Sandy Hook: What I wanted to say

This post is not about personal finance. I understand if you’d like to skip it. Normal personal finance talk will resume on Wednesday.

As the parent of a 6 year old, friend of teachers, and general human being, I spent (like almost everyone else) this past weekend sorting through a jumbled mess of emotions in the wake of the Sandy Hook school shooting. I waffled back and forth about telling my daughter what happened (I haven’t, for reasons including not wanting her to be terrified of going to school). I found myself on the brink of tears reading about the heroics of the school staff and the heartache of the parents who have spoken to the media. I wished that I could reach out to every parent of every victim and give them a hug or just hold their hands while they cry. I read the words of much more eloquent people than me and thought, “now that’s a great expression of emotion. That says exactly what I’m thinking”.

But still, I felt I needed to say something. I had a lot of thoughts but I didn’t know how to say them properly so I mainly kept them to myself.  I thought maybe I’d tell you some of what I thought about saying and maybe you can tell me how you feel. So I’ll go first:

I wanted to say that my heart is broken for the parents and siblings and other family members of the victims. I can’t begin to imagine what they’re going through. No parent should have to bury a child and certainly not from something this horrific.

I wanted to say that public schools, especially elementary schools, still are safe. Most schools take as many precautions as they possibly can to protect the kids and staff, and that one nightmare incident, one incident that took place despite the efforts of the school, is not at all reflective of the security measures at schools. But still, I can’t help but be a little extra nervous knowing that I have to bring my daughter to school.

I wanted to say that the teachers, the survivors and the deceased, are heroes. Several of them gave their lives to protect those kids and the ones that were able to keep their classes safe deserve recognition beyond words. I am blessed that my daughter has a teacher who would do that and hope many other parents feel the same.

I wanted to say that all the first responders to the scene have my utmost respect. The carnage, the bodies of children, that they witnesses must be incomprehensible and the fact that they were able to conduct their jobs efficiently and professionally is just incredible.

I wanted to say that I am outraged with the traditional media. Many of these networks and reporters have no interest in anything beyond getting the first scoop and making their story as sensationalist as possible. Swarming to interview the kids–even with their parents’ permission–is deplorable and I hope that it prompts the networks to think about how they conduct themselves. Some things are more important that being first in the ratings. And as for treating the shooter like he’s some sort of enigmatic celebrity? Shame on you.

I wanted to say that I am also outraged with the so-called “friends” of the shooter who are using this incident as a way to get their 15 minutes of fame. If you haven’t talked to him in years or were his elementary school bus driver (or whatever it was), you provide absolutely no insight into him as a person and I can only assume you are a fame whore. That is disgusting and you should be ashamed for exploiting the deaths of children for your own personal gain.

I wanted to say (and this was one thing that I actually did say) a big fuck you to the Westboro Baptist Church. They are vile, horrendous, immoral people who are not only proof that just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should but they are also proof that that level of fanaticism needs to be contained. The funerals of murdered children is not the place to spread their agenda of hate.

I wanted to say that I am saddened for the shooter’s family. They have to live with the stigma of what he did for the rest of their lives. And his brother? Has now lost a mother. That’s not fair either.

I wanted to say that to ask “why” or seek a good, legitimate explanation is useless. Not because it’s unimportant but because no answer will ever be satisfactory. There will never be a good enough reason why a 20 year old man chose to kill his mother, 27 strangers, and himself. We can explain his behavior and his choices but his motive? For me, no words will ever be good enough to explain that.

I wanted to say that we do need to have open discussions about gun control and mental health care in this county. But we need to do it civilly, without resorting to name calling, threats, or any other ridiculous, shameful behavior. Because to conduct ourselves in that way is a dishonor to all of those who have lost their lives as the result of a mass shooting. This includes the victims of Columbine, Aurora, Virginia Tech, Sandy Hook, and all of the other incidents in the last 15 years.

So that’s what I wanted to say. And now that I’m done, I’m going to go hug my child and thank G-d for every day that I get to spend with her. And I’m going to pray that we, as a country, can heal from this. And I’m going to hope that we can fix what’s broken so no one–no parent, teacher, sister, brother, grandparent, friend, neighbor 17 blocks away–ever has to go through anything like this ever again.