random Archives - Page 2 of 12

My way isn’t right. And neither is yours.

July 20, 2012 by Jana 17 Comments

I’ve been cranky about a few things lately. I’ve decided that I’m going to share those things with you because you might be cranky about them, too. If not, please just bear with me. If you’re not in the mood for crankiness, that’s totally fine, too. I understand.

There is something that occurs with some regularity in the personal finance blogosphere that irks me to a fairly large degree. I’ve been struggling with how to phrase it properly but then I gave up on that so I’ll just sum it up this way:

It’s the “all or nothing” attitude that many bloggers convey.

It bothers me that many bloggers take the position that finance lives in absolutes. It does not. Finance is all about grays; it’s not black and white. What may work for one blogger may not work or cannot work for another. For instance, my family will never be a 1 car family. That works for us. But for many bloggers, they would assert that in order to be frugal or smart with money, a family must only have one car and having two cars is a sign of overspending, a waste of money, and the first step down a narrow, dirty hallway of financial irresponsibility. It’s as if they forget that there are different places in the world, complete with different circumstances and logistics. That’s not really helpful.

Neither is asserting to the world that you do not watch any television at all and are therefore more well read, more well rounded and more productive. Speaking from experience, it is possible to be a bookworm, a productive, engaged, inquisitive individual and still indulge in a crappy reality show or serial drama every now and then. Watching TV does not spell the demise of a person’s intelligence or productivity; it just means that that person likes to turn her brain off every now and then and just relax. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. TV shows in moderation do not ruin a person, but I will concede the point that too much programming might interfere with other pursuits. Depending on the person.

Then there’s the whole issue of coupons. I can’t stand this debate. Do coupons save money? Yes. Can you get really good deals if you use them? Yes. Are coupons available virtually every place you look? Yes. Are they the only way you can be a good steward of your money? No. I do not support the contention that if you do not use coupons, you are a fool who likes to throw away good money. I do, however, support the contention that if you use coupons on items that you use regularly and couple that with looking for good deals, you can save even more money. I also support the contention that coupons are not the only way to save, and to insist that they are is just bad advice.

And please don’t even get me started on saving money on raising kids written by people who don’t have them. That might be a cranky post unto itself.

If you notice a theme in my rant, it’s the fact that many bloggers refuse to accept a middle ground. Many bloggers believe that what they are spouting and preaching is the end all and be all of personal finance information. But let me make my opinion clear: No one way is right. No one way is wrong. It’s what makes personal finance personal. Each person needs to find a method or information, and then adapt that to her own life. To suggest that doing it any other way than what one particular person does our readers a disservice.

In my limited experience as a blogger, people read personal finance blogs for a variety of reasons: to learn, to be entertained (as entertaining as money can be), to commiserate, to feel less lonely in their pursuit of a more frugal lifestyle or debt repayment journey, to connect with someone who’s in the same situation, or to just pass the time during their lunch break. But whatever their reason, we have a responsibility to not insult the reader or condescend to the reader. We have a responsibility to provide information and options, and to share our stories.

Implying that only one way is correct doesn’t help. We need to accept our role as information sharers rather than information dictators.

That’s how we connect and affect change.

Sharing Thursday #5

July 19, 2012 by Jana 1 Comment

This week I'm doing something different. Instead of sharing posts (with the exception of my guest post today at Ready For Zero, so make sure to check it out), I'm sharing this picture that I found on a friend's Facebook page:

For personal reasons, I don't give money to people holding signs or begging on the street but honestly, I'd give this guy money. Because that? Is hilarious.

Posted with Blogsy

The fuzzy blanket phenomenon

July 16, 2012 by Jana 6 Comments

Confession: I love polka dots. Like really, really love polka dots. So it should come as no surprise that when I was in a store several months ago and saw this blanket, I bought it:

Like Linus, I take this blanket with me everywhere (and for those of you attending FinCon, it’ll most likely be with me). It’s with me when I’m sitting on our couch or in my favorite chair and, most importantly, it’s my nap blanket. And like a 3 year old, I nap almost every day. Napping is an unfortunate side effect of not being able to sleep at night but I get by. Anyway, when I nap, I lie on top of my comforter and use my fuzzy polka dot blanket instead. In fact, I use the blanket so much that something weird has happened.

That blanket has become a trigger to my body and brain to think it’s time to sleep.

Once I realized this, I started bringing the blanket to bed with me at night and guess what? I can fall asleep within a matter of minutes instead of hours. It’s pretty nice to be able to fall asleep without staring at the wall until I get bored or I’m tired of writing blog posts or book chapters in my head or cursing my family for being able to fall asleep with no issues at all. I’ve deemed this “The Fuzzy Blanket Phenomenon”.

