Overwhelmed.
That is the only word strong enough to describe how I feel about the outpouring of support I received on my post the other day (the one where I announced that I have secondary infertility). I wasn’t expecting anything, really, and the response that I received was nothing short of incredible. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for your words of encouragement and support.
I wasn’t sure what was going to happen when I published that post. It was hard for me to divulge something so personal because I didn’t want to become Jana from Daily Money Shot, the infertile chick with the cheater husband. I don’t want to be defined by things that are out of my control. Yet it’s hard not to share those because they affect me, my choices and my perspective every single day. However, I’m proud of the fact that my terrible personal circumstances have not given me an excuse to take on any new debt. I’m proud of the fact that I’ve managed to stay the frugal and pragmatic course despite dealing with factors that would have sent the old me running to the mall.
You see, that’s what I used to do. I used to take every drama, small or large, and use it as an excuse to conduct retail therapy. Yes, I did engage in some retail therapy after I discovered my husband’s affair but unlike in times past, I didn’t use credit. My therapy was cash only. That was a huge step for me. And, unlike in times past, the retail therapy only lasted a few days rather than weeks. It used to be I would dwell on a situation and use that as a perpetual excuse for spending money I didn’t have. Now, I’ve learned that all the spending in the world isn’t going to change the situation. It’s the same way with my infertility.
The old me would have taken that fact and used as an excuse to spend thousands of dollars on my daughter, rationalizing “I only have one. I’m going to spoil her as much as possible”. The new me would tell the old me that I’m an idiot. Spending thousands of dollars isn’t going to change the situation or even make it better. I know now that the only way to deal with my drama is to deal with it head on, not hide it in shopping bags and credit card bills. I guess that’s what prompted me to share that with you.
But I also wanted to share it with you because I know there are other women out there dealing with the same thing. I wanted them to know that they’re not alone. I wanted them to know that there’s nothing to be ashamed of. And I wanted them to know that the next time someone says to you “So, when are you having another one? Don’t you think it’s time?”, it’s OK to feel like punching him or her in the throat. It’ll be justified, too, because that’s a shitty thing to say to someone. Dealing with infertility is hard enough without being innundated with idiocy.
Now, I want to do something nice for you. I want to give you $50. From today (January 12) through Monday, January 23, I’m running a giveaway where you can win $50 by doing any or all of the following. One winner will be chosen at random and announced on Wednesday, January 25:
Comments
Trackbacks
-
[…] Daily Money Shot – Giving Away money […]
-
[…] the guest posts I have scheduled for you guys while I’m on vacation. Don’t forget to enter my giveaway while I’m gone (the Facebook option should be fixed […]
-
[…] I get to know some of the most interesting, and genuine people out there. This post from Jana at Daily Money Shot shows her growth and a very real side that most bloggers wouldn’t be brave enough to […]
I think I would tell someone who asked me if it was time to have another child that we’d have more when the time was right. But I would love to tell them to shove off but I would probably never be able to do that. I am a wuss. Although, I think I would reach some sort of boiling point.
Niki recently posted…This Week in Repairing Half My Children’s Wardrobe
I have one great and happy child, we’re enjoying things the way they are
I’m so sorry to hear about everything you’re going through, Jana! I salute (and support) you, and I love that you’re taking this head-on. You’re going to come out of all of this stronger and better than ever; keep your head up and keep moving forward! (and seriously, it’s like personal finance, it’s PERSONAL and it’s your life; do with it what you wish on your own time and at a pace that you’re comfortable with)
I’m not sure what I would say. We don’t have any children now, and people are always asking.
Michelle @ Making Sense of Cents recently posted…I’m ready for spring/summer clothes, and my action plan
I think it’s good to share as much personal stuff as makes sense. From my perspective, I like to feel like I know the person who’s posts I am reading regularly. The human element is a huge part of that.
Having no children, I’m not entirely sure how I’d respond. I’d probably just say “We’ve thought about it,” and just brush off the comment. No need to get in a confrontation in this situation for me.
Best of luck with everything that’s going on in your life!
Jeffrey recently posted…Five Reasons to Give Up Goal Setting
A couple of options:
When the time is right for us.
If it is in God’s plans it will happen.
Maybe never.
Some may be unable to have more then one child.
