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This week in…:Volume 18

May 22, 2015 by Jana 10 Comments

This week in reading…Finished True Story: Murder, Memoir and Mea Culpa and Saving Francesca. Working on The Storied Life of AJ Firky and What Alice Forgot. Picked up Forever, Interrupted, Wonder, Big Little Lies, and The Long Home. Full recap of everything during the next Show Us Your Books linkup on June 9.

This week in disappointment…If you follow me on Instagram, you saw that we rescued 3 baby birds living in my daughter’s bathroom vent. We tried as hard as we could but all 3 babies died. And the mother attacked my husband while he was trying to get her out of the attic. So there was that.

This week in dumbassery…I locked myself out of my own blog because I clearly can’t type in my password properly. Then I almost forgot to unlock myself before I wrote Thursday’s post and had to stop at the library because free wifi and I had books on hold anyway.

This week in being social…Despite my general malaise over everything life, I managed to out on pants and engage with people three times this week. And I had a conversation with 2 of my neighbors. Not bad for a hermit with depression.

This week in things that are delicious…My homemade brownies, thanks to this amazing recipe from Hershey’s (note: I don’t use Hershey’s products when I make them. Still full of chocolatey goodness). I do halve the recipe and forgo the walnuts. I’ve also never made the frosting because honestly, the brownies are phenomenal and addictive enough on their own.

This week in listening…I don’t know what I was listening to that made it play, but I heard this song, “You Are My Las Vegas” by Red Wanting Blue, and it’s an adorable song with an even more adorable video. Watch now.

This week in how the hell did I get so old…May 26 marks 25 years since my bat mitzvah. TWENTY FIVE FREAKING YEARS. What the hell? Perhaps I should have saved this for next week’s edition but I’m old and will probably forget so I have to say it now. While I remember. #oldpeopleproblems

This week in talking to my husband…He was pontificating about something space related because he’s reading a book written by an astronaut and I tuned him out because that shit bores me but whatever he said made this happen–

Me: You know that book is not a passport, right?

Husband: Yes it is. It’s a passport to knowledge.

This week in my cat’s body count…She’s killed at least 2 bunnies. Not sure what else. I don’t think I want to know. I don’t know how something so cute can be such a vicious murderer. I think people said the same thing about Ted Bundy.

This week in funnies…

Have a great weekend, y’all! I have yet to be determined plans and I’ll be back on either Monday or Tuesday, depending on how the weekend goes.

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#shareyourugly

May 21, 2015 by Jana 23 Comments

I hadn’t planned on writing this post today but after my conversation during a 2+ hour lunch with Steph yesterday, I decided it’s necessary. It might get convoluted and circular, and I apologize in advance for that.

I am not okay.

In fact, I am the exact opposite of okay. I’m a disaster. A mess.

I have unpaid bills. My house is decidedly less than clean. I have errands to run, emails to answer, calls to make, jobs to apply for, a gray streak in my hair I need to dye, blogs I need to catch up on, and plans that I desperately want to cancel yet I do none of it. I want to smile and mean it, laugh and feel better, and understand that it is okay to ask for help. But it takes all my strength to get out of bed and brush my teeth each morning and there’s not much left over for anything else. I sleep like shit when I actually do fall asleep. I have no motivation to do anything except sit on the couch and play endless games of Rummikub on my iPad or read books. I’m still grieving my miscarriage. I’m still unemployed. My depression is at an all time high (low?).

I feel like an epic failure.

I tell you all this not for sympathy or pity or anything other than I want to share the fact that, despite the humor you might read in a post or a cute picture you might see on Instagram, there’s more going on behind the scenes. My life is not a beautiful, staged on a white background array of sunshine and rainbows. My life, at times, is ugly and awful and not at all enviable. And I tell you that because I know that someone, somewhere, feels like she (or he) is the only one with ugliness in her life. And I want that person to know she’s not.

We all have darkness. We all have moments when everything feels like it’s falling apart and will never be put back together. We all have moments of shame and sadness and messiness and absolute wretchedness.

Bloggers don’t often do a good job of conveying that, although some are spectacular at it (think The Bloggess, Allie Brosh, and a couple of others I follow with quasi-regularity). But there’s more who hide the ugly than share. And I think that needs to stop. Bloggers have a reach that other people don’t, and you never know how your words can affect someone. Which is why, bloggers (and nonbloggers), I’m encouraging you to share your ugly. Whether it’s a picture or post or tweet or whatever, share something with your readers that isn’t shiny and perfect. I’m not talking a picture of you sweaty after a 10 mile run or epic leg day at the gym. No one looks good after that. I’m talking about showing about a failure in the kitchen. A stain on the rug that you hide with a piece of furniture. A huge zit you cover up with makeup. Something, anything that strips away, even for one small minute, any delusions of perfection your readers and followers may see.

