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This week in…:Volume 5

February 27, 2015 by Jana 13 Comments

this week

This week in job hunting…I found a job that would be perfect for me. As in, if I had to pick a dream job that isn’t writing novels, it would be this job. Please cross your fingers that they like me and want to hire me. I need to go back to work. I want to go back to work.

This week in TV watching…Au revoir, Parks and Rec. I will miss you so, so much. But I am excited for that new show American Crime. It’s definitely my kind of criminal justice nerd show and it has Regina King in it. I love her.

This week in reading…I finished Caroline Kepnes’s You. Hands down the most fucked up book I have ever read and I couldn’t pick up another book for the rest of the day once I finished it. Which is probably why An Abundance of Katherines, by my beloved John Green, is not quite doing it for me. It’s too…I don’t know, light, maybe? to read after such an intense book. I mean, it should be a nice balance to You but if it doesn’t grab me in the next 50 pages or so, it’s going to have to go. Especially with The Girl on the Train beckoning me.

This week in being a cheer mom…someone found my blog by Googling the term “I hate having time and money so my daughter cheers” and holy hell, if that isn’t true. I won’t rant about my daughter’s insane practice schedule or the 4:00 AM wake up calls for competitions if we don’t spend the night in a hotel or the money that disappears from our checking account on a regular basis or anything like that because at least the child is happy and active, right? RIGHT?!

This week in cooking…since my normal Sunday food prep has been hijacked by cheerleading, I’ve been trying to do some throughout the week and hope it lasts. Yesterday, I made low carb egg muffins. Guys! So good. I need to tweak the recipe a bit before I share the whole thing but let’s say it involves onions, spinach, and pepper jack cheese. Just delicious.

This week in supporting others…My good friend Tonya is a terrific blogger, aspiring ukulele player, and a video editor. As part of her blog, Budget and the Beach, she launched Budget and the Beach TV where she writes, directs, stars in, edits, and produces videos. They’re fantastic and creative but they’re expensive to do and she’s launched a crowdfunding campaign to help her make them. Now, if you know me, you know I cannot stand the constant barrage of funding requests and crowdfunding so this is a departure from basically everything I believe in but I love Tonya and she’s awesome and I want to help her.

This week in supporting others, part 2…Did you guys read Kay’s post on wearing dreadlocks? No? Then you need to. And when you’re done, share it with everyone you know. She makes such an important statement that needs to be heard.

This week in making me laugh…funny-Kermit-dissection-children-sectionbingotherapist

 

Have a great weekend, everyone! Hope you all have something fun or relaxing planned!

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Life, Money Tagged With: Bloggers, books, Entertainment, lists, parenting, this week in

Despite what you think, you’re a good mom

January 28, 2015 by Jana 28 Comments

Last week, I was standing in my front yard with my dogs when our neighbor’s dog wandered over to us. It was cold and I didn’t know how long she’d been outside so I picked her up (she knows me. We dogsit for her) and brought her home. Because it was only two houses down and I had no intention of going inside for a visit, I left the child inside, by herself for the whole 5 minutes I was gone. While talking to my neighbor, I let him know that the child was home by herself and I needed get back and also that “I’m a terrible mother for leaving her alone”.

That last comment has stuck with me since then.

Because the truth of it is, I’m not a terrible mother.

And neither are you.

Despite what all the blogs and Pinterest and news stories and Facebook groups would have you believe.

Motherhood has become this horrible competition filled with unattainable, arbitrary standards that leave even the most seemingly perfect mother filled with anxiety and feelings of inadequacy and also sometimes rage. I suppose there’s always been some sort of competition among mothers, and some animosity between working mothers and stay at home mothers, but with social media (or perhaps just our current societal culture), it’s become an all out war.

It’s ridiculous.

I’m over it.

So I’m going to break some things down for you and clear up some all too common misconceptions we moms believe about ourselves.

  • Whether you use cloth diapers or disposable, you are a good mother. 
  • Whether you cook from scratch every night or feed your kids takeout, you are a good mother. 
  • Whether your kids go to public school or private school or are homeschooled, you are a good mother. 
  • Whether you bottle fed or breast fed, you are a good mother.
  • Whether you have a Pinterest worthy home or it’s in desperate need of a cleaning, you are a good mother. 
  • Whether you bake and do crafts and have endless ways to keep your children occupied or you let them watch TV, you are a good mother.
  • Whether you have 10 kids or 1, you are a good mother.
  • Whether you work part-time, full-time, have a nanny or stay home, you are a good mother. 
  • Whether you lost the baby weight immediately or you’ve hung on to a few extra pounds, you are a good mother.
  • Whether you look perfectly put together or have worn the same yoga pants for so many days in a row the elastic is starting to give, you are a good mother.
  • Whether you’re strict or laid back, you are a good mother.

