I like to think I know things. Lots of things. But every now and then, something comes along and informs me that, in fact, I do not know as many things as I think. That recently happened with the movie Pitch Perfect which maybe I can’t stop watching because I’m a little sad and bored and also it’s a great movie.

So I’ve assembled what I’ve learned in a list because I like lists and also because I always wanted one of those “All I Needed to Know I Learned From My Cat” posters when I was younger but never had because I wasn’t allowed to hang things on the walls of my room (except for one year and maybe I went a little crazy hanging posters of the long haired beauties of late 80s hair bands and then my parents made me cull the herd). Anyway.

Here’s my list of “9 Things I Didn’t Know Until I Watched Pitch Perfect“:

1. It’s acceptable to barge in on someone in the shower and compel them to sing while completely naked. And have them do it. The next time I’m in the vicinity of Matt Damon while he’s in the shower, I’m totally copying this technique.
2. Elizabeth Banks and John Michael Higgins need to do color commentary for everything. EVERYTHING. The State of the Union would be so much more exciting–and watched–if you brought them in. Think about it.
3. Random, empty swimming pools make not only excellent locations for parties but the acoustics are outstanding and make great rehearsal spots. Now I know how to make extra cash off my pool.
4. Horizontal running and mermaid dancing are activities that really need to catch on as exercise trends. Immediately. I mean, they’re certainly better than this.
5. The Breakfast Club is, in fact, the greatest movie in the history of time (which I already knew but Pitch Perfect reinforced). It has social commentary, humor and heals fractured relationships. That’s a quality film, y’all.
6. Stress induced projectile vomiting is both disturbing and hilarious. And kind of impressive.
7. The world needs more Fat Amys.
8. It doesn’t matter what other people say or do to you. If you’re doing what you love, keep doing it. Don’t give up. Success will come to you. Although maybe, if you’re randomly conjuring birds and hamsters, dial that back a bit.
9. Moderately attractive guys who can sing and are funny will almost always trump spectacular looking guys with no sense or humor or discernible talent. Because this:

So there you have it. Things I didn’t know but do now. And now you know them, too.

You’re welcome.