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Conversations with my husband

March 25, 2015 by Jana 19 Comments

My husband and I started dating way back in 1996. Yup, we’ve been together that long. We were 19 when we met and for those who are interested, here’s a quick recap of how we met.

We were in the same class in college. Great Crimes with Dr. Kelly. Steph was in our class. She sat behind him and our other friend sat next to him while I, thanks to alphabetical order, sat across the room (our professor was all kinds of crazy and made us sit alphabetically. So much for that college student autonomy we all hoped for). Steph and Ray, being outgoing, social, friendly people chatted it up with him and introduced us as friends often do to new people. We found out we all lived in the Towers and since we all lived in the same one, we’d often walk or take the bus home together or go to the computer lab (anyone else old enough to remember those?) to work on our assignments. Captions, mostly. The husband and I still have nightmares about those. I’m sure Steph does, too. Anyway, we had our first date roughly 6 weeks after we first met although it wasn’t “official” until just before Thanksgiving break, a month after that first date. My sorority hayride, for those who needed and/or wanted that detail.

And that’s that. Nothing exciting. Nothing romantic or interesting and we definitely didn’t have a meet-cute. But it all worked out.

Back then, we worried about what most couples worried about. Are we eating too much pizza? Which date parties/formal are we going to this semester? Should we study or go to the bar? What is the earliest class we can possibly handle? Should we take any classes together this semester?

And it went on and on like that. It was fun and pointless and now that we’re old and have been together for 18+ years (married for almost 11 of them), we have much more important discussions.

The great peanut butter debate

Him: Can you please buy crunchy peanut butter?

Me: No. It’s disgusting. And you put it in the fridge and that makes it worse. Creamy peanut butter is the only acceptable kind and it belongs in the pantry.

Him: Can’t we just have two different kinds?

Me: No. I mean, technically we could, but I’m not buying crunchy peanut butter. It’s terrible.

Him: But the child likes it, too.

Me: Way to play into my mommy guilt. Touché.

When we run into people he knows but I don’t

Me: You didn’t introduce me. You don’t remember his/her name, do you?

Him: Nope.

All about that toast

Me: Did you just toast bread and then put it in the freezer?

Him: Yes.

Me: Why?

Him: Because I want the crunch and texture of toast without the bread being hot.

Me: Of course you do.

Watching TV

Me: Are you watching Fight Club?

Him: I can’t talk about Fight Club.

Deciding where to eat

Him: What do you want for dinner?

Me: I don’t care, what do you want?

Him: Okay, how about we get burgers?

Me: No, I don’t want those.

Pretty much anytime of day, particularly in the car on long drives

Him:Did you fart?

Me: No, I did not fart. If it were me, you would have heard it.

Trying to find the dog

Me: Is Barkley in the closet?

Him: No, he’s comfortable in his own skin.

Texting

Note the fact that these were on different days, yet at similar times. Also, do you love the “no service” message despite the fact that my phone is on my couch? Verizon, we need to talk. Although we probably can’t because I CAN’T GET SERVICE IN MY DAMN HOUSE!!

scott text — Note my Kate Middleton sarcasm and his complete glossing over of it.

If this isn’t proof that romance is still alive, I don’t know what is.

If you want more, you can read some of our other conversations here, here, and here.

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Pillow talk

January 14, 2015 by Jana 28 Comments

Romance novels and movies have perpetuated this stereotype that at night, couple lay awake, talking to each other about their hopes, dreams, likes, and all the other saccharine sweet stuff that makes you feel like you’ll never connect with someone on that deep of a level.

Let me clear something up.

It’s all bullshit.

And that is why I bring you another installment of Shit My Husband Says: Pillow Talk edition.

Sure, in the beginning, you might have deep conversations, but after being 18+ years into a relationship, this is what your late night chatter really sounds like:

Husband (sticking out his hand, for me to shake): I have a deal for you.

Me: I’m not shaking your hand. I don’t know what you’re going to say and I don’t trust you.

Husband: I promise, it’s nothing bad. I just…have a deal.

Me (with piqued curiosity because this is the man who came home with a truckload of free rocks one time): I’m not shaking your hand. But I do want to know what you’re talking about.

Husband: It involves bread products.

Me: What?

Husband: Well, co-worker’s husband has some free time on his hands when he’s not working. He likes to just stop by places and check out what’s happening. He talks to people. He’s like me. A man about town.

Me: You’re a man about town now? Do you need theme music?

Husband (blatantly ignoring me): Anyway. On one of his stops, he found out that there’s a truck that delivers bread products and leaves them out for people to take for free. I can get us some.

Me: You know that’s there for people who actually need it, right? And aren’t you on a low carb diet? What do you need bread products for?

Husband: It’s for you and Erica. So do you want me to procure them or not?

Me: Not. We’re not taking food away from people who can really use it. And “procure”? Really?

Husband: But no one really knows about it. So it just sits there. I can get the bread products and then they won’t go to waste.

Me: I can post about it. Get the word out.

Husband: Just don’t mention where we live. We don’t want competition for the bread products.

Me (befuddled that he clearly doesn’t understand the concept of “getting the word out”): Stop saying “bread products”. It’s annoying. And we won’t have competition. Because you don’t need to ask him to pick some up for us.

Husband (ignoring everything I’ve said): Okay. But when I come home with bread products, don’t think I stole them.

At that point, I said good night and rolled over and went to bed.

Because sometimes, I just can’t with him.

Romance isn’t dead in my marriage but it’s definitely taken a long vacation.

And I’m willing to bet you’re feeling a little better about your relationship right about now.

