Life Archives - Page 42 of 96

Tuesday confessional brain dump

October 27, 2015 by Jana 33 Comments

Sometimes my mind is a messy, disorganized place (kind of like my laundry room. And my living room. And my to-read list). And sometimes, in order to get everything back in order, I need to do a massive brain dump, like how you need to make a bigger mess of your closet in order to organize it.

So consider this a confessional brain dump of sorts (on a Tuesday because I’m not even sure if the Wednesday confessions linkup even exists anymore since Kathy ~~abandoned us~~ stopped doing it):

Sometimes I get mad at my husband for things he does in my dreams.
I really need to put a GoPro on my cat because WHERE THE FUCK DOES SHE GO ALL DAY?!
Are there people who actually wash, dry, fold, and put away laundry all in the same day?
Despite the fact that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, I’d really like to skip ahead to mid-December. Too much pain this year.
Common Core math is absolute bullshit and I totally teach my daughter to do math the way I learned. Mostly because I can’t understand what she’s learning at school.
Speaking of the child, I’m totally half-assing her Halloween costume this year. I mean, I mostly half-ass it every year but this year, she’s going as a vet. I’m even trying to talk her out of the zombie makeup she wants so she can be a zombie vet because OMG, I just can’t.
I get abnormally excited when I see Lou Diamond Phillips in new movies and TV shows.
Speaking of TV, I’ve been watching The Flash with the child because WENTWORTH MILLER IS BACK ON TV. Also, he’s in two shows that’ll be on next year. All is right with the world and his beautiful face is the only way to get me to watch anything superhero or comic book related.
This Saturday, we’re supposed to go to an after trick-or-treating party at a neighbor’s house but World Series. I’m seriously plotting a way to use that so I don’t have to go. The Husband says they’ll have the game on. But they are all Phillies fans. I can’t deal with that nonsense.
You know how they have all those clips of movie scenes of people dancing and people with skills take the clips and merge them into one long video set to songs like “Shut Up and Dance”? I want someone to do one of all the times celebrities fall down. Then I want People magazine or another tabloid to use that in their “Celebrities Are Just Like Us” section. I don’t care what they buy at Whole Foods. I want to see them trip and land on their faces or do the trip and run. THAT would make me feel kindred.
I have about 203473234 tabs of posts and articles I want to read open on my phone. Instead of reading them, I keep opening more. It’s a sickness.
I am abnormally good at Clue. I’m not sure what to make of this discovery.
I feel this way about a ridiculous amount of people lately:

Anything you’d like to share with me?

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This week in…: Volume 37

October 23, 2015 by Jana 35 Comments

Every time I see the number 37, I think of the movie Clerks. I’m not the only one, right? RIGHT?!

Anyway. Weekly recap stuff.

Didn’t finish any books not for work but currently reading You Too Can Have a Body Like Mine. Picked up Infinite Home, Ready Player One, the new Nickolas Butler, and an eBook (Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly). Hopefully all will be read in time for the next Show Us Your Books on November 10th. And congrats to Kate and Kristen for winning the one year anniversary giveaway!
Started volunteering in the library at the child’s school. Told the other volunteer I like books more than people. She was not amused. #sorrynotsorry But guys, if you have a kid and you have the time, offer to go in and help the librarian. School libraries are so crucial and the librarians work really hard. No, it’s not the most glamorous or fun job like chaperoning a field trip, but I can guarantee you it’ll be appreciated.
NATIONAL LEAGUE CHAMPIONS, BITCHES!!! #LGM
Also currently dogsitting for a little dachshund I’ve named Houseguest (not her real name). Freaked out a litte behind her owners’ backs because when they dropped her off, the brought her and her food. No dish, no bed, no toys (no leash because she’s always off leash. Her legs are so small and she’s old so it’s not like she’s going anywhere). I mean, who does that?? Here, watch my dog but I’m going to give you absolutely nothing she needs for you to take care of her for 5 days. Made me mad.
Speaking of dogs, Barkley went to the vet for his yearly appointment. The growth on his leg that forced him into the cone of shame (if you follow me on Instagram, you saw the pathetic picture)? Easily removable through a little minor surgery. YAY!!
Created my own personal online scheduler for appointments and phone calls. Because obviously I’m important now.
Worked through an unexpected pantry challenge because getting to the supermarket has been near impossible. It’s amazing what you can come up with to eat when you have to use what’s in the house. Makes you realize that sometimes, maybe we have too much.
Made my friend Mackenzie’s pumpkin dip but subsituted honey for maple syrup since we had none on hand. SO EASY. Here’s the recipe: 1 cup canned pumpkin, 1 package cream cheese (softened), 3 tbsp honey or syrup, 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon. Mix (I used my electric hand mixer). We used apples as the dipper but you can really use anything you want.
Read some fun internet things: This list is filled with some of my all-time favorites: 5 films that turned 30 this year (and why you should care). An amazing story, actually written in April but discovered by me this week, on how a Mets fan turned his pain as a fan (and trust me, it is painful to be a Mets fan) into a lucrative business. All the truths in this one: 10 reasons your house will never look like a home goods catalog. Malls: one of the staples of my teenage years. This is a cool photo projects about what malls looked like in 1989 and how they haven’t changed all that much. Major props to the chick rocking the Skid Row t-shirt.
We’re supposed to go pumpkin picking this weeked but this about sums it up:

