Life Archives - Page 58 of 96

Pillow talk

January 14, 2015 by Jana 28 Comments

Romance novels and movies have perpetuated this stereotype that at night, couple lay awake, talking to each other about their hopes, dreams, likes, and all the other saccharine sweet stuff that makes you feel like you’ll never connect with someone on that deep of a level.

Let me clear something up.

It’s all bullshit.

And that is why I bring you another installment of Shit My Husband Says: Pillow Talk edition.

Sure, in the beginning, you might have deep conversations, but after being 18+ years into a relationship, this is what your late night chatter really sounds like:

Husband (sticking out his hand, for me to shake): I have a deal for you.

Me: I’m not shaking your hand. I don’t know what you’re going to say and I don’t trust you.

Husband: I promise, it’s nothing bad. I just…have a deal.

Me (with piqued curiosity because this is the man who came home with a truckload of free rocks one time): I’m not shaking your hand. But I do want to know what you’re talking about.

Husband: It involves bread products.

Me: What?

Husband: Well, co-worker’s husband has some free time on his hands when he’s not working. He likes to just stop by places and check out what’s happening. He talks to people. He’s like me. A man about town.

Me: You’re a man about town now? Do you need theme music?

Husband (blatantly ignoring me): Anyway. On one of his stops, he found out that there’s a truck that delivers bread products and leaves them out for people to take for free. I can get us some.

Me: You know that’s there for people who actually need it, right? And aren’t you on a low carb diet? What do you need bread products for?

Husband: It’s for you and Erica. So do you want me to procure them or not?

Me: Not. We’re not taking food away from people who can really use it. And “procure”? Really?

Husband: But no one really knows about it. So it just sits there. I can get the bread products and then they won’t go to waste.

Me: I can post about it. Get the word out.

Husband: Just don’t mention where we live. We don’t want competition for the bread products.

Me (befuddled that he clearly doesn’t understand the concept of “getting the word out”): Stop saying “bread products”. It’s annoying. And we won’t have competition. Because you don’t need to ask him to pick some up for us.

Husband (ignoring everything I’ve said): Okay. But when I come home with bread products, don’t think I stole them.

At that point, I said good night and rolled over and went to bed.

Because sometimes, I just can’t with him.

Romance isn’t dead in my marriage but it’s definitely taken a long vacation.

And I’m willing to bet you’re feeling a little better about your relationship right about now.

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Currently

January 9, 2015 by Jana 22 Comments

Given the serious nature of the this week’s posts, as well as some of the ones I have planned for the upcoming weeks, and the fact that I had a pretty prolonged absence, I thought I’d share with you guys what’s currently going on in my life.

Currently…I’ve been feeling old. Not only have I been getting notifications for my twenty year high school reunion but John Smoltz, Craig Biggio, Randy Johnson, and Pedro Martinez–players who I watched when I was in my teens and twenties–were elected to the baseball Hall of Fame, Green Day is going into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and I have shirts older than college freshmen. I also find it mildly alarming that when I hear someone is 50, that is less shocking than finding out someone is 25 even though my age, 37, is in the middle. Pardon me while I weep for a minute.

Currently…I’ve been binge watching The Shield and Rescue Me. Like I wondered with The Wire, I genuinely don’t know what I was thinking when I didn’t watch these during their live runs. I might be getting less done during the day and at night, but it’s worth it. If you don’t have the time for two, start with Rescue Me. It’s freaking fantastic and Sean Garrity, played by Steven Pasquale (who can also sing his ass off and the next time he is on Broadway, I WILL be going to see him. And for those who watch current TV, which I clearly do not, he’s on this season of The Good Wife) is in my top 5 TV characters of all time. The show is worth watching simply for him and his banter with Mike the probie is reminiscent of Matt and Landry from FNL and that’s some of the best ever. We just finished Season 4 and it was kind of a mess but I’m not giving up on it. Mainly because of Garrity. I’m not ready to let him leave my life yet.

Currently…I love this hand lotion. I wish Bath and Body Works made all the things in this scent. I would buy all of it. In vats and gallons. Even the body wash. And I don’t use scented body wash.

Currently…I am in the middle of Cary Elwes’s book As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride. I’ll have a detailed review in next week’s Show Us Your Books linkup (on Tuesday, January 13). All I can say now is this is closing in on joining the ranks with Rick Springfield’s and Nikki Sixx’s memoirs as my favorite celebrity memoirs. I’m also reading The Journalist and The Murderer, which is supposed to be a book that Serial fans would enjoy. And you guys know I love me some Serial. I don’t quite know how I feel about the book yet.

