(Before reading this confession, make sure you check out Confession #1 and #2)
Confession #3: I hate being a bridesmaid.
It’s not because I have the whole “Always a bridesmaid never a bride” thing going on. I’ve been married for 7 1/2 years so I’m good there. No, I hate being a bridesmaid because it’s so freaking expensive. Let’s use the wedding I’m in next month to highlight my argument.
When my friend, who has been a dear friend since we pledged together in 1996, asked me to be in her wedding, I immediately said yes. Not only because she is a great friend but because she was also a bridesmaid in my wedding. I couldn’t not return the honor. Then buyer’s remorse set it. You see, my friend has ridiculously expensive taste. My frugal Batsignal started tingling in anxiety for what this wedding was going to cost me. Thus far, I am not wrong. Let’s review:
The dress and shoes. First of all, let me just say that a burgundy dress with bead work is not in and of itself atrocious. However, when you are–let’s see, how do I put this delicately–well-endowed, the last thing you want to wear is a strapless dress with sparkly beads around the neckline. Despite that, the bride at least did a nice job picking a dress with a reasonable price. I think it cost $140. But that kind of money for a dress I will wear once makes me twitch. And that doesn’t include the alterations. Fortunately, I only need a hem done but we’re still looking at about $50 or so. So, total, $200 for a dress I will wear for 8 hours. Then there’s the mandatory gold strappy shoes. I found a pair for $40 at DSW. I can live with this. Total running tab: $240
The hotel. This wedding is 2 hours from where I live which means I must stay in a hotel. For two nights due to the rehearsal dinner the night before. The room rate was $135 each night, not including tax and fees and parking. So let’s tack on another $75 for that bringing the hotel total to $245. Total running tab: $485
The bachelorette party and bridal shower. Remember I said how the bride has expensive taste? Well, this is trickling over to the bachelorette party and bridal shower. All 4 bridesmaids bought a gift together so my share of that is $45 which I find reasonable. Dinner is at the Melting Pot (have you ever been? Delicious but pricey, especially for food you essentially need to cook yourself) and no one will tell me what’s going on afterwards except we’re going to a bar in Red Bank, NJ (I keep expecting to run into Kevin Smith), and no strippers (this is actually fine with me. Male strippers? Are disgusting). Estimated guess for this night? $200, not including the dress I need to buy because I am boring and never go out and have nothing that is appropriate to wear in a bar. New estimate? $250. Total running tab: $735
Everything else. Hair, makeup, manicure, pedicure, gas, tolls, wedding gift, bridal shower wishing well gift. The list of everything else goes on, costing me at least another $400. I suppose I can go without the hair and make-up and it may come to that. But let’s say it doesn’t. Total tab for this wedding: $1135. That is my freaking mortgage payment!
I love my friend. I really do. I’m flattered that she asked me to be in her wedding (she also wanted my daughter to be the flower girl but the fiance nixed that. I think I want to hug him). And she did the same for me when she was in my wedding. Secretly, though, I wish I wasn’t in the wedding. It may be cause to celebrate her marriage but it’s certainly not a party for my wallet.
I just hope the wedding food is good. Because good food? Would make this whole situation way more bearable.
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[…] For some reason, I can’t find #2 on her blog, but that’s okay, because my favorite was #3- I hate being a bridesmaid. I was lucky in that my southern family introduced me to a lovely southern tradition- only be a […]
Why can't the bride pay for all the expenses of her bride's maid? Next time you get a request ask for at least 50% of the expense. 🙂
That is outrageous. I'm sorry you are being dragged through this expensive nightmare. The way you describe it hilarious!
As a person who alters wedding dresses for a living, I would make it clear to all that I will not pay to be in a wedding. When our daughter. got married. I paid for all dresses and shoes, jewelry. I did their hair. Yes two sisters had to fly in but they would have any way. I just think that weddings are out of control. Alterations are also out of control. I would charge $20.00 to hem a simple dress. The price goes up with the # of layers. I charge a minimum of $75.00 for a simple wedding dress hem.
That's so expensive. I'm nearing the age where my friends will all most likely get married in the next couple of years, and I'm not looking forward to the costs.
I have been getting killed in this world, but it is almost over. My bachelor part was in Vegas and 15 dudes signed up for it! Which means I have had to go to almost 15 bachelor parties…which isn't bad, but paying for them has been terrible (a few in vegas, one in new orleans, another in dc, boston, etc.
Here is a confession: I have NEVER been a bridesmaid. Being that the majority of my friends now have been married longer than I have I think I may be in the clear!! For my own wedding (which WE paid for the entire thing) I paid for the bridesmaid dresses (I bought off the rack at a Department store and even managed a discount)and they paid for a $20 alterations. The most important things to me, aside from actually marrying the hubby, was the food and drinks. It helped that our DJ rocked and our photographer was amazing. I'm simple that way 😉
I am getting married next year, and I think I'm going to have 2 bridesmaids. I plan to pay for their dresses – that way, I wouldn't feel too badly if they can't wear the dress again, and I'd have an incentive to really keep the costs low! H&M, Forever 21, TJ Maxx and Nordstrom's Rack all have nice dresses that are in the sub-$50 range.
I was a bridesmaid once. It involved flying cross-country, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as yours! Gosh. I should have gotten her a better gift!
OMG, i was just tallying up the costs for my upcoming bridesmaid “duties” and they came in about the same.. so this is par for the course?! i think it’s outrageous. especially as the bride’s parents are loaded, and she and her fiance have high-paying jobs. i’ve been in grad school for the last 2 years. also, i especially loved how the matron of honour saw fit to just book a $120 spa session first and inform me of the cost later.. it’s just so arrogant. i love my friend too, but this is really pissing me off. because all that money represents two months of my mother’s household upkeep costs.