Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

I can’t but I can

by Jana 31 Comments

I don’t know if the confessions linkup is still a thing and I don’t generally participate because I am terrible remembering to do it and also I don’t usually post on Wednesdays but I haven’t done any sort of confession lately (unless you count me listing all the jobs I’d suck at) and I saw Stephanie write this post (thanks for the idea) and thought hey! I should do that.

So I did.

I cannot whistle or snap my fingers…but I can tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue

I cannot name all the US presidents in order…but I can name all 7 dwarfs and all the Fraggles

I cannot remember what I need to buy in a store…but I can remember song lyrics from 1987

I cannot do a smoky eye…but I can rock red lip gloss

I cannot navigate anywhere without a map…but I can find my way back when I inevitably do get lost

I cannot do math in my head…but I can correct your grammar

I cannot run a marathon…but I can read a 500 page book in a day

I cannot travel everywhere I want to go…but I can prioritize and visit those places

I cannot make small talk one on one…but I can speak in front of a room full of people

I cannot remember where I put my phone…but I can remember details of people’s lives

I cannot easily ask for help…but I can figure it out on my own

I cannot erase my depression…but I can fight like hell to keep it in check

I cannot make images…but I can find hilarious shit like this:

 

oscarWhat can or can’t you guys do?

 

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Friday six-pack: San Diego aftermath

by Jana 18 Comments

Friday Six Pack

This week is a 9 pack. I blame it on jetlag.

    • I have not fully recovered from my time in San Diego. I mean, I had a kick ass amazing time in a beautiful city with some of my favorite people on the planet but my internal clock is still all kinds of screwy. I’m still not 100% sure what day of the week it is and I know I need more sleep. But every day and night I spent out there was worth feeling this way.
    • My keys got locked in my car on Monday night. Did not realize it until I went to take my daughter to school on Tuesday. Had to call my husband to free the keys. Didn’t know what excuse to write on the late student sign-in sheet so I wrote “adulting fail”. Pretty sure I’m going to get a letter about that. Don’t even care.
    • I read two great books on the plane ride to San Diego, Monster and Lady Cop Makes Trouble, and on the way home, I tried to read The Woman in Cabin 10. Let’s just say that if Steph and I weren’t discussing it for The Armchair Librarians, it would have been returned to sender tout de suite. I hate it and it’s killing my reading vibe.
    • As per usual, my mind is a busy place and even moreso this week. I’m aching for a quiet place to work through my thoughts and a mid-week beach trip was in order. The rain, however, was a huge obstacle in making that dream come true. Seriously. Stop fucking raining.
    • I had a conversation with someone in San Diego about the show Orphan Black. He recommended it highly and since the chick who stars in it just won the Emmy, I figured I’d give it a try. And you know? It’s right up my fucked up, murdery alley. I’m not digging the whole weird science fiction element but it’s more in the same vein as Stranger Things or Dark Matter (the book) so I can overlook it when it gets too weird for me to handle.
    • Speaking of fucked up and murdery, did you see the Buzzfeed post about true crime podcasts? I’m pleased to say that I listen to several of them already. ALL THE TRUE CRIME!!!
    • The debate: I just cannot comment on it. Everything about it ignited a horror that renders me speechless and incoherent. It was one of the most disgusting displays of mansplaining, disrespect, arrogance, bullying, and sheer dickishness I have ever been unfortunate enough to watch. He bulldozed over Hillary and Lester, and showed absolutely no regard for the rules of debate or even common courtesy. The only thing that orange asshole proved is that not only is he unfit to be president, he’s unfit to be a basic human being. Like, it’s an impossibility. Is this the person we want as the face of our country? HELL NO. And I can’t even begin to imagine what will happen if he somehow, through some rip in the time/space continuum, is elected. I’m genuinely terrified. How people can continue to defend him absolutely escapes me. Plus, he’s a fucking liar who lies. I hate liars.
    • South Carolina: Every day my child is dropped off at school, this is precisely what I panic about. My heart breaks and aches for those parents and those children and what happened to that teenager to make him think shooting up a school of babies would make it better? Oh, wait. AND WE STILL DON’T HAVE PRACTICAL GUN LAWS?! What the fuck is it going to take?
    • I might have shared this song already but it’s definitely my anthem lately:

This weekend will involve cheer practice, naps, books, and general sorts of nothingness.