Our words and images are powerful. We never know who we’re reaching or who’s touched or impacted by what we say. It’s a hard thing, reading blogs and only ever seeing perfection. If that’s what people are using as a basis for comparison, it’s an impossible standard to achieve and can do more harm than good.

So tell your story.

Divulge your scars.

Discuss your battles.

Show your ugly.

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#countrythoughts

May 13, 2015 by Jana 20 Comments

Confession: I’m a suburban girl, born and raised. Then I spent most of my adult life living in the suburbs. And now I live in the country. Sort of. It’s hard to describe because Delaware is a weird place. We don’t exactly have a big city (Wilmington is the closest we come and let’s face it, it’s really Philly lite) and anything “below the canal” as we call it is considered rural. True story. It’s how we were able to get a USDA backed mortgage, only available for rural areas. And I live across the street, literally, from a farm so even though my house is in a neighborhood that’s technically a golf course community (another very convoluted description), we’re in the country.

It’s not as ideal as it sounds.

I mean, it’s better than the suburbs. Clean air, less neighbors and congestion, and open spaces are a wonderful way of life. But let’s check out the rest by examining some actual thoughts I’ve had in the 2 years we’ve been here:

It’s so peaceful and quiet. Wait, was that a gunshot? What the fuck? Do we live that close to a deer blind? I feel they should have disclosed that before we bought the house. #gunfireisscarynomatterwhereyoulive

Also, when did I get to the point in my life that I purposefully live near a deer blind? Or even know what a deer blind is? #wedonthavethoseinsuburbia

Living across from a farm is great. OMG, what is that smell?? #burnsthenostrils

I need to let the dogs out to pee. But there’s a big, scary spider/bug hanging out on the screen door. What if it gets in the house? I can’t take that chance. #heldhostagebyinsects

No, I will not pull weeds in the front yard, husband. Why? #becausesnakesthatswhy

We need to go to town. We need things. #whatmaingallsusedtosay

My lawn looks like a horror movie. I wonder if this was the inspiration for Hitchcock’s “The Birds” #ihatebirds #whyaretheresodamnmany

If I wasn’t already indoorsy, the amount of bugs swarming around my backyard would make me that way. This amount of bugs bites is not normal. #imtiredofbeingitchy

The library has file drawers where people can donate or pick up seed packets. Of course it does. #onlyaincountrylibrary

I’m going to have to go back to using a landline and answering machine circa 1992 because Verizon doesn’t have the capacity to handle us country dwellers. If they did, I’d actually receive calls. #thankfullyistillgettexts

This conversation:

Me: Did you see the dead rabbit on our sidewalk by the mailbox this morning?

Husband: No, I drove by it.

Me: How did you drive by it?

Husband: I wasn’t paying attention.

Me: That’s disturbing. Well, it’s been moved onto our lawn by someone not me and a…piece was left on the sidewalk. You’re going to have to get rid of both sections when you get home because I’m not touching it. Carcass removal is your job. #deadanimalsarenotafunwaytostartyourday #thisdidnthappenintheoldhouse

Where you do you live? What are some thought you have about it?

Linking up for #hashtaghumpday

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#confessions

May 6, 2015 by Jana 43 Comments

It occurred to me that it’s been a while since I’ve done a confessions post so I decided to do one today. I know how much you all like when I bare my soul about all the little things that make me..well, me.

Enjoy.

I have a soapbox post all planned but I’m publishing it on Monday instead because Mondays are good for ranting. #crypticbloggerinformation

My neighbors who I can’t stand are no longer living in their house. It’s up for sheriff’s sale. #ishouldfeelsorryforthembutidont

I went to Disney two weeks ago and have yet to blog about it or share pictures. I don’t think I will. But I will share that the most common thought that went through my mind the entire time we were there was “just how many people have my fat ass in the background of their pictures?” #imnotabackdrop #ormaybeiam

Speaking of Disney, I really need to upload and print pictures from our trip so I can redo the frames in our living room. There’s no real reason I haven’t done it yet except for the fact that I’m #lazy and I despise picking out which ones to buy. #whyisitsodifficult

