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A few words on depression, suicide, celebrities, and everyone else

August 12, 2014 by Jana 17 Comments

I hadn’t planned on writing a post today but I have a few things I need to say.

In case you haven’t seen or heard the news, actor Robin Williams died yesterday, and the cause of death was suicide. It’s a tragic, horrible situation and so many are mourning the loss of an incredible and talented performer on social media, in the news, or in private. And that’s fine. You do what you need to do to make sense of it.

For me, though, it’s a bit different. It is frustrating to me, someone who battles depression every day, to see this hyper focus on mental illness and suicide simply because a celebrity dies as a result. Depression is an every day battle for millions of people, and every day, many of them take their lives. Yet no one floods their Twitter or Facebook feeds with pictures, memes or quotes from those every day, yet equally special, people. I get that perhaps people are taken aback with this because there is a cultural perception that celebrities are invincible. They have money, fame, and everything we place value on. They bring joy and happiness to others. So how can they be depressed?

That, to me, highlights just how misinterpreted depression is. Depression is a mental illness, caused by internal factors, not external ones. No matter how incredible your life may seem on the outside, depression wreaks havoc on your insides. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Depression skews your perception of everything and it feels impossible to make anyone understand what’s going on (for a great depiction, check out Allie Brosch’s comics on depression. She says is better than I ever could). Depression makes you feel alone and isolated. Depression takes away all the things normal people take for granted.

Depression is more than just sadness.

Robin Williams’s influence on pop culture is undeniable. Some of his movies are among the best ever, and are some of my personal favorites, and it is no doubt because of the talent he leant to those movies. His talent was unique. His mental illness was not.

And for me, that’s the tragic part.

We, as a society, need to take the stigma out of mental illness and start making it okay for people to be open about their struggles. And those of us who have it need to break the barriers and make sure we talk about it (besides Allie Brosch, two others who are fantastically open about their depression are Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess) and Joe Pantoliano’s book. There’s also some wonderful TED talks on depression, including this one from a comic). We need to let others know they’re not alone. We need to encourage those contemplating suicide to seek professional help rather than inundate them with glib sayings about how happiness is a choice and it will all be better. We need to generate a better understanding of the disease.

We must support, and remember, everyone who is fighting against depression and other mental illnesses.

Not just the celebrities.

Filed Under: Life, mental health Tagged With: mental health, opinions

10 simple ways to suck at life

May 24, 2013 by Jana 12 Comments

I’m not one to push products but today I’m going to. You see, I’ve devised a very handy guide that will give you a set of 10 very specific instructions on how to do epically fail at anything or everything you choose.   And the best part about this guide is that it’s 100% free. You don’t have to spend a single cent to learn these well kept secrets.

But you might be thinking Why? Why do you need this completely free guide? Well, I’ll tell you. You need it because staying stuck in one place, depressed and miserable sounds like something you’d like to do. You need it because having goals just seems like too much work, being successful and accomplished is overrated, and you prefer to sit back, dreaming of the things you’d do if only you could. You need it because you want to figure out why your life isn’t turning out the way you wanted and you just can’t understand why. You need it because you need to figure out what you’re doing wrong.  You need it because maybe you don’t want to suck at life and this will tell you exactly what not to.

How’s that for a great deal?  (You don’t have to say it. I know.)

So, without any further ado, I give you the absolutely free, completely informative, Daily Money Shot’s Simple Guide to Sucking at Life:

how to fail

Filed Under: mental health, work

Overwhelmed and eliminating it, day 5: At home

May 16, 2013 by Jana 8 Comments

homeHome is a funny place. Home is where we’re supposed to go to escape from the stress of friends, work, and the outside world in general. But home can also be a place of stress and feeling overwhelmed if you’re not careful. That’s why it’s important to do what we can to eliminate it as much as possible when you’re inside the 4 walls of your home.

