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Rules for conducting a peaceful budget meeting

by Jana 16 Comments

This post is a part of Women’s Money Week 2012. For even more posts about budgeting, visit womensmoneyweek.com.

My husband and I have very different styles of managing money. I am the type who will spend an hour looking for missing pennies in our checkbook and he is the type who doesn’t even know where the checkbook is. I am the type who tracks our bills and he is the type who doesn’t even know how to login to our accounts. I am the type who knows exactly how much money we have and he is the type who can’t remember when he gets paid. In other words, we have completely different styles of handling money.

This makes for interesting discussions, particularly around our budget. Actually, our different styles are exactly why we avoided having a budget for so long. Every time we’d discuss money, he’d get upset that…well, I’m not sure what he’d get upset about, but he got mad. Then I’d get angry because I could not, for the life of me, understand how someone could know so little about their own finances. And we’d yell. Loudly. And a lot. For a long time. Then we’d have to go to our own corners and calm down. Unfortunately, the end result was two angry people and no budget.

It got to the point, though, that we needed a budget. Whatever we were doing wasn’t working for us and we had to make some radical changes. Which we did. But more than that, we had to figure out how to talk about money and creating a budget without fighting. To do that, we came up with some ground rules:

  1. Schedule a specific time. Rather than just spring talks about our budget on each other, we agreed that if we needed to talk about it, we’d have to call an official budget meeting. A specific date and time would be set, and we had to be sure to clear our schedule to do it. The only off limit times were Saturday nights (date night) and any day after 9:00 PM (I can’t get that stressed or worked up before I go to bed).
  2. Bring an agenda. Whoever calls the meeting must develop an agenda. Just saying “we need to talk about our budget” is not sufficient. This is what leads to fights. Now, we must detail which specific parts of our budget we need to discuss, revisit, refine or redo. It’s helped cut down on the fighting if we know exactly what we’re discussing instead of having an open conversation.
  3. Check the attitude at the door. My husband has a tendency to get…condescending when we talk about our budget. I’m not sure why since I’m the one that’s been handling it for the last 12 years. For some reason, he gets really rude at time which makes me furious. So we’ve come to an agreement that he will not behave that way and if he does, I can point it out without him getting pissy. On the other side of that, I promise not to get snippy if he asks stupid questions.
  4. Accept that we’re there for the same purpose. The point of a budget meeting is for us to discuss our finances and figure out how to create a budget that best fits our life. We both want to make our money work for us in the most effective manner possible. The only way to do that is for the both of us to (calmly) discuss how and on what we’re spending our money and where we need to make changes. If we come to the meeting wanting to “win” instead of resolve or build consensus, we might as well manage our finances separately.
  5. Don’t take anything personally. And don’t make it personal. It frustrates me to no end that my husband doesn’t take a more proactive role in our daily finances. Although I’m working to accept it, I sometimes may get a little upset if he innocently questions something that I do to manage our money or makes a suggestion that I know would never, ever work. I might take it as a slight to me or my abilities. I’ve had to learn that it’s not a personal attack on me; he really doesn’t understand what goes into keeping our budget intact.

With those ground rules in place, creating and maintaining our budget has been substantially less stressful. We now have a budget that works for our family which is essential for making sure we stay out of debt (it took approximately 5 years to get there.  I have no desire to go back). And should we need to revise the budget, we can do it without screaming. Which is essential for everyone.

Married people need side hustles too

by Jana 17 Comments

(Before reading the post, read the title again but this time, sing it to Samantha Fox’s “Naughty Girls (Need Love Too)”. Makes it better, right?)

The Single Saver recently wrote a post that discussed why single people need a side hustle. I totally agree with her. Having that extra income does make numerous situations facing single people significantly easier.  But I need to add that married people need a side hustle, too.

As one half of a married couple, I’m the first one to admit that married people, overall, have an easier time financially. If both partners are employed, that’s double the income which means more money to cover the bills that single people generally have to absorb on their own. And, if the couple can manage to avoid the lifestyle creep that tends to happen with increased income, it is possible for a family to live on one income and save the other (this hasn’t happened in my house but from what I understand, it can happen). These certainly give a married couple a significant benefit over a single person.