I could go on. I won’t because the list would be more extensive than anyone would probably care to read so for the sake of brevity and also making you not hate me, I’ll stop there.

Almost.

Now. With that said, let me break down for you what makes a bad mother so that when you go to think you’re not enough, you can say “hey, self. Remember that list you read on that random blog post that detailed the qualities of a shitty parent? You don’t do that and while you’re frustrated and maybe not the best you can be today, you’re still a damn good mom!”

A bad parent (read: not you) does this:

  • Neglects her children, emotionally, physically, medically, educationally
  • Abuses her children, physically, emotionally
  • Consistently endangers her children’s safety (ex., bringing them on a drug deal)

Do you do any of that? I’m 100% confident you do not.

Which means, contrary to what the internet might tell you, you’re doing just fine as a parent.

Being a mom is so much more than how we look, what we feed our kids, and how beautiful our home is.

Being a mom is about how you make your kids feel.

And if they’re happy (most of the time because let’s face it, kids can be moody little shits), you’re doing just fine.

So give yourself a big hug and a Stuart Smalley affirmation and tell yourself you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and damn it, you’re a good mother. Hell, you’re a great mother. The best one your kids have got.

 

 

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Filed Under: Family Tagged With: opinions, parenting, rants

Friday favorites: Child’s birthday edition

December 12, 2014 by Jana 8 Comments

We have a special guest poster today. She’s not a blogger, although she has posted before and she often makes an appearance in my posts because without her, my source material drops by about 50%. She’s also lucky she’s cute because if she wasn’t, there’s no way I’d endure the endless drives to cheer practice, the endless loop of Nickelodeon shows, and the constant barrage of questions at inconvenient times.

Then again, I probably would because she’s my daughter and I love her and I really don’t know how I got so lucky to have such a great kid.

Having a kid with a birthday in December presents a whole host of challenges. Some of them are financial (I once talked about how we deal with that, although I probably should go back and update that post); some of them are logistic. It’s hard to organize a party in the middle of everyone’s holiday plans and it’s even more difficult to get people to remember her birthday is a completely separate entity from Hanukkah and Christmas. Given all of that, we make sure we do everything we possibly can to let her know her birthday is important to us and on that day (which, this year, falls on 12/13/14 and she thinks that is just the coolest thing ever), we make it all about her, even if it intersects with Hanukkah (which, this year, it does not. Last year, either. So that’s been nice). 

As part of that, I’m letting her share with you some of her favorites rather than me droning on for another week. FYI: she thought my additions were hysterical and had a phenomenal time reading the sentence that has the word “shit” in it repeatedly.

Favorite part of December

Erica says: My birthday!!!

Jana says: I was glad when she was born, too. Mostly because being pregnant sucked. But the end result was pretty good.

Favorite birthday present

Erica says: My American Girl doll!

Jana says: No shit. It’s all she’s talked about for the last two months.

Favorite family birthday tradition

Erica says: Getting to choose everything!

Jana says: I regret the day we instituted this as a family birthday rule. Although her taste is getting slightly better. And pizza is delicious.

Favorite part of Hanukkah

Erica says: Getting the gifts!

Jana says: That’s my favorite part, too. Lighting the candles is merely an exercise in how not to set myself on fire; the symbolic and tradition part of it has become secondary.

Favorite Christmas food

Erica says: Turkey!

Jana says: There’s cookies, fudge, candy canes, hot chocolate, and all kinds of stuff filled with sugar. And my child picks turkey? What the hell? How have I failed so badly?

Favorite Christmas movie

Erica says: Charlie Brown Christmas.

Jana says: She should have responded with “A Muppet Christmas Carol”. I clearly have work to do. I blame my husband for this response.

Favorite family Christmas tradition

Erica says: Baking stuff for Santa.

Jana says: It is fun. I’ll agree with her on that one.

Favorite part of Christmas break

Erica says: Not having to get up early!

Jana says: That’s nice, as is not having to pack lunch every day. Or snack. Or remembering to fill a water bottle. Or even getting dressed.

I’m going to end this post by sharing a few pictures of the child. They have been approved and endorsed by her.

Erica collage

Thanks for hanging out with my daughter today! She’s glad you stopped by so you could learn a little bit about her. She wants you to have a great weekend and come back and visit her mommy on Monday.

 

 

Linking up with AmandaFriday Favorites

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Filed Under: Family, Life Tagged With: birthdays, favorites, holidays, parenting

Saving money on cheer gear

November 17, 2014 by Jana 21 Comments

This entry is part 2 of 3 in the series Cheer Mom

This is part 2 in my cheer mom series. Make sure you catch up by reading part 1–why it’s okay to let your kid cheer.cheer mom button

There’s no easy way to say this, and I’m sorry in advance to those of you who thought that maybe I’d say something different. But if your child is interested in cheerleading, there’s one completely unavoidable fact.

