Life Archives - Page 91 of 96

31 Steps for Feeling Happier: The Introduction and Step 1

October 1, 2013 by Jana 8 Comments

I have been wanting to do a month long series for quite awhile. I would read them on other sites and think “what a great idea” and “wow, it takes dedication to write about ONE topic for an entire month” and “I totally need to do that”. I never climbed aboard that train, though, because it always came down to one simple problem–I had no idea what to write about.

Writing about one topic for an entire month is hard. Deciding what to write about it even harder. I knew it needed to be something that would be meaningful for you, my beloved readers, but it had to be something that I cared enough about to keep going and not quit mid-month. I also didn’t want it to be a boring, recycled topic that’s been beaten to death. So my choices were limited.

And then. Then I had idea. Why not talk about ways to be or at least feel happier? There’s all this advice out there that says “choose happiness”. I’m not knocking the advice entirely but when you suffer from depression or a number of other mental illnesses, it’s not that easy to just choose it (believe me, we would if we could). You need small, specific, actionable steps that, when taken separately or in their entirety, can help you feel happier (at least temporarily). They’re not necessarily a cure, long-term, for depression but these steps can alleviate some of it for a day or an afternoon or even an hour.

Which is something. Because when we start feeling good about one aspect of our lives or working on improving one area of self-esteem for even a small amount of time, we can then roll that into working on another and another until we feel good enough to get out of bed or leave the house or start to feel “normal” again. I know that it’s hard to feel productive or ambitious enough to even pick up a pen when you’re in the throes of depression but please believe me that it’s worth it to try. And if all you do is try, then you’re halfway there and you should be proud of yourself. Just try again tomorrow.

I’ll be here for you whenever you’re ready.

Now, a quick disclaimer: this series is not at all intended to be a substitute for a certified mental health professional. It is intended to simply provide things you can do, at home, as a supplement. If you are seeking professional help, please continue to do so.

Another quick note: I really struggled with what to call this series. While it’s coming from a place of battling depression, it’s not intended for only people like me. It’s intended for anyone who’s working on improving themselves, their self-esteem or just wants to a few extra ways to feel good. All of the action steps can do that, too. So please stick with me.

And finally, I’ll be working on all the steps along with you. I have a long way to go in my happiness and self-esteem journey and these steps will provide me with a playbook as well. So be prepared to read all about what I’m doing this month.

By now you’re probably thinking that you want to know what today’s task is. Well, it’s a simple one. Today, for day 1, the only step you need to take is committing to working through the challenge the best that you can. That’s it. Just commit to working on as many of the steps as you can. If your only step is to bookmark this post or the main series page with a promise to yourself that you’ll work on it later, then that’s fine. This is your progress. I’m not going anywhere.

If you’re participating in the series and blog about it, please share the link (I’ll have a link widget at the bottom of each post). If you are participating and don’t feel comfortable blogging about it or you don’t have a blog, you can join the conversation on Facebook. Or just do it privately. No pressure.

Oh, last thing. I’m not calling it 31 Days to Feel Happier because that’s total bullshit. That’s making a promise that I’m not sure I can keep. But 31 actionable, clear steps that can be worked on your own time frame that will make you feel happier at some point? That’s a promise I can keep.

About that time I stood up for myself, asked a question, and got what I wanted

September 27, 2013 by Jana 7 Comments

Those who know me in person may find this next statement hard to believe but I’m going to say it anyway–I have a hard time standing up for myself.

Yes, it’s true that I’m outspoken, but often, when someone does something rude or inconsiderate or hurtful, I don’t say anything. I internalize it, keep it to myself and blow up at inappropriate times. Or maybe I stuff it down by eating another pumpkin chocolate chip muffin (since I have approximately 13,000 in my house). Or maybe I use it as another way to beat myself up and say that perhaps I deserve to be treated that way because I clearly did something wrong.

It does wonders for my self-esteem, let me tell you.

By not standing up for myself, not only do I hurt myself mentally but I also wind up inconveniencing myself. For instance, if I place an order for something–let’s use food as an example because why not–and it comes out wrong, I typically will not say anything. I will just deal with the problem because a) I’m convinced that something awful will happen to my food if I send it back (I *might* have paranoia issues sometimes) and b) I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

I do this more often than I care to admit, and oftentimes, I just take the wrong product because I have limited time to wait for the right one and the wrong one is better than none at all. Then I profusely apologize when I have a crappy business card (this happened at one full-time job) or an ill-fitting wedding dress (yup, that happened) or whatever else. I do vote with my voice and let people know not to go to XYZ company or eat at 123 restaurant and I also won’t give them any more of my money. Word of mouth is essential when you live in a small state so if I mention that a local company is crap, news travels fast.

