Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

5 reasons to enjoy Mondays

by Jana 12 Comments

In an effort to rewire the way I approach parts of my life, and taking a cue from some of the suggestions in my cousin’s book, I have decided to stop hating Mondays. Well, fine, if I’m being honest, I don’t know that it’s entirely possible to fully stop hating Monday, but I’m also choosing to think about the parts of Monday that don’t suck.

It’s not a perfect system but it seems to be working thus far. 

I’ll also admit that at first, I struggled with coming up with what I enjoy about Mondays since it’s so ingrained not to like the day but as I sat and contemplated, and started writing a few ideas down, the rest followed fairly quickly. 

Here are my top 5.

 

mondays

  1. It’s back to a routine. Because of my anxiety issues, I function better with a schedule. I’m not a very spontaneous person, I never have been, and I like my routines. Weekends throw those all off, especially when cheer is involved. With the return of Monday, I can fall back into my regularly scheduled programming and it comforts me. I feel relieved. I can get shit done.
  2. It’s a time to reflect on the fruits of my weekend labor. For instance, I try to do as much cleaning and laundry and cooking as possible on the weekends since the weekdays don’t leave tons of room for those necessary activities. When Monday rolls around and I don’t have to do them, I can fully appreciate taking and making the time on the weekend to do it.
  3. It’s a reset for my weekly goals. Every Sunday night, I sit down and process how I did on my goals from the week before. If there were a couple I didn’t rock, Monday means a fresh start and a chance to work even harder to accomplish them. It also means I establishing new goals for the upcoming week, which is always great and keeps me focused.
  4. It’s less time to things I look forward to. Like new episodes of Sons of Anarchy. Or my mastermind calls. Or payday. And, although I don’t watch it, Monday Night Football, because my husband does watch it and it’s a chance to all asleep before he even gets in bed. Or thinks about getting in bed.
  5. It’s a chance to rejoin the world. Since we spend so much time on football fields and in gyms on the weekends, or traveling to visit family, I don’t get much time to check in with friends and blogs or social media or even the news that CNN doesn’t deliver to my phone in headline form. When Monday rolls around, it’s a chance to catch up and get reconnected.

I will say this: it is easier for me to love Mondays since I left a job that was poisoning me. Make no mistake, I had a great boss and coworkers, had lots of autonomy, and didn’t have a huge commute. I was grateful for the employment. However. The subject matter became unbearable and I simply couldn’t do it anymore. And I’d rather live on a tight budget than have a toxic job.

funny monday

Putting this positive spin on Mondays has definitely adjusted my attitude and my thinking towards the day and rather than dreading it, I now embrace it.

Which is kind of weird.

But I like it.

 

Book review: Building Blocks of a Better Attitude

by Jana 5 Comments

You know how there’s that one person in your life, an older sibling or cousin, who always just seemed so cool and you kind of wanted to do what they did but you didn’t think it’d be as cool if you did it? For me, that person is my cousin Dave. He’s 5 years older than me and he probably didn’t know that I looked up to him when we were kids (he knows now because, well, he’s reading this). And now that we’re adults, Dave still does things that are different and cool and I’m pretty sure I’d be ridiculous if I tried them (seriously, picture me trying to give away free hugs at a concert. It doesn’t work, does it?).

I can’t remember exactly how it came about, but earlier this year, Dave emailed me asking if I wanted to listen to some of his hypnosis recordings (oh, have I mentioned he’s a certified hypnotherapist and life coach and NLP provider? Cool, right?). I’ve always been skeptical about hypnosis, mostly as a result of the image it gets in pop culture but my grandmother used hypnosis to quit smoking roughly 30 years ago and besides, what did I have to lose? Nothing but time and I have plenty of that to spare. So I said sure and I listened to the recordings, and you know what? They’re quite good.

I felt a little silly at first but the more I listened, the more I could feel what he said setting in. And it made sense! And I totally do not do weird things when people snap their fingers or say certain words. Dave’s recordings focus more on changing your thoughts and your words and he does that by putting you in a situation where you can be receptive rather than resistant to those ideas. And you can do it at home, too.