My sister dealt with infertility. She was able to have one but found out it was a miracle she had the one. As she was figuring all this out I ended up accidentaly pregnant with my DD. Telling her about my pregnancy was not fun, especially since at first we weren’t all that joyful about it ourselves.
I would tell that person that I’m (well the partner I had too but I don’t have one right now) the only who can make that decision and at the time I do not feel it is time.
Jessica, The Debt Princess recently posted…Suze Orman’s Approved PrePaid Debit Card: Bad for Consumers!
I think I would tell people who asked that “We are happy with just one” and move on. People really have no decorum and just say whatever comes out of their mouths, unfortunately.
Mackenzie recently posted…Random Frugal Things
“I’m good with just one. I don’t want to be greedy!”
Newlyweds on a Budget recently posted…My Plan to Lose Ten Pounds in Three Months
I don’t know how I would answer this question. I am often torn between not wanting people to have pity on me or answering with a question like, “why do you ask?” or “how many kids do you have?” I think in general we are so wrapped up in our own lives that we tend to be oblivious to the possibility of situations unlike our own. I know my first year in my MOMs group I assumed that a mom who was pregnant with her fourth child was a “surprise child” like mine! I try to extend grace to others knowing I have a habit of putting my foot in my mouth.
anotherhousewife recently posted…Marathon Training: Week 6 was a No-Go
Dude, it’s so hard to respond to people’s questions like that. I can’t count how many times a week I hear “When are you going to get married?” If I knew, I’d tell you bro! I could get all pent up and rage-y when people ask me personal questions (that I’ve been thinking about myself) but I remind myself that they don’t know my life or my thoughts. So if they asked me, Don’t you think it’s time to have another child?, I’d say “I’d love to, maybe in the future things will unfold that way. I just don’t know!” and usually when you say things with confidence, these nosy people will accept it. I’d love to tell them to shove off too, but I know I never would 🙂
American Debt Project recently posted…Fast and Furious: Does Any Guy Not Like It?
I would tell them that while you appreciate their concern it’s not an option right now for you!
The Jenny Pincher recently posted…Too Busy to Exercise? How to Fit Fitness Into Your Busy Schedule
Leave a comment saying how you would respond to someone saying “Don’t you think it’s time to have another child”?
My possible answers:
“Don’t you think it’s time to shut your face?”
“And here I was thinking it was lunch time…”
“Why, you looking to get lucky?”
“Nah, I’ve already eaten two today. That’s plenty.”
Bryan recently posted…Dieting Is NOT Frugal
Hm, I only have one child, and I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me that. If someone asked me that now, I’d probably just say “Nope” and that’s it. If they persisted I’d probably ask if they were crazy. (I have a nearly-19 year old.)
If I were in your situation, that would be a painful question though, but I’d probably just be honest (and in doing so, they’d probably get a clue that the question is inappropriate.)
Jackie recently posted…Dump the Either Or Mentality
Well, when my step-mom used to harass me about having kids, I threatened to do it without finding a good father for them first, that shut her up until C and I were married.
I tend to go for extremes and things that will shut people up for good, so I might just burst into tears and run away. But that’s probably not what you’re looking for.
So, unless they are already pregnant, I’d eye their belly and ask “when are you going to have another child?”
shanendoah@The Dog Ate My Wallet recently posted…Giving Back
‘time to have another child’ – Honey (I’mm asuming my wife would be asking), we should be very happy with the 3 wonderful children we already have. It would be nice though – We actually have this conversation from time to time. Blog on Delaware!
Hunter – Financially Consumed recently posted…Accelerated Mortgage Amortization On Your Terms
Nice, thanks! I’ve got a giveaway too I’d invite you to join if you wish. Thanks for this opportunity.
Doctor Stock recently posted…How to Diversify your Stock Portfolio
Considering I don’t have any children at this point, my first thought would probably be to wonder who they were mistaking me for. But if I did have a child, I would probably reply with something snarky about how I’ll have another one when they volunteer to carry, raise and financially support the child.
I would say that was something I did not want to discuss, but thank them for caring about you!
I would tell them that I am happy with the one that I have.
Oh my. I really wish I had advise or wisdom to share, but I don’t. You are braver than a lot of people that I know and I glad to be learning more about you.
marissa recently posted…What To Look For In Affordable Health Insurance