Foster parenting is NOT a side job

I try to keep this blog as upbeat and as entertaining as possible. I try to stay away from anything controversial because, if you know me, then you know that I’m about as controversial as vanilla ice cream. I’m not one to get up on a soapbox and proclaim my views and opinions for all to hear. Although I write this blog, it really belongs to you–my readers. I try to write about what you want to read (or what I think you want to read) and I don’t think that my opinions on the topics of the day are what you want to read. But sometimes I need to break that rule. Sometimes I really, really need to get something off my chest. This? Is one of those times.

About a week or so ago, I was reading a very well-written post on a very large, popular blog. The post was about different scenarios for single moms and dad and how they manage their finances. Overall, I agreed with everything said. However, there was one sentence that stuck out for me and I have not been able to get it out of my head. In one of the scenarios, this is what she wrote “Sadie has taken in a foster child to offer companionship for her son and to increase their income.” I almost went through the roof.

As someone who works in child welfare, I am appalled at the thought of even suggesting that someone take in a foster child for extra income, never mind referring to said child as offering companionship. This is a child, not a puppy! To even intimate that a foster child is “companionship” is both disgusting and offensive.

Putting a child in foster care is not something that happens frivolously or without any thought. If a child is removed from a home, it is usually due to severe neglect, abuse or dependency, or some combination of the three. It is traumatic for the child because, even though he might have been abused, the abuser is most likely the only parent or guardian he has ever known and is quite attached to that person. Not only that, these are children with trust issues, psychological issues, medical issues, educational issues–you name it, they probably have some of it. To put that child into a home where the person is doing it purely for side income does a service to no one.

Let’s focus on the money for a minute. Yes, it is true that foster parents get paid. I’m sure that in some instances it is a fair amount of money, especially for a child with special needs. And unlike with biological children, many expenses don’t have to be paid out of pocket. Children in foster care are usually on Medicaid, receive purchase of care for day care assistance, get clothing stipends and are eligible for other state services. Yes, this relieves the financial burden on the foster parents while allowing that person to do a very good and noble thing by being a foster parent. But no one should EVER contemplate becoming a foster parent solely for the money.

Foster parenting is hard, hard work. For starters, you are accepting into your home a child with many of the issues mentioned above. With those issues come the following: doctors, court dates, social workers/case workers, therapists, teachers and other school personnel, probation officers (in many instances), biological parents, visitation with biological parents, guardians ad litem, child advocates, and I’m sure I’ve left out a few. As a foster parent, you need to manage all of these people in the child’s life and, in many instances, attend meetings and court dates just like you would for your own child or children. This could mean time off of work (if you don’t have paid vacation or personal time, are you OK with losing the time/money?) or personal calls and business at work (is your boss OK with this?). It could mean spending your own money on the child, too.

I was speaking to a foster parent a few weeks ago about a particular child. This foster parent had gotten the child a membership at the local YMCA, took him on family outings such as the movies and dinner, and was working with the child to set up his own lawn mowing business. These expenses are not paid through our children’s department, They are paid for out of the foster parents’ own pockets (which, yes, may be lined a bit with the money they’re receiving from fostering). But the point is they were not treating the child like companionship; they were treating him like a family member. That? Is the point of fostering. To provide a temporary but stable family-like environment for a child whose family is in crisis. It’s why the term “parent” is in the title.

There’s no denying that there is a shortage of foster homes. Many teenagers are being put into group homes that often do more damage than good. But to simply take on the task of becoming a foster parent for side income is both foolish and selfish. If it is something that you are strongly considering, or even lightly considering, I suggest you contact your local foster care coordinator to see what is required. What’s the process for being approved? What training do you have to go through? What types of kids do you expect to see coming into your home? Do you have the discretion to say no? Will you be able to let go when the child gets moved to another placement or gets moved back home? These are the questions that you need to be asking, not wondering if the child will provide some additional income.

It’s not often that I get fired up like this. Issues like this hit a nerve for me because of what I see every day, and have seen almost every day for the better part of 10 years. If you are considering fostering, I commend you. It is a thankless, difficult and stressful job. Please just make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons.

*Steps of soapbox and ends rant. We will resume our normal programming tomorrow.