I liked what I gleaned from his recordings so when he approached me about reading his book, of course I said yes. Because I am a skeptic by nature and honestly, sometimes this stuff gets a little too new age/hippy for me, I didn’t know what to expect when I read it. But I have noticed a huge difference in Dave over the last few years and if he was saying this is the method he used to change, I was willing to put my skepticism aside, much like I did with the hypnosis.

I’m glad I did. His eBook, Building Blocks of a Better Attitude, is a short, jam packed with information book that will make you truly think about your words, your reactions, your thoughts, and how they are all interconnected. I honestly never gave any thought to the choice of words I use and how they impact my attitude and approach towards….well, pretty much everything. He gives you easy to use techniques for reshaping and reframing ideas, feeling, thoughts, and words. And reading this in conjunction with the recordings puts it on a completely different level. Because when you read, you can hear his voice in the words on the page, and it makes it that much more impactful.

Also included in the book are simple exercises to do to put what he’s teaching into practice (I think a workbook would go perfectly with this book, to reinforce the exercises even more) as well as a host of resources for further self-improvement. I’ve read part of one (the library wanted it back before I had a chance to finish), The Four Agreements, and it is a good, albeit dense, read, so I’m sure the others are just as plentiful. And that’s something to consider; these books are short but chock full of information. You need to read them more than once to let the lessons sink in. Fortunately, just like the title advertises, they are blocks and each one builds on the previous ones so taking them one at a time is possible and doesn’t devalue the lessons.

A final note: I think what, more than anything, resonates with me about Dave’s approach to shaping a better attitude is the focus on personal responsibility. He emphasizes that changing your thoughts and feelings comes from you. No one else. You can change your response to every situation, regardless of what it is, and that will in turn affect you. It is not about the external factors, it is about the internal ones (Note: if you have a mental illness, seek professional help. These resources can help, and maybe they are all you need, but maybe not. There is no shame in traditional therapy or meds and if that is what you need, then obtain that help).

Now that I have been exposed to this method of hypnosis and the systems outlined in Dave’s book, I will definitely continue to explore them. Traditional therapy did not work for me and I still have some major self-esteem issues to improve on. And thankfully there are tons of resources, including those in Dave’s store (if you’re so inclined, check it out and if you want to purchase anything use code jana15 for a 15% discount on anything in the store. This is not an affiliate link and I would not be sharing it if I didn’t think it had value), that can help me.

I’m interested in self improvement and this is a great place to start. Even if it seems a little weird.

How about you guys? Have you ever tried hypnosis or anything like my cousin suggests? Did it work?

 

A few words on depression, suicide, celebrities, and everyone else

by Jana 17 Comments

I hadn’t planned on writing a post today but I have a few things I need to say.

In case you haven’t seen or heard the news, actor Robin Williams died yesterday, and the cause of death was suicide. It’s a tragic, horrible situation and so many are mourning the loss of an incredible and talented performer on social media, in the news, or in private. And that’s fine. You do what you need to do to make sense of it.

For me, though, it’s a bit different. It is frustrating to me, someone who battles depression every day, to see this hyper focus on mental illness and suicide simply because a celebrity dies as a result. Depression is an every day battle for millions of people, and every day, many of them take their lives. Yet no one floods their Twitter or Facebook feeds with pictures, memes or quotes from those every day, yet equally special, people. I get that perhaps people are taken aback with this because there is a cultural perception that celebrities are invincible. They have money, fame, and everything we place value on. They bring joy and happiness to others. So how can they be depressed?

That, to me, highlights just how misinterpreted depression is. Depression is a mental illness, caused by internal factors, not external ones. No matter how incredible your life may seem on the outside, depression wreaks havoc on your insides. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Depression skews your perception of everything and it feels impossible to make anyone understand what’s going on (for a great depiction, check out Allie Brosch’s comics on depression. She says is better than I ever could). Depression makes you feel alone and isolated. Depression takes away all the things normal people take for granted.

Depression is more than just sadness.

Robin Williams’s influence on pop culture is undeniable. Some of his movies are among the best ever, and are some of my personal favorites, and it is no doubt because of the talent he leant to those movies. His talent was unique. His mental illness was not.