Hope you guys have a great weekend! I’ll be catching up on sleep and reading since no baseball and no cheerleading competitions. See you Tuesday!

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I don’t care enough to think of a clever title

October 20, 2015 by Jana 44 Comments

While I try to pay attention to pop culture, and thanks to Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and all the other place, I know more about it than I probably should, there’s a whole lot I simply don’t care about. And whether not caring makes me old or weird or snobby or not snobby enough or some combination of those or something else, I just cannot bring myself to give any shits to things like:

The new Twilight book. I never read the original ones, never saw the movies, and this one will fall into the deep recesses of my memory in the file “things I once knew but didn’t care enough to remember”.
Anything related to Harry Potter (sorry, Amanda).
The news Star Wars movie.
Football. Fantasy football. Football weather. Fuck football. (I’ve said this before, in a similar post I’ve written. There might be some repeats. We can put that on the list of things I don’t care about, too.)
Gilmore Girls being on Netflix. Or the possible planned reunion. See also: most other late 90s, early 00s shows.
The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Scandal, Empire, any reality show, and a whole host of others. I like my TV but those don’t do it for me.
How much money other people make at their jobs. If you make good money, good for you. If you don’t, I’m sorry (but if you’re making it work, then I am impressed and you should share what you’re doing because many can learn from you). But it’s not a competition and we’re all adults and your paycheck doesn’t determine your worth in my life. See also: blogging stats. There are zero fucks to give.
Playboy doing away with nude photographs. I feel like this is something I should care about but…meh.
Celebrities’ opinions on societal inequities or politics or whatever. Do I like when they share their personal struggles? Yes. Do I like when they actively try to make a difference? Yes. But do I care what they think when they’re not dealing with an issue or exerting any effort to affect change and they’re talking because they’re self-important douchecanoes? No.
What people I randomly follow on Twitter are sharing. I turned OFF my notifications. Why you still telling me, Twitter?
When my husband gets a haircut. Sorry, husband. I love but your haircuts do nothing for me. I care more when you shave. Because no one wants to kiss stubble.

What are some things that make you say I don’t give a fuck?

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This week in…: Volume 35

October 16, 2015 by Jana 13 Comments

Finished Did You Ever Have a Family and Thirteen Ways of Looking. Picked up Jesse Eisenberg’s book of short stories and also started Who Do You Love. Thanks to everyone who joined us for the one year anniversary of Show Us Your Books and there’s still time left to enter the giveaway! Next linkup is November 10. Second Tuesday of the month, per usual.
Completed 1 of 10 fall projects, the TBR Jar. Because of course I started with the one about reading. I made some modifications to Heather’s version. For instance, instead of a Mason jar, I used an old pencil cup I had on hand as well as popsicle sticks for the titles rather than scraps of paper. I took to ye old Goodreads list for what to add, and it’s color coded only for nonfiction. I used different Sharpie colors for the rest mostly because it was pretty.
Watched almost nothing because my TV time has been exclusively devoted to baseball. First of all, fuck you, Chase Utley. Second of all, the Mets are making me crazy. I’m used to a certain level of frustration being a lifelong Mets fan, but this is ridiculous. As of this writing (Thursday morning), we’re going into a game 5 that shouldn’t even exist. And they need to win because I don’t want staying up WAY past my bedtime to be for nothing. Edited on Friday AM–THEY WON!! Daniel Murphy, I heart you.
Watched the child land her back handspring. I can’t even express what a victory that was (no joke. She’s been working on it for months. MONTHS. Many tears have been shed from not being able to do it). Now we just need her to stick the landing every time so she doesn’t look like a big heap of cheerleading mess. Or get hurt or break something.
Stopped keeping track of my cat’s body count. It’s too high and also, it’s gross. My cat is a serial killer.
Went all fangirl crazy when I saw that Dean Bakopoulos left a comment on one of my posts. Yes. That guy. The one whose books I am always cramming down your throats because they’re just that good. #authorsaremyrockstars And since he followed me back on Twitter a few weeks ago, we’re clearly besties now.
Downloaded The List App. I know that no one NEEDS another app in their life but trust me, get this one. Especially if you love lists. Also, it’s BJ Novak’s project. So that’s cool.
Read some pretty interesting stories around the interwebs. This one about a guy who lives in his car (it’s not what you think). Two stories on gun violence, the first an open letter to Congress from a mass shooting survivor, the second is an analysis by Malcolm Gladwell of how school shootings have spread. And also this list of 18 academic papers about 90s TV shows (why didn’t I think of this in grad school?!)
Laughed at this

That’s all for this week. Busy weekend ahead, between cheerleading and the husband’s birthday. I mean how can you not celebrate the man behind this:

You know, if I opened a hot dog restaurant, I would just tell people to go home, cook a hot dog, take $10, set it on fire, and then eat the hot dog.

