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Pittsburgh, being Jewish, and other things

by Jana 7 Comments

I apologize if this makes no sense. I’ve been trying to process my thoughts about the Pittsburgh shooting since Saturday and this is the best I can do. I know I’ve left out a lot.

Yesterday, on Twitter, I saw a tweet asking for Jewish people to share what they love most about being Jewish*. I thought about answering but the truth is, I can’t. I legit do not know what I love most about it because it’s not something that, to me, is describable. It’s embedded in who I am, and it’s how I react to the world around me. Through the lens of being Jewish.

I mean, it’s not the sum total of me. There are many, many parts that are decidedly un-Jewish (whatever the fuck that means), and I’m probably more a cultural Jew than a religious, observant one, but when faced with things like grief, I find more comfort in my religion’s traditions than anything else.

And grief comprises a large part of my life lately.

This past weekend, as I’m sure you all know, a white supremacist murdered 11 people at a synagogue in Pittsburgh. I didn’t hear or read the news until a few hours after because I’ve been in the trenches with my dog, Barkley, who is having major health issues with not the greatest prognosis. When I finally had the chance to catch up, the horror that happened dominated the headlines. And I couldn’t stop reading.

Which was a curse and a blessing because when I read that the shooter went in screaming that all Jews should die, I lost it. I cried. Hard.

Because part of being Jewish is understanding that people fucking hate you. And if they don’t hate you initially, you fear that they’ll hate you when they find out you’re Jewish (or that’ll be the reason the stop liking you later on). They hate you for how you worship, they hate you because of lies spread by ignorant, hateful people, they hate you simply for existing. They hate you because of ignorance, and they think that casual antisemitism is not only funny but appropriate. We won’t discuss overt antisemitism because that’s a whole different conversation (yeah, you, asshole from Kentucky who dressed his kid as Hitler. I’m looking at you).

I have lost count of the instances of this casual antisemitism I’ve experienced. And it’s not just using the term “Nazi” to describe someone who’s a stickler about things (see: grammar nazi) and not realizing how it cheapens that word or what it invokes to a Jewish person. It’s thinking it’s funny to mispronounce Hebrew words or saying you didn’t realize someone’s Jewish because they “don’t look it” or cracking a terrible joke about saving money.

You learn to brush it aside (well, most of the time. Sometimes you need to be confrontational) with a smile. Just like you learn to accept acts of vandalism on temples or schools in predominately Jewish areas or bomb threats to Jewish Community Centers where people work and kids go to school and senior citizens receive meals and programming. You learn coping mechanisms because people you love work in these places, use these facilities. You thank G-d that at least it wasn’t those while still reeling in horror that it happened. You stand in solidarity with those directly affected.

Because, like it or not, it’s what you’re taught. Whether directly or indirectly, you’re taught fear. Even if you grow up fairly insulated, like I did on Long Island, you’re still fully aware of what goes on elsewhere. I’ll spare you the horror stories passed on to me. But what happened on Saturday is my lifelong paranoia come true.

Saturday was the full realization that hatred plus misinformation equals murder. It was an act of violence, an act of domestic terrorism, and it was a hate crime. Nothing else. To call it anything else demeans what happened.

Now, I know that people of color and other religions experience this as well. This isn’t unique to Jews. Hell, take a look at what else happened this past week alone. Particularly inside a Kroger, where a white supremacist killed two black people ONLY BECAUSE he couldn’t get into his first target–a black church.

Attacking people at their places of worship is so despicable there’s not even a word for it.

Men and women, there for Shabbat services or maybe a bris (I’m not entirely sure who was where), were MURDERED simply because they went to temple that day. They went to worship and celebrate a baby, in the way we believe it should be done. The most sacred of places was violated. Lives were taken.

It’s hard to brush this aside with a polite smile.

In Judaism, we have a tradition of, when you visit someone’s grave, you place a rock on the headstone. It’s to let them know you were there and is also a sign of respect for the deceased. Since I live so far away, I asked my friend Brynne to place a rock at a memorial set up for the victims. Not only did she do that, she placed one for several of our other Jewish friends. I still cry, knowing she did that for us.

