It was only a matter of time before I wrote this post.
Since a good number of you who read this blog have already met me, you can validate what I’m about to say: I have big boobs.
It’s something I’ve been cursed with my entire teenage and adult life. Seriously, since high school. It was humiliating. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more accepting of them and I realize that they’re here to stay. But as I’ve become more accepting of what I have, I continue to be stunned by women who want these so much that they’re willing to pay large sums of money for them. Breast implants are one of the most ridiculous wastes of money. Ever. Unless you’re in a specific industry that rewards that type of enhancement, big boobs cost more than just the surgery.
A few examples of how:
- Bras. Anyone who wears anything other than a training bra knows how expensive these damn things are. The larger your chest is, the more expensive the bra, especially if you need a minimizer bra. Then there’s the cost of getting them not from a department store or an outlet store, but a specialty store where they fit every single part of your chest and the bras cost about $100 a piece. If you do this twice a year and buy 5 bras at a time, you’ve now spent $1K on bras. That is most likely double what an ordinary person would spend. And you don’t even get to buy those cute, frilly fun bras.
- Clothes. Oy, clothes. I hate them. If I could wear oversized sweatshirts my whole life, I’d be fine. Since I can’t, I have to make one of two choices: clothes that are too small on my chest but fit the rest of me or clothes that are so big I look like Walter Hudson. The first choice involves buying a camisole or something similar to wear underneath, especially for button-down shirts (which are my preference. The second choice involves some creative laundering or a tailor. Either way, I can’t buy stuff right off the rack without incurring additional costs. And let’s not even discuss the humiliation and expense that is a bathing suit. It’s not fun having to tack on an extra $100 or so each time I want to go clothes shopping just so I can compensate for my chest.
- Health costs. I have been fortunate that my boobs have not caused any major health problems for me. But there are a number of women who have back problems, shoulder problems, etc from being top heavy as well as self-conscious about their boobs, which leads to poor posture (I can totally identify with this). They have to go to chiropractors, doctors…some even need to have breast reduction surgery to deal with it. Carrying that kind of weight up front can do a lot of damage to a woman’s body, and that damage can be costly, especially if insurance won’t cover it.
- Laundry. I’ll admit it. I’m also a clumsy eater. An unfortunate side effect to my large boobs and clumsy eating is that my shirt wind up acting like a napkin. I have stained more shirts than I can keep track of. This means that I have to do extra laundry and always keep a consistent supply of Shout wipes in my purse at all times (for the record? I love these things). The constant laundry and the fact that I can single-handedly keep the Shout brand in business means I’m having to spend extra money. Of course, I can just stop eating all together and avoid the stain problem that way. That would actually save money. I guess it’s a thought…
For those of you who believe that having big boobs is a sign of being overweight, well, you’ve got a point. But there are plenty of women who are not overweight–including me for quite a while–who are well endowed. And as I continue to lose the baby weight that has somehow managed to take quite a liking to me despite my attempts to get rid of it, my chest size has not decreased. It’s frustrating and annoying but I refuse to have surgery to deal with it. I’ll compensate in other ways, even if it means increasing my clothes budget or keeping my arms folded over my chest whenever possible.
And for those of you contemplating a boob job, I want to emphasize the point that having a large chest is not a long-term solution to any self-esteem problems. You may think that now you’ll feel better about yourself, and I’m sure you will. But please trust me when I say that padded bras are definitely a better solution.