Shameless plug: When you’re done reading this post, check out the program description (if you haven’t already) for Bloggers Helping Bloggers, the mentoring program I founded a few months ago. The pilot phase just finished earlier this week and, with the help of J. Money at Budgets Are Sexy, I’m revamping the program for the next round (scheduled to begin in January 2013). We’ve got a lot of fun things planned and I hope you’ll join us, along with the other mentors and mentees already on board!
Every night, before I go to bed, I take a 20 mg pill of Celexa. I do it so I can function as a normal, non-depressed, slightly less anxious, and productive person. Deciding that I needed medication was not easy; I didn’t want to become dependent on it and I really wanted to overcome my depression without the aid of pills. But, when several months of therapy and only part-time work, failed to show improvement, I knew I needed to do something else. Even if that method was my last, and completely undesirable, resort. So I went to my doctor (my therapist cannot prescribe medication) and obtained my prescription.
And I’ll tell you what. It’s made all the difference. Within a few days, I started feeling like myself again. Everyone close to me could see it, too, because many of them commented on the change in my personality. I could see, mainly in my ability to write and work and function as a wife and mother and friend. Eventually I had to admit, that yes, the medication did help and I had to admit that I needed it (for the record, this is the third time I’ve been on medication for depression. The other two times, the medication made my depression worse so I stopped taking it. I know now I was on the wrong meds).
It is for this reason that blog posts encouraging people to “choose happiness” bother me. It’s not like picking a breakfast cereal or a car; for many of us, it’s not that easy to just choose, no matter how much we may want it. We can follow all the advice in those posts and books perfectly yet something doesn’t click. And, believe it or not, when you’re trying to choose happiness and it doesn’t work, it just makes the depression worse. No one wants to be depressed (well, maybe some people do. I don’t know) and when we dispense advice that essentially dismisses the fact that there’s something chemically wrong with a person, telling them that they’re just making bad choices, it doesn’t help their situation.
Please trust me on that one.
But what the hell does this have to do with money?
As personal finance bloggers, we tend to overlook the fact that people might not have the skills to just get a job or create a budget or even open a bank account. We take for granted the knowledge we’ve acquired and assume that everyone has that same foundation. They don’t. I worked for years with people who barely knew how to pay their bills, obtain a non-driver’s license ID, or even how to dress properly for court, let alone a job interview. It was frustrating, exhausting, and even maddening to see their lack of skills. But sadly, it’s just a fact.
We have a responsibility to those people, to those who don’t have our knowledge and experience, to give them information they can use without assuming they have even an inkling about where to start. We can’t just tell them “create a budget” or “get a part-time job” or “pay your bills on time”. We have to tell them how and, if we can’t explain it, we need to point them to resources that can. It’s also important that remind them that at one point, we didn’t have that information either. But we learned it through hard work and asking questions and researching and learning. And we must encourage them to do the same.
So, before you dispense generic advice and commands, remember the people who might not have an easy time following them for whatever reason. It might not make a difference in what you say but it might make a difference in how you say it.
And that can be just as impactful.
I love this post. That’s exactly how I feel when I read investing posts… seems like everyone just assumes that that the world knows all of the steps to take to actually begin investing. I must’ve been sick that day.
Thanks for pointing it out!
It’s true. A lot of people don’t have the skills or resources to make a change. Great post!
Thank you for sharing the personal history of your depression as it does help to hear other people talk about it but my goodness you are comparing apples to oranges here.
As you should know, there is a huge difference between being unmotivated, being sad, and being depressed. Clearly, inspirational posters are for the first two categories and not the last because depression is an actual medical condition.
Not knowing how to make a budget is not a medical condition. Yes, it is something you can teach someone how to do. While being not-depressed is not something you can simply teach someone how to do.
I appreciate the sentiment but this analogy is quite off. I’d say you’re being offensive to those with clinical depression but you seem to be suffering from it as well so perhaps I am just misinterpreting this.
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The point is that you simply can’t tell someone just to do something. There are other circumstances behind why they can’t do it so pick you words carefully.
And as far as me being offensive to people with depression, I’d say you’re totally off in making that statement.
That is great advice Jana. I think we all forget sometimes that people don’t think alike. It can be hard to try to give advice to many people, when most will all take the advice in a different manner.
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Jana,
I’m glad you’ve found a med that works for you. I’m working on making some positive changes at our blog, but it won’t happen overnight. Still, thanks for the inspiration!
-Christian L. @ Smart Military Money
Love. Also, gonna check out BHB now..
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Thanks for being honest about YOUR situation. Some people need meds, others need help, and some need a kick in the butt. I can’t proscribe meds, I’d like to kick some people in the butt(might be illegal) so I don’t; But I can help those who’d like to start a business on the way to financial freedom.
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Very true. This is a great point that I think is worth making. Everyone is at a different position in terms of not only knowledge, but also actual financials – be it savings, cash flow, etc. Dispensing advice can be easy, but we need to be cognizant of our audience as well. Speaking from a position of kindness and understanding is a good thing.
Also – bravo for sharing about yourself. Glad you’ve taken steps to get help and really improve your situation.
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Jana- Really enjoyed this post! Sorry I’m late to the party reading it! I would have loved to be a part of the discussion. I love your idea about coming at your readers from a place of humility and not assuming anything about thier level of education or financial skills. Good wake-up to a lot of people!
I am new to your post but wanted to tell you that what you wrote hit home for me. Ever since I can remember I have not taken any medications, and have unfairly judged others for doing so. The past several years I have gone through a lot, personally and professionally. I have been trying to be one of those “oh just choose happiness” people but now matter what I have not been able to pull out of my negativity and depression. Funny I found this post, I have been looking at my prescription of Celexa for three days now, absolutely resisting taking it. Guess it is time to give up the judgements and give it a shot. Thank you.
Oh, and honestly, yes depression can really screw up your finances….I have learned that lesson well.