It’s time for another round of Humpday Confessions with Kathy at Vodka and Soda. This time, I’m admitting all the crappy things I do as a parent. I’ve had this stuff brewing for awhile and it’s about time I let it all out. Or, take it as a way to feel better about yourself if you are a parent. And, if you’re not, you can take notes on what to do, or what not to do.
It’s not that I’m a bad mother. It’s just that, well, maybe sometimes I do, or don’t do, anything I want. Because I can. It’s a beautiful privilege.
- Like how when my daughter was about 2 and learning all the animal sounds, I convinced her that every time you see that animal, you have to say hello by making its noise to it. So, if we saw a cow, she’d say “moo”. She’s 7 and still does it and it amuses me. Every. Single. Time.
- I totally schedule play dates based on whose parents I can tolerate. The more I like the other kid’s parent, the more play dates we have.
- I am not a sit on the floor and play Barbies kind of mom. I’ll play board games, do crafts, bake, read stories. Anything but Barbie.
- If I’m really tired and want to nap, I’ll say “let’s watch a movie and you can pick”. Inevitably she’ll pick a terrible, boring movie and I get to nap and she thinks she won because she got extra TV time.
- She talks constantly. I think every single thought that pops into her head comes out of her mouth. To give myself some quiet during the day (oh, right. I stay home with her), I tell her she has to do her 20 minutes of daily reading at the point in the day I can’t take it anymore.
- Her sport of choice is cheerleading. I love my daughter. I do not love the cheerleading environment and secretly, and sometimes not so secretly, I mock it. I appreciate the athleticism that goes into competitive cheerleading but cheer moms make dance moms look normal and Bring It On? That shit is real, y’all. And then there’s the whole issue of cheer politics. Insanity.
- Cheerleading irks me so much sometimes that I try to get her to quit. #noshame
- When it comes to her TV shows, I tell her she’s not allowed to watch shows I don’t like. Like Spongebob. That porous, pineapple living motherfucker can kiss my ass.
- When people tell me my child is cute or pretty, I never know how to respond. I mean, I respond with “thank you” because what I want to say is “I know” but that seems way too arrogant.
- When she does or says something mean or snarky or rude, and it’s funny on top, it’s hard to reprimand her. I do but my laughing probably negates the whole thing. And occasionally, I don’t even try.
The title of your daughter’s future blog is too funny! Honestly, the whole having to be part of the “mommy” club, is yet another reason I don’t want kids, I’m just not sure I could put up with other parents I don’t like for the sake of my kid. Or support something like cheerleading š
Mariah-Food, Booze, & Baggage recently posted…Iām Going to be a Cali Girl
There’s a lot I tolerate for the sake of my kid that I never thought I would. And cheer is the only thing she likes, which makes it hard to say no.
I think we’d totally get along at a playdate. Lol I did tell my kid to quit baseball bc its boring as fuck I hate spongebob and kiddie movie time is always nap time LMAO!
Brittney recently posted…Confessions
Spongebob is horrible. I won’t let her watch it when I’m around. And I think we’d totally get along!
I think “I know” is a totally appropriate answer.
I could not do the Cheer Moms thing. At all. I’d want to cut a bitch daily.
SMD @ Life According to Steph recently posted…Let’s talk about something glamorous. Let’s talk about vacuums.
I do want to cut many bitches. Some of the parents make me so sad. Not so much on our league but the ones we compete against. They are disgusting.
Making animal noises all the time? That’s hilarious. And cheerleaders can be demons, along with their moms, no wonder you sometimes want her to quit!
katie @ that’s for me to know recently posted…confessing my guilty pleasures? please, i’m an open book
Some of the older girl cheerleaders are the absolute stereotype. I will freak if my daughter becomes one of them. And I am working so hard to make her the opposite of that. A nice cheerleader, if you will.
And yes. Animal noises. Mostly it’s for my amusement.
You’re not a bad parent at all š I’m not sure I could handle the cheer kids or their moms lol
Nats ~ coraltintedperceptions recently posted…Humpday Confessions {Link Up #7}
I can’t handle the moms most days. It’s why I barely talk to them.
The future title of the book is hilarious! I could not take the cheerleader moms either. Someone would get hurt and it wouldn’t be me. š
Kerry recently posted…Broccoli Slaw Salad
I have had restrain my rage on occasion. Getting arrested at a competition wouldn’t look good.
LOLOLOLOL “That porous pineapple living motherfucker can kiss my ass.” My day is officially made. MADE!!!!
I am pretty sure that if I had a kid..I would be a lot like you haha. Choosing play dates on parents I could tolerate, laughing when I should be mad and serious, arranging quiet times when I couldn’t take it.
My dad had my sister and I convinced that cows in Canada only spoke french and said “oom” instead of “moo.” Lying asshole.
Nadine recently posted…Confessions
What your dad told you is hilarious!! I wish I had thought of that!
Please feel free to use my parenting handbook. We need more normal parents.