It is expensive.

I don’t know that’s it’s necessarily more expensive than sports like gymnastics or hockey or ice skating or dance, but cheer, especially competitive cheer, can come with a hefty price tag.

Sorry.

I wish I had better news.

The main items you can expect to pay for:

  • Registration fees
  • Uniform
  • Cheer shoes, bow, accessories, makeup, socks
  • Practice gear (some squads require a practice uniform, some do not so this might not apply to you)
  • Hair accessories–curlers or curling iron (some people buy “cheer hair” instead and it makes me a little sad to write that sentence because I want to pretend that fake cheer hair isn’t a real thing), bobby pins, hairspray (lots and lots of hairspray)
  • Tumbling classes (sometimes it’s optional, sometimes it’s included in the registration fee, sometimes you have to pay for the classes separately)
  • Cheer photos (individual and team)–optional
  • Cheer camp–optional (depends on the squad. Might be required)
  • Hotel fees for away competitions
  • Spectator tickets at competitions

I’m sure there’s a whole bunch of items I’ve forgotten but this gives a pretty good breakdown of common expenses. I’ve purposefully left out prices because they vary wildly from squad to squad, league to league. But a conservative estimate for a 10 month competitive cheer experience is $3000. It might be more. If you do half a year, or your child only cheers for a rec league at football games and there’s no competitions, the cost is significantly less. If your child want to cheer for her school, and only her school, I’d guess it’s in the neighborhood of $1000.

Looking at the itemized list, you’re probably thinking “holy crap, that’s way too many things I need to pay for and I’m going to go broke if my daughter wants to cheer.” I know that because I thought the same thing during my daughter’s first year. And when the bill comes around at the beginning of each season, I still think the same thing. It’s overwhelming.

The good news is that cheer is not entirely cost prohibitive, and there are a few ways you can make the experience more financially manageable for you, your family, and your cheerleader:

Uniform photo found on Omni Cheer
Uniform photo found on Omni Cheer

Budget, part 1. Most squads and leagues, at least in my experience, are upfront about their fees. You can typically find them on the squad’s website and if you can’t, give the contact person a call or send an email asking for that information. So when you’re researching a squad or league to join, look at how much it’ll cost and then look at your monthly budget. See a) if it fits in or b) if you can make some adjustments in other areas to make cheer fit your budget. Looking at your overall financial picture in comparison to the fees will let you know what you can and can’t afford. There are leagues and squads for every budget and, depending on what kind of cheer experience you’re looking for, you should be able to find one that fits what you can afford.

Budget, part 2. Not only do you need to determine how the baseline expenses like uniform and registration fit with your budget, but you also need to account for things like vendors at competitions. Those vendors, especially the ones that sell the bows, are smart marketers and it’s hard not buy a T-shirt for your kid at every competition. But if you have more than one child and you have more than one competition per season, this stuff can add up quickly. Prior to each competition, set a budget limit for these items and bring only that amount of money. Or, instead, tell your kid that you’ll buy stuff at one or two competitions per season. That should be sufficient to satisfy your kid’s desire for competition swag and not kill your budget.

Investigate discount options. I think that title might be misleading but let’s keep going. When you register your child, are there discounts for paying in full on the day of registration or for registering early? If the squad needs to buy new bows, is a percentage taken off the total price for ordering in bulk? Are there coupon codes available for a website that sells cheer shoes or accessories? Can you purchase a used uniform from an older girl who outgrew hers or who quit cheering (note: this only works if the squad doesn’t change uniforms every year)? For items like hairspray and bobby pins, can you get those items at the dollar store or clip coupons for them? If you’re creative, you can find all different methods to cut costs on all non-fixed expenses which helps make the sport more budget friendly.

Participate in fundraisers. Many squads will do fundraisers to offset the costs of travel expenses, registration fees at competitions, new equipment (like mats), or even apply towards the cost of uniforms or tumbling classes. Depending on the type of fundraiser, it can make a big difference. (Confession: I don’t do these since I hate asking people for money and between school fundraisers and cheer fundraisers, I feel like I’d be taking advantage of my family and friends. I’d rather just budget the money and pay out of pocket.)

The only other suggestion I can offer is this: if your child wants to cheer and it is completely outside the realm of financial possibility, talk to the coach or cheer director or league president. There might be scholarships or additional payment plans or some other way they can help you afford it. Most of them are very understanding.

It bears repeating: cheerleading is expensive. But it doesn’t have to make you broke.