If you think about it, the blanket can act as a metaphor for financial security. How many of us have lain awake at night, wondering how we’re going to pay the bills or buy groceries or a winter coat or put gas in the car? How many of us have spent countless nights trying to figure out how we can pull in any extra income because our kids need something important? How many of us have a contingency plan just in case something really bad happens and we’re on the verge of losing our house?

I know I’ve been there. And it’s really unsettling.

But then all of a sudden, we find something—anything—that starts to give us peace of mind. It might be a small, unexpected raise or a paid off debt or even a part-time job. It might be moving to a less expensive home or getting permission to work from home a few days a month. It might come in the form of finding a less expensive grocery store or taking the time to coupon effectively. It doesn’t really matter what form your fuzzy blanket takes; it’s just the simple fact that you found one.

Financially, my fuzzy blanket took two forms: paying off my biggest credit card and both my husband and I getting raises at work. Once those two events happened, our financial stress lessened. Payday was no longer a source of panic and the week in-between paydays was no longer a source of immense pressure. We could finally walk into a store and buy what we needed instead of having to compromise on what we needed the most and what we could do without. We didn’t have to pay extra fees on our bills just to make sure they were credited on time. We could actually buy clothes and shoes for ourselves! Those two events gave us a warm, comforting feeling. Much like what happens when I use my polka dot blanket to take a nap.

Possession of a fuzzy blanket changes your entire outlook. It means security, relaxation and relief, if even for a few hours. For me, my financial and actual fuzzy blankets give me the ability to calm down, turn off my brain from worrying and working at hyperspeed. Being able to rest, breathe and turn off means that I can function like a normal person the next day (and believe me, when I’m not well rested, I’m a mess. And angry. And kind of rude). Having that fuzzy blanket means I’m a better parent, friend, spouse, blogger, writer…everything.

It’s the best $20 I have ever spent.

Readers, what’s your fuzzy blanket (literal or metaphorical)? How has it changed your life?

Be brave

July 13, 2012 by Jana 17 Comments

Print — Image found on http:// warriorpoetblog.com

Personal finance guru Dave Ramsey coined a phrase that he repeats over and over again, like a mantra for those wanting to get out of debt and gain control over their money. He encourages his followers to think that “Debt is normal. Be weird”. It’s a nice concept, one that my husband and I used during our time paying down the bulk of our debt. The phrase kept us going when it got tiring using the money to pay off a credit card. It lifted our spirits when everyone we knew was spending and we were at home, watching another movie from the library. It became, as Mr. Ramsey intended, our family motto.

But now it’s more than a motto. It’s a way of life. We’ve become accustomed to using cash or a debit card. It’s not unheard of for us to abstain from buying something if we don’t have the money to pay for it upfront (the only exception were our cars). The list goes on. We never want to go back to the place where we barely had enough money for food because our debt was so high. So we apply what we’ve learned and choose not to make those same mistakes.

At this point, Mr. Ramsey’s version of “weird” is just our normal. And we’re okay with that. By eliminating the majority of our consumer debt, we’ve opened up a whole new world for ourselves. In this world, there’s room for a new motto:

Be brave.

Being brave is hard. It’s harder than being fearless because being fearless means just that—you have no fears. To me, being brave is admitting you have fears and doubts and insecurities and facing them head on. Being brave is standing up to what you think may knock you down, and then getting up again when it does. Being brave is exhausting because it takes all that you have to keep going even when you want to quit. Being brave is hard because it means accepting who you are, including your faults, and then admitting it. Which is never easy.

But above all, being brave is where everything starts. Without bravery, we don’t take that first step. We don’t admit what we really want out of life or a relationship (romantic or friendship or even familial). We don’t make the choice to leave something that makes us unhappy. We don’t share with the world what scares us and what’s wrong with us in the hopes that by doing so will make one less person feel alone. We don’t take that first step towards paying off our debt.

Essentially, without bravery, nothing gets done.

I never thought of myself as a brave person. I thought I was just a regular chick, floating along in my corner of the world. I didn’t think I’d ever done anything above average or out of the ordinary. And I was okay with that. Then, in one of my sleepless nights, I started doing some thinking about all that I’ve done in my life. And I realized I’m pretty damn brave! After all I’ve:

Stayed in a marriage that most people would have left
Announced to the world (or at least the readers of this site) that I have both depression and secondary infertility
Left a job that made me unhappy to pursue a career as a writer
Started, and then completed, my consumer debt payoff journey
Began this blog, and then, barely knowing anyone, attended FinCon11 3 months later

I’m sure there are a few other parts of my life that I could classify as brave but those are the highlights.

When I think about how far I’ve come as a person just by being brave (and admittedly a little weird, too), it makes me feel good about myself. I’m happy with the person I’m becoming and reflecting on those choices, I don’t think I would have done anything differently.