But I never let the right people know.

Most of the time.

Sometimes, though, I decide that I’ve had enough and I really don’t have the time or patience to deal with a problem. Also, my bank account is exhausted. It can’t really take any additional hits. Which is why, this past week, I stood up for myself on two-TWO–separate occasions! And I was successful in getting done what I needed!

Time #1–The Library

For the 9 years I lived in my old house, I had a regular library that I used. Getting there took about 10 minutes, maybe 15 or 20 if the traffic was really heavy. So, not too bad. Now that I’ve moved, I live approximately 45 minutes from that library. That’s too damn far, especially when I another branch 15 minutes from my new house. So, when I got a notice that books I had on hold (The Silver Star by Jeanette Walls and Serena by Ron Rash, for those who are interested) were available at my old library, I was frustrated. I really didn’t want to have to drive to that branch. It’s a waste of time, I already spend way too much money on gas thanks to living in the middle of no where and cheer competitions, and we really need to save the mileage on my car thanks to the lease restrictions (side note: I will NEVER lease a car again. It was something that had to be done due to a major financial pinch a few years ago but never, ever again).

So I made a phone call. And I asked if the books could be transferred to the new, closer branch. And they said yes! Who knew? Now I get my books and I get to save on all the areas I need to save.

Time #2–The Gym

Because the husband has a gym in his office building and works hours that don’t allow him the opportunity to use our YMCA, we removed him from our membership (hooray for saving money). For whatever reason, that caused a glitch in the Y’s system and they charged us twice this month for our membership fee. I noticed it because I compulsively check our bank account (we had some issues with compromised information at our alma mater as well as a stolen card number last year so I keep a pretty close watch on our account). The other day, I went to the front desk to ask what happened, and I was told that the money would be refunded.

Imagine my surprise when 3 days later, no refund had been issued. So I called again. And spoke to a very pleasant, helpful lady who figured out why I had no refund and actually processed it this time. She even emailed me a receipt! We’ll get our money back in a day or two. Just in time to pay for October, too.

The Difference

Because I’m trying to work on improving myself, this includes standing up for myself and asking questions when I’ve lost money or need to be inconvenienced. I’m trying to recognize that sometimes, it’s okay to want things to be easy for me (also, I deserve my money back). The worst people can tell me is no. Then I’m in the situation I didn’t want but I can at least assure myself that I tried.

In these two situations, the main difference between present Jana and past Jana is that I got the confidence, and took the initiative, to actually make the phone calls. In the past, I would have put the onus on me to work out the problem instead of asking for help. But in the present, I acknowledge that that’s ridiculous. So I did it. And I got the results I wanted. Which gives me confidence to do it again.

Note: Make no mistake. If someone messes with my kid, I absolutely will not tolerate it. I will get in their face if I have to. You do NOT hurt my child in any way and get away with it. Same with my animals. Sometimes my husband but he’s bigger than me so it’s more intimidating if he stands up for himself. But all 5’3″ of me will be right behind him.

How about you? Are you good about standing up for yourself in situations?

A few reasons to embrace minimalism

September 25, 2013 by Jana 11 Comments

On the Jana Says Facebook page, I recently asked what 10 beauty/makeup items would you keep if you could only have 10 items for the next 10 years (there were some great answers and I'd love to hear yours so please hop on over there and leave a comment). My list included:

One of those chunky eyeliner/eye shadow combo things
Mascara
Tinted lip balm
Moisturizer
Bath and Body Works paraffin hand lotion
My flat iron
Ponytail holders
Nail polish colors I'm Not Really a Waitress (OPI) and Chocolate Kisses (Essie)
An emery board

I didn't include items like soap, shampoo, razors, etc, because I put those in a different category. And borrowing of other items is permitted for special occasions.

(Note: Another exercise I do in my own head is figuring out what I would pack if I had to move in two hours and could only take with me what would fit in the trunk of my car. We can talk about that another day if you'd like.)

The reason I asked the question is because I am becoming increasingly interested in the concept of minimalism. I am intrigued by things like the 40 hanger closet. The idea of having a small amount of items that are meaningful, purchased consciously, used regularly and are of good quality rather than spontaneously purchased junk thrills me. The thought of having one main product–like my iPad–which is multifunctional and portable is lovely.

