Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

5 tips from an unexpected SAHM

by Jana 4 Comments

tipsAlmost a year ago, I left traditional full-time employment. It was a difficult, complicated decision; one that took hours of thought and discussion with my husband as well as hours of thought and discussion with myself about how I wanted to use my time. While that final decision is still up in the air, there are some days I find myself firmly entrenched in a camp I never believed I’d be: the stay at home mom.

Turns out, I’m actually pretty good at it. Had you told me that when my daughter was first born, I would have laughed right in your face. Loudly, too. But, as I’ve gotten used to it, I’ve realized I don’t totally suck as a stay at home mom (yes, I need some work in the housecleaning arena, but we’ll talk about that another day). It’s also surprisingly harder than I thought it was, even with my only child in school for about 7 hours a day. There’s a lot that needs to get done, and some days, I wonder how I managed to get everything done when I did have an outside the home job.

I guess I’m better at time management than I thought. Or perhaps that’s why I would have major anxiety and panic attacks. We can debate that another day.

Anyway, as I reflect on my first year as a stay at home/work at home mom (I don’t know how to label myself), here’s what I’ve learned to be essential at making it work:

  1. Coupons. Now, I’m not talking grocery coupons. I don’t really use those. I’m talking coupons for activities, clothes, entertainment…things that we used to spend money on without batting an eye but now have to be more mindful of a budget. Redbox coupons have been an absolute blessing to our entertainment budget (provided I remember to return the movie within a day). For around $1 (Blu-Ray rentals are $1.53; with my $.50 off coupon, it’s $1), we can have a family movie night without all the hassle and annoyance of going to the theater.  Groupons and Living Social Deals have also helped us out tremendously.
  2. Find a friend. If you’re new to being a SAHM, it’s crucial that you find a friend who’s been doing it a while. These people know so many tricks to having fun on a budget (assuming you’re in the group of people who need a budget and don’t have celebrity money floating around). My BFF has been a SAHM for almost 6 years and I have learned so much from her—what places have free crafts, how to have fun at the mall without spending money (seriously, it’s true), where kids can eat for free, and several more tips. And since money is also a concern for her family, we have no problem just hanging at each other’s homes.
  3. Use what you have. While this applies to repurposing, upcycling, recycling, and just plain using what you already own, it also applies to things like memberships. I believe that memberships make sense if you use them, and for my family, our membership to our local YMCA is the best money we spend all month. Not only do we use it for working out but the outdoor pool means we don’t have to have a private swim club membership during the summer (we don’t have free community pools where I live), there are free family activities at night and on the weekends, and my kid can participate in sports at the greatly reduced membership rate ($43 for 8 weeks of cheerleading is a pretty sweet deal).
  4. Cultivate a hobby. Being a SAHM is definitely kid-focused. But that doesn’t mean you have to forget yourself entirely (because if you do lose your identity, you do your kids a complete disservice. Your kids cannot make up who you are. And they need to see you enjoying yourself as well). Use the time you’re home to pick a hobby you’ve always wanted to have or rediscover something you used to love. It could be anything from keeping a blog or journal to reading books to learning to bake or running a marathon or playing the drums. It doesn’t have to be an expensive, time consuming hobby but you do need to carve out time for you. For me, exercising and reading have been my primary hobbies. And now I’m learning to sew. My family might benefit from that hobby, but really, it’s for me. Which is totally fine.
  5. Be social. This couples with finding a friend. You cannot spend your entire life locked inside your house, devoted to your chores, housework, and kids. You need to get out and have some adult time. Even if it’s taking an exercise class or attending a mommy and me class or joining a book club—something to do once a week or month—you need to get out and interact with real life people. It’s great to have those personal, human connections. It’s wonderful to have adult conversations. And more than anything, taking a break from your kids is good for everyone. Seriously. They’ll be just fine if you leave for a couple of hours and your spouse/significant other/babysitter/whoever watches them.

I know there are more experienced SAHM who will disagree with a lot of what’s helped me survive the last year. And that’s okay. We all have different ways of coping and dealing with our situations, and I’m not here to judge. This is just what’s worked for me.

I’m pretty sure that as I figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life, my strategy towards staying home will change. Also, as my kid gets older, I know it’ll change. But for now, I’m going to stick with these few rules and see how it goes

 

An open letter to high school students about money

by Jana 7 Comments

Dear High School studentmoney,

Congratulations on making it this far! High school is quite a challenging time in your life. Between relationships, studying, friendships, parents, afterschool activities, weekend plans and always wanting to sleep, you’re in for a rough road ahead. But I assure you, as bad as it may seem at times, you will make it through. It won’t always be pleasant but it will pass. I promise.

