Jana Says

Managing December birthdays

December 8, 2011 by Jana 21 Comments

My daughter was born in December. (In fact, her 5th birthday is next week and I have a very special Money Tune Tuesday planned in honor of her birthday.)

When most people hear that, their first comment is “Wow. That’s awful! What do you do? Do you just combine her birthday with Christmas?” The answer is a resounding no (for the record, we also don’t combine it with Hanukkah, which we also celebrate. And also, thanks for telling me that my daughter’s birthday is awful. While I understand what you mean, it is still rude).

When we found out that I was pregnant and that my due date was December 23, we immediately began a conversation about how we were going to handle her birthday among the other holidays. We agreed that she would never have a birthday present under the tree, she would never get a birthday present after lighting the menorah nor would she get a holiday present at her birthday party. It was (and still is) extremely important to my husband and I that we recognize the importance of our daughter’s birthday.

We also realized that our budget was going to take a huge hit every December. To combat that, we had lengthy discussion about how we could plan and budget for both without going bankrupt. Since we knew it was important to make them separate and distinct, we had to plan very carefully. And, as all of these events happen every December, there’s no reason for surprise.

So what do we do to financially plan for the onslaught of holidays as well as keep her birthday separate? We follow these steps:

Separating her birthday

Plan her birthday party at least 2 weeks before Christmas. This way, there’s a clear distinction between her birthday and Christmas. As she gets older, we will probably do something small with just her close friends and then do a larger party in June.
Let our families know that we will not be combining her birthday with the other holidays. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, well meaning family friends—they all like to give gifts and like so many others, like to combine them. This obviously does not mesh with our desire to separate them. By telling them our preference, we eliminate those problems. However, should her birthday fall during Hanukkah (which is does every other year), we are fine with giving her a birthday present and a Hanukkah present on the same day. As long as they are wrapped in different paper or there is some way to distinguish one from the other.
Make the day all about her. Every year, on her actual birthday, one or both of us will take the day off of work and let her do whatever she wants (we don’t send her to school if her birthday falls on a weekday). We let her pick what we’re having for dinner and we make sure there’s a cake or cupcakes just for our family. This is also when she gets her card and gift from us.

Financially planning

Have a specific budget for each. We have a very specific price limit for each event. Her birthday party usually takes up most of the birthday budget but we still get her a small gift.
We maximize our Dependent Care account. We contribute the maximum amount allowable every year and, because of the way we structure the payments combined with the cost of daycare, we have a huge surplus every December. That money helps offset the cost of her birthday party as well as buying last minute Hanukkah and Christmas gifts.
We shop as early as possible. I can’t stand Black Friday. I can’t stand the stores at holiday time. People are pushy, rude and generally unpleasant. By getting the shopping done as early as possible (or online), I don’t have to deal with the crowds. That way, by the time her birthday and the holidays come around, I have everything on hand. And I get the added bonus of spending my weekends at home instead of battling a crazy person for a parking spot.

To most people, it would just seem easier, financially and logistically, to include her birthday with Christmas (and, in my house, Hanukkah). However, I believe that her birthday is special, and should be treated as separate and distinct from other holidays in that month. Even if it means spending extra money. By planning for it, it’s not an extra burden and my daughter never feels that her birthday has been overshadowed by something else.

Do you have a December baby? Are you a December baby? How do you feel about separating birthdays from Christmas and Hanukkah?

Reader response: Cooking for a small family with a picky eater

December 7, 2011 by Jana 4 Comments

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post on how I try to combat rising prices at the grocery store. In that post, I got a comment from one of my awesome readers, Marci, asking for the name of a particular cookbook that I referenced. In the comment, she also mentioned that she is looking for healthy recipes to feed her family of 2 (her and her son). I emailed her, we chatted and she stated that she really is looking for tricks and tips to feed a small family with a picky eater who doesn’t really eat meat. I think I can help.

I love to cook. Now. What started out as a necessity has grown into something I really enjoy doing. It gets a bit complicated in my house because I don’t eat meat but my husband and daughter do (I do occasionally eat fish). My daughter is a good eater but there are things that she refuses to eat–fish, anything green, black beans (unless they’re in chili). There are some other foods she won’t eat but that changes with the tide. What she loves one day she hates the next. That’s fine though; I’ve figured out how to trick her. But I suppose that’s not really what Marci is interested in hearing.

