How’d the last 6 days go for you? Did you complete all the steps? I think I did but in my sleep-deprived, booze fueled, hanging out with friends, attempting to learn stuff haze, I’m not entirely certain. I do know that I had a great time and my head is bursting with ideas for both this site and my mentoring program.

And I’m not hung over anymore, which is a bonus. A very necessary, welcomed bonus. I’m getting way too old for hangovers.

But that’s enough about the conference. And my drinking habits. Let’s get back down to business.

I’m pretty open about the fact that I have low self-esteem. I’m really open about the fact that I battle depression. I’m fairly certain I’ve also mentioned the fact that I have tremendous difficulty accepting compliments. When I do receive one, I have a hard time believing that it’s genuine. To me, there’s always an alternative reason why someone would say kind words or offer a compliment; it’s

However, this past weekend skewed my view a bit. I lost count of how many times people who had no reason to lie or stood to gain nothing by being complimentary made incredibly nice comments to me. Repeatedly. And

After awhile, you start to believe it. Something starts to click, and you start thinking “hey. Wait a second. 8 different people have made the same statement to me in a matter of 24 hours. Maybe all of those horrible things I’ve been telling myself aren’t entirely true”. It might be a fleeting thought but it’s there.

It’s a great feeling, actually. Because often, when you think like I do, it’s hard to break the cycle of negative thinking. You spend so much time stuck in the quicksand of self-doubt, self-hatred, and self-deprecating behavior that you can’t get out without help. And that’s what those repetitive nice words do. They offer assistance to pull you out. They show you there’s another way to think.

As long as you do two things: 1) accept the compliment and 2) believe the words. Because it’s one thing to say “thank you”. It’s another thing to say thank you and believe what’s been said.

That’s the part that I struggle with the most.

Which is why today’s task is actually two-fold. Today, we’re going to give a compliment and we’re going to accept a compliment, too. We’re going to realize the power that words can have over the way we think about ourselves and the power our words can have over the way others think about themselves. We’re going to harness that power for good instead of bad. We’re going to lift others (and ourselves) up, even if momentarily. We’re going to realize that sometimes, people need to hear that what they think are their worst qualities might actually be their best.

If you really struggle with finding the right words to say in a face to face situation, you can always leave a nice comment on a blog or Facebook page or Twitter or send a text. It’s not necessarily as impactful but it does work. So go ahead and do it.

As far as accepting a compliment, when someone does give you one, put aside all the noise and chatter in your head (the noise in my head is akin to that of a drunken bar crowd. So I get it), find a quiet space, and let it in. Stop questioning motive. Accept the words for what they are. Keep them with you for those days it gets really dark.

And in case no one pays you a compliment in person, here’s one from me: thank you for taking the time to read my dusty little corner of the internet. I know you have limited time in your day and it’s very sweet of you to use some of it here. I think you’re fabulous.

I’m the first one to admit that I do not like to clean. Some people get enjoyment out of cleaning. I am not one of them. I can think of at least 47 other activities I’d engage in before cleaning and at least one of those involves getting on a scale. In fact, on my list of things I’d like to do with my day, cleaning falls right after laundry and just before running.

That’s how much I hate it.

But I do it anyway. And I do it for these reasons:

• It alleviates anxiety. When my house, or at least my kitchen and desk, are clean, it puts my mind at ease. It’s one less thing I need to do and when I go into either my office or my kitchen, the site of a clean desk or counter means that I’m not distracted by clutter. I can focus what I went into that room to do. I’m also not freaking out that I must clean all the things.

  

• It saves me money. Living primarily on my husband’s income means that we need to be extra careful with our money. We need to stick to our budget as much as possible, and if my house is dirty or cluttered, I’m more apt to spend outside of that budget because I either a) can’t find what I need so I have to buy new; b) need to get out of the house since sitting in the mess makes me frustrated; or c) both a and b. If my house is clean, I don’t mind staying home and I can find what I need when I need it.
• It makes me feel better. There is just something about living in a clean environment that helps lift me from a funk. If my house is a mess, I feel like I’m a mess. I feel disorganized, disheveled, and oddly childlike and I start to act accordingly. It’s easy to fall into a depressive state when my house is a disaster because that’s my home. If I can’t keep that clean, then I can’t take care of anything else. And it spirals from there. So I clean it and I instantly feel better. Not only is actually cleaning an accomplishment in and of itself, but when I look at a clean environment, I can focus on other parts of my life.