And while I dwelled on the idea of minimalism, I started thinking about the reasons why I love the idea. And I came up with these main reasons:

Organization

I have learned that one of the best ways to manage my anxiety–which is a trigger for my depression–is to keep my house clean and organized. When I can look at a room, see everything put away, and items that belong in that room are, in fact, the only items in that room, it eases my mind. It makes me feel at peace. Which is extremely important.

Staying organized is hard. There are so many systems and ideas and methods to follow that it can be overwhelming. Overwhelming picking out which one to follow, where to start, and how to maintain. While the simplest advice is “pick what works for you”, I figure that for me, the method that works the best is to not have too much stuff. Beause the less items we have, the easier it is to stay organized as there's less to attend to and less clutter to keep in check.

Narrows choices

I have tremendous difficulty making decisions. Not big, major ones, but small ones like which nail polish color should I use this week or what socks should I wear or water or iced tea. It's annoying, actually, to get paralyzed by small mundane choices. I've realized, though, that part of the reason I get dumbfounded by the choices is I just have too much stuff to choose from. It's like walking into a supermarket and deciding what cereal to buy and you have no coupon to help push you in a direction. There are so many options you just know that you'll make a choice and then immediately doubt yourself.

Only having a few items to choose from helps eliminate that self doubt. You know that everything you have was intentionally purchased and you love it, so there is no regret. Each decision is a good one. And it doesn't take 20 minutes to make, which saves time. That's good, too.

Saves money

I don't even know how many thousands of dollars I have wasted over the last few years buying stuff that I liked in the store or at the counter, used once, and then never touched again because it either fell apart, was sheer crap, washed poorly, or dozens of other reasons. Or they were given away, donated, or thrown out because I purchased many of these items on a whim and never got around to using them.

It's actually quite sad.

Which is why it makes no sense to me anymore to purchase something just to purchase it. It's foolish. Embracing the concept of buying things intentionally forces you to think about where your dollars really are going and it forces you to think about the value of the item in your life. It eliminates shopping as a hobby, which saves money and reduces clutter. And when you are spending money on the unimportant, it doesn't leave much left for the important.

The fourth aspect of minimalism that I like is that it just saves time. Time not spent cleaning and putting things away. Time not spent shopping for crap. Time not spent deciding what to wear so people you don't care about are impressed with how you look. Not spending time on that gives more time for the hobbies, work, people, and anything else you truly love. Time is something that's hard to get back. Why waste it?

I'm not sure that I can ever become a complete minimalist. I live with two other people who don't seem to completely share my ideas. However, I can work on the areas in my control. And I figure that's a start.

How about you? How do you feel about minimalism?

Life lessons from the Emmy awards. And cupcakes!

September 23, 2013 by Jana 9 Comments

Last night, just like we do every year, my husband and I watched the Emmys (well, this year we took a break in the middle to watch Breaking Bad. Breaking Bad > Emmys). And, just like we do every year, my husband and I bet on who would win awards. Although this year, since our printer still isn’t hooked up and the app I downloaded sucked, my husband hand wrote the ballot and we made our selections with a highlighter. The fun part about that was the fact that my husband has atrocious handwriting and is careless with his spelling so when I was making my picks, I had to ask him who Juan Baton and Jom Parsnip were (Jason Bateman and Jim Parsons, respectively).

But that’s besides the point.

Also besides the point but something I need to share is that I won our bet. We don’t bet money, either. We bet something way more important. Crumbs cupcakes. If you’ve never had a Crumbs cupcake, send me your address and I’ll have one mailed to you because the cupcakes are amazing and the company does that kind of stuff. I assure you that once you have one, you’ll understand why our bet was so serious. And why it’s such a big deal that I won.

Jana’s note: Please do not actually send me your address. I’m pretty disorganized when it comes to that stuff and I don’t want to misplace your information that would be on my list of people to whom I need to send Crumbs cupcakes and have the list picked up by an actual serial killer and then he comes to your house because he, too, wants a cupcake and then it’s my fault if something happens to you. I don’t want something to happen to you. Or for it to be my fault.

I think this post is getting away from me a little bit.

Let’s circle back.

