Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

Break time

by Jana 20 Comments

It’s not a secret around these parts that I have depression. And lately, for reasons I cannot explain (but wish I could), it’s been coming at me in full force. As in, I’m chronically tired, have no motivation to do anything (including eat), randomly burst into tears at inappropriate moments, and generally don’t give a shit about anything. I’m doing my best to fake it, mostly for my kid, but I’m pretty sure at this point, even she can tell something is off.

I haven’t felt this bad in a long, long time. And the harder I try to feel better, the worse it gets. My husband suggested that I look into getting a new therapist and, because he has to live with me, I think it’s probably a good idea. However, our new insurance starts in less than 3 weeks so it’s just a better choice to wait it out than start and have to switch everything with the doctor’s office.

Which leaves me three weeks of floundering.

And it means I need to take some time off from blogging.

I just can’t keep up right now. The linkups and the posting and the commenting and all the other stuff, it’s just too overwhelming. And then I get frustrated and upset and angry and all the self-doubt and negative self-talk set in which sets off the depression even more.

It’s an ugly cycle. One I’m trying to break.

There’s also this: I have lost my blogging way. When I started blogging in 2011, I knew my purpose. I knew why I wanted to write and what I wanted to write about and I didn’t care about stats, likes, shares, comments, and followers. I wrote to get my message out. I wrote because I love writing. I wrote because I have an innate need to do so. And the last year, it’s gone awry. I don’t know who I’m writing for anymore or what my message is. I care about things that shouldn’t mean anything and don’t care about the things that do. The quality of my posts is declining and I’m becoming way too apathetic to be any sort of decent blogger.

You guys, my beloved and amazing readers, deserve more than that.

I figure this is a great time to take a break. My daughter is off from school for two weeks, my husband has an entire week (9 days, if you count the weekends) off from work, and I’d like to enjoy being with my family every day instead of spending hours on the computer (something that I absolutely do because blogging, when it’s not giving me anxiety, is pretty damn fun). Not only that, I need to regain my purpose, my message, my reason for blogging.

I can only do that if I step away.

Even though I won’t be here, I’ll be hard at work. I have plans and ideas that I’m fleshing out and when I do return, after New Year’s, I hope you’ll still be here and be able to reap the benefits of my hard work. I don’t want to give too much away but suffice it to say, the stuff that’s coming? It’ll be worth the wait.

I’m not going away entirely. You might find me commenting on your blogs and I’ll still be sharing links on Facebook, posting pictures on Instagram, occasionally stopping by Twitter, and if you’re on Pinterest, you can follow me (and join my Blogging Friends group board. If you want. No pressure) so you won’t have to miss me too much.

Thanks for everything you’ve given to me this year. The support, the love, the friendships. My blogging experience has shifted so much over the last year and I’m excited for the direction it’s going. I can’t wait to share it with you.

Have a wonderful Christmas, a happy New Year, and I’ll see you soon!

 

Save

The struggle with enough

by Jana 43 Comments

Lately I’ve been struggling with the word “enough”. Not as in “I don’t think I’ve read enough books” or “I haven’t watched enough Netflix” or “I haven’t had enough tea today” but more in the sense of:

I don’t work hard enough on my blog.

My topics aren’t focused enough.

My writing isn’t creative enough.

The idea for my book isn’t interesting enough.

My platform numbers aren’t high enough to make an agent interested in me.

I’m not organized enough.

My house isn’t clean enough or nice enough to have people over.

I don’t play with my dogs enough.

I don’t play with my daughter enough.

I’m not nice enough to strangers.

I don’t call my grandmother enough.

I’m not friendly enough.

I’m not generous enough, and I certainly don’t volunteer enough.

I haven’t lost enough weight.

I’m not talented enough.

I’m not motivated enough.

I don’t try hard enough.

I’m not enough.

The list goes on.

It’s all completely negative. And I can’t make it stop.

Just when I get to a place where things are going well, my creativity is flowing, I’m content with what I have (and don’t have), I’m comfortable and confident with my choices and where I’m going, something (I don’t know if it’s my depression or lack of self-confidence or too much time on social media and buying into lifestyle construction or what) gets ahold of me and talks me out of everything positive thought I have and puts me right back in the place where I can’t get off the couch and I think I’ll never amount to anything or achieve the level of success I want and convinces me I’d be better off just quitting everything so I stop trying.

I hate that I think, and subsequently act, like this. I hate that this pattern is part of my life. I know, in my head, that it holds me back. I’m pretty sure it’s rooted in some sort of fear and there’s a self-fulfilling prophecy tucked in there somewhere, too.

It’s a fun little package.

It’s one thing to deal with someone else telling you that you suck or stomping on your dream. It’s another thing to deal with the internal chatter. Because those voices are there with you all. The. Time. They’re loud and annoying and they’re difficult to ignore. Like really obnoxious sports fans cheering for the wrong team.

And if you’ve ever experienced those types of fans, you want to punch them right in the face.

That’s how I feel about the negative committee in my head.

