Overwhelmed and eliminating it, day 3: Failure isn’t so bad

I admit that one of my biggest sources of overwhelmedness and anxiety is me. I bring on much of it by putting way too much pressure on myself, no matter what the circumstance. This is amplified by the fac that, I expect myself to be able to do everything perfectly the first time I try and without asking for help.

Let’s take sewing as an example. As part of my pioneer project, I decided I needed to learn how to sew. I had never sewn anything except a button or a seam in my life. I think once I made a decorative pillow. That’s it. But for some reason, I expected myself to be able to sew a 9 square quilt perfectly. This included cutting the fabric in nice straight lines, sewing the squares together neatly, and actually being able to read and understand the directions. So imagine my surprise when I pulled out the instructions in one of my pioneer manuals, looked at it, and couldn’t understand a single word. That shit might as well have been written in Swedish. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t figure out what I needed to do. Also, I cut my finger with the rotary cutter and bled about a pint of blood into a towel. Never mind the lack of straight edges and the mess that was sewing the mismatched squares together.

What I did was an epic failure. And really, really ugly. I became overwhelmed with the fact that I couldn’t perfectly complete the project and it made me want to quit  learning to sew.

But I didn’t. Instead, I took a couple of sewing classes, talked to some people who know what they’re doing and decided that maybe a quilt isn’t the best place to start. Maybe I needed to pick something less complicated. Something that I could actually start. And finish and not have it look like crap. So I did and now I’m sewing cloth napkins. And they’re really not that atrocious (if you sign up for the Townhouse Pioneer newsletter, you’ll be able to see some pictures). Also, now when I look at pattern directions, I don’t freak out. I can actually go through them, slowly, until I understand what I need to do. I take it step by step, piece by piece, until I’ve worked through the pattern in its entirety.

My emotions ran the gamut as I worked through this process. Although I started out feeling completely overwhelmed and ended up monstrously frustrated, I ended up pretty happy and feeling confident in my ability to sew a few necessities.It also taught me a few things: 

1. It’s okay not to be perfect. In fact, being perfect sucks. It’s not very fun, it’s exhausting, and who wants that kind of pressure anyway? Embracing our flaws affords us the opportunity to make mistakes and laugh them off instead of having our day ruined by them. By not putting pressure on ourselves to be perfect, we don’t have to get overwhelmed at the thought of all that’s involved in achieving perfection. We can relax a bit knowing that the imperfections are what makes us (and the end product of whatever it is we’re trying to accomplish) unique.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others. There are people I know who can sew beautiful quilts, purses, clothes, hats…you name it, they can sew it. When I look at their products, I get overwhelmed with frustration that I’ll never be able to make those items. I go back to the place I was when I tried to make that simple 9 square quilt. Then I have to remind myself that comparing my ability to theirs is futile. They’ve been doing this for many moons more than I have and, in the case of one woman, it’s what she does for a living. Of course she’s better than me. She’s had more practice! I also have to remind myself that they started where I am. They didn’t achieve that level of skill overnight and neither will I.
3. Embrace weaknesses. There are a tremendous amount of things I cannot do. For instance, I cannot run a marathon. I cannot draw. I cannot watch the movie The Rock without falling asleep. I cannot get a ponytail to stay in my daughter’s hair nor can I cut hair. I cannot eat anything red without staining my clothes. I cannot reach things on a high shelf. And I cannot sew a quilt. And you know what? I’m totally fine with that. By learning and accepting the things that I cannot do, I’ve learned to appreciate the things I can do. Because those are just fine, too.

When we put the pressure on ourselves to achieve immediate perfection at something new or on a task that we know we struggle with, it sets us up to fail. And the next time we’re faced with a similar circumstance, it launches us right back to the feeling of being overwhelmed which then causes us to run away and possibly miss out on a fun opportunity. Which totally sucks.

So go a little easier on yourself. Be who you are, flaws, weaknesses and all. Wear your imperfections as a badge of honor instead of a cloak of shame. Doing so will make that feeling of being overwhelmed all the time dissipate.