While it’s not possible to control everything that causes anxiety and overwhelmedness (I’m starting to think I need to petition to make this a word), it is possible to take some action:

Have a budget. This goes without saying. One of the biggest causes for being overwhelmed is money. Bills, savings, long term planning, day to day expenses—money is part of our day, every day, whether we like it or not. And there is just so much to do! However, trying to do it all at once is frustrating so I recommend, like almost every other personal finance writer that has ever existed, have a budget. Having a budget will eliminate a good deal of your sense of being overwhelmed. You won’t have to figure out how much to pay the credit card company or decided what you have for groceries or put off that necessary haircut or contribute to savings. You’ll already know because you put it all on paper. If you don’t know where to start, Dave Ramsey’s website has a great free tool to get you started.

Having a budget sounds like a lot of work and it is. But the outcome is worth the effort, and your stress level will thank you.

Create a meal plan. I was not blessed with the ability to look at raw ingredients and whip up a meal at a moment’s notice. I know this because, for a while, I tried. I would go to the supermarket, buy what I wanted, and hope that meals would come out of it. They did not. And I would get overwhelmed because I knew I had to feed my family but I couldn’t figure out what so I would maybe freak out a little, perhaps throw in a bit of yelling, and then declare I was not cooking and we needed to order in (like the dad in A Christmas Story. “Everybody, upstairs. Get dressed. We are going out to eat”). Needless to say, it wrecked our budget.

So I decided that I needed to meal plan. And while meal planning does help keep our grocery budget under control, it mainly gives me a sense of calm regarding what to make for dinner. I don’t get overwhelmed at the thought of having to cobble something together that would probably taste terrible and my freak outs are kept to a minimum. Everyone appreciates that.

Organize. We’ve already discussed why it’s important to get organized and methods to do so I’m not going to rehash that. However, I do want to add a bit. Getting organized at home makes everything run much more smoothly and it prevents those “everything is going crazy all at once and I need a break or I’m going to build a blanket cocoon and stay in there with my wine and only my dog is allowed to visit me” moments (although, admittedly, that does sound like a pretty good day). Having your home organized means you’ll get out the door on time. Having your home organized means you won’t have to buy a birthday present 20 minutes before the birthday party nor will you have to feverishly search for wrapping paper. Having your home organized means you get free time back because keys don’t get lost, backpacks aren’t misplaced, and bills are paid on time (you can also accomplish this by automating your bills, something I highly, highly recommend). Having your home organized means you can do activities as a family in peace instead of chaos (controlled chaos is okay. Actual chaos, not so much).

In fact, being organized is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. It doesn’t have to be a Pinterest worthy organizational system. It just has to be something that works for you and your family. (Note: lists are my go-to organizational tool. Actually, I love lists so much I have a whole post planned discussing how lists can keep you from feeling overwhelmed).

Whether you live in a household of 1 or 10, there’s opportunity to become overwhelmed. Stressors come with every circumstance and it’s important to find a way to combat that.

Readers, what do you do in your household to keep from feeling overwhelmed? 

Filed Under: Family matters, mental health, Money

Overwhelmed and eliminating it, day 4: At work

May 13, 2013 by Jana 2 Comments

This week, we’re going to talk about how to handle being overwhelmed in 3 key areas: home, work, and obligations to others. Today, we talk about work.

IHazWorkSkillzIf you ask anyone how work is going, they’ll probably answer “busy”. It’s just the standard response because if we say anything other than busy, others might assume that we’re not busy and don’t have enough to do and that just looks bad. No one wants that. At least that‘s how it was for me when I worked in a traditional office.

Besides not wanting to look bad, I liked being busy at work. I figured if I was going to get up, get dressed, put on makeup, get my daughter to daycare, spend 9 hours away from her every day, and sit in traffic, I better have a lot to do. Otherwise, I felt my job was a waste of my time, regardless of the paycheck I received every 2 weeks. Usually, I was pretty good about finding work to do. If I wasn’t working on a project, I would tweak my training program, write case notes (when I was a probation officer), edit reports…any little task that needed to be done but often got pushed aside for the major tasks. And yes, I would read the news and blogs and maybe browse Amazon. Even busy people need breaks!

For the most part, I maintained a system that kept my workload manageable and the quality of my work up to my standards.

