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Breastonomics

December 2, 2011 by Jana 17 Comments

It was only a matter of time before I wrote this post.

Since a good number of you who read this blog have already met me, you can validate what I’m about to say: I have big boobs.

It’s something I’ve been cursed with my entire teenage and adult life. Seriously, since high school. It was humiliating.  As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more accepting of them and I realize that they’re here to stay. But as I’ve become more accepting of what I have, I continue to be stunned by women who want these so much that they’re willing to pay large sums of money for them. Breast implants are one of the most ridiculous wastes of money. Ever. Unless you’re in a specific industry that rewards that type of enhancement, big boobs cost more than just the surgery.

A few examples of how:

  • Bras. Anyone who wears anything other than a training bra knows how expensive these damn things are. The larger your chest is, the more expensive the bra, especially if you need a minimizer bra. Then there’s the cost of getting them not from a department store or an outlet store, but a specialty store where they fit every single part of your chest and the bras cost about $100 a piece. If you do this twice a year and buy 5 bras at a time, you’ve now spent $1K on bras. That is most likely double what an ordinary person would spend. And you don’t even get to buy those cute, frilly fun bras.
  • Clothes. Oy, clothes. I hate them. If I could wear oversized sweatshirts my whole life, I’d be fine. Since I can’t, I have to make one of two choices: clothes that are too small on my chest but fit the rest of me or clothes that are so big I look like Walter Hudson. The first choice involves buying a camisole or something similar to wear underneath, especially for button-down shirts (which are my preference. The second choice involves some creative laundering or a tailor. Either way, I can’t buy stuff right off the rack without incurring additional costs. And let’s not even discuss the humiliation and expense that is a bathing suit. It’s not fun having to tack on an extra $100 or so each time I want to go clothes shopping just so I can compensate for my chest.
  • Health costs. I have been fortunate that my boobs have not caused any major health problems for me. But there are a number of women who have back problems, shoulder problems, etc from being top heavy as well as self-conscious about their boobs, which leads to poor posture (I can totally identify with this). They have to go to chiropractors, doctors…some even need to have breast reduction surgery to deal with it. Carrying that kind of weight up front can do a lot of damage to a woman’s body, and that damage can be costly, especially if insurance won’t cover it.
  • Laundry. I’ll admit it. I’m also a clumsy eater. An unfortunate side effect to my large boobs and clumsy eating is that my shirt wind up acting like a napkin. I have stained more shirts than I can keep track of. This means that I have to do extra laundry and always keep a consistent supply of Shout wipes in my purse at all times (for the record? I love these things). The constant laundry and the fact that I can single-handedly keep the Shout brand in business means I’m having to spend extra money. Of course, I can just stop eating all together and avoid the stain problem that way. That would actually save money. I guess it’s a thought…
I could go on to discuss the psychological disadvantages to having a large chest but I won’t. I could also go on to discuss the few and far between benefits of having a large chest but I won’t (but since I know some of you will point out the benefits of free drinks at bars, I will concede that point. And I will further admit that yes, I have used that tactic and yes, that has worked to my advantage on a number of occasions). I will just stick with the increased daily costs because that’s what really needs to be considered.

For those of you who believe that having big boobs is a sign of being overweight, well, you’ve got a point. But there are plenty of women who are not overweight–including me for quite a while–who are well endowed. And as I continue to lose the baby weight that has somehow managed to take quite a liking to me despite my attempts to get rid of it, my chest size has not decreased. It’s frustrating and annoying but I refuse to have surgery to deal with it. I’ll compensate in other ways, even if it means increasing my clothes budget or keeping my arms folded over my chest whenever possible.

And for those of you contemplating a boob job, I want to emphasize the point that having a large chest is not a long-term solution to any self-esteem problems. You may think that now you’ll feel better about yourself, and I’m sure you will. But please trust me when I say that padded bras are definitely a better solution.

