I want to start by saying THANK YOU to everyone who commented on Monday’s post. Your support and encouragement and thoughts mean more to me than I can adequately express. While I’m sure I have my share of detractors, having a group of supporters makes it that much easier to deal with those who don’t like me. I’m not exactly the toughest chick around but I’m working on thickening my skin. Because if I’m going to write and publish a book, I’m going to need it. I mean, you’ve read some of those Amazon reviews, right? Holy hell, people are cruel. I need to be able to handle it. So maybe it truly was a blessing in disguise that she and I had that conversation.
It’s all about the silver linings, right?
I like to think so.
One topic that I didn’t touch on in Monday’s post was the fact that, throughout our conversation, she kept talking about different measures of blogging success–page rank, page views per month, email subscribers, Twitter followers, stuff like that. Things that definitely matter, especially when you’re like me and will be shopping a book to agents, but in the grand scheme of blogging, they’re just measurements. They’re not indicators of quality or community or even being interesting. They’re indicators that you know how to get people to like and follow and you’re good at drawing traffic.
But when you get those readers and followers, are they really, truly reading? Are they sticking around? Do they support you? Have you formed relationships?
Or do you treat them like a statistic? If you do, that’s okay. I’m only judging you a little bit not judging you at all.
As for me, I don’t treat anyone like a statistic. Because that matters to me is forming relationships and connecting with people. I want what I write to mean something. I want readers to come away with feelings, even if that feeling is hatred mixed with contempt. The rest doesn’t matter. It’s not important to me to use SEO tricks and clickbait headlines (clearly. I mean, you’ve seen my post titles) vanity metrics to quantify my “popularity”. When I finish my book do I want people to buy and read it? Yes. Of course I do. I need justification for my global book tour. But I want people to read and buy the book because they like me. Because they like my writing. Not because I’ve bribed or tricked them (for the record, I’m not necessarily above bribing. Just ask my child).
And the reason I feel this way is because, after 3 years of blogging, I’ve finally defined and come to terms with what’s important to me. What matters to me. And I bring all of that to my personal definition of success. Which is not a word that has a universal definition (I mean, yes, it has a dictionary definition but the real life, practical definition is way more subjective than what Webster says. The dictionary. Not the guy from TV. Although that would be awesome, too).
There’s nothing wrong with the traditional definition of success. But when you look at it objectively, we all have different measures for success, with blogging and with everything else. Because what I think is successful for me might not spell success for you.
For instance, you might think success is losing 100 pounds. I might think success is losing a pants size. Both are fine. Both are successes.
You might think success is having 50000 newsletter subscribers. I might think success is having 100 newsletter subscribers. Both are fine. Both are successes.
You might think success is having the biggest, faniciest house on the block. I might think success is simply having my own apartment. Both are fine. Both are successes.
You might think success is having a multi-book deal through a traditional publishing house. I might think success is self-publishing my first and only book. Both are fine. Both are successes.
You might think success is having a million dollars in your savings account. I might think success is saving $15 per month. Both are fine. Both are successes.
You might think success is having a booked social calendar. I might think success is having one close friend I can count on. Both are fine. Both are successes.
What it all boils down to is this–perspective. Your successes and failures are based on your perception and definition of those words, and the history and goals you bring to the table that contributes to your definition of those words. And since we’re all different, we’re all going to bring different experiences which in turn leads to–you guessed it–different definitions. And to put your subjective definition on someone else isn’t fair.
So don’t do it.
I’ve tried 100 different ways to end this post on an uplifting, empowering note. But none of them seemed quite right. Instead, I’m ending with this quote. It sums up everything I’m trying to say.
It’s Wednesday so I’m linking up with Liz. No confessions this week but you should go read all the awesome ones that link up with Kathy.
Perspective popped into my brain before I even read the word in your blog. That and attitude are so important. Life is a journey and, if we are lucky, we keep on learning! We control our attitude and gain perspective throughout our journey. Control what we can control.
Continued Goddess speed to all of us in our lives! #keepthefaithbaby
#believe
Love, SMD’s Momma
I think people have a tendency to try and out do or one up each other and in turn making themselves miserable. I think defining your own idea of success and working toward that goal is the best way to be happy and feel content with your life. Good for you for making your own path.