It’s not that I don’t want it to change. I try some of the techniques in my cousin’s book. I think back to some of the techniques I learned in therapy (despite the fact that my therapist was horrible and, on some levels, made my issues worse) and attempt to apply them. I read blog posts and articles on how to alter negative thinking. I try to stop comparing myself to others. I stay away from social media.

And none of it works.

I’m still trying to figure out why.

It might be that I won’t let myself think differently. It might be that I simply can’t do it. Old habits and all.

They’re kind of a bitch.

I know that everyone deals with self-doubt at one point. And for many, they take that self-doubt, channel it, and use it to make or do something great.

I want to be that person.

I want to go to bed each night and say “I did enough today” and really believe it.

I want to tell myself I am enough and really believe it.

Because I know, in my heart, that whole list of “I’m nots” is a lie.

Now I need my head to believe it.

Do any of you struggle with the same issues? What works for you when you get mired in this line of thinking?

 

 

Save

Things that make me happy

by Jana 22 Comments

Over the summer, I read Kelli’s post about this and then Kristen did one, too, and it was also a topic for #Blogtober14 and I figured that was enough prompting for me to finally get on the ball and write out my own list. My happiness list.

One thing that you learn from depression is how to appreciate the small facets of life, the seemingly small, insignificant moments or items or actions that make you feel happy. When you’re in that dark place, all you’re doing is looking for a tiny ray of light to make it more bearable; to provide hope that one day, you’ll come out of it and feel as good as you can. And as I’ve been actively working on ways to manage my depression without medication, focusing on the little things that make me happy has become a constant exercise for me (which is basically the only exercise I’ve been doing lately).

The more I think about it, there more I come up with that makes me happy and give me reason to get out of bed even when I don’t want to:
create sunshine

  • The look on my daughter’s face when she accomplishes something she’s been working on
  • New books, whether I buy them or get them from the library
  • Finding someone who likes the same books or authors as me
  • Hearing my favorite song on the radio or on Spotify
  • Finally learning the words to a song I couldn’t understand
  • Naps
  • Clean sheets
  • That moment when all the chores are done, all the errands are run, all the food’s been cooked, and I have nothing left to do
  • Crossing items off my to-do list
  • Thinking of new ideas for the blog, my book, or my upcoming podcast and then actually implementing them
  • My dogs. Everything about them.
  • Seeing my cat comfortable in the house. While I love my dogs, I have a special place in my heart for my cat since I literally rescued her from the street.
  • Finding money I forgot about
  • Trying a new recipe and having it turn out exactly the way I want it to
  • Hot showers
  • New makeup and nail polish
  • Achieving a goal
  • When I’m driving somewhere unpleasant or annoying and a little bit of nature creeps in, like a herd of deer in a field or a rainbow or a sunset
  • Taking the moment to appreciate the aforementioned nature
  • Planning vacations
  • Office supplies
  • The beach
  • Hugs
The snowman has a point.
The snowman has a point.

What makes you guys happy?

I’ve also written an entire series on ways to feel happier so please check that out if you’re interested. 

 

 

P.S. You know what else makes me happy? Linkups! And Steph and I are hosting one next month! Remember the posts we did earlier in the month, Show Us Your Books? Well, we’ve turned it into a link up and we want you to join us. Whether you’ve read one book or 40, tell us all about it on November 11!

 Life According to Steph

Save

5 lessons learned from being told “you suck”

by Jana 38 Comments

Jon Acuff talks about something he calls “critics math”. What he means by that is you could have 100 reviews of something–a book, a picture, your blog, whatever–with 99 positive and 1 negative and you will only focus on the 1 negative.

I definitely know that’s true for me.

Which is why, lately, I’ve been obsessing over how much everything I do totally and completely sucks.

Because two weeks ago, I had a conversation with someone who told me that “your blog sucks, your Twitter following isn’t any good, and your mentoring program will never make any money”. Those where her exact words, and I’ve whittled down the negative feedback for the sake of brevity.

I can’t even begin to tell you guys how much this hurt me. I work hard at having a nice looking blog that has consistently good content, I’m constantly thinking of ways to improve my mentoring program, and my social media followers, while important, are not something I use to measure my popularity or quality. So to be told everything I do sucks and all my effort is essentially for nothing has taken a huge toll on my self-confidence, my desire to even continue to try, and makes me rethink every decision I’ve made regarding writing and blogging thus far. This woman made me believe I’m wasting my time and I should pack it in.

And I almost did.

But you know what?

Fuck her.