I know in the wake of any tragedy like this, people want to help but it’s hard to know how. The only thing I can say is this: do what you can. Place a rock. Attend a vigil. Be aware of casual antisemitism. Donate to a victim’s fund. Pray. Talk about the victims, not the shooter.

Joyce Feinberg, 75

Richard Gottfried, 65

Rose Mallinger, 97

Jerry Rabinowitz, 66

Cecil Rosenthal, 59

David Rosenthal, 54

Bernice Simon, 84

Sylvan Simon, 86

Daniel Stein, 71

Melvin Wax, 88

Irving Younger, 69

Maurice Stallard (Kroger shooting victim)

Vickie Jones (Kroger shooting victim)

May their memory be a blessing.

I hate that this isn’t the first time I’ve written about mass shootings, and I hate even more that it won’t be the last. Not unless we take action. I need my child, any child really, to not be afraid to walk into a temple.

They’re already afraid to walk into school.

P.S. I’ve tried to keep politics out of this post; however, it’s almost impossible. When we have a leader spewing vitriol and lies and inciting violence, people listen. When they see him doing it with no consequence, people act. He can deny his culpability however he wants but we all know it’s true. The state of hatred in this country starts with the head. This head is fucking defective and needs to be voted the fuck out in 2 years, and in the meantime, people who will stand up to him need to be voted in. We need to fix this country.

P.P.S. This is my experience with being Jewish. There might be others who disagree with me. But that’s the thing–it’s a unique experience for all of us. One Jew does not speak for all Jews. We’re a diverse, opinionated bunch.

*If you have time, read through the whole thread. My answers match about 90% of those. Except the ones about Jewish food. I am not a big fan.

On Wednesdays we wear pink but on Tuesdays we rant

by Jana 5 Comments

Over the weekend, you might have seen the now-deleted post on Forbes explaining why the author thinks Amazon stores should replace libraries. If you didn’t see it, consider yourself fortunate. Because it was a steaming load of shit written by someone who clearly hasn’t set foot in a library in years and is also so out of touch with his community and, I don’t know, people in general, that he genuinely thinks it’s a good idea.

He maintains that streaming services, Starbucks, and these bookstores would replace libraries because libraries are no longer vital to communities. He was also upset at his roughly $450 per year in taxes that go to supporting libraries. For what it’s worth, he lives on Long Island. This is a drop in the bucket compared to what Long Islanders pay in taxes for everything else. Didn’t see him complaining about those, though.

Because we need to call his ill-informed, horribly written piece of drivel what it actually is.

Poor shaming.

Well, maybe not so much shaming because he didn’t outright mock anyone who’s poor or try to make them feel bad about it or anything else that’s generally involved in shaming someone. But what he did do was let everyone know what a classist, elitist douchebag he is.

His post made it clear that knowledge, and access to that knowledge, should be made available only to those who can afford it. Unfortunately, this is a systemic, pervasive school of thought. Look at how we treat inner-city and rural schools compared to private and suburban schools. Hell, even in my district there’s a huge disparity in the quality of schools, particularly on the elementary school level.

In general, those who can afford it are routinely offered more AP classes, after-school clubs, student enrichment, and even basic necessities like heat. At home, internet is available at any given hour. Completing assignments isn’t a problem because access isn’t a problem.

And that’s what this man missed. (I mean, if I’m being completely honest, he didn’t miss it. He deliberately ignored it.)

Not everyone has those means. And they especially don’t have the means to buy books, pay for internet so they can have things like Netflix, and spending hours in a Starbucks probably isn’t possible, either. Because when you add all of those together, it’s way more than $450. Libraries provide a vital lifeline to those families who cannot afford that extra $450 per year.

So, again, his proposal to eliminate libraries and replace them with Amazon bookstores (and, side note, did anyone else wonder why he was pushing Amazon bookstores rather than independent bookstores or even Barnes and Noble? Just how much Amazon stock does he own?) is another way to say to low-income and poor people that it’s no one else’s job or responsibility to take care of you, you should be able to do this all yourself, and if you can’t, tough fucking shit.

You can’t sit with us.

