Pity party, table for 1

So it’s only Wednesday and this week pretty much sucks. In addition to some personal stuff, I’m battling the onset of a depressive episode, I’ve had my debit card number stolen, and yesterday, I found out that I need reading glasses. That last one not particularly hard because as if I wasn’t already feeling old, that sealed the fact that I am, in fact, closer to 40 than 30. Even if I feel maybe 17 on a good day.

But we’ll talk about my birthday and feelings on getting older in June. When I was born.

All of this has me feeling really bad for myself. In a “woe is me, my life sucks, and this is the worst week EVER” type self-pity. And as much as I want to crawl into bed with a book and sleep until the week is over, I need to get over this shit. I mean, when Pa Ingalls lost his entire wheat crop to grasshoppers, he didn’t cry or act out; he cleaned up and moved on. When Mary went blind, she didn’t stop sewing or learning; she just went about them differently.

And quite frankly, losing your entire source of income or your site is way worse than what I’m dealing with.

I’m not religious but I have several close friends who are, and I’ve heard them talking about finding what they’re thankful for in the midst of bad situations. I feel like this is something that the pioneers would do–being grateful in a shitty situation. Given my week, I think I’m going to give it a shot.

Here goes.

• Instead of being pissed off that my debit card number was stolen, I’m grateful that my bank is so vigilant about that stuff and I received an email notifying me of the suspicious purchase within 30 minutes of it happening. I’m grateful they have a 24 hour customer service line and they were able to freeze my card immediately. I am also grateful that all of the bills I paid using the card went through and none of my accounts are delinquent as a result. And I’m grateful that my husband has a different card number so we still have access to our money.
• Instead of being upset that I need reading glasses, I’m grateful for our health insurance that affords me the ability to have a yearly eye exam so my deteriorating eyes could get help before it became a major problem. I’m grateful that we have an FSA that had enough money in it so we could pay for the glasses because this was not at all a planned expense (so no accrued debt for the glasses). And I’m grateful other than needing glasses, I have no other issues with my eyes.
• The depression thing is a little harder. I’m not particularly thrilled about it, but I’m grateful that I know what the symptoms are so I can ward them off as best I can. I’m grateful that I have friends I can talk to who understand what this feels like, I’m grateful I have a blog where I can vent about it, and I’m grateful that I have the kind of schedule that allows for the type of self-care I need.

Gratitude is hard, yo.

But.

Having written all that out, I can’t say that I feel 100% better but it definitely did help to see how much worse it could be. I have a lot more to be happy about than I do to be upset. And wallowing in self-pity, while it feels good, isn’t going to improve anything. I own big girl panties for a reason. I think with them, and my new, healthy does of gratitude, I can make it through the rest of the week.

And, if none of that works, I can always look at this picture of Hank, the baseball dog. Because he is my favorite thing of the year so far.