A few weeks ago, I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in awhile. We did the whole catching up, small talk nonsense which inevitably includes the question “so, what are you up to?”
I responded by letting her know that I’m working from home, teaching part-time, freelancing a bit, and that I started a blogger mentoring program.
At this point, she laughed. Audibly. In my face.
That’s right. This person took an idea that I had and that I am extremely proud of and laughed at it. Needless to say, I was phenomenally pissed. In typical Jana fashion, I did try to defend myself but it was too late. She didn’t care. She had sufficiently cut me down and was done with it. But I wasn’t. Because also in typical Jana fashion, I spent days stewing in how pissed I was.
Then I stopped. And I paused for a moment to reflect on what happened. And I gave myself a little pep talk so I could get over it and move on. Here’s what I said:
- Engaging in an argument is futile. I did try to defend my idea. But as I said, she didn’t care. Nothing I explained was going to change her mind. It would have been a waste of time, a waste of breath, and a waste of energy. When someone laughs at you for an idea, no matter how conventional or unconventional, arguing with them isn’t going to get you anywhere. They are not going to come around and see where you’re coming from. They may placate you but they won’t change their opinion. So don’t bother. Instead…
- Use it as motivation. Work even harder to show that person that laughing at you was straight up wrong. And then, when you are super successful, you can rub it in. And not allow them to partake in your success. Because it feels so good to prove someone else wrong. Especially someone who doubts you. Or is that just me?
- Realize it’s not about you. A person who laughs at someone else’s ideas is usually too scared to venture outside of the norm. Hearing someone else is trying to achieve a dream or start something for scratch is uncomfortable for a lot of people because it highlights their own insecurities and weaknesses. And that? Has nothing to do with you.
- Ignore it. This is probably the hardest thing to do. For some reason many of us, myself included, tend to let in the negative while shutting out the positive. Don’t do that. Don’t let it in because that will only make yourself doubt what you’re doing. And you need to be your biggest cheerleader (I’m working really hard on this part). So don’t allow the negativity to sink in.
- Don’t doubt yourself. You will have your naysayers. You will have people who make you think like you are an asshole for doing something nontraditional or reaching for your dreams. You will have people that want you to fail. But never, ever let that make you think you can’t do it. Whatever your “it” may be.
I know that this sounds difficult. It is. It took me days to work through everything I needed to in order to feel better. But it worked and now I’m more driven than ever. If for no other reason than to prove to myself that I can turn a negative into a positive. And every time I doubt what I’m doing, I think about that smug little laugh and picture myself slapping her in the face with it.
And then I really feel better.
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That would definitely get to me as well. I think I would have asked why that was funny, listened to whatever she said, responded with ‘Thanks for the input, but it’s going really well’ and probably tried to remove her from my life afterward (Facebook friends, etc.) You can’t expect every person to be your personal cheerleader, but if you have people that are like this woman, who go out of their way to be unsupportive, there’s no fault in cutting them out of your life. And if you happened to run into her again, ignore her. If she calls you on it, say ‘Sorry, the work I told you about last time is keeping me so busy that I simply don’t have time to chat.’
Money Beagle recently posted…Today Is The Day To Stop Making Excuses
I wish it were that easy. And if she weren’t family, I totally would cut her out. Fortunately I don’t see her that often but the next time I do, I’m using your response. I love it!
I’m in the ‘ditch her’ camp as well–especially at a time like this when your efforts are so much better served elsewhere, there’s no sense in keeping any connection with such a toxic person!
The Happy Homeowner recently posted…Personal Finance and Lance Armstrong: What You Can Learn from Lance’s Fall from Grace
It is absolutely not about you, people are scared anytime someone is outside of average. I care about what 5 people think about my life, and those 5 know better than to laugh at my dreams. Removing toxic people from one’s life is the best way to achieve those dreams. Not an easy task but well worth it.
Pauline recently posted…13 money resolutions for 2013: #12 make a plan!
In times like these, I’m glad that I usually don’t give a good F what anyone things about anything I’m doing, be it good or bad. It still does sting even when you mostly don’t care, so that’s not even a cure. You gave good tips here.
I especially hate when women stomp on other women. We should be supporting each other and lifting each other up on the paths to our dreams.
SMD @ Life According to Steph recently posted…A Star is Born, Brody Jenner, Unicorns, and other Haphazard Wednesday Thoughts
I agree with you completely. Women are way too competitive and way too prone to cutting each other down. We need to change that.
Can we get some more context? What does she do for a living? What exactly was she laughing at – that you don’t have a full-time job? that you’re mentoring bloggers? that you’re teaching part-time? I don’t think you’re overreacting but I am not quite sure what she would be laughing at you about – what did she follow-up with?
Leslie recently posted…Using a Dumb Phone in a Smart Phone World
She’s a lawyer. She laughed at me for starting a blogger mentoring program. She followed up with nothing.
Unfortunately I can see how a lawyer would have that attitude.
I had a similar thing happen to me over the weekend. I was talking about trying to do something with my writing when a friend (an engineer) said, “why? you’re not a writer.” When I said I would like to be they, too, laughed and said, “that’s something children say. adults learn real skills and profit from them. just because you can blog, doesn’t mean you can write.”
Like you said, arguing gets you nowhere. But the conversation did motivate me to try even harder at doing something creative/writing just to prove to others that I mean srs bznss.
FWIW, I think your mentoring program is great!
Leslie recently posted…Using a Dumb Phone in a Smart Phone World
People at work used to give me the side eye when I attempted to explain freelance projects or my writing aspirations. Which is perfectly fine. Not all people will ‘get’ me which is a shame, but c’est la vie.
Okay. That was kind of a dick move and I totally would have slapped her.