But we’re not really here to talk about all that stuff today. No, today we’re going to talk about how to prepare yourself for the financial realities of…life after high school. Whether that’s college, employment, or something else, you’re going to not only need money but you’re going to need to learn how to manage it. What better time to learn those skills than when you’re living rent and expense free in your parents’ house?  (And trust me, this is all practical stuff. No algebra, random historical facts or memorizing elements. Those typically only come in handy for game shows and illegal activities).

So let’s get started. Here’s a few ways to prepare for your impending adulthood:

  1. Learn to budget. If you have a part-time job or receive an allowance, you have money. That means you need to learn how to spend it properly. To do that, create a budget. It’s probably going to be a small, uncomplicated budget because your parent or guardian is most likely covering all of your necessities like shelter payments, food, and clothing. So, think about how you like to spend your money and allot what you earn into those categories, even if your categories are apps, going to the movies, fast food after school. Practice only spending the money you’ve budgeted in each category each month. Believe me, the sooner you practice this, the easier it’ll be to live on a budget when you are an adult (and you’ll be able to avoid massive amounts of debt). And if your parents won’t teach you, use Google. I know you’re computer savvy. Put it to good use.
  2. Create a savings account. Having a savings account is a huge part of learning how to manage your money. Putting money away for a rainy day or travel or a big purchase is a great way of avoiding debt (and believe me when I say you don’t want to go into debt. While getting into debt can be a crapload of fun, getting out of debt is horrendous. It’s probably one of the least fun activities ever).  You can start small, by saving birthday money or parts of your allowance and then work up to putting away money from a job. Talk to your parent or guardian about opening a savings account; if they say no, use the piggy bank you got when you were 5. Just find a way to start saving.
  3. Deal with a car. Most teenagers dream of owning a car, especially if you live in the suburbs or a rural area with little to no public transportation available. However, most teenagers are not fortunate enough to have their parents buy a car outright. And, even if your parents cover the car payment, they might want you to pay for gas, insurance, and routine maintenance. That gets expensive. You are definitely going to need an income stream to foot the bill for this stuff (and work those expenses into your budget) but, if you are going to want a car as an adult, this is a great time to learn about all the responsibilities that come with owning one.  It might make you change your mind, or encourage you to downgrade your expectations.  (If you don’t have a car or won’t be getting a car, this is a great time to become proficient in arranging alternative types of transportation).
  4. Get a job. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a job in high school. It will teach you so many skills: independence, time management, organization, a work ethic, dealing with a boss and coworkers, and, finally, how to earn and manage a paycheck. The sooner you learn these skills, the sooner they become habit and the easier transition you have when you have a full-time job. Additionally, building a work history at a young age is a good thing that looks impressive to prospective employers and also, you can open a retirement fund and a savings account. That’s taking a huge step towards adulthood and demonstrating that you can be a responsible adult with your money.
  5. Be careful with borrowing and lending. Money is a tricky thing, especially when it comes to friends and family. There might come a point where you’re earning a good amount of money and you’ve become such an expert saver that people are coming to you asking for money. Think really, really hard before you say yes.  And if you do say yes, and you don’t get the money back, consider it a lesson in who you can and can’t trust. Also, don’t throw your money around just to make people like you. Because honestly, it’s not you they like. It’s those pretty little green pieces of paper you have in your wallet (and we can talk about credit cards another day). And remember that if you borrow money, pay it back. Don’t be the person your friends and family can’t trust.

Please don’t misunderstand. You can still have a good time with your money. That’s why you have a budget. To make sure that you are putting money away for a car or college (and yes, you can take out loans for those. We’ll talk about those when we talk about credit cards) but still being able to enjoy being a teenager. Because really, it’s all about balance. Learning to balance your necessities with your fun on the income you have is pretty much the key to managing your money. The earlier you learn this, the better off you’ll be.

I know this seems like just one more thing to worry about. But this is the real life stuff. You’re going to want to take the time to learn it.

Seriously.

Love,

Jana

Preparing my child for the future

by Jana 6 Comments

This post is part of Women’s Money Week. For the round up of today’s posts on the topic of future planning and financial planning, visit the website.

futureAs a parent, my future financial planning is two-fold: planning for me and my husband and planning for our daughter. It’s important that we prepare ourselves, financially, for the future so that we can retire comfortably and not be a burden to our daughter and her family. That’s really last on my list of things to do. In order to accomplish that, we have pensions from our employment with our state, we have retirement accounts, and a long term savings account. On top of that, we have a pretty solid plan to own our home (well, our next home. We’re very desperate to move out of our townhouse), remain consumer debt free, and have minimal to no car payments. And, as long as life throws us no major curveballs, we’re on track to maintain our plans.