To deal with a picky eater and a small family, here are some tactics that I use:

Cook once, eat twice. If a recipe is for 4-6 servings, make the whole recipe. Then freeze half and use that for another meal either later in the month or another month. This reduces cooking time overall and makes menu planning a lot easier. Some people advocate once a month cooking as well.
Prepare foods that freeze well. Erin Chase, the $5 Dinner Mom, has recipes for muffins and snacks that specifically say “freeze well”. Making these recipe means that not only will you have quick, easy, go-to snacks and meals on hand, but they won’t go bad for quite a while (just make sure you label the storage container with the date)
Invest in good storage containers and bags. If you buy a package from the grocery store of say, taco shells, you know you’re not going to use all 12 in one meal for 2 people. If you have good storage, you should be able to use them the following week without them going stale. Again, make sure you label the container or bags with the date the package was opened.
Use a package of food for more than one meal. It’s true that most packages come with servings that are for more than 2 people. It’s easy for the food to go to waste. To combat that, use the food in more than one meal. For instance, about 2 weeks ago, I found a great deal on wraps (keep in mind, I don’t use coupons). They were on sale for approximately $3 for a package of 16. I knew that for those 16 wraps, I could make pizza wraps, breakfast wraps, tortilla strips for corn and salsa soup, and my husband still has some left over for lunches. You can do this with pretty much any food you can think of.
Explore vegetarian cooking. Since Marci’s son does not like most meat but eats pasta and vegetables, it’s worth it to look into vegetarian cooking. There are tons of websites and cookbooks for recipes (allrecipes.com is my favorite), and vegetarian cooking does not have to include tofu. There are lots of kid friendly vegetarian recipes as well.
Institute the “no thank you” bite. There are times where I will make something that my daughter will look at and, before trying it, will say “I don’t like that” or “Ewwww” or some variation. So we have a no thank you bite rule. That means that before she says she doesn’t like a food or before she refuses to eat it, she has to try at least one bite. If she doesn’t like it after the one bite, then she doesn’t have to finish it. This encourages the picky eater to try new foods since he knows he has an out if he doesn’t like it!
Don’t buy in bulk. I know that a common strategy for saving money is to buy in bulk but for a small family, it might create more food and money waste than produce savings. If you do coupon, you can probably save more money by using the coupons and sales than buying in bulk.
Trick ’em with shapes. For a child like Marci’s who doesn’t like foods that are combined (as in a casserole), you can use a cookie cutter to cut the foods into different shapes. Your child may not like to eat a piece of lasagna but if it’s in the shape of an airplane, he may change his mind. Cookie cutters are pretty inexpensive (I bought mine for $.50) and work wonders on a picky eater.
Let the child help with menu planning and meal preparation. Since I’ve started including my daughter in my weekly menu planning and asking her to help make our meals, she’s been much more open to trying new foods. It gives her a sense of pride to know that she helped and she wants to try the (sometimes literal) fruits of her labor.

Do you have any tips for Marci?

Foster parenting is NOT a side job

December 5, 2011 by Jana 12 Comments

I try to keep this blog as upbeat and as entertaining as possible. I try to stay away from anything controversial because, if you know me, then you know that I’m about as controversial as vanilla ice cream. I’m not one to get up on a soapbox and proclaim my views and opinions for all to hear. Although I write this blog, it really belongs to you–my readers. I try to write about what you want to read (or what I think you want to read) and I don’t think that my opinions on the topics of the day are what you want to read. But sometimes I need to break that rule. Sometimes I really, really need to get something off my chest. This? Is one of those times.

About a week or so ago, I was reading a very well-written post on a very large, popular blog. The post was about different scenarios for single moms and dad and how they manage their finances. Overall, I agreed with everything said. However, there was one sentence that stuck out for me and I have not been able to get it out of my head. In one of the scenarios, this is what she wrote “Sadie has taken in a foster child to offer companionship for her son and to increase their income.” I almost went through the roof.

As someone who works in child welfare, I am appalled at the thought of even suggesting that someone take in a foster child for extra income, never mind referring to said child as offering companionship. This is a child, not a puppy! To even intimate that a foster child is “companionship” is both disgusting and offensive.

Putting a child in foster care is not something that happens frivolously or without any thought. If a child is removed from a home, it is usually due to severe neglect, abuse or dependency, or some combination of the three. It is traumatic for the child because, even though he might have been abused, the abuser is most likely the only parent or guardian he has ever known and is quite attached to that person. Not only that, these are children with trust issues, psychological issues, medical issues, educational issues–you name it, they probably have some of it. To put that child into a home where the person is doing it purely for side income does a service to no one.

Let’s focus on the money for a minute. Yes, it is true that foster parents get paid. I’m sure that in some instances it is a fair amount of money, especially for a child with special needs. And unlike with biological children, many expenses don’t have to be paid out of pocket. Children in foster care are usually on Medicaid, receive purchase of care for day care assistance, get clothing stipends and are eligible for other state services. Yes, this relieves the financial burden on the foster parents while allowing that person to do a very good and noble thing by being a foster parent. But no one should EVER contemplate becoming a foster parent solely for the money.