🙂
Jennifer Lynn @ Broke-Ass Mommy recently posted…Time to establish financial and savings goals for 2013.
That laugh seems more like jealousy to me. This person hears that you are working from home (something many people want to do) and are being successful. They probably quickly evaluated their life and realized it wasn’t that great. When people laugh at my dreams or what I have achieved, I realize that I have made them jealous and then I laugh.
Grayson @ Debt Roundup recently posted…Are You In Debt? Stop The Expensive Vacations!
That’s just what I was thinking:
J-E-A-L-O-U-S.
Cindy Brick recently posted…Think About This
People like that aren’t even worth the time. Laughing at someone’s ideas, even if you don’t agree with them, is something that petty people do. I think it’s great that you were able to take what happened and analyze it down to this point because attitudes like that should not bring you down. I love all the points you made!
Kyle @ YPFinances recently posted…Personal Training: My Reflections
This happens to me ALL the time from MBA-types who tell me that no “trader” ever makes money in the long-term trading. I use to try to defend my position (and sometimes find myself doing just that). Now I am like “whatever.” Trading is my passion. Most people who are naysayers are jealous that you are reaching for your dream. As for your blogger mentoring program, I loved it and benefited greatly from it. I wish I implemented some of the ideas, but it’s still early in my blogging career 🙂
Jennifer recently posted…Is a Lie ever acceptable?
Wow, I can’t believe this person actually laughed in your face! I’ve had people question my decisions and even show their disdain for them, but I’ve never seen anyone do that. Good for you for rising above the situation – it’s clearly not about you but about this person’s view on the world and the way she thinks it should work. You’ve just got to keep pushing forward. As long as you wake up happy, fulfilled, and feeling that you’re doing the right thing, then that’s what matters.
I don’t know this ladies intentions behind why she laughed at your dream. Seems pretty inconsiderate to say the least. I think sometimes people are just caught off guard by surprising news and react inappropriately. I think you handled it well and came up with some great mental tools to work through your emotions.
I’m not too hard on people like this because honestly, I have laughed at my own dreams from time to time.
Brian @ Luke1428 recently posted…Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That
What a biznatch. Shame on her for laughing (at what I’m not even sure?). I’m sure many of the world’s billionares were laughed at for their “silly ideas”. An online social networking site called, “facebook” how cute ha ha ha, call us when you’re unemployed and need to a couch to sleep on. Proving her wrong will be priceless.
KK @ Student Debt Survivor recently posted…Personal Finance is Personal-Butt Out
“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” Albert Einstein. This gal’s response is typical for someone who’s afraid to go and make their own way and then encounter’s someone who’s not. You go, Jana!
Laurie recently posted…Motivation: Learning From Others
I just recently had a work relationship with a friend end, and one of the reasons it was going to badly is because she constantly put me down, questioned my skill and professionalism, and sent me condescending emails. It can really break your spirit, even if you try all those techniques (which of course help-but it takes time to recover from those negative comments). So another thing to consider is try and avoid people who treat you like that or make you feel bad about yourself or your dreams.
Budget & the Beach recently posted…Dream Technology
I LOVE this. I have been there a million times. I began my own business at 18. People laughed at me. I worked my butt off. I began a different business at 23 using what I learned the first go around. I ROCKED it. Now my career is teaching people to do what I did the second time without making the mistakes I did the firs time. And those who LAUGHED are working 9-5 jobs that they HATE (nothing better than sitting down having a glass of wine with them 15 years later while they tell you their life sucks. *grin*) … and I am planning vacations to Orlando and Vegas. I am not hateful, and I pity them for not being able to see a dream as a reality. Let the anger inspire you…. and you will be sailing the Mediterranean while they sit in a cubicle.
Lynsey @ MoscatoMom recently posted…BOLD Goal #1 of 12 – Done! Pensacola Color Run
first*
Lynsey @ MoscatoMom recently posted…BOLD Goal #1 of 12 – Done! Pensacola Color Run
Great piece! I definitely think people that do this is nothing short of jealousy. I love how you mentioned to use it as motivation. There’s no better motivation than trying to prove yourself.
Kolton @FinancialMoneyTips recently posted…5 Things you Must Know Before Investing
I HAVE to have someone criticise me, my mind works in strange ways but I will always find a way to do something differently rather than be told this is the only way it can be done. This mindset started when I said I wanted to be a fitness model and get muscly. My friends said I didn’t have the genetics.. Oh did I prove them wrong!
Fred@Foxy Finance recently posted…What is PPI and how can you reclaim it
It is pretty crazy how some people are so quick to put others down. Many, I believe, think there are no other avenues to making a living other than typical occupations.
I often consider blogging and other web type careers in the same way I think of musicians.
Basically I listen to fairly unpopular music. By that I mean the bands I listen to do not get radio play or videos on MTV but some of them are still very successful and should I say, rich! Just because it is a road less traveled doesn’t mean it can’t work. Often, I think, the sacrifice is front ended and if you are able to survive off a little less up front for a while the back end will pay off.
Obviously you are doing something right!:)
Ian recently posted…Getting the Most Out of Your Peer to Peer Loans: Part III ~ The Borrower Description
I listen to a lot of less than mainstream music as well. I like it better, almost like it’s a little secret between me and them. But many of them are successful in their own right. Great analogy!
Thanks for printing this. My best girlfriends from college laughed at my dream. I know they are worried about the financial part, but I realized that they don’t know me like I thought they did. It was kind of sad. But I will use it to make sure that my dream comes true!
That’s a shame that people you consider your best friends laugh at you. Friends are the ones that you’re supposed to turn to when family lets you down!
But it’s great that you’ve found a way to channel that negative energy into something positive!
Thank you for writing this. I had college friends that I had known for 35 years laugh at my dreams. I realized they didn’t really know me. It was pretty sad.