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Fighting the good fight

March 20, 2014 by Jana 12 Comments

On my old site, Jana Says, I talked extensively about my depression and anxiety issues. They’re a huge part of who I am, even if I don’t want them to be and instead of a monkey on my back, they’re like these two giant, annoying, asshole neighbors who are constantly spying on me, trying to get all up in my business, making everything difficult and most days, impossible to accomplish anything because they’re just…there. They pull up some couch and sit and they never quite know when it’s time to go home. And, being the good hostess I am, I have to entertain them. 

As a result, most days are a huge struggle to even get out of bed. But deep down, I know that I’ll feel even worse if I mope about, staying in bed, not doing anything except Facebook stalking and taking BuzzFeed quizzes (for those who are interested, I should live in Portland, Tina Fey will play me in a movie, I’m a sandwich, and Scooter is my spirit Muppet) so I haul my ass out from underneath my cocoon of covers and dogs and go about my day the best that I can. 

Some days I succeed, some days I don’t. It’s a crap shoot. It all depends on what phrases I tell myself first thing in the morning. Occasionally, I have a Stuart Smalley moment. Most days, I don’t. Negative self-talk is something I am extremely proficient in and even my year of therapy couldn’t change that. I don’t need people to be hard on me because I’m hard enough on myself. You know that song “My Own Worst Enemy”? Yeah, that’s me. Or, even more accurately, this:

Thanks, Dukes of Hazzard, for making me feel like I spelled "hazard" incorrectly
Thanks, Dukes of Hazzard, for making me feel like I spelled “hazard” incorrectly

While it’s true that I am not one of those people for whom things come easily, and I have to work twice as hard as some people for a third of the results, I know that some of my problems are of my own doing. 

  • I shut myself off from people when life get too hard instead of reaching out for help.
  • I don’t work as diligently as I should because I get overwhelmed with my to-do list and instead of ticking things off one at a time, I quit.
  • My blog and business aren’t growing as fast as I’d like because I’ve told myself no one cares or wants to be part of them (and I’m terrible at self-promotion and instead of getting over my shit, I hide).
  • I let myself be overcome with jealousy at others’ successes and tell myself that I’ll never get there because I don’t deserve it.
  • I let myself feel intimidated by others’ productivity and ability to manage their time and instead of working on improving, I stop doing everything because I tell myself I can’t keep up so there’s no real sense in trying.

Admittedly, I’m a fucking disaster. Because absolutely none of my problems are the result of anything other than the fact that I have a messed up way of thinking. Because consciously, I know this is all bullshit. I have tangible proof that it’s all bullshit. I have intangible proof that it’s all bullshit. Yet, day after day, I convince myself it’s all true.

If I believe it’s all true, it begs the question–why the hell do I even keep trying? 

That’s a question I ask every day.

Sometimes, I don’t know what keeps me going or why. Other days, I keep trying because I need to prove my demons wrong. I like being right. I like winning arguments. I like telling people to suck it because they didn’t believe in me. I like a good fight. 

And most of all, I keep trying because I want to be different. I want to have a positive self-image. I want to be confident and determined. I want to look in the mirror and be happy instead of overly critical.

That won’t happen if I quit.

Besides, if I quit, what would the pioneers think of me? They didn’t quit because someone else had a better crop or a larger homestead. They didn’t quit because conditions were too harsh or because there were too many chores to do. They didn’t quit because their family in the East didn’t believe in them. If anything, that made them push harder. They fought through everything hard, unpleasant, and ugly. They fought to make a better life for themselves. 

And so I fight. I fight for a better life for myself. Even on the days I fail or I don’t think I deserve it, I fight. 

And since I philosophically refuse to quote Christina Aguilera, I’m using this as my new affirmation instead:

knopeheyleslie_496943

Filed Under: Life, Uncategorized Tagged With: pioneer traits, random. mental health

BHB Blogger Coaching Class: An explanation (and why you should join)

January 10, 2014 by Jana 3 Comments

You see the link at the top of my site? The one about the blogger coaching class? You’re probably wondering what that’s all about.

header-bhb

I suppose I should tell you.

In August 2012, I started a blogger mentoring program. The idea behind it was to pair veteran bloggers with new bloggers for one on one mentoring and coaching. The idea came to me as I spent the greater part of an afternoon dwelling on all the things I wish I had known when I started blogging. I would have had a different approach to a number of blogging tasks and probably made different choices. But without the guidance, save for what I could find for free on the Internet, I was pretty much left figuring it all out for myself.