I can’t, for the life of me, wrap my head around that school of thought. Why would you want to restrict people’s access to books or anything else libraries provide? And while you might not use the library because you have the luxury of choice not to, why take it away from anyone else who wants to use it? I know plenty of people who don’t use the library and they don’t give one iota of a fuck if I do. And I can guarantee they haven’t drilled so far down into their tax bill to pontificate on the internet about how the few dollars they do pay for libraries isn’t worth it.

Here’s the thing. I want information to be equitable and widely available. I want people to be able to read the news, see movies, and listen to music. Our entire society is enriched when people have access to all the art libraries provide, not to mention all the public services and events.

The other side of this is people who think knowledge should be available to only those who can afford it are the first to criticize a low-income mom or dad for their kids not being well-read or doing poorly in school. They’re the first to reproach the homeless man for blocking his entrance to Starbucks or not applying for a job when the library would give him access to the internet to look for employment or a place to stay warm. They’re the first to complain about people congregating in open spaces (legit question: do you think this guy hates public parks, too?) or not being able to find something they need on the internet. They’re first to reprimand parents for not putting their kids in summer camp or keeping them from experiencing the summer slide.

You can’t complain about something and then take away the method to fix it. That’s like the dumbest self-fulfilling prophecy ever.

Libraries provide a crucial function to members of a community on every income level. For me, I’ll gladly pay whatever the hell my tax bill is to my library because am 100% confident the amount of money I save by borrowing books is far greater than what I pay. Using his formula, if my tax bill is $450 and I read 80 books per year, I’m saving $750 per year, assuming $15 per book. And that’s just me. That doesn’t include the books my daughter reads. It doesn’t include the crop swap or food-for-fines drive that it does every year. It doesn’t include the vast children’s programming. It doesn’t include the free lectures, book clubs, or historical value my library adds to my town (no joke, it’s been around since 1847 and houses some really, really old books, maps, registers, and town history). Oh, not to mention the basement space that is occupied by an adult literacy program.

I will GLADLY pay those taxes to ensure that any and every family in my town has access to the exact same things that I have access to. I don’t give one flying fuck what their paycheck looks like.

The good news is that Library Twitter unleashed a fucking hellstorm on this guy. It was absolutely deserved, too. And if you want better written information or greater detail, I highly suggest checking out some of these threads and accounts because they’re way better than what I’ve done here:

You can go down a serious rabbit hole if you want to but the gist all this whole debacle, for me at least, is that despite the number of people who hate poor people and enjoy enacting policies and ideas that would further disenfranchise and repress them, a whole lot more of us love our libraries and think people who want to get rid of them are fucking idiots.

That’s absolutely an idea I can get behind.

Oh, and as for the guy who wrote the original post?

via Gfycat

P.S. I love Amazon. I use it with regularity. But never, ever will I suggest that it replace a library because, at the end of the day, I’d have no problem kicking Amazon out of my budget. Or Starbucks. Netflix might be harder but I could let it go. But I can’t say that I’d be able to go even a week without utilizing the library. In fact, when I moved here, one of the first things I did was check how far the library was from my house. 

New post-election words for my daughter

by Jana 6 Comments

Last year, after our presidential election, I wrote a letter to my daughter (you can read it here). Although we didn’t have any off-year elections in Delaware, I think the results of what happened last night across the country bear a revisiting of that letter. 

Yes, he, as you call him because you refuse to utter his name, is still president. He’s still running his mouth, purposefully and calculatingly dividing our country over both trivial and important matters while simultaneously scaring the shit out of everyone in an effort to distract from what he’s attempting to accomplish. I know you wish impeachment would happen and I’d tell you to be patient but that’s never been a quality of yours. 

In the meantime, though, I want you to know this: resistance works. It worked in Philadelphia and New Jersey and Virginia and across the country. It means that on a local level, citizens are expressing their discontent and engaging in behavior that affects real, actual change. It means that those who might otherwise sit on the sidelines are stepping up and doing their part to combat societal divisiveness and degradation of social progress. It means that, with the volume of women elected to office, we are recognizing on a micro and macro level that women are just as capable as men in making policy decisions (I know this one makes you the happiest, my little feminist).

It means that enough people are as angry and as frustrated as you are.