I’m seriously in the midst of writing a blog post titled I’m Not THAT Kind of Mom and at the top of the list is playing with barbies.
My kids have never watched Barney because I love them and myself too much to have subjected us to that kind of torture.
The animal thing doesn’t make you a bad mom it makes you genius!
So wish you lived closer. I think our daughters and us would love play dates together!
Jenniemarie @ Another Housewife recently posted…Leaving A Legacy One Memory At A Time
Who are these moms that play Barbies? What are they trying to prove?
We would have the best time at a play date. And so would our girls!
I would probably do the same thing with play dates although I might even avoid those parents I don’t like altogether!
Kate recently posted…Confessions of a Basic Bitch
I do try to avoid them whenever possible. Especially at school events. I feel a smile and wave is enough. No conversation for me!
you are not a bad parent (duh). i am so doing the animal noise thing with my kids haha. you sound like the kind of parent i want to be – cheerleading blows my mind, its not big at home and i always wanted to be a cheerleader, specifically because of bring it on lol
Kristen recently posted…Confessions..
You totally need to do it!! What the point of having kids if they can’t amuse you?
Cheerleading is a crazy intense sport. And dangerous! I never had any interest in doing it but I know more about it now than I ever thought I would.
“I know.” Bahahah, that’s awesome!
Teh Megan recently posted…Humpday Confessions #11
I really don’t know what else to say sometimes.
– When play dates happen they will totally be based on how much I like the other parent, I don’t want to voluntarily have to spend time with people I don’t like very often.
– Lucky for me my little girls HATES Barbies and dolls, she doesn’t want anything to do with either one.
– I don’t usually take naps but I am guilty of making sure she has OJ in the fridge ready to go on weekend mornings so I don’t necessarily have to get up when she does.
– The constant talking, sometimes I swear my ears are going to bleed there is so much talking in my house. If her eyes are open her mouth is in motion, it’s so exhausting!
– Since Barbies are stupid I am hoping she thinks the same of Cheer, I am not now nor have I ever been a Cheer girl. If you want to play softball I’m in!
– There is no Spongebob allowed in this house either and I recently blocked a show called Chowder. For some reason that show had my 4 year old thinking she could talk back to me, do what?
– I make her say thank you when someone says she’s cute if she’s around, people have been saying that to me since the day she was born so I really just want to respond everyone says that! š
– I try to encourage Little K not to be mean but sometimes it’s funny and I can’t not laugh so what can you do?
Kelli recently posted…My Unrealistic House Hunting Expectations
My daughter is such a stereotypical girl the Barbies and cheer don’t surprise me. Well, the cheer does because I am NOT, nor have I ever been, interested in cheer. I have no clue how that happened.
And the talking, holy hell! How do they have so much to say?
I don’t think she has ever watched Chowder but I will be on the lookout. I banned a few shows that have no need to ever be on in our house.
Hahahah… we were just talking today about how when kids say bad things (specifically, we were talking about kids saying “fuck”) it’s hard not to laugh!
It totally is. Especially when they’re really little. My daughter is 7 so it’s funny but maybe she might also know what it means. So it’s a fine line.
You are not a bad mom. I have done all of those things. I was a terrible cheer mom. I always sat with the football moms because they could carry on a conversation.
Right? I definitely get along better with the football moms who also have kids in cheer (ours is a football and cheer rec league).
I just realized I hadn’t read any blog posts from you in a while and then I remembered… you combined your blogs! And I guess I was never subscribed to this one. Oops, fixed that now!
My kid is already a 100% of the time talker… it drives me absolutely batty. Although I’ve discovered that maybe he just needs constant noise and if there isn’t any, he will make it. Normally I like the house to be quiet (no background tv or radio) but I will totally turn on some music if it will make him be quiet for a little while.
When people tell me my baby is cute, I like to say “I think so too!” =)
Sarah @ Beauty School Dropout recently posted…Sam at 11 months
I like that response!
I go back and forth with quiet and noise but she must always be making some. My ears hurt at the end of some days.
I make my kids watch Spongebob upstairs. And most of their shows, really. So I can watch MY shows downstairs.
Amber recently posted…Hey, It’s Okay Tuesday!
I definitely prefer when she watches TV in her playroom. But sometimes she wants to be downstairs so we can be “together”. It’s hard to say no to that!
kids are hilarious, awesome and tiring all at the same time. sometimes i wonder how that can be. there are times i’m tired and want to nap but she’s climbing all over me so i say: listen up, i’m tired and i want to take a nap. how about you watch some tv and DON’T BOTHER ME BECAUSE I’M TAKING A NAP. wake me up in 10mins. i legit say that to her LOL.
our kids will be fine. there are way too many PC rules on how to raise kids. in my day, we got smacked around, yelled at in public and given a key to the house at 5. we turned out just fine; tougher, in fact. not like these pussy kids these days. yeah, i said it.
-kathy
Vodka and Soda
kathy @ vodka and soda recently posted…humpday confessions [7-2]