My financial distractability list

One of the issues I’m working on in therapy is learning to manage my anxiety. My anxiety attacks are moderate to severe, especially when it pertains to work, and can be quite crippling. What a normal person would be able to manage with a few calming breaths turns into a full blown freak out session,  where I cry, yell, panic, and become so frustrated with myself and the situation that I actually can’t do anything. It takes a substantial amount of time for me to knock that anxiety down to a manageable level and by the time I’ve calmed down, I’m just depressed and angry at myself and the fact that I can manage stress like a rational person.

It’s a horrible, vicious cycle.

Managing these episodes is a challenge. Especially since I really don’t want to use medication. But I’ve learned that I can manage my anxiety attacks a lot better if I make a behavioral change. For instance, a few days ago I was trying to figure out why I cannot get blog posts to show up on Daily Money Shot’s FaceBook page (and I still can’t). The more I tried, the more I couldn’t do it. Which led to an anxiety attack ending with me throwing a pen and screaming a bunch of expletives to no one in particular and quitting blogging forever (note: pretty much anything can trigger one of these delightful episodes). It was definitely a party at my house that day.

In the midst of my shaking and hyperventilating and screaming and being completely ready to set my computer on fire, it occurred to me that maybe it was a good idea to walk away from my office for a little while. So I did that. I walked away. I made myself lunch and took the dogs for a walk. By the time that was done, I was able to think like a rational person and focus on the problem at hand instead of flipping out about everything under the sun and threatening to quit blogging (though there probably are some people who wish that would happen).

After relaying this story to my therapist, she suggested that I make a distractability list. It’s something she had learned about from another patient, and she thought it would be a good idea for me since behavioral changes have the most significant and immediate impact on my anxiety. Essentially, what I needed to do was write down 10 activities I can engage in when my anxiety starts ratcheting up. Doing one of these is supposed to help refocus my brain by removing me from the bad situation, which in turn is intended to calm me down. Or something like that. I’ll tell you though–it works. By refocusing my energy and attention to something enjoyable like playing a game on my iPad or reading a chapter in a book, my anxiety lessons and I’m able to come back to the problem with renewed energy. I may hate the task but at least I can accomplish it without freaking out.

So that’s nice.

I’ve been trying to think of other areas of my life where I can apply this principle. I narrowed it down to 2: eating and shopping. Particularly shopping. While I’m not an avid shopper, I have a tendency to do some online shopping that perhaps maybe I shouldn’t do. For instance, if a dog eats one of my daughter’s toys, my first instinct is to look online to see if it can be replaced. It’s as if this incident gives me a license to go shopping (which of course turns into me also buying her additional toys or scheduling a day to take her to the toy store). This is probably not the wisest choice and I’m sure there are some activities I can engage in to encourage myself not to shop. A few:

1. Move the money into savings. A lot of bloggers are doing this with Impulse Save and I think it’s a great idea. I can take the money I would spend on the replacement and put it in savings instead. In her account. Not mine.
2. Take her “shopping” in her toys she doesn’t play with. Or had forgotten about. She has so many toys that they’re spread out in 2 different parts of the house. I can take her to the toys she doesn’t play with and have her pick out one or three of those.
3. Go play outside. My daughter gets really upset when the dog does this. Just like her mommy, it helps to remove her entirely from the environment and get a change of scenery. By taking her to the playground or to ride her bike or to draw with sidewalk chalk, it’ll get her out of the situation and focused on something new.
4. Dance. Music both relaxes and distracts me. A whole lot. And although I am a terrible dancer, sometimes it’s a good way to let the tension go. I can put in a few of my favorite songs that I listen to at the gym and we can dance in our living room. Or I can find a good dance music Pandora station. Or we can do some yoga. Anything to exercise and get moving and not shop.
5. Do any of the other dozens of activities in our house. Bake cookies. Have a “spa” afternoon. Play with the dogs. Color. Read a book. Write a book. Go to the Y for a swim (okay, so that’s not technically in our house). Take a walk around the block. Give her my phone and let her take pictures. I could go on. But I’ll spare you.