Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

(Some of) The Men of the 80s: A Jana and Erin Playlist

by Jana 14 Comments

For reasons that are too boring to discuss, we (Jana and Erin) skipped our playlist in December. But we’re back now, finishing our trip through decades of our favorite music. We’ve already covered the 50s, 60s, and 70s and that brings us to…THE 80s!!! Everyone’s favorite! And since the 80s is massive, we’ve decided to split it in three: one for the men, one for the women, one for the groups. There might even be a hairbands one in there but we’re not sure yet.

Anyway, like most people, we love the music of the ’80s. I (Jana) spent my childhood in the 80s (I turned 13 in 1990) and Erin entered her teen years during this decade. Beyond that, the 1980s had Reagan, Thatcher, and Gorbachev. Charles and Diana got married. The Berlin Wall came down and AIDS was on the rise. The 80s also had Saturday morning cartoons, neon (so much neon), THE MOTHERFUCKING FRAGGLES, big hair, and the Brat Pack.  It also saw the birth of MTV (you know, back when it played music) which helped launch or sustain the career of so many artists including these guys:

Rick Springfield, “Jessie’s Girl”. Quite possibly one of the best songs ever written. Okay, in my (Erin’s) opinion, at least. Jana says: “Love Somebody” is a better song and also, Rick Springfield is my favorite Australian.

Billy Idol, “Rebel Yell”. Yes, the obvious choice because it’s just so, so good. Jana says: I have yet to hear a Billy Idol song and NOT had it stuck in my head for days afterwards.

David Lee Roth, “Just Like Paradise” because when he broke from Van Halen, I (Erin) refused to pick sides. Jana says: I didn’t give a shit when that happened but this is a great song.

Bobby Brown, “My Prerogative”. This was before drugs, alcohol, and arrests. He was awesome. Jana says: Sadly, who could’ve predicted he’d be the last one from that family still standing.

LL Cool J, “I’m Bad”. This lady (Erin) certainly does love cool James. “I’m Bad” is probably the first rap song I (Erin) knew word for word. Jana says: When I was pregnant with The Child, we called her LL (for little Lynch). We’re so clever. Also, did you notice LL never dies in any movie he’s in? WHY IS THAT?

Elton John, “I’m Still Standing”. A new personal anthem for me (Jana). Also a fun song. And there’s a great cover of it in the movie Sing.

Eric Carmen, “Make Me Lose Control”. There are no words to accurately convey how I feel about this song. I simply love it.

John Mellencamp, “Authority Song”. The struggle was real picking a JM song. Too many good options to choose from but I (Jana) settled on this one since I crank it to 11 when I listen to it. Erin opted for R.O.C.K in the U.S.A. which, incidentally, was my second choice.

Steve Winwood, “Back in the High Life”. Another one I (Jana) find beautiful and absolutely love.

Phil Collins, “Don’t Lose My Number”. Confession: I (Jana) LOVE PHIL COLLINS. Almost as much as I love Billy Joel. Actually considered flying to Ireland to see him in concert in June #notajoke

We could probably list all the reason we love all the men and songs on this list (full playlist below) but instead, we’ll just do our In Memoriam and get to the music.

All of these men redefined how we think of a man, all of these men (well, three of four) empowered women, and all of them were influential, phenomenal musicians whose impact will be felt for decades to come. That, and their music is just fucking timeless. There’s no editorial on these as the music speaks for itself.

RIP.

George Michael, “Father Figure”.

David Bowie, “Modern Love”

 

Michael Jackson, “Man in the Mirror”

Prince, “Let’s Go Crazy”. I could not find a decent video or a link to accompany this song which is a fucking shame. This song is incredible and showcases everything Prince was capable of.

And here’s the whole playlist:

 

What are some of your favorite 80s songs performed by men?

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I hear voices when I read (and other weird shit about me)

by Jana 17 Comments

I have been trying to wrap my head around all my feelings, thoughts, and emotions in light of the Women’s March and the shitstorm that’s been unleashed via executive orders and I’m struggling with it and whenever I try to string together a thought or sentence or whatever, I start to cry. In fact, I’d planned a post about how we do feminism in our house and I couldn’t get through it so instead, I present you with a whole bunch of weird facts about me:

  • When I read, I hear the characters’ voices in my head. Usually with an American accent even if the book takes place in another country.
  • Also when I read, I check how many pages are in the book and do a rough calculation for how long the book will take me to finish.
  • With regard to above, I never calculate correctly because math is fucking hard.
  • My feet and my ears don’t match. I mean, each foot differs from the other, as does each ear.  Obviously they don’t match each other.
  • I refuse to drink two different beverages from the same cup on the same day, even if the cup has been washed out in between.
  • At 5’3″, I am the tallest of me and my siblings. My parents create giants, y’all. I was also born the latest (18 days late)  and was the smallest in weight.
  • I failed my road test 4 times. My family still jokes about it.
  • I cannot do accents and impressions. Unless said impression is Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny because, honestly, it’s not really a stretch. #newyorkerforlife
  • I work movie quotes into conversations with people I know won’t understand the reference simply for my own amusement.
  • I write full blog posts in my head while I’m in the shower and, when we used to have bathtub crayons (back when we only had one bathroom and they were for the Child but I am seriously considering buying them again), if the mood struck, I would brainstorm on the walls using said crayons.