Currently…I cannot believe that Dobie is 9 today. My daughter calls him a goat because he eats EVERYTHING (and that once resulted in a very expensive, late night trip to the emergency room) but he is the sweetest, most lovable dog ever. He loves to play fetch and run in the snow and ride in the car and give kisses and has no future as a guard dog but that’s okay. I could not be happier that he’s part of our family.

Currently…I’m trying to warm up because holy fuck is it cold and I don’t like the cold. I haven’t felt my toes in about 2 days despite wearing socks and slippers. Even my outdoor cat is refusing to stay outside. This coldness is bullshit.

Currently…I’m happy to be writing again. It feels good.

I think that about covers it. Have a great weekend! See you on Monday!

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Choose Your Own Adventure: Simplify in December, Create in January

January 8, 2015 by Jana 20 Comments

Can I say how much I love all the choose your own adventure challenges? Not only do they help keep me focused (which, let’s face it, it’s in short supply these last few months) but being able stay focused while picking my own rules for doing so is basically the best way to go.

When the topic for simplify came up for December, I planned to apply it to blogging. And did I ever! In fact, I simplified so much that I didn’t blog for almost 3 weeks. It was necessary to do, given my mental health situation, and man, did it feel good. I mean, I missed writing and reading blogs and chatting with people during the day but all the other pressure? Gone. The ideas for posts kept flowing, I gained new perspective on what I want to do with the blog, and I realized that I need to go back to my blogging roots. Whatever those are, I’m not quite sure, but I do know that I need to stop obsessing about all the parts that stressed me out.

I don’t blog for stats and likes and shares. I don’t blog to compare myself to other bloggers. It’s not why I started and it’s not why I need to keep going.

I blog because I love to write, I love to share my story, and writing has always been my dream job. While I don’t get paid for it (yet. Fingers crossed that it changes), I’ve realized that my blog is a step, a big one, towards achieving that dream. That’s what I need to remember, along with the fact that blogging is a way to connect with people I might not have otherwise had the chance to connect with.

That’s the important stuff.

The other important stuff is my simplified blogging plan.

The specifics: I’ve decided that I will no longer blog 5 days per week. If I have enough to say, I might blog 4 but for the foreseeable future, I’ll be blogging on a Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule. I’ll be sharing some old posts on Facebook and Pinterest on the days I’m not publishing new content and hopefully, by the end of the month, I’ll have a newsletter established for a special series I wanted to share on the blog but for now, will only be sharing with those who want to read it. I don’t want to shove it down your throats.

This simplified blogging schedule will also allow me time to work on editing my first book. Publishing a novel has been a goal of mine for as long as I can remember and it’s time to stop thinking about it and start actually doing it. And trust when I say the book needs A LOT of work. On another note, if anyone else is working on a big project and wants an accountability partner, let me know because I’m all for that.

The two new projects, editing and starting the newsletter, also fit in with the theme of this month’s challenge: COMPLETE. For me, it’s important that I complete the first pass of editing as well as complete the set up for the newsletter. Not only to keep me in content and connecting with readers but as a self-esteem boost. I haven’t completed a project in years. I’m hoping this will help me gain momentum I desperately need.

Also on tap for this month’s challenge, complete the update of my photo frames in my living room as well as the decor in my daughter’s playroom. We organized the shit out of it over my break and now it’s time to make it look a little nicer. I have some ideas, too, and I can’t wait to share them!

If I haven’t yet said it, thanks for sticking with me through all of this. I appreciate it more than I can say and I’m hoping, in the coming months, to have lots of good stuff for you guys.

Are you participating in this month’s challenge? If so, what are you working on?

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On getting rid of perfection

January 5, 2015 by Jana 17 Comments

How to Fold the Perfect Fitted Sheet

How to Make the Perfect Cookie

How to Scramble Eggs Perfectly

How to Host the Perfect Party

How to Write the Perfect Blog Post

How to Craft the Perfect Blog Title

These are examples of actual pins that have come across my Pinterest feed. Often. As in every day. And quite frankly, I can’t handle the word “perfect” any more.

