Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

Sometimes, one has to be enough

by Jana 24 Comments

Last week, I read a post on The Bloggess that took me by surprise. While I thought that something was a little…off about her, I was dumbfounded to learn that not only does she suffer from depression but she engages in self-harm. I mean, this is a woman with an incredibly popular blog, a book deal, and was recently named Person of the Day by The Huffington Post. Never would I have guessed what she revealed. But it got me thinking that maybe I should reveal something about me. After all, if she can share that, I can share this:

I can’t have more children.

I can’t have more children not because I don’t want any but because I physically cannot. It even has a name–secondary infertility. I have been to numerous doctors and no one can figure out what’s wrong with me or why I have this. I had planned on having surgery to literally explore further but other circumstances have prevented that from happening. Not being able to have any more children because of something completely out of my control is extremely frustrating, disheartening and depressing.

I still haven’t fully accepted the fact that I’ll never have more kids. While right now, due to my marital circumstances, I’m not trying to have more kids, I still tell myself that if I ever do start trying again, I might be successful. I tell myself all kinds of lies that I won’t bother you with. But when it all comes down to it, I know that it’s not true.

I’ve spent many hours rationalizing with myself, discussing the benefits of having only one child. It’s funny how we rationalize with ourselves to accept something we don’t want to accept. What do I tell myself? A sampling:

  • I will never again have to buy diapers or formula. Please note that this is not intended to open up a discussion about breastfeeding and cloth diapering versus diapers and formula. Either way you choose to go (and it is a personal choice), there is a cost associated with it. I am done with that cost.
  • No more daycare. My daughter starts kindergarten in the fall and if all goes well, I will no longer be working full-time. That means no more daycare. I am over the moon excited to be keeping that money in my pocket. 
  • No more teething, potty training, midnight feedings, diaper bags, strollers or anything else that gave me endless sleepless nights or made it so I could not get out of my house in under 7 hours. 
  • Music lessons, sports, activities, hobbies, summer camp. I will only have to fork over money for one child to attend or participate in these. As an ancillary side effect, I will only have to attend concerts, games, etc for only one child. No jealousy between siblings, no splitting my time. 
  • School expenses. Although the plan is for my daughter to go to public school or a charter school, there are still expenses that go along with it. Supplies, uniforms, class trips, book fairs, text books, bake sales…even free education isn’t free. I will only have to support one child’s K-12 education. 
  • One college education, one wedding. I have one child. I will only have to pay these expenses for one child. Given that these are huge expenses, I am glad to only have to pay for one.
I am hesitant to include things like housing, transportation, food bills, utilities because while they do go up significantly with 3 or 4 kids, with 2, everything we have stays the same. Our cars can fit 2 car seats. We have a 3 bedroom house. We would have this with 2 kids or none.  But believe me, I would gladly trade the extra money for the chance to have another child.

Before everything in my marriage blew up, we had discussed the feasibility of all the other options: in vitro, artificial insemination, adoption. For every pro there were 18 cons. And now with my husband changing jobs, we’re not even sure what insurance would cover. Adoption isn’t 100% off the table but it might be cost prohibitive. Which leaves me in a place I never wanted–a mom with only one child.

I don’t mean to sound like I’m ungrateful for the child that I do have. I know how blessed and lucky I am to have a healthy, smart, wonderful child when there are so many moms and dads out there struggling with the kid (or kids) they do have or simply can’t have any. But I always imagined my life as a mom to more than one child. When I’m out in public and I see a mom with 2 or 3 or 4 kids, I get a little angry and can’t help but think “why does she get to have 4 kids? Why not me?” When I find out someone is pregnant, I can’t control the pangs of jealousy. I believe that if having one child were my choice and not a choice forced upon me, I’d feel differently.

But for now, I just have to accept the fact that I have secondary infertility. I suppose it could be worse.

 

 

Using your skills to find part-time income

by Jana 9 Comments

My little sister is a dancer. She’s been dancing for pretty much her whole life. It is something she loves and is extremely passionate about. In fact, she’s so passionate about it, it was her minor in college and she was on her school’s dance team for 3 years. Even now, she still takes classes to maintain her skills.