And for me, that’s the tragic part.

We, as a society, need to take the stigma out of mental illness and start making it okay for people to be open about their struggles. And those of us who have it need to break the barriers and make sure we talk about it (besides Allie Brosch, two others who are fantastically open about their depression are Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess) and Joe Pantoliano’s book. There’s also some wonderful TED talks on depression, including this one from a comic). We need to let others know they’re not alone. We need to encourage those contemplating suicide to seek professional help rather than inundate them with glib sayings about how happiness is a choice and it will all be better. We need to generate a better understanding of the disease.

We must support, and remember, everyone who is fighting against depression and other mental illnesses.

Not just the celebrities.

Monday morning musings

by Jana 20 Comments

I don’t normally do weekend wrap-up posts because there’s only so many interesting and creative ways I can tell you I ran errands, read books, watched Netflix, and spent time with my family. That’s pretty much what I do all weekend, every weekend unless it’s cheer season and that’s even more boring than my regular life. We do sometimes socialize, like this past weekend, but I don’t know that that’s all that interesting either. Unless you count getting 455910 mosquito bites on my ankles, legs, and feet as interesting. 

I don’t.

This past weekend, though, some pretty significant events happened and I wanted to share a couple of them with you guys. 

First, as some of you may or may not know, I run a blogger mentoring program. I’ve been doing it for just about 2 years now and while the program itself is in the middle of a restructuring/reorganization phase, I am running a live session at a conference in September (the conference is in New Orleans. I’ve never been. To say I’m excited is a big fat understatement). However, financially, paying for the conference was a concern. My husband and I truly did not know how we were going to pull it off but then, on Saturday, I got an email that not only did my session get a sponsor, but the sponsor is a blogger I highly respect and I am thrilled to help her promote her next product (as soon as I have her permission, I’ll share with you guys what it is). This means that the financial pressure of the conference is off and I get to work with someone I admire (seriously, she’s a blogging rock star).

Major, major victory for me.doubt

Which leads me to the second big thing. This one is more introspective, though. While processing the fact that I have a sponsor and all that, it made me realize that I’m afraid of my own success. Whenever I get to the brink of having success either with writing or my former career or my mentoring business, it’s freaks me out to the point that all the fears and doubts take over and I do something to sabotage myself. It can be something small, like pull back from writing or abandon a project, or it can be something big like not send an email to a particularly well known contact, but I inevitably do something. 

Apparently one thing I’m really good at is making bad choices.

I know that I wrestle with low self-esteem, and I have for as long as I can remember, and those inner voices that tell me that I don’t deserve to be successful. And since I believe them, my actions that I take, or don’t take, turn those voices into a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s a vicious cycle, and then, at the end I sit and wallow in the fact that I’m not a successful writer, business owner, blogger, whatever it is I’ve just ruined.

That’s my fault.

It’s not that I want to be famous. I don’t. In fact, one of my ideal/dream jobs is as a ghost writer for a big name series, like the people who wrote the Sweet Valley High or Babysitter’s Club books. All the writing, steady paycheck, none of the fame. It’s perfect for me. Yet do I do anything to make this dream happen? No.who you're not

And that’s my fault, too. I make excuses for why I can’t do the things I know I need to do when truly it’s my own self that I’m battling. It’s my own issues that prevent me from reaching out, working harder, and putting myself out there. 

And I want more than anything to believe in myself. I want to own what I’m good at. Yet I simply can’t. 

I tried addressing this in therapy and honestly, it made it worse. I realize that’s probably because I had a shitty therapist but maybe also a little bit me. Maybe deep down, I don’t want to change because this is comfortable. It’s what I know and the kind of change and growth involved in developing a healthy dose of self-confidence is too scary for me to handle.

Because maybe it’ll lead to the success I’m afraid of. 

So realizing all of that, and admitting to myself, and all of you, is pretty significant. Now I just have to work on making it better. 

Have you guys ever had a moment where you finally admit something to yourself you didn’t want to? How did you handle it?

 

The ways in which I’m grateful for my depression

by Jana 10 Comments

Ordinarily, I link up with Kathy for Humpday Confessions. This week, though, I needed to take a break because there’s been something weighing on my mind and I wanted to get it out.