How about you guys? What are some weird things about you? Don’t be shy, either. This is a judgement free zone.

 

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Friday six-pack, 2017, v3: It’s happening

by Jana 9 Comments

Well, it’s here. Today’s the day. It’s actually happening. I’m pretty sure you all know what I’m talking about but in case you’re a little unsure, it’s inauguration day. I will not be watching but rather spending the day with my kid who, once again, has a day off from school.

I waffled back and forth between doing this post as my regular weekly wrap-up or my Trump survival guide (or, how I plan to make it through the next 4 years). I wanted to stick to plans as normal but I also can’t let the day go by without acknowledging the gravity of what’s about to go down. I’ve addressed my thoughts on the incoming administration a few times (specifically here and here) but for me, there’s more to it. ix

And, if I’m being completely honest, I’m nervous. I’m scared. I cried the other day after watching DeVos’s confirmation hearing. The fact that people who hate the system and disrespect our government and laws and are unqualified, smug billionaires who have nothing but contempt for the departments they’re being tapped to run has me shaking. I feel helpless and powerless. But I know I’m not. Because there’s still things I can do.

Read. Books, magazines, the news, blogs, whatever. Stay informed, make informed opinions based on real, vetted, fact-checked news. Ignorance helps nothing.

Vote. On local referendums, in local elections, and in 2018. It’s the best way to use my voice to express my discontent and it’s my responsibility to do so. Women fought, went to jail, and died so we can have the right to vote and to not do so–especially now–is a slap in their faces.

Act. By calling my senators and representative (yes, we only have one. #smallstateproblems). By supporting those who protest when I can’t. By protesting when I can. By signing petitions. By getting involved. By speaking up. Sitting idly by while our governmental dumpster fire rages out of control helps nothing and only contributes to the problem.

Listen. To what’s being said by our politicians and leaders. To myself. To people who have different beliefs than I. Listening, not just hearing, helps foster an understanding and respect we desperately need to heal this country.

Believe. That there’s enough of us who are appalled and discouraged. That’s there enough of us who will speak up against what’s wrong and for what’s right. That there’s enough Congressional watchdogs who will sit on Trump and Pence and his Cabinet and make sure that all the progress we’ve made doesn’t disappear. That all of my darkest fears won’t come true and that in 4 years, we’ll come out fine on the other side.

Enjoy. All the good things that are going to happen despite the situation in Washington. Yes, the laws and budget and orders will affect me and my family, but laughter will not cease. Happy memories will be made, accomplishments will be had, milestones will be reached, celebrations will happen. We will still support the arts and education and everything else he’s shown  disdain for. Life will go on.

I wish I had some inspiring quote or song lyric to end this post with. But I’m not good at that stuff. So, instead, I’ll just say that we’ll get through this, all of us, together. And to my ladies who are marching tomorrow, please know that I stand with you even though I can’t be there. Thank you for going, thank you for standing up, and please, be safe.

 

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Ten simple rules for new moms

by Jana 20 Comments

I know quite a few of you guys are getting ready to have babies or you’ve recently had babies and you’re probably sick of hearing other people tell you how to parent. But rest assured, this is not that kind of advice. This is advice you can use. Real advice. From a somewhat seasoned mom and one who, by most societal standards, did absolutely everything wrong and has a kid who turned out just fine. Seriously, she’s fine. She  probably won’t even need therapy when she’s older. So I figure that’s good.

And I figure it also qualifies me to tell you guys some things.

Jana’s Rules for New Moms (Or, Jana’s Suggestions For New Moms Because It’s Your Kid and You Do What You Want)