Kerry recently posted…Get Down, It’s Your Birthday
It’s hard for a lot of people to understand that what they want and are striving for is not the same as what everyone else wants and is striving for. We’re all on our own journey. I could give less than one full shit about follower numbers. Most people who read my blog find it on facebook and don’t follow me anywhere because they don’t even know what following is. LOL It’s the conversations blogging opens up, the resonance or discourse that comes from writing that keeps me in the game. Not a freaking number anywhere.
It is down to perspective and how you think is the best way to measure success. Which is different for absolutely everything. While I sit here at work thinking the best way to measure success is happy and engaged customers, others tend to think it’s the amount of customers – a numbers game. Everyone’s got their own ways of viewing success.
Jaina recently posted…Project 365: 2014 – September
So true, love this! My definition of success may be really sad and boring to someone else, but who cares! I think your personal definition of success can change over time too, as you learn what’s most important to you.
Julia recently posted…Currently…
I agree everyone has their own idea of success, not only that one’s idea of what success is might change throughout their life.
To me success has nothing to with my work or my blog, it has to do with getting to the end of my life and saying I lived it well and I”m happy.
Kelli recently posted…Introducing Moonbeam and How I Blew It
I think people put way too much into their numbers/stats, etc. Yeah, congrats….you get 1,000 views a day. But why are only 10 people engaging with you then? I could care less about my numbers, I just hope that a few people (you) want to come read my babbles from time to time and say hello! Because really, that is all I am here for…to connect with some cool peeps!
Nadine recently posted…Confessions
It’s so hard for people to understand that not everyone has the same goals or dreams as they do. I took a pretty substantial blogging break in the middle of the year and my numbers are down quite a bit, but I feel like I have a real connection with the people who read and comment regularly, so I don’t really care about the numbers. Three cheers for perspective!
Sarah @ Beauty School Dropout recently posted…Where I’m From
YES! We all have our own definition of success and yes, we should define it and then strive for it/live it! Good luck on your writing (will read that post soon)! What a big endeavor!
So true, it is all perspective. I admit, I love to look at a fancy car but I don’t hold material objects as a measure of one’s success. I think keeping a goal sheet and then checking them off as you go is a great way to measure your personal success. Seeing that at the end of the year is hugely rewarding. Your first published book could lead to your 2nd published book which can lead to a full calendar of events. And, maybe, even a million dollars in your account!
Tricia’s Mostly Healthy Life recently posted…Obesity and Lack of Education…. One Woman’s Story
I feel the exact same way girl! A blog can have 10,000 page views a day and only 3 comments because the blogger doesn’t engage with their readers. I mean I blog because I love the connections I have made and the people I talk to on a daily basis more than my IRL friends 😉 Love that last quote!
Amanda Elizabeth recently posted…Zucchini Noodles – Recipes You Make When Men Are Gone
great post! it’s true…it’s all about perspective. i think people forget about that. we judge before we know. we apply our own experiences and beliefs to other people’s situations. and in the end, it just causes hurt. i can tell you’re letting it roll off your shoulders. it’s the only way to go!
Love this! For me, success is living the life that you want. If that means earning lots of money, go for it. If it means, you live paycheck to paycheck but have more time for family, that’s great too. I think it’s just about finding your own definition of success. 🙂
Lynsey @ Eternally Wanderlyn recently posted…Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful
This is a great topic! I’ve had this discussion with so many people, who want to get all judgmental on this person not wanting to go to college, or this person for having a kid at such a young age. And the major problem is that they’re forcing their own version of success on that person, and judging them for not achieving it. But maybe for that person, the definition of success is having a family early and staying out of debt. And how can you say that’s wrong, just because it doesn’t mesh with what you think of as successful? I think as long as our definitions aren’t hurting other people, we should all be free to pursue our own versions of success and we should all be a lot less prone to telling others what their version should be.
To sum up: I have basically restated what you said. Oh, and that blogger sounds like an asshole.
Jenn @ Business, Life & Design recently posted…What Makes Me Unfollow – A Rant
What a great way to look at things Jana. I think having your own definition of success is the great way to go. We are all individuals after all. I like to think that all successful bloggers are those who share a relationship with their readers. That’s how we create engagement after all.
Kostas Chiotis recently posted…Measuring the Success of Your Blog