It’s about my depression.

Not in the way I usually talk about it. From a different perspective.

For those who are new, here’s a brief synopsis: approximately three years ago, I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and mild PTSD (I think this last one is a bit of a stretch but we’ll roll with it). I’m pretty sure I’ve had depression and anxiety for years prior to the diagnosis, although it was usually termed “low self-esteem” or “being high strung”. And while those might also be the case, depression and anxiety are real, DSM diagnoses, making my issues more tangible and concrete. People can accept those without incessantly peppering conversation with pop psychology or motivational, inspirational quotes (although they’re nice and well meaning, they truly don’t help).

After a major depressive episode, and anxiety attack, I decided to take mental health leave from my job (which, given the nature of what I was doing at the time, didn’t help my issues). While on leave, I actually started to feel better. More like myself than I had felt in a long time. Therapy wasn’t helping (we can talk about that another day, how a therapist can make your problems worse. Job security, I guess, for some of them), but other treatments were. The meds helped. Being home definitely helped. Exercise, something I had always hated in the past, made a huge difference.

The main point, though, is that I finally started to heal. I could see the clichéd light at the end of the tunnel. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not fully out of the tunnel and probably never will be, but I’m basically the lead car in a traffic jam. And coming through it made me realize just how grateful I am for my depression. Because it has reshaped what’s important to me and gave me new perspective on just about everything. When you’re in that dark of a place, it all seems hopeless. As you come out of it, though, you realize just how amazing life can be.

And for me, my depression shifted my priorities and perspectives. In fact, when it all comes down to it, I owe my depression a debt of gratitude. Because without it, I:

  1. Would not have quit my job. Make no mistake about it, it’s not easy, financially, around these parts. But the value of not being stressed or sad when I go to work is worth it. Every. Single. Day.
  2. Would not be pursuing my dream of writing. As long as I can remember, I have wanted to have a book published and available for sale in a book store. I never thought, though, that I had anything good or valuable to write or say and that my ideas weren’t creative enough. I know now that’s not true.
  3. Would not have had the strength to dump toxic people from my life. Or allow in those who make me better. Even as adults, it does not cease to amaze me how strong the influence our peers and friends have over our lives. Having friends around you know you can count on, and who don’t see life as some twisted competition you’ll never win, is essential.
  4. Would not have learned to enjoy exercising. I’ll be honest. I’m pretty lazy. I’d rather read a book or binge watch Netflix than do basically anything. But as part of my therapy, I was instructed to exercise for roughly an hour a day. So I started doing that. And now? Well, now, exercising is not at all a chore, I’ve found what I like doing, and I look forward to my workouts. I might not have lost much weight but I’m healthier than I have ever been.
  5. Would not appreciate the small moments. Although it’s different for everyone, depression has a way of making you feel like you don’t exist. Like you’re a shell or a shadow. It’s hard to feel any emotion. For me, learning to live with mine is, in part, learning to relish in the small moments. Watching the fireflies in my yard during a rainstorm. Listening to my daughter laugh hysterically. Petting my dog and have him lick my face (or foot, depending on which dog). Finding a movie to watch with my husband and that we both agree on. Normal, every day moments that are a big deal because now, I can acknowledge how incredible they are and that I’m glad to simply be feeling something.

My depression and anxiety have shaped who I’ve become. I won’t go so far as to say they’ve made me a better person but through them, I have learned a lot about myself. What and who I truly love, who I can rely on, what really matters. Knowing that means more to me than anything.

And for as much as I want to hate my issues, and some days I do, it’s hard to hate them without embracing and thanking them, too.

I saw this quote (and yes, I appreciate the irony of having a quote like this when I mentioned that inspiring quotes don’t help) but I thought it fitting (also, I don’t know if Elizabeth Edwards really is the woman who said this but that was the attribute on Pinterest, where I found the quote so let’s run with it):

P.S. I write about my depression and anxiety both as a therapeutic mechanism for me and as a way of bringing a voice to them. There is still such a stigma surrounding these issues and the more people talk about them, the more they make them human, the stigma will lessen. That is my hope anyway.

 

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