I’m not sure when the pressure to be perfect set in. I’m even less sure as to when everyone started thinking that they had the solution on how to be perfect. Because I don’t even know what perfect means. It’s such a subjective word. What’s perfect for you isn’t perfect for me and vice versa. So how are so many people all of a sudden authorities on being perfect? How can they tell me what to do?

And why is it so important to be perfect? Why can’t it be good enough just to be good enough? Just to try your best?

I don’t know about you, but when I see that word, perfect, I don’t see something to strive for. I don’t see success and hard work and a beautiful, awe inspiring end result.

I see pressure.

I see a standard I can’t achieve.

I see never having self-acceptance, never being satisfied, and never being happy.

I don’t like living like that. It’s too hard. It’s too emotionally draining.

So I’m done with perfect. And you should be, too.

Because perfection isn’t that important.

No, what’s important is trying your hardest to get through. To do what you can within your limits and your standards.

The standards you set for yourself. No matter how high or low they might be to someone else.

Because when you strive for perfection as set by societal normal or blogger edicts or Buzzfeed decrees, it begets depression, intimidation, sadness, and frustration.

But when you strive to do your best according to your morals, values, and goals, even if it results in imperfection according to everyone else, you get satisfaction, happiness, productivity, and gratitude.

I’m aiming for those. Because I’d rather be happy with burned cookies than be sad with perfect ones.

Life is what happens inside the imperfections.

And I’m completely fine with that.

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Break time

December 18, 2014 by Jana 20 Comments

It’s not a secret around these parts that I have depression. And lately, for reasons I cannot explain (but wish I could), it’s been coming at me in full force. As in, I’m chronically tired, have no motivation to do anything (including eat), randomly burst into tears at inappropriate moments, and generally don’t give a shit about anything. I’m doing my best to fake it, mostly for my kid, but I’m pretty sure at this point, even she can tell something is off.

I haven’t felt this bad in a long, long time. And the harder I try to feel better, the worse it gets. My husband suggested that I look into getting a new therapist and, because he has to live with me, I think it’s probably a good idea. However, our new insurance starts in less than 3 weeks so it’s just a better choice to wait it out than start and have to switch everything with the doctor’s office.

Which leaves me three weeks of floundering.

And it means I need to take some time off from blogging.

I just can’t keep up right now. The linkups and the posting and the commenting and all the other stuff, it’s just too overwhelming. And then I get frustrated and upset and angry and all the self-doubt and negative self-talk set in which sets off the depression even more.

It’s an ugly cycle. One I’m trying to break.

There’s also this: I have lost my blogging way. When I started blogging in 2011, I knew my purpose. I knew why I wanted to write and what I wanted to write about and I didn’t care about stats, likes, shares, comments, and followers. I wrote to get my message out. I wrote because I love writing. I wrote because I have an innate need to do so. And the last year, it’s gone awry. I don’t know who I’m writing for anymore or what my message is. I care about things that shouldn’t mean anything and don’t care about the things that do. The quality of my posts is declining and I’m becoming way too apathetic to be any sort of decent blogger.

You guys, my beloved and amazing readers, deserve more than that.

I figure this is a great time to take a break. My daughter is off from school for two weeks, my husband has an entire week (9 days, if you count the weekends) off from work, and I’d like to enjoy being with my family every day instead of spending hours on the computer (something that I absolutely do because blogging, when it’s not giving me anxiety, is pretty damn fun). Not only that, I need to regain my purpose, my message, my reason for blogging.

I can only do that if I step away.

Even though I won’t be here, I’ll be hard at work. I have plans and ideas that I’m fleshing out and when I do return, after New Year’s, I hope you’ll still be here and be able to reap the benefits of my hard work. I don’t want to give too much away but suffice it to say, the stuff that’s coming? It’ll be worth the wait.

I’m not going away entirely. You might find me commenting on your blogs and I’ll still be sharing links on Facebook, posting pictures on Instagram, occasionally stopping by Twitter, and if you’re on Pinterest, you can follow me (and join my Blogging Friends group board. If you want. No pressure) so you won’t have to miss me too much.

Thanks for everything you’ve given to me this year. The support, the love, the friendships. My blogging experience has shifted so much over the last year and I’m excited for the direction it’s going. I can’t wait to share it with you.

Have a wonderful Christmas, a happy New Year, and I’ll see you soon!

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Pillow talk

Currently

Choose Your Own Adventure: Simplify in December, Create in January

On getting rid of perfection

Break time

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