Foster parenting is hard, hard work. For starters, you are accepting into your home a child with many of the issues mentioned above. With those issues come the following: doctors, court dates, social workers/case workers, therapists, teachers and other school personnel, probation officers (in many instances), biological parents, visitation with biological parents, guardians ad litem, child advocates, and I’m sure I’ve left out a few. As a foster parent, you need to manage all of these people in the child’s life and, in many instances, attend meetings and court dates just like you would for your own child or children. This could mean time off of work (if you don’t have paid vacation or personal time, are you OK with losing the time/money?) or personal calls and business at work (is your boss OK with this?). It could mean spending your own money on the child, too.

I was speaking to a foster parent a few weeks ago about a particular child. This foster parent had gotten the child a membership at the local YMCA, took him on family outings such as the movies and dinner, and was working with the child to set up his own lawn mowing business. These expenses are not paid through our children’s department, They are paid for out of the foster parents’ own pockets (which, yes, may be lined a bit with the money they’re receiving from fostering). But the point is they were not treating the child like companionship; they were treating him like a family member. That? Is the point of fostering. To provide a temporary but stable family-like environment for a child whose family is in crisis. It’s why the term “parent” is in the title.

There’s no denying that there is a shortage of foster homes. Many teenagers are being put into group homes that often do more damage than good. But to simply take on the task of becoming a foster parent for side income is both foolish and selfish. If it is something that you are strongly considering, or even lightly considering, I suggest you contact your local foster care coordinator to see what is required. What’s the process for being approved? What training do you have to go through? What types of kids do you expect to see coming into your home? Do you have the discretion to say no? Will you be able to let go when the child gets moved to another placement or gets moved back home? These are the questions that you need to be asking, not wondering if the child will provide some additional income.

It’s not often that I get fired up like this. Issues like this hit a nerve for me because of what I see every day, and have seen almost every day for the better part of 10 years. If you are considering fostering, I commend you. It is a thankless, difficult and stressful job. Please just make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons.

*Steps of soapbox and ends rant. We will resume our normal programming tomorrow.

Breastonomics

December 2, 2011 by Jana 17 Comments

It was only a matter of time before I wrote this post.

Since a good number of you who read this blog have already met me, you can validate what I’m about to say: I have big boobs.

It’s something I’ve been cursed with my entire teenage and adult life. Seriously, since high school. It was humiliating. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more accepting of them and I realize that they’re here to stay. But as I’ve become more accepting of what I have, I continue to be stunned by women who want these so much that they’re willing to pay large sums of money for them. Breast implants are one of the most ridiculous wastes of money. Ever. Unless you’re in a specific industry that rewards that type of enhancement, big boobs cost more than just the surgery.

A few examples of how:

Bras. Anyone who wears anything other than a training bra knows how expensive these damn things are. The larger your chest is, the more expensive the bra, especially if you need a minimizer bra. Then there’s the cost of getting them not from a department store or an outlet store, but a specialty store where they fit every single part of your chest and the bras cost about $100 a piece. If you do this twice a year and buy 5 bras at a time, you’ve now spent $1K on bras. That is most likely double what an ordinary person would spend. And you don’t even get to buy those cute, frilly fun bras.
Clothes. Oy, clothes. I hate them. If I could wear oversized sweatshirts my whole life, I’d be fine. Since I can’t, I have to make one of two choices: clothes that are too small on my chest but fit the rest of me or clothes that are so big I look like Walter Hudson. The first choice involves buying a camisole or something similar to wear underneath, especially for button-down shirts (which are my preference. The second choice involves some creative laundering or a tailor. Either way, I can’t buy stuff right off the rack without incurring additional costs. And let’s not even discuss the humiliation and expense that is a bathing suit. It’s not fun having to tack on an extra $100 or so each time I want to go clothes shopping just so I can compensate for my chest.
Health costs. I have been fortunate that my boobs have not caused any major health problems for me. But there are a number of women who have back problems, shoulder problems, etc from being top heavy as well as self-conscious about their boobs, which leads to poor posture (I can totally identify with this). They have to go to chiropractors, doctors…some even need to have breast reduction surgery to deal with it. Carrying that kind of weight up front can do a lot of damage to a woman’s body, and that damage can be costly, especially if insurance won’t cover it.
Laundry. I’ll admit it. I’m also a clumsy eater. An unfortunate side effect to my large boobs and clumsy eating is that my shirt wind up acting like a napkin. I have stained more shirts than I can keep track of. This means that I have to do extra laundry and always keep a consistent supply of Shout wipes in my purse at all times (for the record? I love these things). The constant laundry and the fact that I can single-handedly keep the Shout brand in business means I’m having to spend extra money. Of course, I can just stop eating all together and avoid the stain problem that way. That would actually save money. I guess it’s a thought…

I could go on to discuss the psychological disadvantages to having a large chest but I won’t. I could also go on to discuss the few and far between benefits of having a large chest but I won’t (but since I know some of you will point out the benefits of free drinks at bars, I will concede that point. And I will further admit that yes, I have used that tactic and yes, that has worked to my advantage on a number of occasions). I will just stick with the increased daily costs because that’s what really needs to be considered.