Do you have any money saving tips for cheer parents? What did I miss? 

 

 

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Filed Under: Life, Money Tagged With: cheer, finances, parenting

School pick-up line musings

November 12, 2014 by Jana 33 Comments

Full credit for this post idea goes to the post I read yesterday on Scary Mommy. You can read the original here (it’s pretty funny).

My child is scared of the school bus.

Not in any rational way but in a full blown “I will not take it and I will throw a fit if you even bring it up” way. I sort of blame myself because for kindergarten, due to taking advantage of school choice, I had to drive her. Then we moved and she was too nervous to take the bus without knowing anyone and we live literally 6 minutes from the school and what else do have to do with my day so I drove her for first grade.

She got spoiled.

I can work with spoiled.

And then there were all the bus accidents and the full blown fear was born.

I can’t work with fear.

And now, unless it’s for a field trip which allows for no other means of transportation , the child will not ride the bus (although we are currently in negotiations for her riding the bus one way. Next year. For third grade).

Which means I am relegated to another 7 or so months of school pickup line hell.

And in case you’re wondering, and I know you are, here’s a smattering of what goes through my head each and every day as I sit in that long, slow moving line (twice a day, every day):pick up line thinking

In the morning:

Good Lord, this is a long line. How many people missed this bus this morning?

Why is that kid getting out of the car into oncoming traffic?

Why is that car parked in the middle of the line?

Hey, I remember that teacher from last year! I should wave. Better not. He doesn’t look like a morning person.

I should go get tea from Starbucks. Oh, wait. I left my wallet at home. Now I have to drink my crappy homemade tea again.

Where are all the other kids? Are we that late? We can’t be. There are approximately 880707 cars behind me.

What time does school start? I should really write that down.

Next year, this child is definitely taking the bus. This is a pain in the ass. Who am I kidding? She’ll probably wind up missing it and I’ll have to drive her anyway.

In the afternoon

I’m here 10 minutes early. How are there that many cars in front of me? How early do they get here?

Well, at least I’ll get in some reading.

(Two pages later) Reading isn’t working. I’m too distracted.

I should respond to blog comments. I’m terrible at that. I’ll be so productive and take charge of my time! This is something I should do every day while I’m waiting.

Damn it, there’s no reception here. I hate living in the sticks.

It makes no sense that Spotify works and my WordPress app doesn’t. I should try it again. (tries 16 times) Sonofabitch! Why is it still not working?!

Sonofabitch! She never says that! What About Bob? is a great movie. I need to watch it again soon.

Oh, hey look! Other people bring their dogs with them!

I bet their dogs are well behaved and they don’t have one who compulsively licks the car door.

Are there doggie psychologists? Dobie needs one. I should look into that.

Holy crap, Barkley has bad breath!

Wow, I look terrible without makeup. And really tired. I need to take more naps.

Hey, that’s a funny car sticker! How can I subtly take a picture of it and post it to Instagram?

An awful lot of cars around here have stick figure families. I don’t know how I feel about that.

I think I’d like to make (fill in the blank) for dinner tonight.

Crap. I don’t have one of the main ingredients. I guess I’ll run to the supermarket to pick it up.

Oh, wait. I left my wallet at home. My family won’t notice if I leave it out.

Why is that parent out of the car? Is there something I should be concerned about?

Nope. She’s just going to talk with her friend.

I don’t know either of them. That’s odd.

No. It’s not. I barely leave my house. This is my outing for the day.

I need to get out more.

Why is it taking so long for the teacher to come around with the signout clipboard?

Why am I the only parent who signs her whole name? I need to practice writing my initials so they look cool. I need cool initial signatures for when I’m famous.

I think I’d like to be John Green famous. Not famous-famous.

Where is my child? Oh, there she is! Why is she wearing less clothes than I sent her to school with? Where did they go?

Who is she talking to? I don’t know that kid. I should ask my daughter but she probably doesn’t know either. She’ll talk to anyone. She’s like her father. I’m 96% certain this worries me.

Why is this line moving so slowly? I’d really like to get my daughter and go home.

Oh, thank G-d she sees me and is making her way over here.

I hope she doesn’t fall while she’s running. I don’t have any more band aids.

I should get a first aid kit for the car. That’d be a smart, proactive choice.

I really need to get Barkley a breath mint.

Hallelujah, she’s here, she’s buckled, and there are no cars in my way.

FREEDOM!!!!

This child is totally taking the bus next year.

Except who am I kidding. No she’s not.

Linking up with Liz

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Filed Under: Family, Life Tagged With: lists, parenting, random, school

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Jana

I'm Jana ...

A book reading, nail polish wearing, binge watching, music loving, dog owning, reluctant cheer mom.
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