If you’ve ever experienced paying off debt, you know how excruciating it is. It consumes most of your thoughts, uses all your money, tests your patience and forces you to make really tough choices. Everything you are, everything you believe, every ounce of discipline you have is put on trial when you’re dealing with your debt.
But something else happens during that time. Your debt? It becomes part of your family. Sure, it’s the part of your family that gets drunk at Thanksgiving, tells horrible “pull my finger” jokes, forgets everyone’s birthdays and is generally unpleasant but it’s still part of the family. It’s a family member that’s been present in your life for a long time and when it’s gone, you’re left grieving.
Yes, it’s exciting to kick the son of bitch to the curb. You may have a funeral for your debt or write a touching tribute or even call Dave Ramsey and scream “We’re debt freeeeeeeeeee” but when that’s all done, and you sit down to look at your monthly budget, you notice something is missing. There’s a void. And you’re not sure what to do because you don’t realize what a huge presence your debt repayment had in your life until it’s gone.
That’s what happened to me. When we made the final payment on our credit card debt, I wasn’t sure what to do. We had spent almost 5 years paying it off. Almost every spare penny was sent to that debt. Home repairs, vacations, new clothes—everything was put on hold so our extra money could be applied to our debt. Then, one day—just like that—it was gone. I had never had to plan a budget that didn’t involve debt repayment and honestly, it was uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to do with that extra money. That uncertainty almost made me wish for the debt payment again.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that what I was experiencing was something akin to the 5 stages of grief. My thinking about eliminating my debt went like this:
Denial—The first thing I thought when I looked at my budget with no debt repayment factored in was “No way. There is no way I have no more credit card debt. That cannot possibly be my budget”. It was hard to accept that all of our work had finally, and literally, paid off.
Anger—Once I realized my credit card debt was gone, I was pissed. Not so much because I didn’t have any left but because I couldn’t help but think that “I just spent 5 freaking years paying off debt! What a waste of time and money that was. If had that money back, I could (fill in pretty much anything)”
Bargaining—I don’t think I necessarily bargained to get my debt payment back. I can’t remember thinking “I’d do anything to bring back a few hundred dollars of debt. Just a few hundred dollars. That’s all I’m asking for”. Nope, I’m pretty confident I skipped this stage.
Depression—During this stage I did have a few moments where I thought to myself “What’s the point of getting excited about this being paid off. Something else is just going to happen and I’ll have all that debt again”. Then I smacked myself in the face and reminded myself that I am in control of what happens next.
Acceptance—It didn’t take a long time for me to accept that my credit card debt was gone. I came to terms with the fact that I had survived the 5 years of debt repayment and that, from now on, my finances were going to be greatly improved. And once I did allow myself to accept that fact, it was liberating.
Make no mistake. I don’t miss my debt at all. I’m over the moon glad it’s gone. But it was a huge shock to my system when I realized I no longer had to make a credit card payment. I had to come to terms with the fact that BrainGames was now over. Working through the 5 step process definitely helped.
And when that was done, I screamed with glee.
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[…] is gone. Now what? Posted on February 17, 2012 by Jana The other day I wrote a post about grieving my debt. As usual, I got some great feedback from readers but one comments in particular stuck out for […]
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[…] Jana at The Daily Money Shot wrote a humorous piece on how she went through a grief cycle after becoming debt-free. […]
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Congrats on being debt free! Once we finally become debt free, I will take all that extra money and funnel it to a house savings account, where I think I will be just as gazelle intense because I am tired of renting. 🙂
Melissa recently posted…4 Signs Your Gazelle Intensity Is Hurting Your Relationships
We’ve been debating what to save for next but we’ve agreed that the majority of the money is going towards retirement, college savings and a new house (that’s a story I’ll be telling soon).
I completely agree. I had the same feelings when we made our final debt payment. It was strange to be so gungho towards a goal and once it is over there is a huge gap, emotionally. I was surprised I kind of had to get over it. Not that I wished I still had debt but it is something I didn’t think about while working to pay off debt.
Niki recently posted…Menu Plan: A Day Late and 100 Cranes Short
Exactly! You don’t think about all of the emotions that come with paying off your debt. For me, it was almost like losing my purpose. Weird, but true.
I can see how it would be strange to not have any debt and think “Now what”? But that is awesome that you paid off your credit cards!! You guys that conquered your consumer debt give me hope 🙂
Mackenzie recently posted…The Debt Spiral
You’ll get there, too. The “now what” is actually the hardest. There are so many avenues so pursue.
Grieving your debt? I never thought about this part of the process. Granted, I’m just beginning my journey and have only paid off a few small items. But, I can totally see experiencing some form of each of the stages when I make my final payment. Thanks for posting.
Thanks for commenting and stopping by!
I noticed that I didn’t have the emotions with the small balances as much as the larger ones that had been around a while. I carried a balance on one credit card for about 10 years. It was very unsettling when it wasn’t there. I would pay my bills and think I was forgetting something.
I mostly experienced this when we paid off Moree’s vet bill- the vet bill from the surgery that went septic and killed him. It was a one year, no interest kind of thing, and we worked diligently to pay it off. But once it was gone, it was almost like losing my dog again. Prior to paying off the vet bill, it was like he wasn’t really gone because I was still paying for him. With the debt gone, he no longer had a regular presence in our life.
I’ve done okay getting rid of the rest of our debt because we’ve always had somewhere that money needed to go (for us to be able to afford to live on one income or save for C going to school). I will probably experience the grieving process when we no longer have C’s school expenses and when my student loans are paid off.
shanendoah@The Dog Ate My Wallet recently posted…11 Questions (and Answers)
I can totally see where you’re coming from with Moree’s vet bill. It’s amazing the attachments we form to certain debt because of the reason we went into that debt in the first place.
It’s funny, I have a MONSTER HELOC and student loan but the cash to pay them both off. The HELOC is with a buddy, so I’m just waiting for him to come up with some $$. The student loan I justify by saying a mortgage interest rate would be higher (and also student loan debt disappears if I die and a mortgage doesn’t) so I keep the cash around for a down payment. (the HELOC is for rental property if you couldn’t tell – we rent where we live).
But I’m sure some of what keeps the debt around is emotions in a cash = security sort of way.
Nick recently posted…Gratuitous Self-Promotion: WiseBread Best Money Tips
Great point, Nick. Sometimes it is more comforting to be liquid but have debt than have no cash and no debt. Cash definitely equals security and if you were to pay that debt off and have no cash, I can see how you would become squirmy.
I think it marks the completion of a goal – one that you were so committed too, that you don’t want to end. I know this feeling – the way i dealt with things was to turn it around and change the debt repayment goals into savings targets. It kept the motivation for me 🙂
savvy scot recently posted…I have Joined the Yakezie Challenge!
That’s the direction that we’re headed–turning the debt repayment into savings goals. Good suggestion!