Reader response: Why didn’t I learn?

A few weeks ago, I guest posted on Debt Free by 30 skills I have in my 30s that I didn’t have in my 20s. In of the comments, a reader asked why I never learned those skills. I thought it was a great question that deserved its own post as a response.

The short answer is that I was lazy. Talking and thinking about money were boring to me so I didn’t do it. Finances were one of those things that I knew I needed to learn but at 20, 21, 22, didn’t seem necessary. I just figured my money would take care of itself. I knew I needed to pay my bills but that meant once a month, sitting down with my roommate and writing checks to our cable provider, our landlord and to my credit card. That was it.  I didn’t think about budgeting, retirement, savings or anything even remotely related to that stuff. Why? Because that stuff is what old people worry about.

I forgot that one day I was going to be one of those “old people”. It didn’t occur to me that one day, I was going to finish school and all of the insulation that goes along with being a student would be stripped away. I didn’t think that one day I would live in a place where utilities would not be included in the cost of living. I failed to realize that being fiscally responsible in my early 20s would leave me more options as I moved into my 30s. I didn’t consider the fact that there’d be a day where I’d have to rely on my income to meet my obligations. I just assumed that I would graduate, get a job, and everything else would take care of itself (including any debt I incurred. I suppose I believed a genie would pay it off for me).

Part of the reason was my parents. I know it’s cliché to blame my parents for my financial ignorance in my early 20s but sadly, it’s true. My mother has absolutely no idea how to handle money. I remember every Sunday night my dad sitting at his desk balancing my mother’s checkbook. I remember him yelling at her that she added when she should have subtracted. I remember him getting frustrated that my mother consistently forgot to input checks that she wrote. And I remember that not once, did he ever call me over to his desk so that he could teach me what he was doing. My dad is kind of an intimidating man, especially when he’s angry, and I never wanted to ask for fear of getting yelled at myself (I got yelled at plenty for other things. I opted to stay away from this).

I was also never taught about the importance of long term savings. After my bat mitzvah, my dad had me sit down and sign the back of about 100 checks that I received but he never took the opportunity to explain where they were going or why.  Being just shy of 13, I didn’t even think to ask. I just trusted that my dad knew what he was doing and that he was putting the money away for me for when I was older.  I should’ve asked and I should’ve taken the time to learn because as it turned out, the money got used for other stuff. I’m still not sure what or why and I’m sure not going to ask.

Now that I’ve properly blamed my parents for not seizing teachable moments, let’s reflect inward as to why I didn’t learn. We’ve sufficiently covered the fact that I failed to ask questions, I’m lazy and I thought that money was something only old people thought about. But wait! There’s more. Lots more.  For instance, I always thought that money was just something I couldn’t understand. When I was in high school, we were required to take economics. We learned about the stock market, investing, credit cards—all of it. And it bored the crap out of me, mainly because it sounded like I was learning some obscure foreign language. I don’t know about you but when I get bored and information is too complicated, I shut down. I decide that I’ll never understand it and I quit trying to learn. Such was the case with money.

Let’s pause and discuss cooking for a moment. I did not learn to cook for a few reasons. One, I was incapable of cooking without starting a fire (I’m better now. I only start one fire per year instead of per week). Two, my firesetting prowess made my parents forbid me from using anything in the kitchen that was not the microwave. Three, that’s what restaurants and take-out were for! I did cook some things—pasta and chicken. I was really good at making sandwiches and soups (from a can but whatever) and I never starved. My expenses at this point in my life were so low that going out to eat was no big deal.  Cooking was not a priority because I had money (or so I thought).

And now we return to money.  As I mentioned in my post, I didn’t practice self-control either. That was a skill I had to grow into gradually. This was actually something my parents did do right. While they were really good about buying me everything that I needed and most of what I wanted, there were times where they adamantly refused and they made me save my allowance and babysitting money in order to purchase something extravagant like a brand new camera or a Coach wallet. However, once I became an “adult”, all of that patience went out the door. I bought what I wanted, when I wanted because I didn’t have the forethought to realize that I was going to have to pay that money back. It wasn’t until I was 29 and my daughter was born and her needs had to come first did I really learn what self-control was all about. If it came down to a new outfit or diapers, the diapers were going to win every. Single. Time.

I’m not trying to justify or explain or defend why I was like this. It’s a shame really. Because now? I’m literally paying for being that way.

Come back next week when a special guest poster will explain why these are all poor excuses.