 

Filed Under: Money, opinions

These side hustles are not for me

November 28, 2011 by Jana 17 Comments

Many bloggers emphasize the importance of side hustles; J. Money of Budgets are Sexy even has an entire series devoted to them. Whether you’re earning the extra income to pay off debt or earning the extra income to be able to afford more of the things you like, there’s no denying the importance of a side hustle. Sometimes a side hustle can even turn into a career (just look at Crystal from Budgeting in the Fun Stuff, Sandy at Yes I Am Cheap and Andrea at So Over Debt). And while I agree with the importance of a side hustle–I’m hoping to be one of those that turns mine into a career–there are certain side hustles that I could never, ever do.

I don’t make that statement lightly. I’ve babysat, been a test proctor and written for a content farm. I’ve even been an online instructor for years! I have no problem working a small side job to make extra money. But I still reserve the right to be a little picky about how I choose to earn that money. With that said, here are some side hustles I will never do (unless I am literally starving, my child is wearing clothes that are 3 sizes too small and we’re about to live in my car):

  • A clown. Let’s not even discuss how creepy clowns are. Actually, let’s discuss how creepy they are. Can you think of anything that’s really more frightening than a grown man or woman dressed up like a clown? I can’t. Also, there is nothing amusing about a clown. They are weird, unfunny, and bizarre. No one really likes clowns; they just pretend to because they don’t want to hurt the clown’s feelings. Now, I realize that people go to school to do this for a living; more power to them. But there is a big difference between a professional circus clown and Flippy the Suburban Birthday Party Clown
  • An elf. With this being the holiday season at all, malls across America are abundant with Santas and his little elves. I, for one, could not do this. For starters, I look terrible in tights. Second, pointy hats with little bells on them? Also not my thing. But the real reason I could not do this is the fact that I get very grouchy with bitchy people. These people are even more abundant than Santas. I would get promptly fired for opening my mouth. Additionally, every time I think of a mall elf, I think of those evil people in A Christmas Story. I don’t want to do that.
  • The person who walks behind parade horses, picking up their poop. I hate horses. I hate poop. This job would be one of the worst things I could ever be required to do. It would be akin to a prison sentence. I would not do it voluntarily. I would not do it for a million dollars. I would not do it if it meant that Bradley Cooper and Jason Segel would move into my house and be my slaves. OK. Maybe I’d do it then.
  • A fluffer. The fact that I know what that is says a whole lot about me, I think. I’m not exactly proud that I’m aware of this particular form of employment but I tell myself that it’s just a side effect of dating someone who lived in a fraternity house for 3 years. Anyway, if you don’t know what a fluffer is, it is the person who keeps the male talent on an adult film set…ready for his performance in between takes. I find this to be both degrading and disgusting. I pray that I’m never desperate enough to have to do this.

I’m sure if I thought about it, there are other side hustles that I couldn’t, or wouldn’t, do unless I was desperate. Like really, really desperate. But these are at the top of that list.

Are there any side hustles you couldn’t do?

 

Filed Under: Money, opinions, work

Keys, money and a challenge

November 23, 2011 by Jana 6 Comments

Last week, during one of our daily conversations that tend to get sucked into a vortex of crazy, Andrea at So Over Debt and I were discussing quotes. She found this quote and issued a challenge. Here are both:

“I hate women because they always know where things are” James Thurber. Relate to finance…GO!

Andrea, challenge accepted.

My husband has a problem with his keys. The main problem is that he usually can’t find them. In college, he and one of his fraternity brothers decided that the only way to find lost keys is to take another set of keys and shake that set until the lost keys magically appear. They believed it was some sort of mating call that only keys responded to. Sadly, it worked more often than not and sadly, I believe that they were sober when they came up with this theory.

