I saw this picture on Facebook the other day (before I continue, let me give a plug to my friend Tanya who wrote this great post on why she quit Facebook which, if I’m being honest, should also be on this upcoming list because FB):
We can debate the merits of this list all day long and why some of them make no sense being compared to each other. For instance, the cost of having a baby vs. cost of having an education? Um, they’re not mutually exclusive. You can do both (unless they’re targeting this list at high schoolers who are considering or accidentally having a baby in which case maybe we need to add something like “how to properly use birth control” or “how to properly care for an infant’ to this list which, let’s face it, should also apply to adults). How about “do your taxes”? Great! If they’re simple. If not, “how to find an accountant that won’t screw you and knows what she’s doing” should be on that list. “Change your own oil”? How about jump start a dead battery? Or check your fluids levels? I feel like that’s more practical because it’s not that hard to find someone to change your oil for you and also, if you don’t have the tools or the space, or even a car, then why the fuck do you need that skill?
So I decided to tweak the list a bit. Just for fun. And also practical reasons because kids, here’s what you really need:
- Doing your own laundry. It’s easier than you think, even if it’s a pain.
- Having food with friends and putting your phone away. It’s really possible.
- Hiding a hangover from your boss. It’s also possible.
- Remembering birthdays, anniversaries, and events without Facebook.
- Reading a map. Seriously, your phone might not always work. You might get lost. Maps help.
- Job searching using traditional means and social media (and how to behave and dress for an interview). See also: conducting yourself properly at a job, picking health insurance
- Finding free food (and books and entertainment) because if you’re balancing your checkbook, you’ll be saddened by your budget and finding free shit is the best skill you’ll have. See also: using coupons
- Time management. Also known as fitting in side hustling, showering, exercising, reading, binge watching, working, and sleeping all in one day
- Navigating a parking lot (or Walmart) without uttering the words “fuck you, asshole”
- Negotiating anything–salary, a date, a traffic ticket because you’ll actually need to do all of these
- A DIY manicure that doesn’t look DIY. See also: pedicure, smoky eye, curling your hair. Guys, you might not need these skills but you never know.
- Napping anywhere at any time
- Maximizing Netflix, Hulu and Amazon memberships.
We’ll stop there.
So my list is half serious, half not serious (but mostly serious). But the original list, as opposed to most of mine, serves a purpose. And that purpose is to educate kids with the life skills they need, beyond the academic skills, to be functioning, independent adults. It bothers me that many of the kids today are not being taught these essential skills, either in school or by their parents.
Because, and here’s the rant part of your day, it is not fully the job of schools to give kids these skills. Parents have to own up to their responsibility in forming independent adults. And to expect and require schools to do it places undue pressure on schools and teachers and while it’s easier to put the blame outside ourselves when our kids can’t do these things, it’s just unfair to place all the failings on the schools. Yes, schools should help. Programs like banking in school or home ec or even a “Life Skills 101” class would benefit the kids immensely but to have the schools shoulder all the burden is nonsense. That education needs to come from all sides.
Now, I get that not all parents are capable of teaching this stuff to their kids. And I am fully sympathetic to that which is why I agree that there needs to be some sort of life skills curriculum in schools. And maybe it needs to be a graduation requirement. But it should not at all be a substitute for the parents who can and are fully able to teach their kids basic adulting skills. So if the people who are advocating for this type of class are doing so to work in concert with the schools, or on behalf of the kids who aren’t getting it at home, then good for them. But if they’re doing it to benefit their own laziness, well, that’s just bullshit. /rant
What am I missing from my Life101 curriculum? 
Hah, I actually did learn how to change my car oil in high school. Never once done it myself, because there’s really no reason not to get a 10-minute, $30 oil change at Jiffy Lube. Budgeting and the most basic things most adults need to do at least once a year though? Yeah, would have been nice.
I’m torn. Because on the one hand, schools just do not have the resources or bandwidth (nor is it their responsibility) to teach kids all they need to know about life before they turn 18. But on the other hand, parents can’t always be trusted to always give their children the information they need—and it be accurate. Leaving sex ed/birth control conversations to religious parents, for example, is probably just as harmful as the abstinence-only sex ed in schools (which is provably horrible and harmful). There’s no checks and balances system on the parents who procreate to further their own hateful agendas either. But I’m getting way too deep into a debate with myself here…
For life 101 I’d add basic housekeeping (no, really, you have to clean your whole apartment every once in a while guys!), TOTALLY agree with laundry, and some practical, realistic conflict-resolution skills would be realllll nice.
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I would add “dealing with life’s little disappointments in a graceful way”. Some people don’t know how to deal with any kind of adversity.
This is awesome. I have been adult ing since 10. Refereeing and trying to keep peace with my parents during frequent arguments which is why I will still try and keep peace no matter what and I avoid confrontations. I will do laundry if you live here. I do not want to waste water doing little loads and I don’t want anyone leaving wash in my washer or dryer and I hate laundry build up. My house. My rules. So much wisdom we need to impart but most of the time we need to find out on our own. #stilllearninguntilIgototheotherside
Love. Steph’s. Momma
I need to add avoiding confrontations hurts me and others when I let my hurts build up. A lesson I am trying to learn and there is a time and place to air my feelings.
Love. Steph’s. Momma
Your list is so much better! I’m 31 and I’ve never had a car, so I’ve never needed any car skills. (Plus I’m in Chicago. Someone can get to me in 30 freaking seconds if I have a car issue on the road.)
I’m a magician at finding free food. I go to events at the Chicago Bar Association just for the food. Aviation law meeting? Why not! I’m also good at remembering birthdays (I haven’t had Facebook in like 8 years) and hiding hangovers.