However, married couples do face similar challenges of single people. Married couples still need to pay bills and eat and save. We still need to pay a mortgage or rent. We still have pets and kids to take care of (well, some of us do). But even more than that, having side hustles helps married couples in a number of ways:

  • Debt repayment. Two people sometimes means double the debt, either individual debt that’s brought into a relationship or debt that was accumulated together. In my relationship, we had both. We each entered the marriage with our own debt and then accumulated even more together. The fact that both of us had part-time jobs enabled us to pay down our individual and collective debt that much faster.
  • Disposable income. At the beginning of our marriage, and for many years afterwards, we had very little income to go around. Almost everything we earned went straight to our debt repayment as well as our normal monthly bills. Every once and while, we’d work an odd job that we designated as our fun money. We’d use it to treat ourselves to a movie or to dinner.  Now that we’re pretty much consumer debt free, it’s nice to have that extra income to put towards savings or retirement.
  • Income insurance. Not in the sense of car insurance or homeowner’s insurance but insurance in the event that one person loses his (or her) full-time job for whatever reason (layoff, medical reason, injury). For instance, if my husband were to lose his job, he still has his part-time job that provides a decent amount of income. The additional income that he brings in would soften the blow of losing his full-time income.
  • Death. Spouses die. It’s a fact. If a spouse dies, expectedly or unexpectedly, the financial consequences can be damaging (this is also why life insurance is so important and I’m yet again reminded that I really need to get some) especially if the spouse that dies is the higher income earner. That extra income can help offset the financial stress.
  • Relationship problems. Speaking from experience, spouses cheat. There is nothing worse than the feeling that you can’t leave a relationship that you are unhappy with because you can’t afford it. By having a side hustle, or part-time job, it’s possible to build up a savings account or have the extra income necessary to leave. I don’t necessarily advocate this as an option but sometimes, a relationship cannot be salvaged. Having the financial means to terminate the relationship provides necessary peace of mind.
As The Single Saver points out, side hustles and part-time income are not intended to replace full-time income; they are merely a supplement. But sometimes that supplemental income can provide a vital lifeline in extenuating, and not so extenuating, circumstances. 

Readers: If you’re married or in a relationship, what do you think of having a side hustle or part-time job? Do you have one? How do you use the money? 

Practical tips for saving money? Not always.

by Jana 26 Comments

Here in the personal finance world, many of us dispense information about saving money, living frugally, cutting back on expenses…anything to help you manage your money in the best way possible. I know I do it, and some of my favorite blogs do it. It’s information that most people need but unfortunately, a lot of the tips given are ludicrous.  They may amount to small savings, which is good and I’m sure that lots of people need those small savings (after all, little things do add up), but when you think about the tips from a practical standpoint, they’re not always the best route.

A few of the ones that I can’t stand:

  • Unplug appliances and electronics when not in use. Fine, vampire electricity is a real thing. But going around my house every single time I want to leave or every single time I come home is a nuisance. Do you know how difficult it is to get to some of the power cords? Also, I hate resetting clocks. Almost every appliance in my house is attached to a clock. Instead of unplugging everything. I’d rather just turn things off. For instance, we sleep with a fan even in the dead of winter. When we’re not asleep or in the room, we turn the fan off. Simple. Fan’s not running, we’re not paying for it. But as for the power strip that holds the cord for our TV, the Wii and the Blu-Ray player, I’m not turning it off every time I leave the house. It’s impossible to remember so I’m not even going to try. I’ll pay the extra $.74/month (or whatever it costs). [Read more…]

Golf: Saving money on an expensive hobby

by Jana 21 Comments

I recently read a post on Enemy of Debt where the author provided alternatives for expensive hobbies. One of those hobbies she discussed was golf. In her post, she gave suggestions like bartering for cheaper greens fees, sharing clubs with friends, and playing at public courses. Some of the ideas are great. Some others, not so much.

For instance, sharing clubs. As I said in my comment to that post, there are a ton of problems with sharing clubs. Sharing golf clubs is like sharing a baseball bat. There are a ton of variables that go into picking clubs: height, weight, grips, brand name (apparently this makes a difference). These variables mean that a set of clubs that will work for one person may not work for another. Also, what if the two people sharing clubs both want to golf on the same day, but on different courses? Who gets the clubs? Is there a custody agreement for the clubs?  What if one breaks? It’s just not practical. A better solution for a novice golfer would be to buy a set of used clubs and have them regripped to suit your needs. If you’re an infrequent golfer, investigate renting a set of clubs or simply borrowing a set from a friend.

Then she suggested bartering for greens fees at a public course. Since golf is pretty no nonsense, I can’t even begin to imagine how this works unless the pro is there and the course is getting ready to switch from peak to off-peak hours.  And at private clubs, there typically aren’t fees unless you are the guest of a member and are required to pay. There is no bartering at all for this fee.  If you really want to save money on greens fees instead of bartering, play off season, play at off-peak times (weekdays or after 3PM or so on weekends), and walk, don’t rent a cart. You can also play an executive course (short, typically par 3 courses) for around $10 a round. Playing this type of course 4 times will still add up to less money than one round at a public or private course.