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16 habits of strong relationships

October 30, 2014 by Jana 19 Comments

Today, or yesterday, or possibly even Tuesday, marked the 18th anniversary of my and my husband’s very first date. It was my sorority hayride/date party and the reason we can’t remember the exact date is because we’re old and we have no recollection of whether the hayride happened on a Friday or Saturday and when I asked on Facebook last year, no one else could remember either. So we picked the general time frame and rolled with that.

Over the last 18 years, I’ve learned more than I ever thought possible about being in a relationship with someone (the first: never assume the boyfriend you have your sophomore year of college won’t turn out to be your husband). I’ve shared a bunch of those before but I felt it was time to update that original list with a few more.

- Laugh. At yourselves, at each other, at other people. Doesn’t matter. Just take the time to laugh.
- Keep private things private. Facebook is not the place to air your relationship dirty laundry. Keep that shit locked down.

- Learn about your partner’s hobbies. Even if they bore the shit out of you. It doesn’t mean you have to like the same things but showing an interest in what they like is respectful and makes incessant conversations about them less intolerable. And you may find they’re not as terrible as you thought.
- Have some secrets. Not about big things like debt or an unhealthy addiction but small things like bathroom habits or nose picking. A little mystery is just fine.
- Don’t fight about money. I know that money is a leading cause of divorce and all that, but if you can learn to deal with it and talk about it civilly, it will have a huge impact on your relationship.
- Separate Netflix queues. Especially if your taste is awesome and their taste sucks, which is probably the case. But it is equally important to have a few shows you can obsess over together.

Try new things together. It can be a new food, a new activity, a new genre of movie, or even socializing with a new group of friends. Having those experiences as a couple can bond you.
Take care of each other. This can be a matter of picking up tissues and NyQuil, being a shoulder to cry on or ear to listen to, or simply helping with something mundane like laundry or cooking. But that emotional physical support is key.
Embrace quirks. We’ve all got them. Some of us might have more than others. Instead of trying to change the fact that all the hangers have to face the same way or toasted bread has to go in the freezer because the texture of toast is good but the heat is not, just accept it. In fact, the quirks might even make you love the person more (or maybe not. Sometimes they make you run away and that’s okay, too).

Hate the same people. It’s so much easier if you do.
Talk to each other. Even the mundane work shit or annoying client stories or some random fact you heard on a podcast or the news, talk to one another. Sure, the long, in-depth, deep conversations about goals and the future are nice, but every so often, you need to debate the best breakfast cereal or what the hell is going to happen to Juice.
Throw out a compliment every now and again. Just to show you’re paying attention, you care, and you want your significant other to feel good.
Make time for each other. This goes with #11. You carve out time each week to spend with just your significant other, alone, to do…whatever it is you feel like doing. There are dozens of ways to find time for one another no matter how busy the schedule and doing this reminds you that your relationship is important enough to pause everything else.
Don’t compare yourself to other couples. And certainly don’t try to be like them. Every couple is distinctly different and trying to imitate someone can spell disaster for yours. Sure, another couple may have qualities you’d like to have, and that’s something to strive for but never forget what make your relationship unique and why you stay in it in the first place. Work on improving the relationship you’re in by staying true to who you are and what you value.
Be yourself. Pretending to be someone you’re not is a surefire way to ruin a relationship, no matter how long you’ve been in it. Yes, you will evolve and some things may change but at your core, you’ll be who you are. Your partner needs to love you that way. Not the way they’d like you to be.
Finally, you know that this true

Being in a relationship is work. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. But if you’re in the right relationship for you, you won’t mind doing the work. Even on the days you feel like putting your murder plan into action.

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I agreed to marry a chicken (or, how we got engaged)

August 30, 2013 by Jana 8 Comments

I recently completed one of Frugal Portland’s amazing “Get To Know Another Blogger” interviews, and, in my interview, she asked both how my husband and I met and our proposal story. Due to some of the language used, and the sheer length of the story, I gave an abridged version for the interview. Below is the complete, unedited version.

How we met

This is the boring part. We met in one of our college classes–Great Crimes, taught by Dr. John Kelly. The man was obsessed, and I mean OBSESSED, with the JFK assassination. But that point is irrelevant.

Dr. Kelly, for reasons that we still don’t understand, sat us in alphabetical order. As a result, one of my roommates sat directly next to my husband and one of our good friends/fifth roommate sat directly behind him. Since they are both extremely outgoing, they struck up a conversation with him and me, being of the beginning of the alphabet sect and designated to what was clearly the uncool part of the lecture hall, could only wave from afar.

At the end of class, we all talked some more and found out that we all lived in the same dorm. Friendships ensued, we worked on our captions (read: Dr. Kelly’s unnecessary busy work that he made us do because he was too busy mulling over the single bullet theory), I brought the husband as a date to my sorority hayride and now, almost 17 years later, we are still together.

Oh, I should also say that at the time, the husband’s mother worked in a perfume outlet. She would buy him all kinds of colognes and he actually wore them (a practice he has abandoned). He usually smelled good, too, which is why we called him “Smelly Boy”. Friend who sat behind him, Steph (who has a blog that you should read), would do random and periodic smell checks and then give a signal to me if he smelled good that do or no.

Our proposal story: The discussion

My husband and I moved in together in June 2000. This was more of a business arrangement than anything else (my roommate had gotten pregnant and graduated early; he graduated and could no longer live in his fraternity house. I had an empty room, he needed a place to live, the apartment was cheap and thus, our cohabitation begins).

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Conversations with my husband

Pillow talk

16 habits of strong relationships

I agreed to marry a chicken (or, how we got engaged)

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