Last night, my husband and I watched the Emmys. And just like 2 years ago (go easy on me with that post, please. It was written not long after I started blogging and really, I kind of sucked as a writer and blogger back then. I’m only slightly better now), I learned some things from watching the show that were completely unexpected and important lessons we can apply to our own lives:

Brevity. Last night, one of the winner’s made this speech: “I gotta go. Bye”. Social media erupted, praising Merritt Weaver for her amazing speech because really, there was nothing else to say. Her speech captured the moment perfectly. It was short and to the poing. Not so much sweet, but short and to the point. What we can learn: sometimes, saying just a few words has more impact than droning on for minutes or hours. How many times have you sat in a meeting and your boss or co-worker just kept talking and talking and lost her audience? How many times have you read an email that was just so long winded your eyes glazed over halfway through and you forgot what you read in the beginning? Probably too many to count. So, the next time you’re in a position to communicate something important, remember that brevity and conciseness go a long way.

You won’t always impress everyone. Neil Patrick Harris hosted this year’s show and after seeing what he did with the Tonys that one year I watched because American Idiot was nominated and I wanted to see if it won, I, and probably millions of others, had very high hopes for him as a host. And honestly, I didn’t love what he did. He kind of flopped a bit at times. But that’s fine. Maybe I expected too much. What we can learn: Not everyone will love what you do all the time. You may think you’re doing a great job but there may be expectations that are so high they’re almost impossible to reach and then, inevitably, people will be disappointed. Let it go. Don’t worry about them. It’s one thing to accept their criticism and use it to improve. It’s another to let it destroy your confidence.

Awards aren’t the only validation for success. Every year, there are disappointments. Every year, there are some actors nominated and they never win. Yet when you watch what they do, it doesn’t stop them from doing incredible work or receiving consistent critical acclaim. It doesn’t stop them from having legions of fans. What we can learn: Even if you never win an award for your work, don’t let that stop you from consistently doing the absolute best that you can. Whether it seems like it or not, there are people who take notice and to them, your efforts mean everything. They are the people you need to keep working for, not those who give out awards.

With that said, I’ve gotta go. I have a cupcake to pick out.

I made it! From scratch!

September 18, 2013 by Jana 4 Comments

Last week, I decided to participate in Money Saving Mom’s Make It From Scratch Week. I already make most of our food from scratch but there are some things that I’d been slacking on, so this was a great opportunity (and motivation and incentive) to give it a try (and to restart the pioneer project that kind of fell by the wayside over the summer when we moved). I made it through 4 of the 5 projects I had planned and only one of them turned out terrible. I consider that a major success. And I didn’t have to spend much money to complete the projects, which I also consider a major success.

Here’s what I did, along with the links to the pins that gave me the ideas:

Onion soup mix–I made this so I could make onion dip without those little packets. Either I messed up by using Greek yogurt instead of sour cream or this mix is not intended for that purpose. Doesn’t really matter, though, because it turned out terrible and also the turmeric made it an unappetizing yellow. I do not suggest you follow ink my footsteps and make this. However, if you have a good recipe for homemade onion dip, I’d love to see it.

Breakfast sandwiches–now that we live 15 minutes from my husband’s work, he feels that leaving 10 minutes before he needs to be there is sufficient time. I don’t get that math but math has never really been my strong suit. In any event, he doesn’t eat breakfast at home so in order to make sure that he does, in fact, eat breakfast, I made these so he can just heat them up at work and chow at his desk. And I eat them, too. Also I cooked the eggs in a muffin tin. That was fun.

Oatmeal packets–also a breakfast idea for my husband as I do not eat oatmeal, nor does our daughter. Because we’re smart and oatmeal is gross. In addition to leaving promptly 5 minutes late every day, my husband also does not pack his lunch the night before (please do not get on me to do it. He is a grown man and can put leftovers and fruit in a lunch box by himself) and this way he doesn’t have to spend extra time putting breakfast together, too. He can throw a bag in his lunchbox and heat it up at work. It also gives variety to the breakfast sandwiches.

Salsa–the previous owners of our house didn’t just leave use carpet stains and dog hair. They also left us a dying tomato plant that we’ve brought back to life and now it won’t stop giving us tomatoes. They come off at a rate of about 5000 a day. Before one round went bad, and some have because they produce faster than we can eat them, I decided to make salsa since I actually had all the ingredients in the house. Even fresh cilantro. Which is a pain in the ass to work with.

Glitter barrettes–didn’t get a chance to make these. But they’re on my list for the next installment of Pinterest project Tuesday. Which I totally need to resurrect.

Did you participate in the challenge? What did you make? And would you be interested in following along on my pioneer project?