She’s been able to do something else with her love of dance. She’s been able to turn it into a part-time income. When she relocated after college, one of the first things she did was find a dance studio and now, she’s a teacher at that studio. She is also working on a business endeavor that will incorporate her love of dance into her current position at another part-time job (have I mentioned that my sister works full-time, has a part-time job, goes to grad school and has an active social life? Yeah, she’s awesome). For her, dance is a skill she’s been able to maintain and turn into a money making side gig.

There’s a lesson in my sister’s story: if you have a skill, it’s possible to use it and parlay it into a part-time (or even full-time) job. This is especially important if you’re looking for a way to increase your income for savings, debt repayment, or if you’re saving up for a ridiculous kitchen renovation.  It’s also a counterpoint to the argument “there are no jobs”. I agree; it’s way harder to find a job now than it was several years ago. So, as talented, skillful, creative people, I encourage you to go out and make your own job.

You might be wondering if I have any ideas or suggestions for skills or talents that can be turned into a part-time job. It just so happens that I do. Here are a few:

  • Music. If you can play an instrument or sing, you can have a part-time job. I had a friend in graduate school who taught piano lessons to supplement our meager stipend and my guitar teacher also had a day job. If you prefer not to give lessons, you can form a band and play various gigs. I have a friend who is a nurse by trade but is also the singer in a band. While the gigs may not make a fortune, people do buy their t-shirts and CDs and they do make money off of that. This is going to take some hustling and some self-promotion but it’s not impossible.
  • Education. If you are a teacher, you can offer your services as a tutor, either freelance or through a company. I believe there are also online tutoring sites. You can get a part-time job teaching religious classes (if that is in line with your beliefs, of course); my mom used to do this. For extra money, she taught Hebrew school classes at her temple. My only caution for tutoring through a company is to pay attention to how much the company charges the clients versus how much you get paid. If you’re getting screwed, you might want to think about branching out on your own.
  • Sports. There are opportunities abound for those graced with athletic ability. In my area, the school districts and sometimes even the local community colleges are always looking for coaches. I have a co-worker that umpires baseball games and a friend who is a soccer referee. My YMCA uses part-time staff to teach their group classes. My husband’s cousin was a lifeguard. Some of these options may involve a few dollars of investment in gear or certification, but the earning potential outweighs the upfront cost.
  • Art. I know several people who have been able to earn part-time income from their craftiness. One woman started a handmade purse business and another would make one of kind picture frames. They would sell their wares on Etsy or at craft shows or home shows, and were able to turn a profit. Other ways you can make money through your craftiness is to teach classes either at a local community center or YMCA or even at in-home parties. I’m sure there’s a market for kids’ birthday parties in there, too.
  • Cooking. If you have a talent for baking or cooking, you can sell homemade goods or start a birthday/wedding cake business. You can teach cooking classes.  Offer to cater small scale events. If you have a full-time job, this is a great place to start to drum up business.  And think creatively. Locally, there is a company that makes gourmet pet treats. It was a business that started in one of the owners’ kitchens. They peddled their goods and eventually landed an exclusive contract with the largest local pet store chain.

If you’re serious about any of these, make sure you do the research regarding business licenses, taxes, certifications—anything that may be potentially related to starting your own business (should you go that route). You don’t want to be faced with any problems that might crop up, wiping out all that you’ve saved.

I believe that even in the current economic climate (whatever that actually means), it’s possible to save money and get out of debt. I may be overly optimistic but I think that people need a dose of optimism. I look at it this way–even if you fail, you’ll still learn some lessons. And that’s not really failing.

What skills have you been able to use to create part-time income?

 

How do you get gazelle when you have nothing to sell?

by Jana 31 Comments

When my husband and I were paying off our debt, we followed Dave Ramsey’s plan. For us, it was the simplest and easiest not only to understand but to follow. His plan worked in our life on almost every level. We bought into the idea of the baby steps, the debt snowball and even getting gazelle intense. Except our gazelle intensity wasn’t so much that of a true gazelle, but more of a hungover gazelle. We still moved fast but you could tell there was something a little sluggish about us.

