It’s not often that I get fired up about any particular topic. But when I do, I fly hot. So sit back and hold on because this is one of those times. Note: I am fully prepared for some of you to disagree with me. That is fine. I welcome dissenting opinions. But please be respectful. Any personal attacks, threats, or nastiness that goes above and beyond common social courtesy and decency will be deleted.
I hate blog posts that break down the value of a stay at home mom (or working moms, though working moms usually get part-time salaries). I hate them for many reasons. First of all, all of those jobs that are used (chauffeur, doctor, personal chef, psychiatrist, etc)? Are bullshit. They are all part and parcel of being a mom and to break them down into separate components essentially eliminates the role of a mother. Why do writers feel the need to compartmentalize the complex and sophisticated job of a mother in order to attach a dollar figure? It’s ridiculous.
How do they even come up with these job titles anyway? Do they sit down and think about everything that they believe a mom should be doing in her day and equate some random profession to it? Do they have a master list that they use and think “Hmm. This could fit. Let’s add that!” And the salaries that they attach to some of the “jobs” are just as insane as assigning the job titles. “Mom” is enough of a title; just that word alone conjures up a specific job description. There’s no need to assign anything else to it.
And while we’re on the subject of money, why does the title of mom even need a salary? Speaking as a mother, being someone’s mother cannot be attached to any sort of salary. There is no way I can put a price tag on the look my daughter gives me when she says “I love you, Mommy” or the time we spend reading books, playing games or even arguing about her going to bed. How can you quantify something that is not quantifiable? I don’t care how many “finance experts” tell me that when I’m talking to my daughter about a problem with her friend, I’m acting as a psychiatrist. I’m not. I don’t charge her by the minute or make her lie down on the couch. No, I sit there and listen to her and I don’t expect any sort of financial compensation in return. Why? I’m her mother. That’s what I’m supposed to do.
Let’s move on from the money aspect for a moment. I may be completely oversensitive (which is actually true) but I find those types of posts to be a slap in the face to working moms. A mother who works outside the home is no less valuable to her family than a mother who stays home. Working in an office or store or in a courtroom or wherever does not make those moms exempt from cooking, cleaning/laundry, helping with homework, driving kids to activities. They still do all of those things for their kids, they just do them in a more compressed time frame. Sometimes, just sometimes , maybe working moms understand what precious few hours they have with their kids and use that for quality time rather than taking advantage of it. How is that not valuable to their families? (And, yes, I know a lot of SAHMs who spend way less quality time with their kids than working moms as well as the other way around.)
But I think what really fires me up the most is the fact that when bloggers and finance experts write those kinds of posts, it deepens the already large divide between working moms and SAHMs. I am convinced that the media-created “Mommy Wars” were constructed to sell books and make for good headlines. The Mommy Wars does nothing but fuel jealousy and competitiveness amongst women. We already do that enough to ourselves. Why do we need the media manufacturing something else to make it worse? We don’t, and I wish a lot of these people would back off. Because no one wins. No matter what, some moms are going to feel superior and some are going to feel guilty.I’m tired of women having to feel like they have to explain whatever decision they’ve made and I’m even more disgusted with the shame that is often attached to those decisions. Why is that? It’s wrong and it’s sickening. No one should ever have to defend her choice and what’s best for her family to anyone else.
Like in the 1% vs. 99% debate, neither side is completely right. Every woman has to choose what works best for her family. If that means staying home, great! If that means working outside the home, great! But for finance writers and bloggers to quantify, or assign a salary to, the job of mother (SAHM or working) is wrong and insulting. Because no matter what, we all add value to our families in ways that go beyond dollar signs.