  1. Shower. No one feels good when they’re covered in filth. There’s always 5 minutes to do that, even if you can’t wash your hair. That’s why there’s ponytails and dry shampoo. And also, there’s no badge of honor for being dirty.
  2. Sleep. My god, please sleep. I know it’s hard but a few hours here and there makes a world of difference. And if you have a difficult baby and YOU’RE tired, it makes taking care of that baby even more difficult.
  3. Eat. Food is awesome, starving yourself is not. It’s actually a terrible idea. Hangry mom + cranky baby = UGLY situation.
  4. Feed your kid. Common sense, right? But I need to add that you should feed your kid in any manner that works for you. Breast feed, formula feed, combination of the two. Whatever. DO NOT let anyone make you feel guilty for how you choose to feed your kid. Because in the long run, it doesn’t really matter how they were fed. All that matters is that they’re eating. My child was formula fed from day 1–DAY 1–and she is healthy and strong and smart.
  5. Ask for help when you need it. It’s hard to do it alone, even if it feels like you’re the only one who can possibly take care of that baby. But it is stressful as fuck and sometimes, you need a break. Take one. Let the kid’s dad do the middle of the night feeding if he can or have a trusted friend or relative come over so you can shower and nap. Not sure if your baby needs to go to the doctor? Call the pediatrician and ask the nurse. Ask an experienced mom how to handle teething or reflux. It is okay to ask for help and no one–NO ONE–will see you as weak or stupid because you couldn’t figure it out. We’ve all been there.
  6. Tune out the critics. No matter what you do, there will be those who will criticize your choices or act like they’re better than you for whatever inane reason parents are competing these days. But you know your kid and you know you’re doing the best you can. You already know you’re a good parent and fuck the people who say you aren’t.
  7. Keep your non-mom friends. I know I’ve mentioned this before and I’ll keep mentioning it because it’s that important. Believe me, mom friends serve their purpose. It’s nice to have people to commiserate with about diapers and daycare and mommy guilt and all those godforsaken loud ass toys and horrible kids’ shows and all the shit and nonsense that comes with being a mom. It’s a huge part of who you are now. You can’t deny that. HOWEVER.It is so nice to have a conversation with someone that doesn’t revolve around those topics. It is so nice to have a lunch or a drink with a friend who wants to talk about everything and anything that’s not kids. Kids are awesome but they are not the sum of life. Don’t let the fact that you reproduced and a friend didn’t rip a hole in your friendship. I 100% guarantee you can still relate to each other. (And P.S., anyone who tells you that you don’t live or know what love is until you’ve had kids is a complete and utter asshole. Don’t be that person).
  8. Stay yourself. Confession: a pet peeve of mine is being introduced as E’s mom (as in, “hi, new mom I’ve never met before. I’m E’s mother”). NO. I am Jana. Yes, I am her mother but I am Jana before that. I am my own person. Because being someone’s mom is not all you are. You do yourself a complete disservice to shut off who you were before that kid was born. Just because you’re a mom now doesn’t mean you can’t read or listen to loud, angry music or go to the gym or watch violent, inappropriate shows or wear makeup or dress up for no reason at all or have a beer at home on a Friday night or travel or do anything else you like to do. Sure, you might have to make better overall choices when you’re doing those other things but do not forget to do them. It’s okay to have goals that don’t involve your kid. It’s okay to want things you wanted before she was born. TRUST ME. If you stay yourself, you’ll be a better parent overall. Your kid cannot be your whole life. It’s not healthy.
  9. Pre-pregnancy weight. It’s a good, noble goal. But I caution you if you’re pressuring yourself to get there immediately. That’s nonsense. YOU JUST EXPELLED ANOTHER HUMAN FROM YOUR BODY. Give it time to heal. Let it do what it needs to. Take care of yourself, sure, but don’t worry if it takes a year to see those pre-baby pants (and, fun fact, even if you get back down to your pre-pregnancy weight, your pants still might not fit because, like it or not, everything changes and you might look a little different) instead of 4 months. We’ve gotten to the point where we revere and glorify the women who “bounce back” immediately and I think that’s ridiculous.
  10. Avoid comparisons. Don’t do it. Don’t compare anything about your situation to anyone else’s. Every person, every baby, every pregnancy is different and none of them look the same. Comparing what you have to what you see on FB or IG or Pinterest or in mommy groups (which, fun fact, I completely avoided, mostly for this reason) is nonsense and most of it is a fucking lie anyway. You’re awesome, your baby is awesome, and fuck anyone who disagrees.

Now. I want to address postpartum depression. It is a very real, very serious, very scary thing. I’ve seen it happen to people I care about. If you feel depressed, even slightly, take it seriously. Talk to your doctor. Get help. Don’t pass it off as “the baby blues” or excuse it by saying you’re tired or hungry or stressed or something else. You know what those feel like and postpartum depression is nothing like that. It is okay to admit you’re depressed; no one who matters will shame you for it. And if they do, you don’t need them.

So, that’s all. Pretty simple. Take care of yourself, take care of your baby how you see fit, ask for help when you need it, and do whatever is right for you, your baby, your budget, and your situation. If you do that, you’ll be just fine.

Anything I left off the list? 

 

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Affordable ways to destress

by Jana 12 Comments

It’s time once again for a round of someone was wrong on the internet and I must fix it! This time it’s not about parenting or even politics (we’ll address that on Friday for a special version of my Friday six-pack) but rather a topic that’s near to me this month…money. You know. Because of the spending freeze. 