 

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Through the Years, 1950s style: A Jana and Erin playlist

by Jana 8 Comments

This entry is part 7 of 8 in the series Playlists

 

Last Thursday of the month means it’s time for another playlist with Jana  and Erin – a playlist with a twist.  Not “The” Twist because that song was released in the ’60s, so that doesn’t make the cut.  Yet.
The 1950s. A time for poodle skirts, sock hops, and soda fountains. Also McCarthyism, the Cold War, and Jim Crow but that’s the part that sucked so we’re not going to talk about that today. Nope. Instead, we’re going to talk about one of the fun parts of the 1950s–the music!
I (Jana) love 50s music. It melts my dark, hard rock loving heart. It’s fun and catchy and not at all like anything we have now. When I need a pick-me-up, I’ll put on one of my 50s Spotify playlists. It makes me happy. Probably has to do with childhood memories of listening to the music at bar mitzvahs or with my grandparents. But who knows? I just like it. #noshame Hope you guys like some of the songs, too!
This is also the beginning of our through the decades playlist series (think of this as the Time Life version of our playlist series. Anyone else remember the Time Life CD collections? No? Just me?) and thanks to Erin for indulging me in this decade first. 
Songs from “The Day the Music Died” artists:  Sadly, all three of the following artists died in a plane crash in Iowa in February 1959.

Come On, Let’s Go by Ritchie Valens (1958):  This video clip is fun, even if the person who uploaded it misspelled the artist’s name.


Chantilly Lace by The Big Bopper (1958): “Hellllooooo baaaaaby!”

Not Fade Away by Buddy Holly (1957): Jana is a big fan of this bespectacled musician’s songs.  He appears in our playlists from time to time. (Jana’s note: I’m pretty sure this is at least his 3rd mention)

Songs from piano men:

Tutti Frutti by Little Richard (1955): 

Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On by Jerry Lee Lewis (1957):  Let’s forget about that whole marrying his teenage cousin part of the story. (Jana’s note: Did anyone else see Great Balls of Fire? Wasn’t Dennis Quaid pretty great in that?)

Songs by brothers:

Shout by The Isley Brothers (1959):  The dance scene in Animal House with John Belushi in a toga is one of those iconic cinematic scenes where the perfect song was picked for a movie.  But, that’s not this video clip because that was Otis Day and the Knights covering The Isley Brothers.


Bye Bye Love by The Everly Brothers (1957):  fun fact~the daughter of one of these guys is named Erin Everly and that’s who inspired Axl Rose to write the lyrics for Sweet Child of Mine. (Jana’s note: I did not know that)



Songs that make you want to dance (besides the ones already mentioned):

Shake, Rattle, and Roll by Bill Haley and the Comets (1954):

At the Hop by Danny & the Juniors (1957)

   

Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry:  Since we forgot about Jerry Lee Lewis marrying his cousin, let’s forget that Chuck Berry allegedly had cameras installed in the women’s toilets filming them while using the restroom at a restaurant he owned… (Jana’s note: I did not know this either. But seriously, what the actual fuck?)

Love Me Tender by Elvis Presley (1956):  For that slow dance…

Songs that were introduced to me (Erin) by my grandfather:


Your Cheatin’ Heart by Hank Williams (1953):

It’s Only Make Believe by Conway Twitty (1958):  Sometime, in the ’70s, my (Erin’s) grandparents and extended family went to a Conway Twitty show, and Dolly Parton was the opening act.  My uncle bought me nachos, and I was sitting on his lap eating them.  Then, I puked all over his boots while Conway Twitty was playing.  Awww sweet memories.

Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash (1955):  Johnny sings “I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.”  Johnny was gansta before gangsta rappers.

But, what’s great, is songs like these have lasted SIXTY years.  Think about that.  What songs recorded this decade do you think will last as long as these?  What artists will the bloggers of 2076 be sharing?

 

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No regrets

by Jana 14 Comments

 

Let’s talk regret. I’m not talking the “I should not have watched that 10th consecutive episode of Sons of Anarchy last night” or “potato chips and Diet Coke for lunch was a bad idea” or “I regret wearing this dress on a boat because this shit is inappropriate” types of regret. (For the record, I’ve done all of these). I’m talking the serious type of regret.

The life altering types of regret.

The not taking the job type of regret.

The staying home rather than go on that once in a lifetime trip type of regret.

The staying in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy for longer than you should type of regret.

The not taking a chance on something, anything, because you were scared type of regret.

It also works in reverse. You know those “I can’t believe I did that” type stuff.

Regret is a real, powerful emotion. It makes you think and do weird stuff. It can ruin your day, your week, your year.

I gave up on regret at some point in my 20s. I’d love to tell you that there was this big eye opening moment but there wasn’t. It was simply some self-reflection that made me realize regret, for me, was a fucking waste of time. I can’t change the decision I made, and I made the decision I did because clearly at the time, it was right for me. Would others have done the same? Probably not. But they’re not me. They don’t have to live with my choices.

I do.

And I think that’s the crux of my no regrets philosophy. If I’m comfortable with the choice I made, I’m not bothered or saddened or guilty or shamed by it. I don’t feel the need to erase anything or wish I’d done this or that different. I don’t regret relationships or jobs or making that purchase or taking that 3 hour nap because every single choice has led me to where I am now. Everything has taught me a lesson. What I like, who I like, what I want. Regretting any of those parts of my life means denying something’s impact.