(I’m pretty sure I just jinxed myself by saying that.)

Then there’s the whole “securing our daughter’s future” aspect. We have had long, intense debates about paying for her college education (my parents paid for my undergraduate degree, he paid for his.  We both paid for our grad school degrees with the help of scholarships. We decided to do something in the middle), how to handle the subpar public education system in our state, and how much money to put into extracurricular activities. We’ve also discussed the subjects of allowing her to have an afterschool job, earning an allowance, and who pays for a car when the time comes.

Fortunately, our debates ended in resolution and we’re both on the same page with those aspects of raising our daughter. We also both agree that she does not need to know about the secret savings account we have for her and have been contributing to since she was born and that her 529 plan definitely needs a more regular contribution. Doing all of this will help ensure that she is taken care of through college and she’ll have a little extra to get her started when she graduates. That’s important to us since we struggled through the first few years of our adult lives and we don’t want to her to have to go through that. Paying off the amount of debt we paid off sucked a big one and if we can spare our daughter that aspect of life, we’ll consider that a major parenting victory.

However, we realize that we can’t provide for her forever. There will come a time when the financial assistance ends and we have to hand the reigns over to her. And we figure the best way to prepare her for that is to teach her how to handle money. To do so, we don’t make money a taboo subject in our house. We talk about budgets and savings and sales and using cash. We play games that involve money (Monopoly, PayDay, the Money Savvy Pig game on my iPhone, and her favorite game—grocery store. Also, when she helps me fold laundry, she “scans” the clothes). She has a piggy bank that is really, really full (seriously, the child is a major saver. When she got her first money from the tooth fairy, it went right into her piggy bank). We discussing working and earning a paycheck and the purpose of a bank.  We’re trying to provide her with a comprehensive financial education. [Read more…]

Change your situation with a little drastic action

by Jana 10 Comments

take-actionThis weekend, I cleaned house. Well, not literally because my house didn’t really need that kind of cleaning (okay, fine, it did but I was too busy renovating my new website that I acquired last week) but I did clear off and return almost every book I had sitting on my nightstand. The pile was way too big and every time I looked at it, I felt a panic attack brewing. It’s not a comfortable feeling.

I feel that my room, and my to-read pile, should be a calming influence, not one of extreme anxiety. I love to read but with 10 books beckoning me, I didn’t know where to start. Instead of following my own advice and starting with just one, I just left them all sitting there. I didn’t open a single book for a week. That includes the magazines I had and the books on my e-reader. For me to go an entire week without reading is a huge deal. But I couldn’t figure out a way to cope with the mess so I did what I do best—I ignored it and let it fester until I truly couldn’t take it anymore.

Then I took action and did something about it.

On Saturday, I put every book I had on my bed and sorted them into piles: work-related, nonfiction, and fiction. Then I compared what I had to my books to read Pinterest board to determine which ones I obligated myself to read and which ones were just stragglers I picked up along the way. Next, I made a list of those, separated out the work related books (on mentoring, blogging, and using Pinterest for marketing), put everything else in a bag and returned them all to the library. That included a movie I keep saying I’ll watch but probably never will (Inglorious Basterds, for those who are curious). I also paid my overdue fine (I have yet to conquer these. It’s absolutely atrocious) and gave myself a nice, clean fresh start.

While the action may seem extreme—after all, I could have just moved the pile of books to a different location and pulled them out one by one—it was necessary. I needed to clear the clutter, keep the important, relevant stuff, and stop feeling so overwhelmed. I needed to free my space and my mind so I could refocus on what’s important and get back to work. I needed to reclaim my soothing, relaxing space and stop feeling jittery and nervous about looking into my bedroom or confronting my nightstand. And, now that I’ve done that, what I’m left with is a few work related books and, instead of feeling the pressure of renewal dates and fines, I’m working through the books I’ve bought and have sat, neglected, on my bookshelf. Those have no deadlines or fines attached to them.

It’s a comforting feeling and I’m back to enjoying reading.  And maybe one day, I’ll feel comfortable having a pile of unread books on my nightstand. I’ll look at it as a sense of enjoyment rather than dread. But for now, I’m okay with my decision to bring them all back to the library and pick them up again, one at a time, later in the year.

I’ve had to take similar drastic steps in my life. The most recently was in learning to manage my depression but, prior to that, it was in learning to deal with our debt and managing our money. In 2007, when my husband and I decided to focus on paying down debt, we took a number of drastic steps including:

  • Swearing off credit cards and using only cash.
  • Having a strict but revisable budget.
  • Forgoing things like cosmetic home repairs, buying new cars, going on vacation, and purchasing anything frivolous that could be obtained for free instead (like my beloved books).
  • Limiting birthday, anniversary, and other holiday spending.
  • Obtaining part-time jobs, with all of the money (and I mean all of the money) going towards debt repayment.
  • Eliminating friends who either didn’t support our choices or who encouraged us to keep spending money we didn’t have.