While figuring it out for myself proved to be a huge learning experience, and I picked up skills I might not otherwise have learned, I still would have loved to have had the benefit of experience on my side. Someone to go to when I got stuck. Someone to bring me into his or her network. Someone to help introduce me to readers. Someone to honestly critique my site and give constructive feedback.

You know. The things you can get from reading “how to blog” books and articles. Sure, you can join a forum or Facebook group or other sort of online networking group, but if you’re like me, you tend to get overwhelmed in forums and most days, forget to post (and if you do post, *maybe* you forget to check for responses). Those groups can make you feel insignificant and oftentimes, you find yourself not really getting what you need.

At least that’s how I felt.

And I wanted to create something for people like me. So I did. And I called it Bloggers Helping Bloggers (soon to be renamed The Blog Mentoring Network). And it was good. We helped dozens of bloggers, got featured on Yahoo! Shine (thanks to a Babble post written by a longtime BHB mentor), and even ran a live session at FinCon13.

But it needed to be better. It needed to start doing more, reaching more people. You see, we only have a limited amount of mentors which means we can only help a limited amount of bloggers during each session. Turning people away or putting them on a waiting list isn’t my favorite choice so I started to think about what else I could do to help more bloggers.

That’s how my online blogger coaching class was born.

By creating this class, more bloggers can have access to successful bloggers who can teach them some of the basics of blogging. More bloggers can have a live Q&A with the instructors/coaches. More bloggers from different niches can interact with each other (side note: what separates this class is that it’s for ALL bloggers, regardless of niche. We welcome men and women, food bloggers, lifestyle bloggers, personal finance bloggers, and every other type of blogger you can think of. THIS is what makes us different). More bloggers can start improving their blogs sooner than later.

I know that now you’re thinking “Wow, Jana! That’s amazing! But can you tell me the specifics of the class because I’m really interested but I’d like to know what I’m getting into?”

Of course I can. ‘Cause I’m awesome like that.

Here’s what you need to know:

  • It runs for 8 weeks, beginning on Feb. 4
  • Each class meets at 9PM EST for approximately one hour
  • If you can’t attend, there will be a recording of the class available via a password protected post
  • Each class is taught by a different successful blogger
  • The topics covered are: building a blogging presence, blogging myths, SEO, monetizing your blog, blogging finances and taxes, freelancing, podcasting, and using WordPress to build a good looking and secure blog
  • The price is normally $100 but we’re running a discount enrollment fee of just $25
  • You will also get a free coaching call AND a free site evaluation included with your enrollment fee

So that’s the basics of the class. You can read all about the coaches and detailed information about each week if you want or need more.

I know that it seems silly to pay for information you can get for free on the Internet. I’ve had that same thought at times. However, with this, you get connections, one on one interaction, and a whole lot more. And sometimes, it’s worth investing in yourself to become the best you can.

Think of this as a gym for your blog, with the coaches as your personal trainers.Sure, you can exercise for free but there are perks of gym that you can’t get anywhere else.

The class provides those perks.

And you can sign up right now.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

End your day by eating a frog

September 20, 2013 by Jana 8 Comments

Earlier this year I read the book Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy (no affiliate link. Just want you to see the book). If you haven’t read it, it’s essentially a productivity book, designed to give skills to combat procrastination, and the basic premise is that you do the least desirable task first. With that out of the way, you’ll pave the road to tackle other projects, plus you’ll feel good that you got the frog out of the way. It’s a great concept and makes total sense.

Please don’t eat Kermit.

Except I don’t really adhere to it. In fact, I do just the opposite. I leave the frog for the last part of the day. Because I don’t really want to start my day doing something I hate. I’d rather do that right before I go to bed, making it the last thing I cross off my list, because that way I can rest easy knowing that I did it. I did the thing I didn’t want to do (usually this involves laundry in some way). Even if it took me all day to get around to it.

I do have my reasons for why I do it this way. Interested to hear them? I thought so:

  1. Crossing small tasks off my list gives me motivation to keep going. Like Dave Ramsey’s debt snowball encouraging people to pay off debts smallest to largest, my productivity snowball starts with checking off something small and moving on to something big. Seeing the little, easier and more pleasant to do items like sending an email or text or putting dinner in the slow cooker getting checked off makes my to-do list seem smaller and more manageable. And like people who eliminate their consumer debt and are proud to have only a mortgage, having only the frog to deal with at the end of the day is very satisfying
  2. Eliminating more pleasant tasks means that I’m not distracted when I’m working on a big one. If I’m working on editing my fiction book or brainstorming for an eBook, my mind is clearer when I’m not pestering myself about running to buy toothpaste or renewing a library book. Having those out of the way means I can focus more on what’s important and I can devote more uninterrupted time to that task. The frog is going to need a lot of attention and I want to have it. Note: working on my books is not unpleasant. It’s rather pleasant, in fact. It’s so pleasant that I want it at the end of my day. Like a margarita. 
  3. It’s easy to postpone the smaller, more fun tasks. Especially if they’re extremely mundane. Yes, it’s crucial to my family’s finances that I work on my mentoring program and my books. We need the money. But it’s also just as important that I schedule my dog’s vet appointment or buy milk or put gas in my car. Saying “it can wait one more day” means that it’ll get postponed way more than that, until it’s really a dire circumstance (no milk in my house is a major catastrophe). If I take care of it immediately, I prevent a disaster which might wind up costing more time, leaving less time to deal with the frog.
  4. It helps me prioritize. This probably makes no sense because you would think that your priority would be the least desirable task just to get it done. My first grader is even learning that as part of her healthy habits curriculum at school. But for me, I work in reverse. I tend to make my highest priority item the last thing I do because that’s when I have the time, focus, and mental capacity to do it. That’s why, when I wake up at 5:30 in the morning, I’m not working on a book or my program. My mind isn’t sharp enough at that hour of the day to focus as intently as I need so I use that time to clear space in my day.

I know that lots of people will disagree with me. That’s okay. We all have our tools for productivity and in my opinion, it doesn’t matter when or how you get it done as long as you get shit done and you do it the best you can. Perfection isn’t key here. What matters is that it’s done to your standards and liking; my standards for your laundry folding or housecleaning don’t matter. Did you get it done? Yes? Then good for you!

Because at the end of the day, you have to be okay with what you accomplished. No one else. So eat the frog first or last. Or even save it for the next day. Just eat it.

How about you? Do you deal with the frog first or last?

Filed Under: Uncategorized

This is more entertaining than shopping

September 3, 2012 by Jana 2 Comments

Today is Labor Day; a day to honor the working folk by giving us a day off (unless you work retail, are a first responder, doctor, animal shelter worker, police officer, small business owner, airline pilot, bus driver, train conductor, taxi driver, or are self-employed. So really, only just a few people) and encouraging us to celebrate by barbecuing, drinking various forms of alcohol, and, of course, shopping.

Because, really, what spells “day off” more than drunk shopping with a full stomach? I'm sure that is what whoever dreamed up this day had in mind (although I do concede it sounds like a good time.)

Anyway, as a quasi-self employed person, today isn't really a day off for me. In fact, I've decided that my labor day is actually December 13, which is when my daughter was born. I think I labored harder that day than any other day in my life. And it ended with me being cut open and a child removed from my body.

Too much information? Perhaps. But true, nonetheless.

Anyway, I initially planned to rant about how I see Halloween decorations out in stores already and how every holiday is commercialized and it makes me really, really annoyed. But then I thought, nah. That's kind of heavy for a Monday. So, instead of ranting, I'm going to share these awesome pictures that I found and hope they make you laugh, too (and make you so entertained that you forget you wanted to take advantage of those amazing, never to be found again Labor Day sales):

 


I need to know why the fuck this exists.
Mom?! Dad?! What are you doing?
From my new favorite site, Texts From Dog

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Makeup and money: How to avoid looking like a mess

July 2, 2012 by Jana Leave a Comment

I remember the first time I tried to apply makeup myself. I was about 10 years old. I remember standing in my room (or the bathroom. That part is a bit fuzzy), layering on eye shadow and blush and bright red lipstick.  I thought I looked spectacular when I was finished. However, my family? Did not agree with me. Because the end result actually had me looking more like the Joker than anything remotely resembling a preteen girl trying to put on makeup. My father was horrified, my mother was embarrassed, and I’m pretty sure my sister just laughed. I burst into tears and ran back to my room.

Clearly, I was not the cosmetic savant I thought I was.

Over the years, I’ve gotten significantly better at applying makeup. I’m nowhere near expert level but I do well enough to get by. I can pick out colors that look good together, I can apply it without ending up looking like a drag queen or like I’m getting ready to troll the streets, and I’ve even taught my little sister (not the one who laughed; she can fend for herself) how to apply it! It’s pretty amazing how far I’ve come since that fateful day 25 years ago.

But I didn’t get to this point without lots and lots of practice. Or without learning a few things.  And once I really starting thinking about it, I realized that there was just as much to learning how to properly apply makeup as there is to learning how to manage your money.  Like:

For the rest of this post, head on over to So Over Debt, where I’m guest posting today.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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Jana

I'm Jana ...

A book reading, nail polish wearing, binge watching, music loving, dog owning, reluctant cheer mom.
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