For those of you who believe that having big boobs is a sign of being overweight, well, you’ve got a point. But there are plenty of women who are not overweight–including me for quite a while–who are well endowed. And as I continue to lose the baby weight that has somehow managed to take quite a liking to me despite my attempts to get rid of it, my chest size has not decreased. It’s frustrating and annoying but I refuse to have surgery to deal with it. I’ll compensate in other ways, even if it means increasing my clothes budget or keeping my arms folded over my chest whenever possible.

And for those of you contemplating a boob job, I want to emphasize the point that having a large chest is not a long-term solution to any self-esteem problems. You may think that now you’ll feel better about yourself, and I’m sure you will. But please trust me when I say that padded bras are definitely a better solution.

November goals recap and setting December’s goals

December 1, 2011 by Jana 13 Comments

Inspired by Jen at Master the Art of Saving, I’ve decided to do a monthly post where I list my goals for the upcoming month. I did this for the first time at the start of November and it really helped to give me focus and direction. That’s not to say I succeeded at all of my goals but I at least attempted all of them. Let’s check in on how I did:

Participate in NaNoWriMo. Epic fail. I did not write one single word. I still plan on working on this book at some point but it did not happen in November.
Get my Alexa ranking below 150K. Success! I actually broke 150K early on in November and now I’m hovering around the 100K mark. This pleases me.
Get back to the gym/sign up for free yoga classes. This was a success and failure. I started off strong and then due to some…circumstances that I won’t discuss because my head may explode I stopped. I did write a post about what yoga taught me about finance, though.
Finish the 2 books on my nightstand. This was also a success and failure. I did finish 2 books but they were not the original books. I finished Jen Lancaster’s “If You Were Here” and Chuck Klosterman’s “The Visible Man” (which was incredible) and started Mindy Kaling’s “Is Everyone Hanging Out With Me” and Gary Rivlin’s “Broke USA”. I’m in the middle of the latter 2.
Get through my photo shoot. Success again! I did it! I got over my insane amount of self-consciousness and actually did it. I have the proofs if you don’t believe me.
Create a schedule for my life. My second epic fail of the month. I am just as disorganized as ever. In fact, I think it’s gotten worse. I think I need a professional life organizer at this point.

Now it’s December. Given the fact that it’s Hanukkah, Christmas and my daughter’s birthday this month, I’m easing up a bit on my goals. Instead of 6, I’m aiming to accomplish 4. Here they are:

Finish the 2 books I’ve started and at least start two more of the following: “The Storm Chasers”, “We Need to Talk About Kevin”, “Kiling Yourself to Live”, “Fargo Rock City”, or “The Corrections”. If you’ve read any of these, which ones do you suggest I go with?
Create a schedule for my life. It’s so important that I do this that I need to try it again. I’m beginning to lose what sanity I have left because I’m all over the place. I’m starting to lose balance, focus and sleep. It’s getting ugly. If you have any suggestions, tips, plans, hacks or general supportive comments, please feel free to share those!
Develop a concrete plan for leaving my full-time job. I know how fortunate I am to have full-time employment and the thought of leaving it makes me so nervous I want to throw up. But my job is depressing and makes me sad. I have a post planned for next week explaining why and hopefully this goal will make more sense then.
Make these cupcakes for my daughter’s birthday party:

That’s what I’m hoping to accomplish in December. I’m focusing, for now, on nonfinancial goals because I have some other things I need to settle before I can set those.

How about you? Any year-end goals you’d like to achieve?

And before I forget, I’m running another giveaway. In case you haven’t notice (and judging by the attendance, you haven’t), Daily Money Shot has joined Facebook. I will be holding a giveaway for the first 25 people to like Daily Money Shot (the two of you who already like me will also be included). The prize will be $25 to one of the following: 1) Amazon.com; 2) iTunes; 3) A donation, in your name, to the charity of your choice (winner will be selected by random.org). Also, I will give $10 to the person who can accurately identify which movie is quoted in this paragraph. In the event that more than one person guesses the movie correctly, the winner will be selected by random.org

The deadline for the $10 is 11:00 PM EST on Sunday, December 4th.