Although my husband will swear up and down about the 100% success rate of this method, there was one time where I distinctly remember this theory/method not working. I was at his house and we were getting ready to walk to class together.  Except we were held up because—wait for it—he couldn’t find his keys. He looked everywhere, tried shaking another housemate’s keys—nothing worked. So I, being of sound mind and body, walked upstairs and retrieved his keys from the coffee table in the upstairs living room. I brought them down to him, tossed them on his bed. He looked genuinely surprised that I had found them. His comment? “Oh, yeah. We were drinking last night and I must have left them upstairs. Guess I forgot.”

This is just one example in a thousand of me finding my husband’s keys. I will say, though, that since we put a basket on our foyer table, the amount of times he loses his keys has decreased exponentially (although the amount of times he’s washed his wallet has increased exponentially. I think I’m going to commission a scientific study for this one).  And it always makes him angry that I can find them, thus proving the quote above.  But I still haven’t proven how this relates to finance. I promise I’m getting there.

Another thing you need to know, and I believe I’ve expressed before, is that I am primarily responsible for paying all of our bills and keeping track of our daily finances. Although we’ve developed our budget together, I’m the enforcer. I’m the one responsible for making sure that we stay on track, our checkbook is balanced and that we don’t have to borrow from one category to pay for another. We also have an all cash budget.  To monitor this, I bought one of those multi-pocket folders that most people use for coupons and this is where we keep our cash. Each section is clearly marked with its category and the money for each category goes behind the appropriate label. Sounds easy, right? Not for my husband.

When he needs money for something, he consistently pulls money out of the wrong section. For instance, I’ll go to pull our grocery money and $50 will be missing. Why? Because the husband keeps taking gas money out of the grocery section. Then he gets mildly angry with me because I again have to walk him through the intricacies of labels and pockets. This is a man with a Master’s degree yet he can’t figure out something as simple as pockets? It’s frustrating and amusing at the same time. Yet he gets upset because I know where things go. It’s annoying to me to keep explaining something so simple that my 5 year old can understand it (I guess Denzel Washington was right. Talking to people like a 5 year old is effective). But as the responsible one, and the organized one, it’s my job to know where everything is. Even if it makes him angry.

To his credit, he at least remembers where the money is kept (which is more than I can say for the checkbook. He can’t keep track of that thing. So I’ve accosted it, along with my budget notebook. He is free to look at them whenever he wants but I can’t stand not being able to find them so I keep them in my desk). I try to enable his good habit by not moving the money to anywhere that is not on top of the microwave. I am a bit concerned for when our countertop microwave gets replaced with an over the stove microwave, and my husband’s ability to get used to a new location for our money.

Oh, well. I guess he can always shake a few quarters at the folder. That should work, right?

 

 

Filed Under: Money, random

I’m not as revealing as I seem

November 16, 2011 by Jana 11 Comments

I recently read a post on Bible Money Matters, Should You Reveal Your Debt to Family and Friends. Melissa mentioned that by discussing her debt on her blog (Mom’s Plans), it got a reaction from her mother, which went from concerned to confidence that Melissa and her husband had control over their situation. It got me thinking about how I handled myself when I was deep in debt and why I chose not to share the extent of the problem with family and friends. It was a difficult, personal decision not to talk about it because for me, talking about those types of issues makes me feel better. Talking to people who have been there (or are in the same situation) gives me ideas as to how to proceed in my journey. It’s a relief to not hold those kinds of secrets to myself. But this was a situation where I really wrestled with myself as to how much to reveal.

One reason we opted not to share was because we didn’t think anyone would believe us. On the surface, it didn’t seem like we were struggling. We were able to make our mortgage payment and our bills, buy necessities like gas, diapers and formula, and we both had full-time jobs that provided health and dental insurance. But underneath, it was a different story. We often had only $30 to feed the both of us for 2, sometimes 3 weeks. We could not afford new clothes or shoes or even winter coats (it was during this time that I discovered eBay. The money I saved buying clothes and coats from eBay allowed us each to buy a pair of shoes). We were struggling to make the minimum payments on our credit cards and often had to juggle payments, and make some utility payments late. We opted to make the utility payments late rather than the credit cards because the penalty was much less. We had no money to make very necessary home repairs, have any fun other than what could be done within the four walls of our house (or for free at the park or library). We would have to save for a month just to make a trip to Long Island to visit family, and often, my dad would slip us some money for gas and tolls on the way back because he had an idea of how we were struggling.