Anyway, I somehow came across this post about cheap ways to destress. I totally get his sentiment and the point he’s attempting to make but I’m not quite sure he understands what he’s saying. For instance, have you ever replaced a shower head? First of all, if you want one that’s halfway decent, it’s not going to be cheap (well, I mean, maybe it is depending on your definition of “cheap” which, admittedly, is pretty subjective) and also not fun to install. Especially if you’re short like I am. It winds up being the EXACT definition of stress rather than a way to destress. However, you know what IS a cheap way to destress? TAKING A SHOWER. Or a bath, if you’re into that. (I am not. Taking a bath is the equivalent of marinating in your own dirt. NO THANK YOU).

Or how about hiring someone to clean your house or apartment? Maybe as a one-off but on a regular basis that shit adds up. Same with subscription services and grocery delivery and massages and mani/pedis and pretty much everything on his list. Yes, as a temporary relief, these are great choices provided you have the extra money laying around to spend on these little luxuries. Unfortunately, a lot of people do not.

And, if I’m being honest, the list he gave shows his privilege.  Particularly the phrase “Enjoy the knowledge that your upgraded standard of living is actually saving you money.”  It’s such a loaded sentence I legit don’t even know where to begin picking it apart. I’m not even sure I want to for fear I won’t be able to stop. But I will say this: the danger of lists like this one is that it doesn’t advocate doing things you can afford; it merely advocates buying smaller things to prevent a larger, more expensive purchase. Some people might read it as justification to put a massage on a credit card or use money designated for savings to throw a party instead. That opens up a Pandora’s box of bad choices and financial missteps that can cause even more problems.

Because upgrading your standard of living does not automatically mean a relief of stress. In many instances, and for many people, it actually brings more because one upgrade snowballs into two then into three and so on. And the little things can, after awhile, add up to the cost of the one item you were trying to avoid. It becomes self-defeating (and debt inducing). So, maybe, if you want the big thing, get the big thing and stay away from the little ones. It’s sort of like when you have a craving for a donut. You don’t want to eat the donut because, although delicious, donuts are calorie laden. So instead of eating the donut, you eat 45 other foods that leave you unsatisfied and still craving a donut and you’ve consumed about 34 times more calories than if you had just eaten the donut.

Sometimes, JUST EAT THE FUCKING DONUT. It’ll be better for you in the long run.

Now, I’m not saying run out and buy a new car if you can’t afford your rent but if you need a car to get to work so you can keep your apartment and the car is causing you stress and you’re spending more money in repairs than if you would just get a new car, then get a new to you car. Set a budget. Comparison shop. And get a new car. That will help destress your life. Maybe it’s not the cheapest way but have you ever dealt with car stress? It sucks and can absolutely impact your quality of life, particularly if you live somewhere (like I do) that doesn’t have reliable or accessible public transportation and you need to get around.

I 100% guarantee that sometimes and in certain situation getting a new car eliminates stress more than a latte. 

That said, let’s bring it back around to his initial idea of cheap ways to destress which, as we’ve covered, are not necessarily cheap. I mentioned one alternative to his ideas: taking a bath or shower.

Here are a few other ACTUALLY cheap ideas to destress:

  1. READ. Obviously this is my first choice.
  2. Get outside. Too cold to go out? Watch a sunrise or sunset or a snowfall or listen to the rain. Nature is relaxing.
  3. Talk to someone who makes you laugh. I love my friends who make me laugh and somehow they know exactly when I need them. See also: catch up with someone you haven’t talked to in awhile.
  4. Pet an animal. There’s all kinds of studies that show animals lower blood pressure and keep you calm and are good for your mental health. So, if you can (and you’re not afraid or allergic), pet a dog or cat or guinea pig or whatever.
  5. Take a day off. Stop hustling, stop working, stop thinking, stop doing anything that is causing you stress. Disconnect from everything for a day and do whatever the fuck you want.
  6. Nap.
  7. Make time for something that relaxes you that you rarely make the time to do. Knit, bake cookies, scrapbook, color, watch your favorite movie, play a board game, throw a football…whatever. The possibilities are endless.
  8. Get something to take care of. Specifically, a plant or fish or a hermit crab or something else cheap and small and easy to maintain. Maybe this is more for mental health (as in, having something to take care of gives you purpose and helps get you through the day) but it still works.
  9. Light candles, drink coffee or tea, and sit still, without electronics, for 15 minutes.
  10. Listen to music. Music is cathartic. It allows you to feel all the emotions. You can have angry songs or dancing songs or songs that make you happy or sad songs. Music can match your mood and sometimes, it understands exactly what you need more than anything.

This is not a comprehensive list or all-inclusive or even original. It’s mostly common sense but I guess we all sometimes need a reminder that you don’t have to spend money to alleviate stress in your life.

How do you guys destress?

 

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