.

Which was insane of me to think. I am not that put together. If I got 2 of those done on any given day, I succeeded. But I had put so much pressure on myself to be the perfect mom that it led to some not so healthy behaviors, both physically and mentally. I’d beat myself up daily that the house was a disaster or I forgot to do laundry (again) or we had to get takeout (again) or I was a hot mess when I left the house. And we won’t even get into the mommy guilt about putting my daughter in daycare.

Actually, yes. We will.

>>>steps on soapbox<<< My daughter was a daycare kid. I had to work because the income I was earning far exceeded the cost of putting her in daycare. My family needed that money to, you know, eat and survive, and so I worked. I felt guilty for awhile, mostly as a result of people trying to make me feel like shit about it. Then I realized they didn’t live my life and if they weren’t willing to pay my mortgage and other bills, then they had no business spewing their opinions at me. Also, I LIKED WORKING. I liked earning my own paycheck and not relying on someone else and getting out of the house and engaging with other adults and using my working brain to be something other than someone’s mother. So I let that guilt go. And if you’re in that situation, you need to let it go, too. No one has any business telling you what is best for your family. If they try, politely tell them to shut the fuck up. >>>steps of soapbox<<<

I think letting the mommy guilt about daycare go was the first step in realizing I’ll never be supermom. I was never going to be the mom that devoted her entire life and existence to her kid. And I was actually okay with that. And becoming okay with that meant that I could come to terms with my other perceived shortcomings.

Accepting my shortcomings as a parent actually made me a better parent. Because now, instead of focusing my energy on the unimportant things, I could focus on the important ones. For instance, I stopped worrying about whether or not my daughter looked cute and trendy all the time. There were, and are, some days when as long as her clothes are clean and free from holes, I don’t care what she wears. So I confess my child will never be a fashionista or catalog model on my watch.  But her clothes fit and are seasonally appropriate and I keep them in good enough condition to pass them on to others.

Here’s another mommy point to deduct–I have no interest in being part of the PTA. As in, I genuinely don’t care and will not join. It would just frustrate me and take time away from everything else that is exponentially better than joining the PTA. I don’t feel the need to be that involved with her school, and by opting out of that commitment, I have time to help with homework or volunteer when I feel like it instead of being obligated. I can enjoy her little concerts instead of working them and I can preserve my friendships by not harassing people for money.

I know it’s trendy to do so because clearly the more you share, the more you love your kid, but I do not overshare my kid’s life on social media. I know “good moms” post every little mundane detail about a kid’s life on Facebook or Instagram or whatever, and I do share the big stuff like losing a tooth or the first day of school or the training wheels coming off her bike, but the every day stuff? Nope. I don’t need to share every picture of her being cute or every snarky, crazy comment that comes out of her mouth. There are moments I like to keep for myself. Call me selfish, call me private, say I don’t love her enough to brag about her all the time. Doesn’t matter to me. Her life doesn’t need to play out on social media.

And we already know I’ve given up on having a perfectly clean house. My interior decorating skills are shit, my crafting skills are minimal at best, and I have really given up trying to look at all decent on a daily basis. I figure as long as I get a shower every day, I’ve won. When you take all of this into consideration, not a super mommy do I make.

I’m sure I do some things that people perceive as overachieving. I like to make cute food crafts for her on special occasions. I bake and decorate her birthday cake or cupcakes every year. I plan semi-elaborate birthday parties (her birthday is in December and I refuse to let it get lost in the shuffle of Christmas and Hanukkah). I have her places on time. I remember and stick to commitments (and please don’t give me this “oh, you only have one. It’s so much easier for you” nonsense. My parents had 3 of us and I learned this behavior from somewhere). I cook dinner most nights and I pack her lunch every day. But I don’t consider most of this overachieving. I consider it being a responsible adult.

We can discuss that if you’d like.

Here’s the thing.  I know I’m a good mom. I don’t need to live a Pinterest ready or be an overachiever in order to prove it. And neither do you. We’re all just trying to do the best we can. So if you need to hang up your supermom cape, go ahead.

I’ll clear a space for you.

 

 

Linking up with Kathy and Liz

Vodka and Soda
The Hump Day Blog Hop

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Filed Under: Family Tagged With: confessions, linkups, parenting

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Jana

I'm Jana ...

A book reading, nail polish wearing, binge watching, music loving, dog owning, reluctant cheer mom.
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