Here’s something that will probably get me kicked out of every successful person’s club ever created:
It’s okay to quit. It’s okay to quit jobs, friends, relationships, hobbies, being an adult (temporarily), and anything else that’s infuriating, exhausting, unpleasant or plain not fun. If it makes you unhappy, it’s fine to let it go, even if sometimes you have no backup plan (except for maybe the job thing. You might want to quit paying bills because, let’s face it, that totally sucks but maybe being homeless or living in the dark sucks more so if you’re going to quit a job, have some form of income). If it’s toxic to your mental health, well being, self-esteem, marriage/romantic relationship, parenting ability, or anything else important, quit it. Drop it. Let it go.
It’s like Shinedown sings–“Sometimes good-bye is a second chance”.
You see, sometimes when we quit, it gives us a chance to look at things from a new perspective. We realize just how much we’ve lost–occasionally gained (because there’s something to be learned from every situation)–from the time spent on something that we knew was poisoning our souls and infecting our lives. Letting go of what hurts us, quitting what makes us sad, opens our eyes more to what makes us happy and gives us a chance to focus on what’s good in our lives. And it affords us an opportunity to start over.
Not making sense? Let me give an example.
A few years ago, I worked at a job I loved for a boss I hated. Like genuinely loathed this woman for reasons I’ve explained before. So every Friday (or Monday or Thursday. Fine, every day), I quit my job. In my head, of course, but I actually said the words “I quit” (followed by a tirade of expletives). It was empowering for a few reasons:
- It gave me some control over the situation.
- It was cathartic.
- It gave me a chance to regroup.
By quitting, I was able to put the stress of the day behind me and take stock of what was really important, like my family, my writing, my hobbies. I was able to be present and have fun and remember that I do, overall, love my life. Because when I didn’t do that, my life was swallowed whole by the bullying and general meanness of this woman and it affected every facet of my life. Every. One. And everyone around me suffered. So to take back some control of my life and my emotions, I gave her a virtual “fuck you”. I up and quit on her, leaving her floundering with no one to pick up the slack and do her work.
And it felt good. And when I went into work the next day, I had at least a few minutes of perspective before all the crap started again and I had to go through the whole process over again.
So maybe that was a bad example. But you’re all smart and I think you get the point. And my main point is this–it is really okay to quit. People do it with bad habits all the time (says the reformed nail biter). It’s not worth keeping anything around–people included–that suck your time and energy and detracts from you doing what it is you’re meant to do or want to do.
Quitting what’s toxic also opens you up to people and experiences that support you and your goals. It gives you the freedom to pursue what your heart is telling you (as long as you can get your head to shut up). It gives you an inner peace that cannot be bought. And it makes our lives so much better.
If you have something or someone toxic in your life, quit it (or them). Just let it go. I know it’s easier said than done and I’m in the middle of this struggle myself. But I promise that in the end, in the long term, it’ll be completely worth it.
P.S. This doesn’t apply to goals or dreams. I don’t think you should ever quit on that. But if there’s something standing in your way of achieving those goals or dreams, then yes, by all means. Quit away.
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[…] Says wrote a great piece on why Sometimes it’s okay to quit. Nothing makes me relate to a post more than a story about a crazy boss. I’ve had my […]
I totally agree, I don’t think you should remain in situations or relationships where your’e being held down. While I would not quit a job before I had another one, I have been in a position where I considered myself a temp because I was out there job hunting.
I have quit relationships with negative dramatic people and never regretted it for a minute.
SMD @ Life According to Steph recently posted…the weekend that was – first in August edition
I’m in the midst of kicking some people out of my life. They are poison to me and my self-esteem, which is incredibly low to begin with. I don’t them around to make it worse. That’s not what friends do.
I felt guilty recently for canceling coaching volleyball for these two little girls who were just plain exhausting and one of them was a spoiled, unhappy little brat. The money was good so I thought I could just muddle through it, but in the end I cancelled two lessons because it just wasn’t worth it. I would like to quit working with this producer I work with but right now it’s still what pays the majority of my bills. But I’m doing everything I can to move away from working with him. It’s tough.
Budget and the Beach recently posted…Finding Balance
That is a tough spot but it’s good that you recognize it and are working to change it.
I also agree, if something is draining your energy and optimism…give it a break. As you rightly point out, it gives one the opportunity to view stuff in perspective and re-arrange life accordingly. I’ve had to quit on some friends, its not simple but I believe some things ought and need to be done is one is to move to the next level!
Simon @ Modest Money recently posted…Horizon Gold or First Progress, Which Is Best For Credit Improvement?
Leaving a friendship is hard and emotional but sometimes, it’s just so worth it and totally the right thing to do.
I agree with you on the job front– be patient but if you go months and months and it doesn’t improve, it’s not worth your sanity. At my last job I had a very hot/cold boss who could be your best friend one moment and your worst enemy the next. She even treated me rudely after I gave my two weeks! It only cemented the fact that I definitely made the right decision in leaving that position.
Tara @ Streets Ahead Living recently posted…Happy Monday to you too!
I could write an entire post on the crappy way that lady treated me after I gave my two weeks. It’s lesson on how to be the worst, most selfish manager ever. She is probably the finest case study around.
And sadly, she’s still in charge!
I’m on medical leave from a toxic work environment, that was destroying me mentally. I’ve been looking for 8 months for a new job, and haven’t had any luck. In 4 weeks, I’m supposed to go back to this job, but I’m trying everything not to. This post helps – a lot. Thanks!
Amanda recently posted…My First U.S. Invasion – Oh, and I’m Giving Away $900
Happy to do what I can.
I know it’s hard to believe right now but something good WILL come out of your situation.
I have quit friendships because of the emotional drain. It is not easy, but your mental health is soooooooo worth it.
shanendoah@dog ate my wallet recently posted…Giveaway Winner
I completely agree. I feel so much better since I’ve let some bad friendships go.