I am not what you would call “career focused”. Don’t misunderstand; I take my work seriously and I do my best (well, usually). But being CEO or some high powered, high priced fill in the blank has never been important to me. And I’ve also had a slight lack of focus for much of my working life. It wasn’t until recently that I’ve finally put it all together into a job that not only I’m good at, but I’m completely equipped for and motivated to do and work towards that proverbial C-suite (even if I truly never want to be in the C-suite because that means pants and pants are stupid).
While I’ve been traipsing around the working landscape, it also occurred to me that there are a good number of jobs that I would be 100% completely and utterly terrible at. I asked my husband for input on this list as well and here’s our top 10:
- Golf caddy. Not only do I hate golf but as The Husband put it, I’d get asked “what club should I use” and I’d reply “I don’t fucking care”.
- Pirate. The energy that goes into being a pirate just seems excessive. Plus, I don’t really like boats.
- Cult leader. Unless it’s the leader of the “do whatever the fuck you want” cult, I’m not cut out for that kind of leadership. My husband is. It’s actually a tad scary.
- Boxer/MMA fighter/Ninja. I’m too clumsy to be a ninja and as for the other two, well, I’ll leave that to people like Kathy who are in shape.
- Sport announcer. I like sports. I just don’t want to announce them. Also, I lose focus easily and my co-host would be all “DID YOU SEE THAT?! THAT WAS THE PLAY OF THE YEAR!” and I’d be all “Nope. I missed it. I did see that bird over there, though”.
- Reality show star. A) Is that even a real job (The Husband says it is)? and B) I don’t want to be famous.
- Farmer. Probably one of the most difficult jobs around. I, however, don’t like to get up early, I’m too lazy to garden, and barnyard animals smell terrible. Hard pass.
- Long haul trucker. I have a terrible sense of direction. I’d take a wrong turn, end up God knows where, and abandon my truck and whatever I’m hauling.
- Prostitute. Diseases and going to jail aside, I’m not good late at night and I’m not really great at pricing my services either. A pimp seems like it’d be the way to go here but I feel that could get tricky (no pun intended but LOL at my terrible joke anyway) without a contract and unless we’re hitting up Saul Goodman, probably won’t be able to get that done.
- Hedge fund manager. What the fuck is a hedge fund?
Then we had this conversation:
Husband: I do think you’d be an excellent executioner?
Me: Like in the old days? When you chopped people’s heads off?
Husband: No, now. You’d be good at pushing the switch for the electric chair.
Me: I disagree but we can debate that if you’d like. I’m open to a new perspective.
(P.S. For the record, I would not be good in this position. I have strong opinions about the death penalty and the moral, legal, and ethical issues surrounding it but for the sake of this post, let’s just see the humor in the conversation.)
Oh, and here’s the song the post title comes from:
What jobs would you be terrible at?