However, I had one particular job that managed to keep me overwhelmed on a daily basis. This job, as a social services administrator (state lingo for “we don’t really know what to call this job so we’ll give it an important sounding title that’s not really important at all”), kept me busy to the point of being chronically overwhelmed. We’re talking so overwhelmed to the point that on some days, I just didn’t do anything because every project was a top priority and no matter which one I worked on, it was going to be wrong. So I did nothing. All day. Maybe some days I cried. Maybe some days I yelled. Most days I looked for a new job. But until I found that job, I had to find a way to manage the overwhelming workload and the complete lack of direction and input from my supervisor.

I know I’m not the only one who’s been in that position. Many people I’ve talked to over the years have, at one time or another, been so overwhelmed at work that they just can’t function. They miss deadlines, make mistakes, forget meetings, and slip up in other ways that negatively impact their performance reviews and potential bonuses and raises (and promotions). Enough mistakes and you can be out of a job.

And that really, really sucks. (Unless you really, really hate your job and then you’re thinking of getting fired as sweet relief. That’s totally okay, too.) Since most of us aren’t fortunate enough to be so wealthy that we can forgo employment, it’s crucial to learn how to handle being overwhelmed at work. Here’s a few ways to do that:

  1. Ask for help. If you’re tasked with something you just don’t know how to do, seek out someone who knows how to do it. Sitting at your desk, staring at the information you can’t process will only make you more frustrated and overwhelmed. It’ll make you do shabby, incorrect work, particularly if you’re just guessing at what you need to do.  Then you’ll have to redo it all and that’ll just make you angry and cause mistakes and the cycle will repeat. So, instead, just ask for help. Remember, though, if you are going to ask for help, don’t ask someone to do the task for you; rather, ask if he or she can show you how to do it. Make sure to schedule a meeting and put it in writing. Also, make sure to come to the meeting prepared with specific questions and information.  Not only does this make you look more professional, it shows a respect for the person’s time which may make him more apt to help you in the future.
  2. Close your email. Leaving your email open all day is not only a complete distraction but it’s a surefire way to get overwhelmed. Imagine you’re working on a big project and in the midst of it, an email from your boss pops up. You feel that, because it’s from your boss, you need to attend to it right away.  So you stop what you’re doing to deal with the email, come back to the abandoned project three hours later, forget what you were doing and freak out that you’ll never finish in time.  That’s not good for anyone. So, close your email. Eliminate that distraction for the time being and when you’re done, open your email back up and deal with those new tasks at that point. Believe me, if your boss wants something from you that badly, she’ll interrupt you anyway.
  3. Take breaks. I’m not talking about calling out sick every time you’re freaked out about your to-do list or the 16 mandatory yet pointless meetings in 2 days or the major presentation you need to put together and deliver in front of an entire department. I’m talking about stepping away from your desk, getting some fresh air, going out to lunch with a co-worker, or anything else that gets you away from the never ending list of items to finish. Getting away, doing something fun and non-work related allows you a mental health reprieve that, when it’s over, leaves you feeling empowered to return to your desk and deal with whatever it is that’s staring you in the face. Having that break snaps you out of the sinkhole of overwhelmedness that causes you to freeze in the middle of a task, or worse—stop caring about the quality of the work you do. And, while it’s important to take breaks no matter what your industry, it is essential to do so if you work in a service oriented field like social work or retail.

Being overwhelmed is not a fun feeling. It’s even less fun at work. It’s important to learn how to manage that feeling in this environment because when you can’t, those negative emotions seep into other aspect of our lives. And that really sucks.

Readers, what are some ways you handle being overwhelmed at work, whether you’re self-employed or work for someone else?  

Filed Under: mental health, work

Overwhelmed and eliminating it, day 3: Failure isn’t so bad

May 10, 2013 by Jana 10 Comments

Yeah, I can't do this.
Yeah, I can’t do this.