I also want you to know that people are paying attention. Those with big platforms are using their voices and those with small platforms are using their voices. We are united in our desire for better because what we’re getting is not at all what we deserve. Conversations are happening now (though they should have happened earlier is a moot point), people are using our Constitution as it was intended, to protect citizens’ basic rights (although, as you’re way too unfortunately aware, we still need a bigger one about the 2nd) rather than harm them because our watchdogs are WATCHING, and enough people are dissatisfied with incumbents and institutions and status quo and are recognizing it’s time to shake shit up. 

And selfishly, it means that all the good I saw in our county wasn’t wrong. It came out in droves last night. 

This is only the beginning, though. We still have a lot of work to do. But I want you to know that work is being done. I know it’s hard for you to trust adults right now, and I don’t blame you, but we’re working on it. And in the meantime, don’t forget all the things we talk about. 

Your voice is important. 

Speak for those who can’t speak for themselves.

Science matters. 

Love is love. 

“No” is a complete sentence.

QUESTION EVERYTHING. Don’t accept something as fact if it seems wrong or misleading.

Stand up for your beliefs, your values, your morals, and yourself. 

(And I know you make fun of my hairbands but these are inspiring words:)

 

Weekly six-pack, 2017, v26

by Jana 10 Comments

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and comments on Dobie. I miss him so hard and am slowly easing back into normal life or whatever normal looks like now. We do plan to get another dog but it’s off the table until I return from Dallas which is actually better for all of us, Barkley included. And as far as rejoining the blogging world. I’m getting there.

In the meantime, here’s what my life looked like this week when I wasn’t crying.

Reading.American Fire by Monica Hesse. I planned to start Caroline but this one called me instead. Haven’t bothered to look at NetGalley or get anything from the library. Three year anniversary for Show Us Your Books is Tuesday and that means giveaway and prizes!

Watching. American Vandal. It’s a Netflix parody of true crime docs but it’s incredibly hilarious and well done and definitely stands on its own merit. I also started The Disappearance of Maura Murray. Fascinating shit, that case.

Listening. I’m trying to get into some new serial (not Serial) type podcasts and I found Small Town Horror which is okay but not my favorite. I have a couple of others that I’m looking forward to but if you know of any in the vein of Homecoming or Alice Isn’t Dead, send them my way, please.

Eating. Um, well, really nothing beyond basic sustenance. I don’t eat when I’m grieving (although I binge when I’m stressed) so I’ve been on a steady diet of coffee, cheese, and tortilla chips. If you have any recipes that might help bring back my appetite, please also send them my way. If they can be adapted into gluten free, all the better.

Raging. Watching the events in Las Vegas and the horror show of 45’s trip to Puerto Rico and the new abortion ban that passed the House and the lack of vote to reauthorize CHIP and now 9 million kids are uninsured unfold when you’re in a fog makes it hard to really process all that you’re seeing. Where I want to see red, and believe me I do, I just feel helpless instead. I CANNOT handle what the orange menace is doing to this country and to see people like Pitbull and Bethenny Frankel and Mark Cuban and Ricky Martin and others step in overwhelms me to the point of crying even more. And then there’s the Second Amendment. I’ve never really expressed my opinion on this in any forum but here goes. I have absolutely ZERO problem with the amendment itself. I have no problem with people owning guns for their own safety, protection, or simple amusement. You feel that you need a conceal and carry permit, have the fuck at it. There are thousands and thousands of responsible, normal gun owners in this country and it is their right to do so. HOWEVER. We have a serious fucking problem with mass shootings. We have a serious fucking problem with access to assault rifles and unhinged lunatics who procure them and the accessories needed to turn them into even bigger weapons of mass destruction. We have a serious fucking problems with gun control laws and regulations and an even more serious problem with the gun lobby. People are too afraid to lose a donor than to stand up and protect the rights of concert goers, movie goers, club goers, church goers, women attending exercise classes, people going to work, and KIDS WHO DID NOTHING ELSE BUT GO TO SCHOOL. Freedom of assembly is in the First Amendment and we have a raging problem of the power of the Second usurping the freedom guaranteed in the First.  Gun control and regulation is not taking away the right to own guns. It is limiting access to people who shouldn’t have them in the first place and adapting our laws to match the evolution of the weapons and accessories. Assault rifles in their current form weren’t a thing in the 1780s when the Constitution was written and I’m confident the Founding Fathers would be just fine with some modifications. We should all be. THE TIME TO TALK ABOUT IT WAS IN 1999 BUT NOW WILL DO, TOO. JUST HAVE THE FUCKING DISCUSSION.