Handling all of that at once was excruciating. Giving up pretty much everything that had made our lives fun and enjoyable to that point absolutely sucked. But in order to secure our future, and our daughter’s future, we had to make those sacrifices. We had to redefine fun and enjoyable. We had to learn how to have a life without going into debt. We had to learn to live on what we had and, had we not done this, I probably wouldn’t know how to cook or be able to start my own business. The end definitely justified the means.

By taking those drastic measures and paying off our debt, we’ve removed much of the anxiety and trepidation from payday. We no longer possess an extensive list of creditors. We’ve been able to gradually introduce some of the removed items back into our lives, and let me tell you, the first time we booked a vacation because we could afford it felt damn good. Just like it’ll feel good the next time I can have more than one book on my nightstand.

Having to take such severe action in order to get aspects of my life straightened out isn’t exactly my first choice. It’s not my go-to choice either. But, after a number of failed attempts to control them in different ways, I’ve learned that the most serious action is the most effective one. By taking such a strong stand, it emphasizes the gravity of the situation and gives me incentive to work harder to regain control.

For me, control is a good, comforting feeling.

Readers, have you ever had to take drastic action to gain control over a situation or aspect of your life? How did it work out for you?

 

Zumba and budgeting: Conquering two fears together

by Jana 3 Comments

zumbaholicIf you follow me on Twitter or Pinterest, you’re probably well aware of the fact that my exercise of choice is Zumba. I absolutely love it. It’s fun, enjoyable, it works, and I may or may not do it about 4-5 hours per week. Occasionally more.

But before I really got into it, I was terrified of trying. I thought I would look like a fool since dancing really isn’t my forte. I figured I’d fall, trip over my feet, go the wrong direction, or commit some other embarrassing act. The thing is, though, I was wrong. Utterly and completely wrong. Sure, it took some getting used to but now that I’ve been doing it for 9 months and I go regularly, I don’t totally suck. Yes, I make mistakes but I’m at the point now where I’m not the worst one in the class.

In order to get to that point, though, I first had to get over myself and just try. I had to put that first foot through the door, stand in the back of the class, and learn.  I needed to resolve to go to one class and then another one after that and another one after that. I had to tell myself that I didn’t need to be perfect; I just needed to do it. I had to remind myself that I’d get better the more I did it but I wasn’t going to get any better if I didn’t start somewhere.

But I just needed to start.

Sounds an awful lot like budgeting, doesn’t it?

From my experience, many people are afraid to put together a budget because they don’t know what to do. It’s intimidating to put all of your expenses and income down on paper and figure out where you stand. It’s scary to think about having restrictions on your spending and really looking at any debt you might have. It’s terrifying to think about all your spending weaknesses and budget leaks. Especially when you know that the lack of a budget helped contribute to your money problems in the first place.

You need to put all of that aside. It doesn’t matter that you’ve never had a budget before, just like it didn’t matter that I’d never danced without alcohol as my partner before. You need to take that first step, put pen to paper and work something out. Sure, you might think you won’t be any good at it and that you’re most certainly going to fail and you know what? You might. There is the possibility of overspending or forgetting to include a category, just like when I walked into the first Zumba class, there was the possibility of me falling down or bumping into someone. But that’s okay.

No one has a perfect budget at first. If you keep practicing every month by revising your strategies, pinning down what works, determining what doesn’t, and learning about how to manage on a budget, you’ll get to the point where you have the perfect budget for you. It doesn’t matter if it’s perfect for someone else. It only matters that it works for you.

After working on it for 9 months, I’m a lot more confident in my skills. I know I can walk into pretty much any class—even one with a new instructor—and not look like a total fool. I’ve embraced the “Zumba culture” where I find myself listening to the music outside of the class, wearing brightly colored clothes, and maybe, just maybe, busting a move while I’m cooking dinner or folding laundry. It’s become a huge part of my life and I plan on keeping it around as long as possible.

Same thing with my budget. While establishing the first one was met with a lot of nervousness and trepidation, I’ve been using one for so long that I can’t imagine not having one. Even as our income fluctuates, we still maintain a budget. In fact, not having one makes me edgy and nervous. I need to know where my money is going in order to feel at ease with our checkbook. And while I still not be perfect at budgeting, I’ve come a long way from where I was 6 years ago when we made our first one. And, I assure you, that if you just take that first step and create a budget, you’ll get a lot better, too.

Because, just like with Zumba, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about working with it to establish the best routine for you. And sticking with it over time will only make you better and stronger.

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