I admit that one of my biggest sources of overwhelmedness and anxiety is me. I bring on much of it by putting way too much pressure on myself, no matter what the circumstance. This is amplified by the fac that, I expect myself to be able to do everything perfectly the first time I try and without asking for help.

Let’s take sewing as an example. As part of my pioneer project, I decided I needed to learn how to sew. I had never sewn anything except a button or a seam in my life. I think once I made a decorative pillow. That’s it. But for some reason, I expected myself to be able to sew a 9 square quilt perfectly. This included cutting the fabric in nice straight lines, sewing the squares together neatly, and actually being able to read and understand the directions. So imagine my surprise when I pulled out the instructions in one of my pioneer manuals, looked at it, and couldn’t understand a single word. That shit might as well have been written in Swedish. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t figure out what I needed to do. Also, I cut my finger with the rotary cutter and bled about a pint of blood into a towel. Never mind the lack of straight edges and the mess that was sewing the mismatched squares together.

What I did was an epic failure. And really, really ugly. I became overwhelmed with the fact that I couldn’t perfectly complete the project and it made me want to quit  learning to sew.

But I didn’t. Instead, I took a couple of sewing classes, talked to some people who know what they’re doing and decided that maybe a quilt isn’t the best place to start. Maybe I needed to pick something less complicated. Something that I could actually start. And finish and not have it look like crap. So I did and now I’m sewing cloth napkins. And they’re really not that atrocious (if you sign up for the Townhouse Pioneer newsletter, you’ll be able to see some pictures). Also, now when I look at pattern directions, I don’t freak out. I can actually go through them, slowly, until I understand what I need to do. I take it step by step, piece by piece, until I’ve worked through the pattern in its entirety.

My emotions ran the gamut as I worked through this process. Although I started out feeling completely overwhelmed and ended up monstrously frustrated, I ended up pretty happy and feeling confident in my ability to sew a few necessities.It also taught me a few things: 

  1. It’s okay not to be perfect. In fact, being perfect sucks. It’s not very fun, it’s exhausting, and who wants that kind of pressure anyway? Embracing our flaws affords us the opportunity to make mistakes and laugh them off instead of having our day ruined by them. By not putting pressure on ourselves to be perfect, we don’t have to get overwhelmed at the thought of all that’s involved in achieving perfection. We can relax a bit knowing that the imperfections are what makes us (and the end product of whatever it is we’re trying to accomplish) unique.
  2. Stop comparing yourself to others. There are people I know who can sew beautiful quilts, purses, clothes, hats…you name it, they can sew it. When I look at their products, I get overwhelmed with frustration that I’ll never be able to make those items. I go back to the place I was when I tried to make that simple 9 square quilt. Then I have to remind myself that comparing my ability to theirs is futile. They’ve been doing this for many moons more than I have and, in the case of one woman, it’s what she does for a living. Of course she’s better than me. She’s had more practice! I also have to remind myself that they started where I am. They didn’t achieve that level of skill overnight and neither will I.
  3. Embrace weaknesses. There are a tremendous amount of things I cannot do. For instance, I cannot run a marathon. I cannot draw. I cannot watch the movie The Rock without falling asleep. I cannot get a ponytail to stay in my daughter’s hair nor can I cut hair. I cannot eat anything red without staining my clothes. I cannot reach things on a high shelf. And I cannot sew a quilt. And you know what? I’m totally fine with that. By learning and accepting the things that I cannot do, I’ve learned to appreciate the things I can do. Because those are just fine, too.

When we put the pressure on ourselves to achieve immediate perfection at something new or on a task that we know we struggle with, it sets us up to fail. And the next time we’re faced with a similar circumstance, it launches us right back to the feeling of being overwhelmed which then causes us to run away and possibly miss out on a fun opportunity. Which totally sucks.

So go a little easier on yourself. Be who you are, flaws, weaknesses and all. Wear your imperfections as a badge of honor instead of a cloak of shame. Doing so will make that feeling of being overwhelmed all the time dissipate.

Filed Under: mental health

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Jana

I'm Jana ...

A book reading, nail polish wearing, binge watching, music loving, dog owning, reluctant cheer mom.
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