Deciding. To run a bunch of 5Ks next year. I hate running but Dobie loved it and because of his heart, he never could do it as much as he wanted so for the next year, my husband and I are going to honor him by running when we can and in races that support causes we believe in.

I try to end these with something funny so

Have a great weekend! Wish me luck as I’m going shopping. I hate shopping.

Unpopular opinons

by Jana 17 Comments

Every fall since 2011 I’ve attended a blogger conference. At this conference, one of the sponsors routinely provides cookies. These cookies are white chocolate covered Oreos coated in purple sprinkles and stamped with the sponsor’s logo. Most attendees refer to them as blogger crack. I refer to them as disgusting. 

I’m 100% comfortable with my opinion and I stand by it and also, it’s just a number of unpopular opinions I have or popular things I don’t like. For instance:

Pumpkin spice anything. The only right way to consume a PSL is dump it right down the drain and when I was in Walmart a few weeks ago, I swear to you I was in pumpkin spice hell (which is different than the regular hell that is Walmart). It’s madness, and it needs to stop immediately because we all know pumpkin spice really isn’t that great. You can tell yourself it is but really? NO. Apple cinnamon, maple pecan, hell the smell of wet leaves is better than pumpkin spice. 

Game of Thrones.  I don’t have any fucks to give about it and I don’t care to find a fuck. See also: Harry Potter related anything, Gilmore Girls, The Walking Dead, This Is Us, any prime time reality show.

Audiobooks. I don’t like them. They’re not reading for me. They’re listening to someone tell me a story. When I read, I want to actively engage and read. Not passively listen. 

Wedding hashtags.  I get that they’re for finding all social media pictures from a particular wedding but good fucking lord. They’re stupid and take vanity to a level I am incredibly uncomfortable with. How do I make them stop? See also: the word “bumpdate”. Sorry, preggo friends. I hate the word and I’d like to banish it. 

Punctuation abuse. Look, I know it’s trendy to put grammar in a corner and forget that it’s important and to just say what you want and blame autocorrect. But OMG it is important and I will totally and forever judge you if you can’t use a proper apostrophe or understand the difference between “where” and “wear”. Also, if you’re trying to make a political statement about how kneeling during “The Star Spangled Banner” is unpatriotic and it is riddled with grammatical and punctuation errors, I will not take you seriously at all and your opinions are invalidated in my eyes. If you’re going to be that impassioned, at least take the time to spell words correctly. 

Ed Sheeran. I think his music sucks. There. I said it. (Also I’m not a huge Beyonce fan. I think she has an obscene amount of talent but I don’t get the constant and incessant worship)

Scarves in fall. How about scarves never? Putting a scarf around my neck makes me feel like I’m being strangled and I want it removed pronto. I will not purposefully spend money on a scarf as an accessory. Hell, I don’t like to spend money on them as a necessity for the 4 days a winter when NOT wearing one means I’ll freeze. 

Craft beers and IPAs. EWWWWWW for days. I’ll take my stouts and porters and my vodka sodas when I don’t feel like tearing up my stomach. But most microbrews are horrible and I don’t understand the love they get. 

Wine. I don’t like that, either. Except moscato. I’ll drink that. 

To be fair, I’m not completely immune to the allure of popular things. There are several that I do enjoy: 80s and 90s nostalgia, Carpool Karaoke, How To Get Away with Murder, hating on Joe Buck (he really fucking sucks, though), wasting time taking BuzzFeed quizzes, red lipstick, Adele, yoga pants, and all the IG pictures of coffee and sunsets and dogs and cats. 

It’s a good balance for me. 

How about you guys? What are some unpopular opinions you have about popular things?

Thanks to Stephanie for the post idea. 

 

 

 

 

 

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