Part of the reason we were a little slow was that we tried to save and pay down debt at the same time. This is really hard to do, but for us it was a necessity. We are in our thirties and are substantially behind in our savings. We had some ground to cover and if it meant throwing $100 or so every month to savings instead of towards debt, then so be it. Truth be told, it was a stupid decision and I don’t recommend it. Focus on one thing at a time. Follow the order of the baby steps. They’re listed that way for a reason.

Another reason we were a little slow is due to the fact that we didn’t have many every day expenses to cut.  When we decide that we’re going to get all gazelle in paying off debt, one of the first places we go is to our daily vices and habits. Those small changes add up to big debt snowflakes. However, my husband and I were already packing our lunches every day, we didn’t drink coffee, we didn’t smoke, we didn’t gamble (for the record, we still don’t) and we used the library or Netflix for almost everything else (for the record, we still do). If we bought from iTunes, it was from a gift card. We needed high-speed Internet for our part-time jobs, so cutting that wasn’t even on the table.  There were some days I wished for a habit just so I would have something to cut back on and somewhere to find extra money. Those were dark days.

The third reason is that we didn’t have much to sell. Some people are excellent at selling their things. I am not one of those people. For starters, I always forget about our neighborhood garage sale and I don’t have enough initiative to hold my own. Second, I’m too lazy to get organized enough to participate (this would also imply that I am organized). Third, we just don’t have a lot to get rid of. Yes, there’s baby clothes and toys and a treadmill that I’d be happy to let go of but other than that, there’s not that much. I never thought that for the amount we have to sell, it was worth it.  So we never bothered to sell anything. I’m not sure that our debt repayment suffered and it was a lot slower than it needed to be.

That’s probably the biggest sticking point for me. When you start reading Dave’s book (we never took his class), he recommends that you sell whatever you can in order to build your $1K emergency fund.  While there are other ways he suggests, this is the most common because it’s the easiest. When we took a look around and realized that short of selling the dogs, we had nothing, we felt hopeless. We seriously didn’t know where to start. How do you get gazelle when you have nothing to sell? Or you have no habits to break?

The quick answer? You don’t. The long answer? You do whatever you can and cut wherever you can to make up for the fact that you have nothing to sell. You don’t bother to dwell on it and you move on. If you focus on what you can’t do, you forget about the things you can do. That’s a huge hindrance and deterrent. If you’ve already developed the motivation to knock out  your debt, the last thing you need is to focus on what’s holding you back from getting started. Find one place to cut or cash in your change jar. Use that extra money and just get started. You’ll be surprised at how quickly it starts to roll once you finally push go.

As for us, we eventually both landed part-time jobs which more than made up for the lack of anything to sell. On the bright side, it made us realize that we’re not packrats or hoarders.  It also made us realize that when we move, packing is going to be pretty easy. That was good to learn. But if you’re like we were, and you have nothing to sell or any habits to get rid of to kick off your gazelle intensity, don’t worry. You’ll find somewhere to come up with the extra money. In the meantime, you can hang out in the lounge with the rest of us hungover gazelles.  We may be slow, but we’re fun!

Financial checklists

by Jana 34 Comments

I am a fan of lists. I keep lists for everything—to-dos, grocery shopping, gifts, blog post topics, bills. You name it; I probably have a list for it somewhere. In fact, I love lists so much that the other day my 5-year-old comes out of the bathroom and says “Mommy, we’re out of soap. Put it on your list”. It’s so rampant that even my 5-year-old knows about them.

List are necessary

I must have lists. Normally, I have the attention span of a gnat. One minute, I’ll be happily working on a blog post and then I’ll decide that I need to take a look at my Google reader which leads me to another blog which leads me to the news and so on and so on. You know the board game, Candyland? How you can get all the way to the top and then pull a card that puts you back down at the bottom? My brain follows that same type of nonsensical path to get to the end goal of completing whatever task I’ve been distracted from.  Lists bring me back to my starting point. They keep me focused and on target.

My lists also highlight where I’m succeeding and where I’m failing. For instance, if I have a to-do list that involves writing, laundry, cooking, grading papers and running errands, I’m will most likely cross off everything except laundry. So my to-do list for the next day will also have laundry. This pattern will probably repeat for about 4 days until I finally get around to the laundry. I will find every excuse not to do laundry. That is an area where I fail.  If it were not for my list (and the mountains range of laundry populating my basement), it would be hard for me to realize this is an area of weakness.