She did offer a good suggestion in looking for deals on membership dues. There are some clubs that will offer reduced price memberships for new members or if you pay your yearly membership in full. These deals are hard to come by but they are out there. You may have to compromise on what club you join or the type of membership you have but if all that matters is being able to play golf, then I say seize those opportunities. Also, if you’re under a certain age or a student, you can get a junior membership or pay reduced fees for a single round of golf.  You can also get a part-time job at a golf course (pro shop, working the carts, etc); unlimited rounds of golf may be a job perk.

Other suggestions for saving on golf: If you want to play at the really good clubs, look into different tournaments that are open to the public like charity tournaments or open scrambles. See if your company will sponsor a team to play in a tournament. Call and ask if you can use the driving range or practice putting greens rather than playing the course.  If you’re already pretty good, offer to give lessons (the members might bring you onto their course) or see if there’s a job coaching high school golf (again, giving you a chance to play at different courses); you’ll not only get to play but you’ll get to do it for free and make money.

Don’t forget that along with clubs and greens fees, you are required to wear certain types of clothes on golf courses. If these are not clothes that you normally own (collared shirt, khaki pants), you’re going to have to buy them (which you can do cheaply). Don’t worry about fancy golf shoes. They’re horribly ugly anyway. Before you run out and buy anything or borrow from a friend, but make sure you check with the course as to what’s appropriate attire. You may be able to pull something together from your existing wardrobe. Also, make sure you understand why you are buying something; this helps reduce the amount of gimmicky items like wrist bands you’ll waste money on. If it’s not necessary or won’t help improve your game, don’t buy it.

Golf is pricy. Period. If you want to pick up golf, be prepared to spend a lot of money. You can manage the costs but in the long run, golf is one of the more expensive hobbies you can have. From what I’ve been told it’s worth it. But I’d rather just go for a walk.

 

Grieving your debt? It really happens.

by Jana 17 Comments

If you’ve ever experienced paying off debt, you know how excruciating it is. It consumes most of your thoughts, uses all your money, tests your patience and forces you to make really tough choices. Everything you are, everything you believe, every ounce of discipline you have is put on trial when you’re dealing with your debt.

But something else happens during that time. Your debt?  It becomes part of your family. Sure, it’s the part of your family that gets drunk at Thanksgiving, tells horrible “pull my finger” jokes, forgets everyone’s birthdays and is generally unpleasant but it’s still part of the family. It’s a family member that’s been present in your life for a long time and when it’s gone, you’re left grieving.

Yes, it’s exciting to kick the son of bitch to the curb. You may have a funeral for your debt or write a touching tribute or even call Dave Ramsey and scream “We’re debt freeeeeeeeeee” but when that’s all done, and you sit down to look at your monthly budget, you notice something is missing.  There’s a void. And you’re not sure what to do because you don’t realize what a huge presence your debt repayment had in your life until it’s gone.

That’s what happened to me. When we made the final payment on our credit card debt, I wasn’t sure what to do. We had spent almost 5 years paying it off. Almost every spare penny was sent to that debt. Home repairs, vacations, new clothes—everything was put on hold so our extra money could be applied to our debt. Then, one day—just like that—it was gone. I had never had to plan a budget that didn’t involve debt repayment and honestly, it was uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to do with that extra money. That uncertainty almost made me wish for the debt payment again.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that what I was experiencing was something akin to the 5 stages of grief. My thinking about eliminating my debt went like this:

Denial—The first thing I thought when I looked at my budget with no debt repayment factored in was “No way. There is no way I have no more credit card debt. That cannot possibly be my budget”.  It was hard to accept that all of our work had finally, and literally, paid off.

Anger—Once I realized my credit card debt was gone, I was pissed. Not so much because I didn’t have any left but because I couldn’t help but think that “I just spent 5 freaking years paying off debt! What a waste of time and money that was. If had that money back, I could (fill in pretty much anything)”

Bargaining—I don’t think I necessarily bargained to get my debt payment back. I can’t remember thinking “I’d do anything to bring back a few hundred dollars of debt. Just a few hundred dollars. That’s all I’m asking for”. Nope, I’m pretty confident I skipped this stage.

Depression—During this stage I did have a few moments where I thought to myself “What’s the point of getting excited about this being paid off. Something else is just going to happen and I’ll have all that debt again”. Then I smacked myself in the face and reminded myself that I am in control of what happens next.

Acceptance—It didn’t take a long time for me to accept that my credit card debt was gone. I came to terms with the fact that I had survived the 5 years of debt repayment and that, from now on, my finances were going to be greatly improved. And once I did allow myself to accept that fact, it was liberating.

Make no mistake. I don’t miss my debt at all. I’m over the moon glad it’s gone. But it was a huge shock to my system when I realized I no longer had to make a credit card payment. I had to come to terms with the fact that BrainGames was now over. Working through the 5 step process definitely helped.

And when that was done, I screamed with glee.

 

 

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