My dad was perhaps the only one who knew the extent to which we were struggling. We had each revealed a little bit to other family members (our friends were absolutely clueless as to our situation. We got around a lot of things by saying we had no babysitter rather than saying we having no money) but no one knew how bad it really was until later, when we were coming out the other side and finally decided to talk about it. We kept the information to ourselves because we also didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. Sometimes, hearing about someone else’s debt (whether it’s a friend, co-worker, family member) can make the listening party feel awkward and weird. Many, if not most people, don’t like to talk about money and hearing that someone has between $50-$60K of debt or can’t afford to buy food or make a payment on time is not always the easiest information to digest. It’s hard to come up with appropriate words when someone tells you she can’t afford to eat. Hearing about someone else’s debt makes people squeamish and I didn’t want to be the one to put others in that situation.

There was yet another reason we chose not to share. We were embarrassed. Here we were, 2 Master’s educated adults with full-time jobs and we couldn’t get our finances together. We were ashamed that we couldn’t control our spending and that we had amassed such a large amount of consumer debt on…well, we’re still not quite sure where our money went except for our car. We were mortified that we couldn’t do anything except live paycheck to paycheck. We were humiliated that it was such a struggle to provide basic necessities and that we constantly had to pay late fees because we couldn’t pay anything on time. To have to admit that to people whose opinions we respected was just too difficult.

I can’t say that had we told people what was going on, the process would have been any easier or less stressful. I can’t say that it would have been less humiliating. I do know that it would have given us a greater support system and maybe we underestimated the understanding we would have gotten from our families and friends. But I am not sure that I could have dealt with the judgment that would have been passed because of the situation.

How about you? Did you share your debt with friends and family?

Filed Under: beginnings, Confessions, Money

What downward dog taught me about money

November 9, 2011 by Jana 17 Comments

A couple of months ago, I was given the gift of free yoga classes at a yoga studio near my house. Since I enjoy yoga, I decided to give a try. I’m glad I did. While I’m not sure that I’ll sign up for more classes on my own, it’s been an interesting experience and I’ll definitely finish the entire series of classes (I’m hoping that my opinion is not being tainted by the fact that the classes were free).

As I was going through the 90 minute class, noticed a few things:

  • The room was the hottest room I’d ever been in. It was like practicing yoga inside of an oven. I half expected there to be cupcakes baking in the corner of the room, it was that hot.
  • There were a lot more people in there than I had planned on. These classes are not cheap and the studio is in a somewhat shady shopping center. I was not expecting the 20 or so people who were in the room with me.
  • The number of “real” people greatly outnumbered the amount of college students (have I mentioned that I live very close to a major university?). This was actually comforting on a weird level.

I also learned that, no matter how hard I try, I cannot turn my brain off. In fact, as I was going through the class, I couldn’t help but think of all the ways learning yoga is like paying off debt:

yoga post

It’s uncomfortable and very, very sweaty

When you first start learning the different yoga poses, it is awkward, uncomfortable and weird. Your body twists and turns into positions that you never thought it could. You’re sitting or standing or lunging in ways that, really, feel anything but normal. You want so much to give up and sit or stand in a way that feels right to you. But you need to keep going until it stops being uncomfortable. You will also sweat. A lot. You will sweat in places you didn’t know you could sweat. Which makes it all the more uncomfortable

When you start to pay off debt, it feels uncomfortable to say no to the new TV or gadget or vacation. It’s awkward to start cooking at home. It’s unnatural to pay off debt instead of accruing more. Eventually, though, you get used to the uncomfortable and sometimes sweaty situations involved in paying down debt. After a while, it’s not so hard or uncomfortable anymore.