Have a great weekend everyone! See you on Tuesday!

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On pregnancy loss

October 15, 2015 by Jana 32 Comments

Seven.

That’s how many years it took to get pregnant again.

Eleven.

That’s how many days I got be pregnant again before I miscarried.

Six.

That’s how many months have passed since my miscarriage.

Fifty.

That’s how many books I’ve read to keep my mind occupied during the empty spaces when my mind wanders to what could have been.

Two.

That’s how many failed infertility treatments I had over the summer. There would have been more except money ran out and emotions ran too high.

Countless.

That’s how many tears I’ve shed thinking about my child I’ll never get to meet.

Dozens.

That’s how many people I’ve talked to who’ve been through something similar (including my friend Jeff). Not surprising, though, because roughly 1 in 4 women experience miscarriage.

Daily.

That’s how often I blame myself for what happen, even though in my head I know it’s not my fault. It typically difficult to pinpoint the cause for one and I know blaming myself doesn’t change or help anything but yet I do it.

The rest of my life.

That’s how long I’ll continue to mourn. I know over time, like any loss, it’ll get better but it’ll still be there.

One.

That’s how many children I have and will have. And I feel lucky and blessed that I got the one I did. For so many reasons.

I know my story isn’t unique. There are hundreds of thousands of women like me. And the fact that we’re still so afraid to talk about miscarriage frustrates me. Because it’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s something that happens. Instead of keeping it a dirty little secret, we need to be supporting each other, comforting each other, and being there to help one another through our grief.

How to help is difficult. It’s hard to know what to say to someone. There are lots of things you shouldn’t say like “Everything happens for a reason” or “At least you know you can get pregnant!” or “You can always adopt”. Why these are wrong and completely unhelpful is a post unto itself. And if you say them to someone experiencing a miscarriage, know that we know you mean well. There’s no malicious intent. But those statements still hurt. What would be more helpful is “I’m so sorry” or “I’m here if you need to talk” or “Is there anything I can do?” or simply just bring us tissues and let us cry or talk about it, even if it might be uncomfortable to hear.

That’s what we need.

What else do we need?

We need people to stop asking “when are you having kids” or “why only the one” and my personal favorite, “you’re so lucky you only have one” (yes, I’ve had that said to me. Yes, I had to refrain from launching into a tirade). A) it’s none of your fucking business and B) if you need to make it your business, quit assuming it’s by choice. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. But you don’t need to concern yourself with anyone else’s reproductive issues or choices. Even if you’re related.

We need to destigmatize miscarriage and bring into discussion so we can get those dealing with it the help and support they need. Just like with mental health, keeping it secret because of shame or discomfort doesn’t make it go away. And I’m grateful to celebrities like Gabrielle Union and Mark Zuckerberg for openly discussing their fertility and miscarriage issues. For whatever reason, in this country, it takes celebrities to discuss issues to make the rest of us feel like it’s okay to talk about. But with this, if that’s what it takes, then that’s what it takes.

We also need more stories like my friend Justine’s, who shares what it’s like to know you’ll never have a child and to learn to accept it. We’re saturated with stories of people who tried and tried and then, miraculously, they had a baby. And then another. And then another. We’re bombarded with the message that if you never give up hope, a baby is in your future. But that’s not always the case and women need to know that you can still live a full and happy life without children (Note: I’m only referencing the women who want to have kids and can’t. Those who choose to remain childfree have a different set of issues to contend with).

We need people to know it’s okay to grieve openly. To talk about their losses. To know that “miscarriage” is not a dirty word.

If you’ve experienced a miscarriage, please know that you’re not alone. You don’t have to grieve in isolation. I’m here for you, even if we’ve never met.

And know that your baby, your pregnancy, no matter how brief, mattered. Just like mine did.

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. If you can, please light a candle at 7PM in your time zone (I think that’s how it works. I’m struggling with understanding) to create a wave of light for all the babies gone too soon.

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Tuesday confessional brain dump

This week in…: Volume 37

I don’t care enough to think of a clever title

This week in…: Volume 35

On pregnancy loss

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