Have I done stupid things that maybe I shouldn’t have? Yes. Absolutely, 100% YES. But do I regret them? No. Absolutely not. And believe me, I’m grateful nothing terrible happened as a result of those god-awful choices. Because some of them could have gone incredibly awry.

Also, in dealing with depression and anxiety, having regret is simply stoking the fire. It opens up avenues to dwell and beat myself up and that’s a gateway to an episode. I don’t need anything else making it worse. Especially not something I can control.

Let’s be clear: regret is multifaceted. The regret I’m talking here is based on choices or perceived loss of opportunity, not on time (think time spent with grandparents or kids). And you should never, ever do anything you’re not comfortable with because you think you might regret if you don’t. That’s just ridiculous. And pop psychology will lead you to believe that you should do those things simply because you don’t want a lifetime of regrets. That’s a steaming pile of shit.

You’re an adult. You do what you want.

And live without regret for doing so.

live-without-regret

 

 

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My completely rational irrational fears

by Jana 42 Comments

I originally posted this almost two years ago. But since I’m in San Diego this week, and many of you are new around these parts and might have missed it the first time around, I’m resharing. You can also read part 2 when you’re done!

One thing I’m more than happy to admit about myself is that I have many, many fears. Some of them are completely rational. Most of them are not. In fact, not only are they completely irrational but most of them are completely avoidable. Yet they continue to plague me, sometimes on a daily basis.

I couldn’t even tell you WHY I fear these things. My time would be better spent living in fear of things that are real, like the black widow spiders that live in my neighborhood. Or the threat of a gas build-up in my house because the knobs on the stove like to turn on ever so slightly on their own (you know, not enough to start the burner but just enough to let the gas seep out). Or my neighbors being involved in a drug related shooting because I’m 99% sure they’re running drugs out of their garage.

Nope. Instead, I find myself living in fear of:

  1. Horses. They’re gigantic and unpredictable and they pretend like they’re all sweet and awesome but really, I’m pretty sure they’re plotting against me and they’re secretly violent. When you’re that big and a fly can scare you, you need to stay the fuck away from me. Also, when I meet someone who also doesn’t like horses, we’re instantly BFFs. Because THEY GET IT.horses
  2. Setting my hair on fire. My favorite, and pretty much only, part of my appearance I like is my hair and I do almost nothing with fire. So of course I’m paranoid that I’m going to get involved in a Michael Jackson-like incident.
  3. Barbecues. Not the social events but rather the physical grill that you use to cook the food. I will not go near ours, not even to turn it on, because I fear singeing my eyebrows off and I won’t let my family use any of the ones in public areas because I’m convinced people pee on them. It’s useless to convince me otherwise.
  4. Drive by shootings. I live in the sticks, across the street from a farm, and my neighborhood sits on a golf course. In other words, prime locations for a drive by. See also: being abducted.
  5. My cat being eaten by a wild animal. This one is not completely ridiculous. I have an indoor/outdoor cat and living in the country means there are all kinds of animals living outside, too. But she sleeps inside almost every night and she’s crazy fast and agile and she didn’t die during the 2 weeks she was missing. But the fear is real.
  6. Losing my teeth. I do not come from a long line of people with good teeth so genetics are not on my side. Despite how meticulous and ridiculous I am about oral hygiene, I can’t help but think that one day, all my teeth will fall out.
  7. A car falling into my windshield. Specifically when I’m driving behind one of those trucks that hauls all kinds of different cars and all the cars look like they’re one bump away from coming loose. Can’t they secure them just a little  bit better? Like with chains instead of tape?

    My personal horror movie
  8. Tunnels. If you ever want to see my knuckles turn stark white or see me stop breathing, drive through a tunnel with me. I have an immense fear of the walls caving in and/or getting stuck in one. True story: when I drove from college to Key West with some friends for spring break (remember this one, Steph?), I had to drive through the Fort McHenry Tunnel (outside Baltimore). I wouldn’t let anyone speak for the entire duration we were in the tunnel. It makes me that crazy.Instant fear. Just add traffic and high speeds.
  9. Birds. Also bats. Not only do I fear them nesting in my hair and shitting on me, I’m confident they carry all kinds of diseases and I want no part of that. Another true story: one summer, when I was a sleepaway camp counselor, a bat got into our cabin. I hid under my blanket and let my campers fend for themselves. Because fuck them and that bat.

This is actually my nightmare:

:

2016 update: The bathtub crashing through the floor and landing in the kitchen, mowing off my toes, falling into my washing machine (it’s a top loader, very deep, and I am short. This is a terrible equation), and every single unidentifiable bug or spider that leaves near my house.

Now that you all know how I’m sufficiently crazy, what irrational fears do you have?

 

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