Because I am a good writer. My blog doesn’t suck. And my mentoring program absolutely has potential. And there is absolutely no reason for me to quit, despite her horribly negative assessment of me, my abilities, my blog, and my short and long term plans.

stink

And while I’ve definitely been dwelling in a place of “I suck and will never be successful as a writer, business woman or anything else”, there are a few takeaways from my conversation with that woman:

  1. Look for the immediately actionable. While they may be buried underneath harsh statements, there’s probably one or two doable tasks or ideas you can implement quickly. Those little tweaks can breathe new life into a project or blog, and it might not have been ideas you had thought of before.
  2. Look for the long term planning. Again, these may be buried underneath cruelly worded sentences, but those critiques will force you to take a hard look at what your long term plans are. You might find it necessary to go in a different direction than you had previously thought but it might be an even better direction.
  3. Reevaluate your elevator pitch. I’m a big believer in personal responsibility so maybe the reason the person is so negative and harsh has to do with the way you’re presenting what you do. Maybe you’re not positive or enthusiastic or descriptive enough about it. Maybe you don’t present your message clearly. Take your critic’s response as an opportunity to reevaluate how you talk about your project.
  4. Assess the true value of their opinion. Is this someone who has a vested interest in you? Or is it a casual acquaintance or someone you’ve just met at a party? While you can look for the value in those conversations (see 1 & 2), if it isn’t someone who knows you, isn’t familiar with anything you’ve done beyond a cursory glance, or doesn’t give a shit if you succeed or not, don’t internalize their words too much.
  5. Keep going, regardless. It’s important to accept the fact that not everyone will like you. I’m sure not even Beyonce has universal appeal. She doesn’t stop. She keeps doing what she needs to do, both for herself and for her fans (I’m assuming. Bey and I have never really sat down and talked about this). And so should you.

It never feels good to hear you suck. Especially at something that’s been your lifelong dream. And it’s easy to let those voices sing a loud chorus, especially if you already have low self-esteem or are unnecessarily hard on yourself. Those critics validate all the things you already tell yourself, which only gives you more self-doubt. Trust when I say I understand. More than I can tell you.

But the best thing you can do to silence them, and prove them wrong, is to not quit. There’s a reason there are so many choices and there is room for all different voices. Everyone likes something different and simply because one person isn’t a fan doesn’t mean 99 other people aren’t as well. Don’t let one detractor keep you from pursuing your dream.

 

 

Save

5 life myths

by Jana 14 Comments

This is a guest post from my friend Kerry, who has a fabulous outlook on life and a super cute dog named Seamus. She also posts great recipes, especially for sangria, and her generosity and niceness towards others is admirable. 

When Jana asked for some guest posters I was really nervous. If you don’t know me I am Kerry and I blog over at Till Then Smile Often, I was nervous because I am not known for my words like Jana. I am known more for my recipes and my generally positive outlook on life. Though everyone deserves a vacation, and while Jana is in NOLA I am taking over. Consider me jealous, NOLA is on my must visit list. Speaking of jealousy let me talk about some life myths. 

judging you myth
Judging people – This excludes the general discrimination towards race, age, color, sexual orientation etc but more so on making judgements. Every time you meet someone you judge them. Judge whether or not you like them, would you be friends, do you like their sense of humor, do you have things in common. If you see someone holding a knife, you judge the heck out of them, then run the other way. It is called survival!! This is not the same as judging a person and bullying them for being different, just know judging is human nature so don’t feel bad about it.

Jealousy –  Remember the Friends episode where they celebrate Ross’s birthday by going out to dinner and Joey, Rachel and Phoebe were having a hard time with the prices? Ever read a person’s blog and think I could never afford their wardrobe, their tastes etc? *Raises hand* Thing about that is everyone has a different circumstance. Some don’t have kids, they rent versus own, they make more money, they may be in debt up to their eyeball. Whatever the reason it can be hard not to be jealous, but the simple things mean more than monetary items. Remember what you do have, versus what you don’t have it’s healthier.

Beyonce’ has 24 hours in a day – Don’t get me wrong I think Beyonce is fierce and she has worked hard to get where she is today. Though she technically has 24 hours in a day, she doesn’t have to get done the same amount of things a typical person has to get done in a day. Laundry, dishes, cleaning, dropping off the dry cleaning. Do you think she does that herself? I think not, she hires someone alleviating time for her to do other things like be awesome. What this means for you, don’t sweat it if the dishes don’t get done or one day you got to work with her her in a messy bun. We are human and there is only so far we can spread our time.

Money makes you happy – Like The Notorious B.I.G said Mo’ Money, Mo’ problems. Being able to feed, cloth, and shelter yourself and/or your family is important but everything else is a bonus. Filling our lives with fillers and pretty things and gadgets though nice doesn’t mean we are happier. Just look at our addictions to our smartphones. The kids who have smartphones. Does that make our lives better? Not that I am giving up my cell phone but sometimes less is more.

Being happy is easy – Being happy is hard work. Every day we come in contact with the potential to make us miserable whether it is from our job, stress over money, relationships with people, traffic, they all play a part in our mood. All those moments are opportunities to break you, or make you it’s your choice. If it breaks you their is a moment right around the corner to make another choice. All you can do is work towards having more happy choices than negative ones each day.

happiness-is-a-conscious-choice-not-an-automatic-response
Hopefully my words didn’t fail me or turn you away. Life is all about perspective, and every person has a story.  Judge your inner circle wisely as they will make you happier, even when you don’t have money or jealous about Beyonce’.

Thank you so much to Jana for having me, hopefully I did her proud. Jana’s note: You did, Kerry. I had no doubt about that.

signature
 

Connect with Me

Subscribe to Jana Says

Jana Says
© 2017 by Jana Says. All Rights Reserved.
Crafted with by sasspurrella designs.