The financial lists

I use the same concept for tracking my finances. I use lists to keep me on target and focused. To do so, I maintain separate lists for all different parts of my finances. For instance, when I was in debt, I had a list of my debts. I keep lists of my savings account, including how much is in each account. I keep lists of my bills, and a separate list of which bills get paid on each payday. The amount of lists that I can generate to keep track of my finances is endless.

I also keep a list of the general aspects of my financial life. This list is a little different.  Let me try to explain.There are certain things that every financially responsible person should have.  To determine if I have those, I ask myself the question “Do I have _______?” Then I have a checklist for the blank. The checklist looks like this:

  • A budget
  • An emergency fund of 3-6 months’ salary (I prefer salary to expenses)
  • My most recent credit report
  • Homeowner’s insurance
  • Car insurance
  • Life insurance
  • A will
  • Retirement savings
  • College savings for my daughter

Having a list of these financial necessities forces me to look at where I’m succeeding and where I’m coming up short. I used this checklist to determine some of my financial goals for 2012 and it also serves as a reminder that I really, really need to get certain things done.

If you’re interested in creating your own financial checklist, I suggest that you start simply. Ask yourself, what should I have in my financial life? Then make a list of those things. Your list doesn’t have to look like mine. You may not have kids or your kids are grown, so college savings won’t be on your list. Maybe you’re planning on having a baby; you could add “baby fund” to your list. Maybe you aren’t as afraid of death as I am so you put “burial plot” on your list. Other items to add could include:

  • Pet insurance
  • A proper business license
  • A financial advisor
  • New car savings
The amount of items to add is infinite. Your list can and should include anything you think is important to you and your financial health. This is not a one size fits all approach. 

Maintaining the lists

I update my lists about every 6 months, or as necessary. It’s important to me to give myself enough time to work on achieving my tasks and goals without giving myself too much time. Too much time means I won’t get them done; too little time means I’ll berate myself for not getting it done sooner. This is not a healthy relationship so when I’m establishing deadlines, I try to find a happy medium.

Not every item needs regular review. For some of the items, once they’re checked off, it’s just a matter or reviewing the policy or document yearly to make sure that they’re still accurate or appropriate (and yes, “reviewing the document” does go on my list).

I typically keep my lists in my all-purpose notebook (cooks have all-purpose flour, I have an all-purpse notebook). I’ve tried to maintain my lists electronically. The only time this worked was when I was tracking my debt repayment because I’m terrible at math. For the rest, there is just something satisfying about putting a checkmark or crossing something off with a pen that isn’t captured when I do it on my phone.

Now that the new year is upon us, it’s a great time to get your finances organized (if they’re not already). Lists are a great tool to help.

What does your list look like?

Reader Question: Am I doing the right things to get out of debt and save for a family?

by Jana 5 Comments

One of my favorite parts of blogging is my readers. I’m so appreciative and grateful for all of your comments and engagement on Daily Money Shot. It’s what keeps me wanting to do better.  I especially enjoy hearing from my readers via email.

Last week, one of my readers, Krista, contacted me asking for help. She desperately wants to pay off debt and start having kids. I encourage both of these! However, in her email, she stated that she was unsure if she was doing the right things to get on track to pay off her debt by the time she’s 30 and to start planning for a family. After analyzing her situation based on the information she provided, my unprofessional opinion is that she is doing the right things. With a little tweaking, I think both of her dreams can come true.

The facts

Krista brings many positives to the table. First, she’s young–she’s only 25. This means that by getting things under control now, she’ll have a long, happy debt free future. Second, she has the motivation to get out of debt. Motivation is essential. Without motivation, her goals will fall flat. Third, she is already aware of her debt. I firmly believe that the first action step towards paying off debt is to know exactly how much debt you have. She’s already added it up! She knows what she’s in for. Fourth, and most importantly, she has goals–to be debt free, to have children, to save money. Establishing goals is key. You need to know what you’re working towards. Haphazardly paying off debt or saving without a purpose gives you the latitude to be lazy.

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