Have I mentioned that I have an Amazon gift card and I can’t figure out what to buy? I keep changing the items in my cart because I’m afraid of buyer’s remorse. #thestruggleisreal

I’m tired of watching every penny that comes and goes. I know we’re doing it for a good reason but holy hell, enough is enough. I just want to splurge on some things. #budgetexhaustion

I’m not enjoying this season of Mad Men and I’m happy that it’s ending. #thereisaidit

School is over in 4 weeks. The last day of school is the day before my birthday. #worstbirthdaypresentever

On that subject, I know it’s customary to give end of year teacher gifts but honestly, I’m not a huge fan of my daughter’s teacher and I don’t really feel like doing anything for her. #butiwill #dowhatsright

I’ll admit that I’m fascinated with the Duggars and while I don’t agree with their opinions on most social issues, I respect their right to do and say whatever they want. But the Kardashian-like coverage that a)they’ve been getting and b)bringing upon themselves is making me seriously question their motives. #hypocrisymuch

The Mets and Orioles are playing each other this week. I’m a Mets fan and my husband is an Orioles fan. I told him we’re not friends until Friday and my daughter said she’s ready to hear lots of smack talk and cursing. #werenotbadparents #really

I promised my daughter a week ago I’d make her brownie bites but I haven’t done it yet because I don’t feel like turning on the oven and also, I’m confident I’ll wind up eating more of the batter than making actual brownies. #thisiswhyimfat

The other day, my husband said we need to buy a new hose attachment with a regulator on it. I told him I was naming it Warren G. #damnitfeelsgoodtobeagangsta

I totally sneak movie lines into conversations every single day. #ijustdidabove

Remember when I interviewed myself about my reading habits? I had planned to turn that into a series of interviews and then life shit all over me and it got derailed. But it’s back on track now so if you volunteered to be interviewed, check your email in the next week for a list of questions from me. If you didn’t volunteer but want to now, let me know so I can include you. #booknerdsunite

That’s all for now. What are you #confessing this week?

Linking up for #hashtaghumpday

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#random

April 8, 2015 by Jana 19 Comments

It’s happening. I’m on the #hashtaghumpday bandwagon.

This week is spring break. I don’t even know what I’ve been doing with myself except I’m really glad insomnia picked this week to set in. Because, you know, why sleep when you actually have a chance? #imexhausted

I bought three new candles yesterday and none of them were the scent I actually wanted because the Yankee Candle outlet didn’t have the Chocolate Truffle. But the ones I bought do smell like other food. #imfatsomycandlessmelllikecake

Grocery shopping this week included me buying salad dressing, which I rarely buy because I make my own. After we all ate some of it, we realized the expiration date was in November. 2014. #acmeistryingtopoisonme

I have been trying to read The One Hundred Year Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared for roughly a month but I keep realizing that I have other books due back before that one and I get sidetracked. #readerproblems

Does anyone else get annoyed when “friends” share stories on Facebook without either a)reading the whole post/article or b)fact check before sharing? No? Just me?#checkyourshitbeforeyoushare

Baseball is back and all is right with the world. And since it’s April, that means the Mets are actually doing well thus far because they haven’t had enough time to fuck it up yet. #buttheywill

Let’s talk Mad Men for a minute. I mostly liked this week’s episode. It had one major flaw, though. Well, two if you count not enough Peggy/Stan screen time. But the one I’m referring to is the horrible atrocity that sat on Roger’s face. I don’t care that most people love it or it’s the quintessential 70s. It made me irrationally angry. #makeitstop #iwanttoshaveitoff

Roscoe P. Coltrane died (well, James Best, the actor who played him died). Jill Duggar had her baby the same day. That is the most bizarre example of the circle of life I can imagine. #obscurecelebritygossipismyjam

This post has no pictures or gifs because I’m too lazy to go look for some. #noshame

I wish I knew just how much of my brain is being taken up by song lyrics because I’m fairly confident that that’s the reason I can’t remember basic things like feeding my dogs or washing my face in the shower. I comfort myself with the fact that my taste in music is spectacular and I’ve made room for what’s important. #musiccomesfirst #clearly

It might not be crazy warm out but it’s warm enough where I can FINALLY turn off the heat in my house. #iloveloweringmybills

Last week, I bought a jar of pickles for our Seder. I ate almost the whole jar by myself in one day. #dontevencare #dontliketoshare

#storyofmylife #iliedbeforeaboutnopictures

Happy Wednesday!

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This week in…:Volume 18

#shareyourugly

#countrythoughts

#confessions

#random

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