Stephanie recently posted…Three on Thursday
ha ha! The walmart thing is hilarious, and true (although substitute walmart for Target). I would say basic manners needs to be on the list. Rare is the kid I’ve come across with basic please and thank you skills. I’m almost shocked when I see it happen. My mom, even though she lacked parenting skills in other areas, would have smacked my brother and I (probably in public) if we were ever rude to an adult. I’d also add learn how to let go. We hang on to shit for far too long. Physical AND mental stuff.
Tonya@Budget and the Beach recently posted…How to Deal with Work Bullies
Love your list. I got off of facebook over 3 years ago and haven’t regretted it all, especially when people talk about petty facebook bullshit. I’ve mastered remembering important dates without facebook with my birthday calendar, ha.
The only thing I’d add is navigating/understanding student loans.
Heather @ I do what I want. recently posted…Still recovering from the weekend
I don’t understand people who think laundry is hard. You put clothes in a washer, you add detergent. When in doubt, choose warm water. Ta-friggin-da.
I agree that knowing how to jump a dead battery is way better than knowing how to change your oil. I’m really fine never doing the latter. Maybe knowing WHEN to change your oil would be good. And not to just turn up the radio when the car starts making a noise. (I knew a woman who did this. On a long car trip.)
And yep ya gotta know how to make the most of your cheap entertainment — and find cheap/free food and entertainment. It’s the best way to keep alive and sane in the lean years.
Abigail @ipickuppennies recently posted…A personal finance lesson from the plumber
So ummm I still haven’t been able to figure out how to go to Walmart and not say fuck you to someone before even getting in to the store…yet alone walking around and getting what I need and navigating myself back out of the parking lot. I fail at adulting. NOOOOO! Hahaha
I agree though, these kids need real life training because the world is going to be scary if they dont learn these things!
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I wish that they had that class that you were required to take in high school and college before you graduated! It should be called “Adulting 101”. I’m an accountant, and I even had some difficulties trying to figure out everything that was involved with the house buying and mortgage process. And everybody should know how to read a map! There’s been too many times that I’ve had issues with my phone and still need to navigate somewhere.
Ashley @ The Wandering Weekenders recently posted…A Chill Mansfield Weekend
So as you know, I have been quite concerned lately about Pop Tart’s ability to become a fully functioning adult. Luckily, she’s 12, so we’ve got time. But the skill I think kids really need to be fully functioning adults is the ability to take responsibility for their own actions, and to understand cause and effect in that scenario.
If you have a report due at work, your boss does not care that you totally did all the work but accidentally left the report sitting on your dining room table. There is no turning it in late for partial credit. If you do X and someone responds by doing Y, and you don’t like Y, before you try asking the other person to change (unlikely), you should probably examine X.
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I like your list! Especially the Walmart one.
And yes, doing laundry is pretty easy. I’m always baffled when people say they don’t know how to do it.
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Great post.
I think the combination of the original list and your list could suit. But, I like the idea of a Life Skills course for all high school graduates. It seems like a sensible idea. Why hasn’t it been implemented already?
Erin @ TexErin-in-SydneyLand recently posted…Some videos go viral for all the wrong reasons
yes to all the things!!
i wish someone had taught me to nap anywhere. or to drive in the snow (ignoring the fact that i didn’t grow up in it) and yes to people putting away their phones whilst eating. don’t be rude. that should be a class ‘how not to be a rude inconsiderate jerk’.
the walmart parking lot – i will never learn that one. actually, i stay away from walmarts for that reason. someone hit my car with their car door while i was shopping, another time my friend’s car got hit by someone not paying attention… so yeah. i stay away.
alllllso… i only just learned how to make mac n cheese (the boxed stuff, for shame) in the last year. i felt so much like an adult but i probably shouldn’t have.
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-taking responsibility for your choices/actions
-learning from your mistakes
-work in retail and/or in the service industry – you learn a hell of a lot in terms of people/social skills, acceptable ways of treating others, how not to be an asshole
great post!!
kathy @ more coffee, less talky recently posted…friday thangs [1-22]
My parents are very practical, salt-of-the-earth people and somehow I left home not knowing how to do laundry. I remember doing laundry for the first time and just chugging everything into the washer and hoping for the best. The sad part is I still sort of do laundry that way! LOL! My Mom is a stain whisperer, so I still occasionally bring clothes home to have her work her magic and I’m 40. Ack. And I do agree 100% that life skills are overlooked and it shows.
Tanya @ A Mindful Migration recently posted…Honoring Martin Luther King, Jr
LOL My girlfriends and I were just talking the other day about how people will say “go north” and we’re always like “okay, is that left or right??” So, my phone BETTER always work! lol
Amanda recently posted…“Work like you don’t need the money!” And some other sayings I don’t agree with.
Great list – adulting is hard, but sometimes we make it harder than it actually is. Because it’s easier to not know or fain ignorance.
Take cars for example. I’m a big believer that if you drive a car you need to know the basics of owning a car. By all means get the oil changed at the mechanics, or whatever, but at least know and understand what they’ll be doing.
Budgeting is a big thing that I think they should teach in schools. Sure it’s the parents responsibility, but like you say, you can’t always rely on that. My cousin’s a part of a charity, and they’ve begun releasing financial books for 9 year olds+ – they’re really good. And it’s never too early.
Jaina recently posted…Saturdays in January are meant for being outside
Financing and budgeting are SO important! I think it should be taught in high school – as well as how much things actually COST – like in a month, what you can expect to spend on rent, food, utilities, insurance, etc. Then people might think more about what to do after high school to earn that money.
SMD @ Life According to Steph recently posted…Thursday Thoughts: readjusting after vacation
That’s a good topic and it reminds of that episode in The Cosby Show (long before we knew all the things he did) where Cliff uses Monopoly money to teach Theo about the cost of life. Definitely drove home the point.