It’s time for another round of Humpday Confessions with Kathy at Vodka and Soda. This time, I’m admitting all the crappy things I do as a parent. I’ve had this stuff brewing for awhile and it’s about time I let it all out. Or, take it as a way to feel better about yourself if you are a parent. And, if you’re not, you can take notes on what to do, or what not to do.
It’s not that I’m a bad mother. It’s just that, well, maybe sometimes I do, or don’t do, anything I want. Because I can. It’s a beautiful privilege.
- Like how when my daughter was about 2 and learning all the animal sounds, I convinced her that every time you see that animal, you have to say hello by making its noise to it. So, if we saw a cow, she’d say “moo”. She’s 7 and still does it and it amuses me. Every. Single. Time.
- I totally schedule play dates based on whose parents I can tolerate. The more I like the other kid’s parent, the more play dates we have.
- I am not a sit on the floor and play Barbies kind of mom. I’ll play board games, do crafts, bake, read stories. Anything but Barbie.
- If I’m really tired and want to nap, I’ll say “let’s watch a movie and you can pick”. Inevitably she’ll pick a terrible, boring movie and I get to nap and she thinks she won because she got extra TV time.
- She talks constantly. I think every single thought that pops into her head comes out of her mouth. To give myself some quiet during the day (oh, right. I stay home with her), I tell her she has to do her 20 minutes of daily reading at the point in the day I can’t take it anymore.
- Her sport of choice is cheerleading. I love my daughter. I do not love the cheerleading environment and secretly, and sometimes not so secretly, I mock it. I appreciate the athleticism that goes into competitive cheerleading but cheer moms make dance moms look normal and Bring It On? That shit is real, y’all. And then there’s the whole issue of cheer politics. Insanity.
- Cheerleading irks me so much sometimes that I try to get her to quit. #noshame
- When it comes to her TV shows, I tell her she’s not allowed to watch shows I don’t like. Like Spongebob. That porous, pineapple living motherfucker can kiss my ass.
- When people tell me my child is cute or pretty, I never know how to respond. I mean, I respond with “thank you” because what I want to say is “I know” but that seems way too arrogant.
- When she does or says something mean or snarky or rude, and it’s funny on top, it’s hard to reprimand her. I do but my laughing probably negates the whole thing. And occasionally, I don’t even try.