That’s why today’s task is to clean something. Anything. Make your bed. Wash the dishes. Clean your bathroom or your car or your whole house. What you clean isn’t as important as the fact that you are actually cleaning something. If you’re struggling with picking what to clean, start with what’s bothering you the most. And when you’re done, step back and admire your handiwork.

Also, make a mental note of your mood before you start cleaning. Let yourself feel those emotions. Then, when you’re done, make a note of how you feel. Is there any difference? Let yourself feel those emotions, too. Write them down somewhere if you feel like it. But definitely make sure to remember how you felt during the process of cleaning. It’ll help the next time. Because there will be a next time.

I assure you that the process is worth it. The tedium of cleaning is worth the feeling of pride and accomplishment when you’re done. And you will feel happier, too.

In this case, the end definitely justifies the means. Even if the means are as horrible as cleaning.

I have been wanting to do a month long series for quite awhile. I would read them on other sites and think “what a great idea” and “wow, it takes dedication to write about ONE topic for an entire month” and “I totally need to do that”. I never climbed aboard that train, though, because it always came down to one simple problem–I had no idea what to write about.

Writing about one topic for an entire month is hard. Deciding what to write about it even harder. I knew it needed to be something that would be meaningful for you, my beloved readers, but it had to be something that I cared enough about to keep going and not quit mid-month. I also didn’t want it to be a boring, recycled topic that’s been beaten to death. So my choices were limited.

And then. Then I had idea. Why not talk about ways to be or at least feel happier? There’s all this advice out there that says “choose happiness”. I’m not knocking the advice entirely but when you suffer from depression or a number of other mental illnesses, it’s not that easy to just choose it (believe me, we would if we could). You need small, specific, actionable steps that, when taken separately or in their entirety, can help you feel happier (at least temporarily). They’re not necessarily a cure, long-term, for depression but these steps can alleviate some of it for a day or an afternoon or even an hour.

Which is something. Because when we start feeling good about one aspect of our lives or working on improving one area of self-esteem for even a small amount of time, we can then roll that into working on another and another until we feel good enough to get out of bed or leave the house or start to feel “normal” again. I know that it’s hard to feel productive or ambitious enough to even pick up a pen when you’re in the throes of depression but please believe me that it’s worth it to try. And if all you do is try, then you’re halfway there and you should be proud of yourself. Just try again tomorrow.

I’ll be here for you whenever you’re ready.

Now, a quick disclaimer: this series is not at all intended to be a substitute for a certified mental health professional. It is intended to simply provide things you can do, at home, as a supplement. If you are seeking professional help, please continue to do so.

Another quick note: I really struggled with what to call this series. While it’s coming from a place of battling depression, it’s not intended for only people like me. It’s intended for anyone who’s working on improving themselves, their self-esteem or just wants to a few extra ways to feel good. All of the action steps can do that, too. So please stick with me.

And finally, I’ll be working on all the steps along with you. I have a long way to go in my happiness and self-esteem journey and these steps will provide me with a playbook as well. So be prepared to read all about what I’m doing this month.

By now you’re probably thinking that you want to know what today’s task is. Well, it’s a simple one. Today, for day 1, the only step you need to take is committing to working through the challenge the best that you can. That’s it. Just commit to working on as many of the steps as you can. If your only step is to bookmark this post or the main series page with a promise to yourself that you’ll work on it later, then that’s fine. This is your progress. I’m not going anywhere.

If you’re participating in the series and blog about it, please share the link (I’ll have a link widget at the bottom of each post). If you are participating and don’t feel comfortable blogging about it or you don’t have a blog, you can join the conversation on Facebook. Or just do it privately. No pressure.

Oh, last thing. I’m not calling it 31 Days to Feel Happier because that’s total bullshit. That’s making a promise that I’m not sure I can keep. But 31 actionable, clear steps that can be worked on your own time frame that will make you feel happier at some point? That’s a promise I can keep.