Confession: About a year ago, I submitted a few posts to a very large, popular website, at their request, after I had contacted them about being a regular contributor.  I sent my stuff and then never heard from them again.

Guys. I got ghosted.

I never thought I’d say that but there it is.

My confidence took a huge shot in the ass but looking at it objectively now, it really was for the best. I am decidedly not a good fit over there. However, I don’t want the posts hibernating in perpetuity so I’m sharing it today. Side note: part of this is a companion/precursor to this post. 

Hope you like it more than the website did. 

Can you identify the moment or experience that made you feel like a real, actual adult? 

I can’t. 

Because in my 38 years, there wasn’t one specific, exact moment that did it. For me, it was an accumulation of events over about dozen years. Things like: 

• The first summer I had a job in an office, not at a camp.
• The first fall I didn’t have to buy school supplies or stress about my class schedule.
• Picking a health insurance plan.
• Setting up a retirement account.
• Eating a bowl of Raisin Bran. And enjoying it.
• Learning to pay attention to my money–including what things cost–and making decisions based on that.
• Realizing I need a will. And a burial plot.
• Telling my dad not to touch the thermostat in my house. 
• Bringing my daughter home from the hospital.
• Clipping coupons and remembering to bring them along on a shopping trip.
• Getting overly excited at having received a Dyson for Christmas. See also: new stove
• Making doctor appointments for health problems that definitely weren’t there when I was a kid.
• Dealing with a hangover for 3 days instead of 3 hours. 
• Being able to do the things I want and not have to do the things I don’t.
• Purposefully and intentionally paying attention to current events.
• Actually using the phrase “kids today”. And referring to 20 year olds. 
• Asking my daughter to turn down her music.
• Debating the merits of a 4 door car versus a 2 door.

Admittedly, some of those just make me seem old and not necessarily an adult but for all intents and purposes, let’s just say they go hand in hand.  

Looking at the list, it’s obvious that my progression to adulthood included becoming more responsible, self-sufficient, and making better, more practical choices. You know, the stuff you watched your parents do. It still amazes me that I do all those things. Not necessarily every day, but most days. And while the items on the list definitely contributed to progression into adulthood, it wouldn’t have been complete without a shift in mindset. 

My mindset shift happened in two phases over the same dozen years. The first was realizing that I actually AM an adult. It was something I kept denying but one day, like Michael Scott declaring bankruptcy, I just said screw it, accepted my fate, and declared I was an adult. That declaration forced me to own the fact that on paper, by age, and according to laws, I was, in fact, a real live grown up. 

That’s some scary shit. 

But I had to accept it. It wasn’t going away. 

Adulthood was permanent. 

Once I accepted my adulthood, that’s when the second mindset shift happened. That one involved me saying something along the lines of “holy crap! I’m an adult! I can do whatever I want! I get to make my own rules!”

Because for me, the best part of my progression into adulthood, was not a specific benchmark or event, but the moment I took ownership of my life and my decisions and realized I can create my life to be anything I want it to be. 

I get to pick where I live.

I can do whatever I want for a living.

I define my style.

I can say no to plans and obligations and invitations.

I can eat only bacon for breakfast. Or Fritos. Or cake. Or all 3.

Of course, all the regular adult responsibilities go along with the luxury of creating the life I want. But I still get to do it. 

You can’t beat that. 

I realize my progression towards adulthood isn’t reflective or representative of everyone else’s. Some naturally grow into it sooner, some are thrown into it by circumstance, some wait way longer, and for others, the defining characteristics look completely different. 

But that’s the shining beacon of adulthood. 

It’s your life and you can define it however you choose.