You need to check your ego at the door

No one who starts out doing yoga is any good at it. If you expect to be perfect, don’t even try. The truth of the matter is, you will look ridiculous no matter how hard you try not to. You will make mistakes. You’ll probably fall down. But it’s okay. Everyone else in the room is in the same position (pun sort of intended). Also? No one is looking at you. They’re too busy concentrating on not falling down to worry if you look like an ass. And you certainly can’t be afraid to ask for help. There is no room to be self-conscious.

Just like paying off debt. It’s fine if you don’t know what you’re doing. It’s fine to ask for help. It’s acceptable to look a little foolish. It’s absolutely fine, and somewhat expected, that you’re going to fall on your ass. But don’t be embarrassed. Don’t be scared to ask for help from someone who’s been in your shoes. Everyone who’s ever been in your situation has done the exact same thing you’re doing now and we’re more than happy to talk to you.

It forces you to look at yourself

The front of the yoga studio is lined with mirrors. The instructor stands directly in front of the mirror so the rest of class is forced to face here, therefore facing the mirrors as well. I hate looking at myself, especially for extended periods of time. I wind up examining every flaw that I have (perceived or real). However, the mirrors are there so I can see if I’m doing the poses as correctly as possible; they are an accurate reflection of what I’m doing. You can’t lie to a mirror, especially if you want to improve.

Budgets are the mirrors of personal finance. You can’t get out of debt if you don’t have a budget. Putting down, on paper, what you’re doing in terms of saving, spending, debts, bills–they all paint an accurate picture of how you’re spending your money. Budgets provide a reflection of your finances. And if you want to get out of debt, or manage your money better, you need to take a look at your budget.

The vocabulary is weird

Yoga is full of all kinds of strange words that not only can I not pronounce, I cannot even begin to spell. When you first start doing yoga, you typically spend the majority of the class smiling and nodding and acting like you understand what’s being said.  But the more you hear the words, and the more you learn to associate them with certain poses and actions, the less strange the words become. They actually wind up becoming a normal part of your vocabulary, and you forget that at one point, you had no clue what those words meant. Learning these words makes you more effective at your yoga practice.

The same thing happens with personal finance terms. They’re intimidating at first. You act like you know what they mean while making a mental note to Google them as soon as you get a chance. But the more you learn, the more you immerse yourself in understanding personal finance, the less intimidating the terms become. They become a part of your standard vernacular. And then you can’t imagine not knowing them. Learning these terms makes you more effective at managing your money and getting handle on your debts and your goals.

Having the proper equipment is essential

One of my favorite parts of yoga is the fact that you don’t need to wear shoes. For the most part, I hate shoes. I would wear flip-flops or go barefoot all the time if I could. Plus, I usually have fun toenail polish that I like to show off. However, that doesn’t mean that you don’t need any equipment. You need a mat, water (lots of water) and comfortable clothes. Without these pieces of equipment, doing yoga is going to be extremely difficult. No matter how good your intentions are when you start, if you’re not properly equipped, you won’t last.

When you start to take control of your finances, you need the proper equipment. You need a pen and paper or a spreadsheet. You need a good book or website to give you direction. You need a support network to help you through. You need to let those who are close to you know what you’re doing. You need specific and personal motivation to keep going when things are tough. Without these mechanisms in place, it’ll be easy to quit. And you certainly don’t want to do that.

I also learned one final lesson in my yoga classes: Inevitably, someone will mistakenly fart. And you cannot laugh, no matter how much you want to (you also realize how much self-control you actually have when you’re trying not to laugh). Not just because we’re adults but because it’s not nice to laugh at someone’s mistake. Just like sometimes, when someone’s paying off debt, she’ll make a mistake. Or two or five. And it’s not nice to laugh at her either.


 

 

Filed Under: Money, Money Motivation, random

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Jana

I'm Jana ...

A book reading, nail polish wearing, binge watching, music loving, dog owning, reluctant cheer mom.
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