If you’re apprehensive about any choices you’re facing, that’s okay. It’s normal to feel that way. And it’s even more normal to take your time to make those decisions. But when it all comes down to it, you’re going to make the choice that’s best for you, even if it’s not a popular, common or even practical.

Because you are brave.

I did something big

July 9, 2012 by Jana 38 Comments

Last week, I did something I never thought I’d do. I quit my job.

Let me explain why.

To say that my job didn’t contribute to my mental health issues would be a lie. Why? Because for the last 10 years, I have seen nothing but some of the worst humanity has to offer. After a while, it starts to take its toll on you. Not only that, I started to realize I could no longer function in such a rigid environment as a government job demands. It’s just not for me, and it was starting to bleed over into other parts of my life. Which really is not good.

So, despite the fact that not every aspect of the job was horrible, I did what I needed to do and let it go.

Before I made the decision, I analyzed every single possible consequence. After waffling back and forth for weeks, engaging in ridiculously long conversations with my husband and therapist, and staying awake many nights stressing about whether or not this was the right thing to do, I came to 4 conclusions that led to my decision. These conclusions solidified that I was making the right choice, and I bit the bullet and resigned my position.

I’ll admit that everyone has a different thought process and what I used to make my decision might not be what someone else would use. But it worked for me, and I thought I’d let you in on what goes through my head in times of big, life altering decisions. These were my guiding principles:

Finances

This where I was most stressed. After years of paying down debt, my husband and I were finally in a position to start catching up, getting ahead, and having a bit of fun with our money. Losing my salary would mean going back to living on a tight budget, watching our frivolous expenditures, and perhaps putting off or readjusting our goals for certain things (like buying a new house). But there were two elements we were overlooking: we had enough to meet all of our necessities just with his salary and in the long run, happiness means more than money (provided our basic needs were met). Yes, it’s going to be a tough adjustment but one that we were both willing to make. It helps that I have a stable part time job that will fill in a lot of the gaps.

We also realized, probably for the first time, just what having no consumer debt means. It means options. And options? Are nice.

Support system

I’m not really one who cares what strangers think of me and my choices. However, I do care deeply about what my family and friends think. It’s not so much that I want them to agree with me; I just want them to support me, even if they believe what I’m doing is horribly stupid. In this respect, I am so fortunate. I have an amazing support system. Everyone I talked to encouraged me to do what I thought was best for me and my family, and many of them even believe I have the ability to make a living doing what I want to do (and have wanted to do my entire life). I would not have had the courage to go through with leaving my nice, secure job if I didn’t have a virtual army of friends and family in my corner. These are the people I know I can cry to, brag to, and lay out all of my rampant insecurities and they’ll be there, picking me up, cheering for me, and celebrating along with me.

This is just as important as having your finances in order.

Short and long term goals

I couldn’t start this new part of my life without any goals. I didn’t want to spend the next few years floundering about, trying to figure out what to do next. Fortunately, I left my job with a purpose. And that purpose is to try to make a living as…a writer. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, and in order to make it happen, I had to set both short and long term goals. So I did that. I mapped out exactly what I want to see happen in the next month, six months, year, and three years. Not only that, but I have been conducting painstaking research on getting a book published (you know, since I’m writing a book), setting metrics goals for DMS, establishing a writing schedule, and pretty much organizing myself as much as possible so that I can begin working on my goals.

Goals are crucial to me. They give me a something to work towards and since I hate failing, they push me to work even harder. That is not to say my goals are set in stone. They evolve as I evolve and sometimes, I even change my mind. But I always have goals.

No regrets

In my 35 years, there are only a handful of choices that I regret. And while I try not to focus on that regret and instead try to focus on what I’ve gained by not making those choices, I can’t help but wonder what my life would be like if I had made those other choices (kind of like the whole Sliding Doors concept). I didn’t want a career as a writer to fall into the “what if” category. I need to know if I can do it. And if I can’t, and it needs to remain a hobby, at least I know. But at least I can say that I tried. And I’d rather have tried and failed than spend the rest of my life regretting that I never bothered to try.

What now?

I’m terrified of this next phase of my life. Like really, really terrified. I’m not good at self-promotion and I get writer’s block. I’m scared that we’re not going to be able to pay our bills. I’m petrified that I’ll never find a job or make a dime as a writer. I have insomnia from worrying that people hate my writing and will never want to read a word I write, which really makes this whole venture pretty futile. But I know that my fears are normal (well, most of them). I know, and hope, that they’re temporary. It’s never easy doing what you feel called to do and trying to live the life you believe you’re meant to instead of the life you’re told is the right one.

But I’ve never been good at being normal. Why start now?

My way isn’t right. And neither is yours.

Sharing Thursday #5

The fuzzy blanket phenomenon

Be brave

I did something big

Connect with Me

Subscribe to Jana Says