So I’ve been thinking lately about how we live in these either/or situations:
- Consume content or create
- Dogs or cats
- Spend all your money or save all your money
- Watch TV or read books
- Credit cards or cash
- Exercise inside or outside
- Stay home or work outside the home
- Wine or beer
- Hustle or self-care (this is actually a soapbox issue for me but we’ll skip it today)
- Self-employed or work for someone else (another soapbox issue. I’m feeling soapboxy, apparently)
- Blog for money or blog for fun
- Coffee or tea
- Cooking from scratch or buying pre-made food
And so on. Feel free to add your own.
The thing is, it doesn’t have to be that way. There doesn’t need to be these hard line “WORKING FOR YOURSELF IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET RICH” or “I ONLY READ BOOKS BECAUSE TV IS A WASTE OF TIME” statements.
First of all, they’re way more judgy than they need to be. I mean, we all make choices based on our moods and budgets and circumstances. Is it really necessary to put our values on someone else especially without knowing all the facts? For instance, I read plenty of books but I also watch my fair share of TV. I don’t feel like I’m a waste of a person because I park my ass on the couch in my soft pants and watch Netflix instead of going for a 12 mile hike and I don’t feel like it’s anyone’s business if I spend a Saturday watching 47 episodes of The Office or reading a 400 page book. I’d sure like your feedback if you’ve seen or read what I’m reading or watching because discussions are fun. I even want to hear how you spent your time.
But telling me that what I’m doing is wrong because it’s not what you would do? No.
Second, why? Why do we have to draw such lines? Why isn’t is possible to want both situations? To want to drink wine AND beer, even in the same night (although godspeed to you if you do)? To hold a full-time job but also have a side business? Even more, what’s wrong with wanting to spend your career as an employee instead of a retired-early entrepreneur? Why do we have to choose? It is possible to be a healthy, balanced person who dabbles on both sides of an equation. Life doesn’t work in absolutes. And we do ourselves, and others, a disservice when we try to convince them otherwise.
I get wanting to advocate for your beliefs. Writing about them on a blog, tweeting about them, sharing pictures on Instagram. I believe in respectful discussions or a contentious argument or two if you believe strongly in one thing over another. I think it’s awesome to share information and resources and opinions. We want others to think like we do and to form a community and support network of those who have the same preferences. And I love people who are passionate. It’s great to learn from them and read their experiences and find out why they’re so passionate.
But it’s entirely different to condescend or demean someone who feels or chooses differently.
I think that’s where this whole thing started. Seeing or hearing people condemn or mock others whose life choices are different, both on the small and large scale. I think that’s a bunch of bullshit. A reader isn’t superior to a TV watcher and I don’t think you’re better than me because you don’t drink coffee or alcohol. Working moms have it differently difficult than a stay-at-home mom. We all have struggles and advantages and we’ve made our choices based on weighing those against each other.
I’m not really sure what the point of this post is. I freely admit that it’s a hot mess of rambling nonsense. But if I had to sum it up, it would be this: it’s okay to equally enjoy things that seem to be in direct conflict with each other. Books and TV, cats and dogs, self-employment and entrepreneurship; none of them are mutually exclusive and there’s room in your life for everything if you want it. And if you don’t, ease up on those who aren’t steadfast in their beliefs or preferences.
Life isn’t always either/or.
Unless it’s either impeach trump or not. Then there’s only one real answer.
Gosh, as an indecisive person, I am sitting over here like….living an either/or life would suck!!!!! I like to dabble in a little bit of everything. I would never judge someone for choosing differently than me or thinking my way made me better. I do get annoyed when I see other’s complaining about how people live their lives. If you don’t like someone, then dont follow/read/pay attention to it. You know? I watch people tear down MLM people who are just trying to bring money home for their family in the way that they can. Yeah, I get annoyed when they clutter my feed with what they are selling but I also thing, good for you. I am glad you are making money they way that you enjoy. Let me go ahead and hide you now lol. You do you boo đ
Nadine recently posted…Keto Pizza Skillet
Lol on trump. Great blog and true. If only we could walk a mile in everyoneâs shoes. We are all on our own journeys. Working mom when I was younger was really hard. Running around like a nut for sports and other stuff, plus working, and most of the household stuff was difficult but I wouldnât change a thing. And we threw large parties for our parents and kids. Whew. Being able to be a stay at home mom to run Sean to soccer practices 3 nights a week about 5-6 hours total per night and be a stay at home Mommom was/is priceless. Now I am finally on the right track healthwise. Very grateful. Love, Stephâs Momma.
