Pittsburgh, being Jewish, and other things

I apologize if this makes no sense. I’ve been trying to process my thoughts about the Pittsburgh shooting since Saturday and this is the best I can do. I know I’ve left out a lot.

Yesterday, on Twitter, I saw a tweet asking for Jewish people to share what they love most about being Jewish*. I thought about answering but the truth is, I can’t. I legit do not know what I love most about it because it’s not something that, to me, is describable. It’s embedded in who I am, and it’s how I react to the world around me. Through the lens of being Jewish.

I mean, it’s not the sum total of me. There are many, many parts that are decidedly un-Jewish (whatever the fuck that means), and I’m probably more a cultural Jew than a religious, observant one, but when faced with things like grief, I find more comfort in my religion’s traditions than anything else.

And grief comprises a large part of my life lately.

This past weekend, as I’m sure you all know, a white supremacist murdered 11 people at a synagogue in Pittsburgh. I didn’t hear or read the news until a few hours after because I’ve been in the trenches with my dog, Barkley, who is having major health issues with not the greatest prognosis. When I finally had the chance to catch up, the horror that happened dominated the headlines. And I couldn’t stop reading.

Which was a curse and a blessing because when I read that the shooter went in screaming that all Jews should die, I lost it. I cried. Hard.

Because part of being Jewish is understanding that people fucking hate you. And if they don’t hate you initially, you fear that they’ll hate you when they find out you’re Jewish (or that’ll be the reason the stop liking you later on). They hate you for how you worship, they hate you because of lies spread by ignorant, hateful people, they hate you simply for existing. They hate you because of ignorance, and they think that casual antisemitism is not only funny but appropriate. We won’t discuss overt antisemitism because that’s a whole different conversation (yeah, you, asshole from Kentucky who dressed his kid as Hitler. I’m looking at you).

I have lost count of the instances of this casual antisemitism I’ve experienced. And it’s not just using the term “Nazi” to describe someone who’s a stickler about things (see: grammar nazi) and not realizing how it cheapens that word or what it invokes to a Jewish person. It’s thinking it’s funny to mispronounce Hebrew words or saying you didn’t realize someone’s Jewish because they “don’t look it” or cracking a terrible joke about saving money.

You learn to brush it aside (well, most of the time. Sometimes you need to be confrontational) with a smile. Just like you learn to accept acts of vandalism on temples or schools in predominately Jewish areas or bomb threats to Jewish Community Centers where people work and kids go to school and senior citizens receive meals and programming. You learn coping mechanisms because people you love work in these places, use these facilities. You thank G-d that at least it wasn’t those while still reeling in horror that it happened. You stand in solidarity with those directly affected.

Because, like it or not, it’s what you’re taught. Whether directly or indirectly, you’re taught fear. Even if you grow up fairly insulated, like I did on Long Island, you’re still fully aware of what goes on elsewhere. I’ll spare you the horror stories passed on to me. But what happened on Saturday is my lifelong paranoia come true.

Saturday was the full realization that hatred plus misinformation equals murder. It was an act of violence, an act of domestic terrorism, and it was a hate crime. Nothing else. To call it anything else demeans what happened.

Now, I know that people of color and other religions experience this as well. This isn’t unique to Jews. Hell, take a look at what else happened this past week alone. Particularly inside a Kroger, where a white supremacist killed two black people ONLY BECAUSE he couldn’t get into his first target–a black church.

Attacking people at their places of worship is so despicable there’s not even a word for it.

Men and women, there for Shabbat services or maybe a bris (I’m not entirely sure who was where), were MURDERED simply because they went to temple that day. They went to worship and celebrate a baby, in the way we believe it should be done. The most sacred of places was violated. Lives were taken.

It’s hard to brush this aside with a polite smile.

In Judaism, we have a tradition of, when you visit someone’s grave, you place a rock on the headstone. It’s to let them know you were there and is also a sign of respect for the deceased. Since I live so far away, I asked my friend Brynne to place a rock at a memorial set up for the victims. Not only did she do that, she placed one for several of our other Jewish friends. I still cry, knowing she did that for us.

I know in the wake of any tragedy like this, people want to help but it’s hard to know how. The only thing I can say is this: do what you can. Place a rock. Attend a vigil. Be aware of casual antisemitism. Donate to a victim’s fund. Pray. Talk about the victims, not the shooter.

Joyce Feinberg, 75

Richard Gottfried, 65

Rose Mallinger, 97

Jerry Rabinowitz, 66

Cecil Rosenthal, 59

David Rosenthal, 54

Bernice Simon, 84

Sylvan Simon, 86

Daniel Stein, 71

Melvin Wax, 88

Irving Younger, 69

Maurice Stallard (Kroger shooting victim)

Vickie Jones (Kroger shooting victim)

May their memory be a blessing.

I hate that this isn’t the first time I’ve written about mass shootings, and I hate even more that it won’t be the last. Not unless we take action. I need my child, any child really, to not be afraid to walk into a temple.

They’re already afraid to walk into school.

P.S. I’ve tried to keep politics out of this post; however, it’s almost impossible. When we have a leader spewing vitriol and lies and inciting violence, people listen. When they see him doing it with no consequence, people act. He can deny his culpability however he wants but we all know it’s true. The state of hatred in this country starts with the head. This head is fucking defective and needs to be voted the fuck out in 2 years, and in the meantime, people who will stand up to him need to be voted in. We need to fix this country.

P.P.S. This is my experience with being Jewish. There might be others who disagree with me. But that’s the thing–it’s a unique experience for all of us. One Jew does not speak for all Jews. We’re a diverse, opinionated bunch.

*If you have time, read through the whole thread. My answers match about 90% of those. Except the ones about Jewish food. I am not a big fan.