This post is right on. It never has to be either/or. People are capable of so much, so why limit yourself to one thing? And yes definitely to wine AND beer (not on the same night), and of course, impeaching Trump.
laura recently posted…Weekend: Lots of Rain and a Fort
haha – that last sentence made me laugh.
I am totally a centralist – I actually took tests that say that every time – I see the both sides of usually everything (except Jesus – 100% on that one) đ but it aggravates me when people are so not willing to hear the other side or know you can have the best of both worlds.
I loved this post.
Rebecca Jo recently posted…The weekend that I had a date with Hugh Jackman…
Very few things are either/or for me. I try to stay open to as many things as I can.
Except trump as leader.
SMD recently posted…Things Iâll Never Get Over
I’m such an “AND” person if forced to choose and I don’t feel strongly about one or the other. Or if I do feel strongly about one but still see validity in the other.
A friend noticed that I was boycotting Intuit for their legislative lobbying practices and thought they had to call it out as a problem for people who don’t have a choice. I think it’s just as silly to pass judgment on other people for not doing as you do as to assume that someone else’s choice is a judgment on you.
Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life recently posted…Chronic Life: Finally applying for an accommodation
Am so in agreement on everything in this post. As an aside, this is precisely why I donât read personal finance blogs anymore, because once they get out of debt or achieve FIRE, or makes gobs of money with their ads of google nonsense, they get all sanctimonious and become that âeither/orâ blog. As in âeveryone who doesnât agree with me and my viewpoints and how I make moneyâ is an idiot. The hypocrisy is palatable.
Mackenzie recently posted…As The Page Turns: March Edition
Definitely only one answer when it comes to tr*mp.
The idea of either/or appeals to me because it feels organized, but I always say “both” when asked about tea or coffee. And while I own dogs, I still love cats. And book vs. tv… it just depends on my mood, ya know? So while I like the crisp clean idea of either/or, and I love little IG templates where you pick a favorite, I’m more messy and all over the board and all-inclusive than I care to admit đ And there’s nothing wrong with that! And there’s nothing wrong with people who like the things I don’t, haha!
All that to say, I agree with you đ
Audrey recently posted…A Wild Thursday Night & Canceled Plans
This! 100% THIS. I actually get incredibly irritated when people need to phrase something as this or that. I think as women we get this a lot about our roles/stereotypes especially. Life is complex and in between and even the silly things doesn’t need to be one or the other. As you said there’s really only one answer where that is the case haha.
Kati Rose recently posted…Life Lately: April 2018
You know that I am 110% with you on this subject. And always, I love your rants/soap boxy posts. đ I don’t know why we’ve become so this or that about everything. Basically the only thing we should all be YES to is impeaching Trump. Otherwise, you do you and you doing you can change on a dime. Like you, I read AND watch TV. I like cats AND dogs, although I have a cat because I simply prefer them but that doesn’t mean I don’t like dogs. I’m not sure why it’s become “cool” to mock or condescend others who think and live differently. I don’t want to live in a world of sheep. I prefer unique people, even when I may disagree with some of their choices or beliefs, because how boring would it be otherwise?
Tanya @ A Mindful Migration recently posted…March Bookshelf: I Got No Catchy Title Month
Gah, I am the first person to admit that I like to do things “my way”… which is fine, because as long as I do things my way and you do yours your way, we can all get along. No need trying to tell others (or be told) that you’re doing it wrong, because there is no wrong!
Well, except for the Trump situation. I agree there đ
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There are a lot of either or issues when you start to think about it, but it shouldn’t have to be that way. People are complex đ
Akaleistar recently posted…Sweet Progress Spring Box Swap Signups
I LOVE this so much. I feel like I’m just coming up for air after treading water for so long trying to figure out where I fit in. The answer is I don’t nor was I created to just be one or the other. We get to make the rules for ourselves and if that means we pick both or one or the other then so be it! Miss you and your ability to make me feel normal.
PREEEEACH! So tired of this BS theory that you are only allowed to like one thing, or that you can’t have a happy relationship with someone who doesn’t agree with you on EVERYTHING. So, so, so tired of it.